Hi,
It’s 6:45am on Saturday and I am dead tired. I have a ton
of things to do today but I wanted to write you really quick.
I received a rather interesting email from someone named Tam on my email
list.
She wrote:
“I’ve been reading everything I can get my hands on, and thanks for all the f.r.e.e info and stories that you share, however one question, and no I don’t know the answer.
How can you give support, advice or just be a good lean post when you have nothing left to give? My daughter 17, diagnosed 1 year ago and it’s been a road with all kinds of twist and turns and the latest mania episode pushed me over the edge and I feel that I can no longer be the guide, because I feel I have been broken finally.
Now who does she turn to? My cup runeth over, and it’s spilling. Thanks.”
-Tam
=============
The big question is, Tam is asking is, how do you find the strength
to keep supporting your loved one?
This is a VERY difficult question for me to answer via email.
I could do a better job on the phone, one on one with you
or in a group setting. However, let me try as best I can.
I hope what I say make sense.
But first let me tell you a story to explain how I learned
the secret to strength with bipolar disorder.
When my mom first started going into an episode, it started
off slow. She yelled every now and then. She was angry some of
the time. I could take it. But then as each month passed
and December hit, she had a total melt down. She became a
totally different person. Screaming, yelling, throwing things,
etc.
Now at this point, I did NOT have a system or course like
I have now at:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
I am writing this because some people incorrectly think I
had like a book, manual or personal advisor that told me
every single thing I should and shouldn’t be doing.
All I really had was my aunt. I use to speak to her every
day about what was going on. We would talk about what I was
seeing and hearing and she would try to offer me advice.
She was really worried but there was nothing she could do.
Why? She had an illness about 12 or 15 years ago that left her
paralyzed so she couldn’t jump on a plane and come and help. Not
to mention she had two younger kids.
Each day, I tried to absorb all of what my mom was doing and
saying. At first I could and then eventually it would get to
me. I would yell back. I would get really mad. My yelling
caused her to yell and scream.
No matter how much energy I had, she could yell longer. And
then she began saying things that didn’t even make sense.
Then I was mad all the time. I kind of felt like I was
turning into her. I would even start yelling at my friends
and people I knew because I was annoyed 24 hours a day.
If you are caretaker, has this happen to you yet?
Then I started to realize, I was arguing with someone who was
not even in her right mind. Where was my dad? Well he called me
in to “help” with my mom and he would leave early every day
and slip in late at night so he didn’t have to deal with it.
I don’t blame him. He has a heart condition and he had
fought bipolar for more than 30 years and had clearly lost and
surrendered years prior.
I think at some point, my dad simply gave up and felt he could
not defeat bipolar disorder and bipolar disorder, had and would
continue to defeat him. So he basically enlisted me to “help”
sometime around December at which time I did.
There’s a lesson here so please keep reading.
Where was my brother? My brother refused to call me back.
I called time and time again.
One time I called him on cell phone with a prepaid phone card
so he couldn’t see it was me and it would show up as a local
number but not mine. He picked up, and I said I need help
mom is really sick and I don’t know what to do. He said, “I’ll
call you right back.”
I waited on the side of the road for 42 minutes and then realized
he wasn’t calling back.
So understand, I was totally alone myself.
Christmas that year was a total nightmare. Then January came
and I was determined that my mom needed to go to the hospital.
My dad agreed but didn’t know how to get her there. He asked me
to call my brother and I told him Stephen will not call me back.
My dad said my mom had a doctor she went to sometimes when
she wasn’t feeling well. (He didn’t even say psychiatrist
or that my mom had bipolar, he called it not feeling well,
sick, etc.).
We looked for the number and didn’t find it. My dad remember
it was in a certain city in New Jersey. I went online and
didn’t find it. Eventually I found it in a telephone book.
The doctor was no help at all.
Then I invented a technique of getting my mom into the hospital.
It’s the “look for a window” technique that I speak about in
my course at:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
It takes a while to explain so don’t think I am hiding something
from you. It takes pages and pages to describe and I can’t make
this email super long.
