Hi,
I hope you’re doing well.
Guess what?
Yesterday I went hiking like I told you. It started to snow when I was on the mountain and I almost slid off.
Kind of scary.
In addition, I fell in a River with hours required to walk back to my car. I was sooooo cold it was amazing. I had to drive home freezing.
After I got home, and unfroze myself, I was actually talking to my Goddaughter’s mother who was telling me that Anna (my Goddaughter) was afraid of different places in their house.
She was afraid of shadows and also certain toys.
Let me ask you:
Hey remember when you were little, were you afraid of ghosts and goblins?
Things that went bump in the night?
Creepy crawly things?
Scary things under your bed?
Big giants that would come and eat you?
Monsters that hid in your closet?
Huge beasts that could stomp on your house?
Were you afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?
Now that you’re older, are you afraid of any of those things? Of course not.
You’re an adult now, and you realize that those things were just childish fears of things that didn’t really exist (except in your mind).
Yes, they were childish, and yes, they only existed in your mind, but I bet the fear was very real to you, wasn’t it?
It’s the same thing with bipolar disorder.
For one thing, people fear what they don’t understand.
That’s why one of the first things I teach in my courses/systems is that you have to learn as much as you can about bipolar disorder:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
The more you learn about bipolar disorder, the
less you’ll be afraid of it, because knowledge is power, and power defeats fear!
This is why I have NO problem hiring people with one or more mental illnesses. Have you ever wondered why I do or how I can?
It’s because I have tremendous knowledge on this topic and I am NOT afraid of the individuals.
People who have psychological problems with phobias (fears) or anxiety disorders, learn to overcome them by facing them.
You have to face your fears.
In this case, you have to face your fear of bipolar disorder, of what it does to your loved one, of what it can do to you, to your life, your family, etc.
You have to overcome your fear of bipolar disorder.
As long as you have a fear of the disorder, it has power over you. You have to take back that power! Face that fear head on so that bipolar disorder loses its power over you!
After you’ve obtained knowledge (knowledge is power, remember), you have to obtain tools (some people call this their bipolar toolbox).
In your toolbox you should have:
· Books on being a supporter
· Internet (to looks things up)
· A strong support system (for you as a supporter)
· A healthy diet and exercise
· Friends and family
· Balance in your own life
· Activities of your own
· (possibly) your own job
· A social life
· Church activities (if you are spiritual)
· Hobbies
· Recreational activities
· A journal (to record your thoughts and
feelings)
· Good communication with your loved
one
You can add other things to your toolbox as well, but you get the idea.