In my material, you know that I write there is no easy way to get
someone into treatment and I discovered 21 ways to do it that do NOT
involve involuntary commitment. I discovered some on my own and most
from emailing a survey to over 25,000 people who are on my mailing
list, and who were supporters of bipolar disorder.
When I had the same technique used at least 5 times from 5 different
technique, I considered it a technique to be included in my system.
After a massive amount of time that’s how I got 21 methods.
Now before I confuse you. I created these techniques AFTER my mom
was doing well and stable NOT before. I did however create/invent
or come up with the “look for a window” technique when my mom
first went to the hospital.
So to be clear, some techniques came from before my mom was totally
stable when I had no course at all. Others came after, when I decided
to create a course.
I created my course after my mom was stable and I wanted to give
back and help people to not suffer like we did.
I hope this makes sense.
Anyway, back to the story.
After my mom went in the hospital, I had some time to think. I
decided that I was sick and tired of her illness (I didn’t
know what it was called at the time). I decided at around
9:00am the morning my mom went in the hospital for the first
day, I would know everything there was to know about her illness,
how to prevent it, how to control it, if it took me years to
figure it out.
I decided I was going to stop work and focus 100% of my effort
on this goal. It took me 9 months of massive research to develop
first a philosophy of what had to be done.
Then I started putting my techniques into action and seeing
amazing results.
Hopelessness turned into hope. Defeat turned into little
victories and then bigger victories. Fear turned into
faith.
I slowly started gaining strength and realizing bipolar
was controllable and that my mom could do well.
Finally, I knew what had to be done, even if my mom wasn’t
doing perfectly well, I felt eventually in control because
I had the right knowledge or information.
I knew I had arrived because I was 100% convinced my mom
would do well and I knew how to help her. I had never been
like that ever.
Even when she had bad days as she was recovering from her
episode, I never wavered. I knew exactly what had to be done.
I real secret for having the strength to continue
forward is knowledge and information about what to do.
If you remember Tam’s email to me, that was above in
this email, she just doesn’t know what to do. That’s
what’s giving her a feeling of hopelessness.
Right now, if you feel you can’t
go on, it’s probably because you don’t know what to do,
how to do it, and how to help your loved one exactly.
Not knowing is slowly wearing you down. Day by
day you start to consider “should I give up?”
Or, “is there any hope for my loved one?”
One of the reasons I have so many interviews in
my course is because I wanted you to hear real people
that suffered, almost gave up, and then that turned it all around
and exactly what they did to do so.
I want you to understand, I am not saying get my course, rather
get information. It’s okay if you don’t get my course. It
really is. You can do this:
-Contact doctors
-Contact therapists
-Go to many support group meetings
-Call hospital social workers
-Read all the books you can
(especially ones that tell you what bipolar disorder really is, ones written by real doctors NOT people who have long sad tales to tell and want you to feel sorry for them.)
-Talk to anyone and everyone that is connected to bipolar disorder
-Read and study material related that could help with bipolar disorder. You are going to think I am totally crazy but this is 100% true, some of the systems that I thought of that work come from how Ronald Reagan, former President of the United States Of America, handled the Cold War
and Soviet Union.
You probably think that I am totally out of my mind. But, think
for a second, the Cold War involved a threat to the US, bipolar
is a threat to you and/or your family. See the connection?
AND THIS IS HUGE:
Find successfully people who have bipolar and ask lots of questions. Don’t get bogged down listening to the ones that only complain and aren’t doing well. They will make sure feel worse. Avoid those people like the
plague.
I have to run now, have a great day.
Catch you tomorrow.
Your Friend,
Dave
Dave- i signed uo for a blog log- i never did this before- i enjoy reading your emails- i tried to post a question to you-I hope you can find it- thanks Brigitte Gourdin
too foolish
My step daughter is bipolar but the doctors have never diagnosed her as such. Her history goes back to her birth (a dry birth). After her fourth hospitaliztion in the behavioral center in 25 months (actually 2 of those hospitalizations were within the last 6 1/2 months). The reality is she was first admitted in 1998 with post partum depression. This is 2007 and that can no longer apply. I decided to do a Timeline of Her Life. I had spoken with different family members locally and in other towns and states. By putting ALL of the information together combined with what I had learned from neighbors the picture was not a very pretty one. It’s also possible for her to be MPD. However, there is never a name change as I have seen in most multiple personalities but she does regress to different ages. The mood swings are so severe that I have seizured due to her threats to injure me. Her dad has had to intervene. Hopefully, her doctor will READ what I have put on paper to include pictures and finally diagnose her properly.
A major issue with this last hospitalization was, she was first admitted to the medical hospital for hypostatic pneumonia, decubitus, and foot drop. She had lived alone for 6 1/2 months. You guessed it, she had NEVER lived alone before. The very day of her move she went catatonic. It was over 2 weeks before the behavorial center would even admit her.
Okay, I AM a nurse. I’ve told the social workers, the nursing staff, and the doctors nurse to no avail. My last attempt was this Timeline of Her Life beginning with a dry birth and being diagnosed with ADD in grade school. It’s hard for me to believe the dad did not recognize how his wife who is now deceased was abusing his children. I got this from a neighbor. GeSh!
Yelling back only causes the person to yell that much more and louder to ear piercing loudness. Yet it is difficult to stay calm when this person is doubling up their fists and staring hard at you like they want to kill you. Then they do damage to the house and appliances. GeSh…when does this nightmare end? My husband and I are newly weds. We have been married only 9 months. This daughter was living with her dad while we were first married. Her husband had divorced her due to her extreme mood swings and the dad moved her in. Add to that misery, the grand daughter was forced into being a parent to her mother and she too showed signs of being bipolar. The grand daughter now lives with her dad in another state. Thank goodness for that but she has enough emotional trauma issues to haunt her for life.
I’ve a question for you. How can a social worker state this person needs to be placed in a group home for the rest of her life and then the very next day say she can be released to her own apartment and can take care of herself? This does not make sense. This very same social worker stated she was being released to her step dad’s when she was indeed going to her own apartment and the man is not her step dad but her biological father. Why are errors such as this allowed? We went back to the facility after I read the discharge papers and saw the errors (yes several errors) but not one error was corrected. Explain…
I can relate to “Tam”. I replied to a blog a little while ago and related my story @ that time. I’m trying not to give up on my wife, now. One of our biggest problems was the infidelity she participated in while she was manic for 6 long, long months. It was all right under my nose….and I never realized what was happening. That’s what really hurts now. And she’s so flakey now that she’s this whole different person. She’s secretive and distant. Theres no affection in our marriage anymore. I suspect she’s still seeing someone from one of her many “on-line” affairs, which by the way…she met each one in person and slept with them (while manic) She don’t know how much I really know about what she did. And she doesnt really seem to care about what it did to us. She says “it wasn’t her that did those things and I need to get over it. What do you think? She is under good doctor care, thanks to my intervention on her/our behalf. Joe
Well I have wanted to respond several times, but I didn’t ever know what I wanted to write. But today your email hit me-I come from a long line of BiPolar relatives. My grandmother is BiPolar but won’t admit it, her sister committed suicide from the illness, and I believe my mother is borderline but has been taking medication for 10 years that helps her function. My sister is definitely BiPolar, in fact she is getting married today to some guy that is a self-diagnosed BiPolar amoung other things, and they gave my parents two weeks to throw a wedding together.(Not surprising considering that they are BOTH BiPolar..). Anyway, I don’t really have a point but I wanted to thank you for your interest in relating your stories and experiences, and for using them to aid others. It would have been so easy for you to just give up on your mother, and tell your dad that it was his problem. Sometimes I have actually wondered if you are a real person-or if you are a group of writers trying to sell your course to people. But is doesn’t matter either way, because your mini courses are very helpful and insightful. I thouroughly enjoy your style of writing-I am an English Lit. major, and I love when somebody’s humor and personality shines through in their writing. Well I won’t take any more of your time(even though you ARE a speed reader..), but I just wanted to thank you for using your experiences to help others instead of wallowing in self-pity and wondering; “why me?”. Oh and I also drew a conclusion from your email today, that this is probably part of your own therapy! I have thought many times that I wanted to go back to school and study psychology-in particular Bi Polar Disorder. So I can see that doing the insane amount of research you have done, and all of the time and money and energy you have spent educating people about Bi Polar, is probably also a way to soothe your own soul. Well, thank you again Dave-if you even have time to read this. I also forgot to mention that I suffer from some form of Bi Pilor as well. I have never been formally diagnosed, but I am on medication that keeps me balanced, and I have learned to master it over the years. I don’t know if you are religious, but I sort of made a promise with God that if He would help me control this demon inside, that I would do everything I could to be an instrument in His hands to others and especially my family. And ironically I am the strong one in my family. I was considered the crazy one growing up, and now when my parents are having a hard time with my sister, I am the one they call. Well DAve, I hope you have a great day, and I hope that you continue all of your courses. They are greatly appreciated and treasured by me and I’m sure by many.
I am the same boat as Tam, I have dealt with my son for years, I can’t handle any more. He has finally been diagnosised (within the last month), and I am all used up. I am reading every thing I can find but I am soooooo tired.
Dear Dave,
Thank you greatly for all the time and trouble you take in sending me the free e-mail. My husband used an on-line dictionary since he does not know English and when I was low on my performance as a mother to a bi-polar son he urged me to follow your advice about sticking to asking for all the help needed for his sake and not giving up on him. Keep up the good work!
Panny
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I can relate somewhat to Joe’s response to this. Sometimes it’s very hard being with someone who suffers from this kind of disorder. Whether they get diagnosed as bipolar, borderline, or psychotic, the effect on us is the same. We suffer from emotional and sometimes physical abuse. They lie to us, cheat on us, keep secrets from us, treat us with indifference, and then their moods can change and it’s like they’re wonderful again. If you fight with them, they love you less and less until they just hate you and treat you as such. They can tear your life apart and leave you with nothing, and act like it’s all your fault somehow, even accusing you of being the one with a disorder after their unpredictable behavior takes away your sanity. For me the hardest part has been getting her to admit she has a disorder and consistently admitting it so she can get real treatment.
Some supplements have helped it seemed. I’ve been doing a lot of research on these disorders, and the more i do, the better I understand them. In fact, at this point I’m sure I could come up with a supplement regimen that would keep her from having so many or such long manic episodes, but even if I get this together for her, how can I make sure she takes it?
In the end sometimes you have to accept that the person will never be sane and walk away. I’ve dated insane people before, and in the end I left them and my life improved because of it. Right now I am broken up with my girlfriend again, and based on our pattern we could eventually get back together, or this time could be the end for real. So many times before I thought it was finally really over, and we ended up back together again and again when I thought it was impossible. Even after virulent hate for months she could come back to loving me wholeheartedly again.
I don’t really believe in MPD, but I do believe some people seem to have a split personality. In these cases their chemical states are so completely different from each other that they can hold completely different beliefs, love one person and hate another and then reverse it, and come up with many complete and rational-sounding (but untrue) theories about why they are this way. “This was because you didn’t have a job. Now that you have a job I love you again. This was because you had your stuff here, but since you packed up your stuff I don’t mind you being here.” They keep looking for someone or something outside of themselves to blame instead of accepting that they suffer from utterly senseless, intense mood swings. They want to believe they are normal and rational. Who doesn’t? So they look for any explanation to blame outside of themselves. “I just keep picking the wrong guys.” It’s nothing outside of them. It is them.
Aloha Dave,
My husband is in receipt of your Bipolar Support Course and absolutely loves it. For the first time in 30 years he tells me he feels he is finally equipped with the “proper tools” to handle me. He is already sharing your website with his boss whose wife is also Bipolar. I have never seen him renewed with such hope before. I have been the direct recipient already of stellar management from him due to your course. Dave, from the bottom of both our hearts please accept our deepest appreciation for leading the way against the tidal wave of non education. We BOTH feel we are on the right path with the quality of this information. It is literally saving our marriage and financial situation. He studies your course so energetically because he is seeing results…..and so am I.
I don’t say this phrase much but I can think of nothing else and truly mean it. May God bless you.
Mahalo,
Denise
Dear David,this thirty three collage grad and smart than most.She is winning the whole family wants to move and leave state.I have almost given up please help us.Becky and Rex
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that email was kind of confusing, but i got alittle hope from it. my wife has biopolarII and OCD and PSTD. so i get a hurt and mad at her sometimes. I love her but sometimes i dont think it is enough. i cant help her. Is there something i can do, we are poor and she rufuses to get help. my daughter is biopolar 2, so i need all the help i can get
Dave,
I love your e-mails. I wanted to respond to the Mom of the 17 year year, who is ready to give up on her daughter. I have a 14 year old son who’s father past away 8 years ago who has been diagnosed with bipolar, ADHD, and oppositional defiance disorder. This combination is an extreme living experience, but I will Never give on him. There is a GREAT person inside crying to get out. You need to get the proper support of people who really care about your needs as well as your daughter’s needs. Sometimes this can be overwhelming and sometimes I cry myself to sleep, praying for the help that my son needs. Along with professional help and proper medications for him and support (parent’s support groups, church, etc) you can make it through.
Please don’t ever give up?
Dave- My SO has bipolar and dissociative identity disorder. I was wondering how common it is for people to have both of these and if you have any insight on how to deal with the dissociative part along with the bipolar. Is there any other information I should be aware of in how to deal with him because of the DID? I am so feeling like giving up. But, I can see that he is sick, and I am committed to stand by his side in sickness and in health. But how do I protect myself and our daughter from emotional harm and still stand by his side? And how do I deal with the mean alter that comes out to protect him? Sometimes I have to ask him to leave in order to protect myself and my daughter, but then he is so unable to take care of himself, he misses his medication or takes it incorrectly, then he goes into a manic episode. And then it gets really bad, he disapears for days at a time and then comes home depressed and crashes. Any insight would be helpful.
All the time. BUt I just do what I can do.
I go back to basics. Is there clean clothes to wear? Is there food in the house? Does my loved what to eat when I am ready to serve? If build my network of help. I go to my priest and he supports me. My friends know I am holding my family together. I don’t yell, I don’t argur. If my love one gets out of control I call the police or the hospital. This has worked for 15 years but I don’t know if this will work for forever. The best thing you can do for yoursefl is take care of yourself. I am on antidepressants and anti anxiety. But I am holding the family together so if that is what it takes then that what it takes.
Yes I get all the help I can get for myself.
I am on drugs to manage my depression and anxiety.
I have a network of friends to talk with.
I have a priest.
I go on with the laundry, food shopping and preparation. If my loved one wants to eat me when I want to serve it fine. IF not then he can fix it himself.
I have to take care of me and everyone else. If my loved one has clean clothes and food then I have supported them They ahve to manage their care. THis may not work for ever but is has for a few years. I do assume that I am another episode but I just can’t go there.
Thse are my only suggestion
Not really like giving up on a loved one because they have bipolar but rather having bipolar and giving up on the support I NEEd from my loved one. Would love to purchase your course but have been told by my so-called supporters that you are only out to get my money (not that I have any), so in short they refuse to help me collect the funds to purchaseyour course and also refuse to look into your supporter course. Kinda at a loss. Thanks for the emails though, sometimes they help.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
I Know What you are feeling
I’ve been receiving David’s bipolar emails for over a year now, and it has been a tremendous help in my understanding of the issues that my son is dealing with. I’ve followed the suggestions, had him hospitalized, sent to a facility where he failed to implement his commitment to the structured environment, and therefore was kicked out, and now he is
living with a friend of the family who has the ability to be more firm with my son, and less emotionally involved than I am capable of being. He is my Godsend. I have dealt with my son’s condition for well over 6 years now, uncertain for so long what I was dealing with, and it has steadily been eating at my own health for what seems like forever. It has been amazing to me as of lately, because so many of the emails seem to be directed towards me. The one I received this morning has truly hit home. I know that we are approaching a major episode, and though I have begged, pleaded, and prayed so much, I am now to the point that I feel like I am literally strapped to the tracks, and even though I see the train coming, I can’t muster the strength to even try to loosen the straps to get out of the way. I may interject at this point that my husband, the father of my son, has been disabled for about 12 years now, and his health and medications have prevented him from being as involved with my son’s issues as I have. Thus, the majority of the load, I feel, has fallen on my shoulders. But what is a mother to do? I am not capable of just tossing him out, without a care, and telling him “You’re on your own…you’re of age now where you have to make your own choices, and consider the consequences…etc, etc, etc.” I can’t stop loving him, or caring about him. My son has told me that I interfere in his life too much, and perhaps this is true. I am only doing what I feel I need to do, for his sake. But my efforts are not always appreciated. Back to the issue of this morning’s email. “Tam” said that she felt broken. That, too, is where I am at. My own health has degenerated to the point that I am no longer able to work, I can’t focus or concentrate for any extended length of time, I am ALWAYS tired, and feel so helpless. Of course, their are some ‘good’ days… yesterday was one of them. Friends are a valuable asset when one is vulnerable. But friends tend to get tired of someone being down and depressed all the time, and I’m terrified that I am pushing them away one by one. I’m so tired of being so unhappy. Yes, I’ll admit without shame, I have been to the doctor, he has me on medication, which I look forward to taking, because for a few brief hours, the anxiety dulls, and I can think clearly, and it helps me to get the rest I need. Last week, I was referred to the very Mental Health Center that my son is supposed to be going to. *yay*, boy howdy, how the workers there are going to have some gossip to share. I TRIED to tell my son’s social worker a few things that concerned me, and she was so RUDE, saying that that doesn’t make him sick, it just shows bad behavior. I asked her then, well, if he’s not sick, then what will the meds do to him??? She dismissed me with an abrupt “You’ll have to be more specific if you are going to accuse him of displaying signs that he is headed towards an episode.”
How do I try to explain the subtle signs that I have endured repeatedly over the lifespan of my son that will convince her that he is headed into the black abyss??? She’s a SOCIAL WORKER…she has a degree… she knows more than I do! I know that he is not taking his meds…I see the delusions creeping back in. I see the moments of euphoria and anxiousness that he denies, I hear the ‘small white lies’ that he tells, and then denies when confronted. (And he truly believes what he is saying when he says it, and I believe he truly doesn’t remember what he said when he denies that he said it!) Right, this COULD be just bad behavior… but this behavior in the past has always landed him in jail, or the hospital, and at some point, I am terrified that it is going to land him in the morgue. “Tam”, I know exactly how you feel… I’ve given in, and have no fight left in me. The question is, if we give up at this point, who is going to be there for the rest of the family? I don’t know about your situation, but I have my husband, with his failing health,who needs me; I have another son, who will be a father in about a month, so at that time, I will have a grandson who needs a well grandma, not a physcho one; And I have a beautiful baby girl who is turning 14 next week. The most crucial time of a young lady’s life, and she needs her mother to be there for her, not laid up in the bed crying and sleeping all the time. WE HAVE TO CONTINUE ON…WE CAN’T GIVE UP. Perhaps the best thing to do right now is just to focus on making ourselves well, and (not putting our motherly love aside for our children) but rather being a bit selfish, TRY to set an example for our sick ones by showing them that each of us has to fend for ourselves; Only WE can take care of US. Each of us are responsible for our own health, and we have to learn the best way to do that. Prayers & thoughts with you, and every other parent who knows what we are going thru. And David….THANK YOU….for being willing to do all that you do, and to share it with us! God Bless!
Dave – my cousin is going through some testing for this, and I have found all the e-mails very helpful. We have mental disorders in our family, the problem is no one ever sough help. We decided it was up to our generation to start this process, in hopes that if this is passed on to our beautiful children, we can assist them through it. I say we because my personal issue is OCD – specifically “onychophasia” or skin picking. I wish I could find someone like you in this area of mental disorders. I guess my question is do you have any exposure, or know of someone who does? – Thank you for your support!
Charlene
Talk about timing! I have really hit bottom with my BP SO this week. I have been blaming it on the dregs of winter. He is more manic than I have ever seen him in our 27 years together and I have never felt so depressed myself in my entire life! The stress of living with this even with all of the tools, it is this way after all these years, I am just plain tired. This week he was especially MEAN to me, never physically violent, but the emotional beating , whew. David, I feel so thankful to have your emails every day! For me, it doesn’t make a difference , loved one, co-worker, BOSS, whoever the BP person is, we NEED some kind of support. This time, I took my primary doctor and my own therapist’s advise, and gave in to taking anti-depressants myself ( I hate to take meds). Don’t give up, the tools are here, thanks for your group and I love to read David’s emails. He is hopeful which is how I will always remain. Thank every one of you who took the time to share on this thread! Bless you all and peace!
David,
Your e-mail could not have come at a better time. I can associate with Tam because I too am beginning to feel the burn out. This has given me hope and the feeling that I am not alone. We are financially strapped so I am unable to purchase your system, but really enjoy receiving the free info that is sent to me. I have been copying the e-mails for my 12 year olds sitter also so she can help him any way possible. Thank you very much for the free information that you send out to us.
Wendy
Dave, I have not purchased your course because my husband has not been diagnosed with bipolar although I believe that is what he has. He is a retired police officer and has been diagnosed with chronic PTSD. We have 3 children and I work and he moved out of the house a few months ago so I am now a single mom. He moved out because I was catching him in lies and he was coming in at all hours of the night. I truly dont have time and now that he has moved I have no way of helping him. We are in huge dilema and making decisions with him is impossible as his sense of reality and perception is off. I am not a Dr. but he fits the profile. Help
Peggy
I am about 25 weeks pregnant with my 5th child, but 1st child with my recently diagnosed (as of late Jan ’07) bipolar husband. Last week I found out that he had a Heroin and cocaine addiction for about 3 months, also during that time, he was hardly working, since he is in construction, I thought it was due to the weather… We just bought a new house to fit all of us in November and have yet to sell our previous home which has been on the market since July unfortunately… I thought due to the holidays, the financial stress, the pregnancy and the weather that I could see his depression would manifest but I NEVER thought he would have used intravenous drugs! Also, he tried to overdose to kill himself 2 weeks ago and ended up in the ER and thus how I came to find out about what he was doing all along. I had suspected there was SOMETHING going on but too naive to really KNOW the truth. He SAYS he is clean since the trip to the ER and I am skeptical but want to believe him. He is on Abilify, Klonopin, Trazadone and Prozac… I thought the symptoms I was seeing were from these drugs NOT the IV ones… I am so confused as to what is what anymore. He has lost the permission to have unsupervised visitation of his 6 yr old daughter from a previous relationship, he has been laid off from his job (the same day he went to the ER), we are broke and he is more distant from me now then ever. He used to be affectionate with me and even seemed interested in me and now I feel like he is just around as he has no money and no place to go but doesn’t really WANT me or the responsibilites that go along with this life anymore… I have always been the bread winner and all that we own is in my name due to his poor credit previous to us meeting… I have bought your supporter course, read everything the first week and try to encourage him to get help other then just meds and he just won’t make the phone calls and when I set up the appt, he doesn’t go for some reason or another even though I offer to go with him even if it is just to sit in the lobby. His family thinks he needs to do his share in getting help and therefore feel they can’t really be supportive of him until he will do SOMETHING for himself here. He is just blaming everyone else for ANY of his problems, he is lazy, unproductive unless it benefits him somehow and seems to not care about anyone but himself. I feel desperately alone and seek out answers daily…his family thinks he needs to be admitted for mental care. He refuses. I love him and care about his well being but hurt so much that he doesn’t seem to care about any of our feelings… is the fact that he is an addict AND bi-polar and unwilling to help himself just a black hole for me at this point? In other words is it time to ask him to leave? When is enough, enough?
I wrote a few days ago. I can’t do it any more. My son came home drunk, angry, aggressive last night. I want him out. I can not walk on egg shell every day of my life. He won’t leave, says I have to evict him. He doesn’t pay rent, doesn’t work. How can I help him if he doesn’t want help. I have dealt with this for so long. so done. Does any one know, can I kick him out? I am scared of him when he gets like this. I don’t know what to do. If any one has any idea’s help please email me blondeandgoofy@yahoo.com
thanks
pam
Our stories and situations may differ but our common thread is bipolar. Ive come to know (after my husbands death who was by polar, my older son serving 7 years for vehicular homicid whom also has bi polar as well as my 17 year old son)that knowledge is our only tool for fighting,coping and getting strenght. I will never stop trying to help the ones I love because if I do I let bipolar win.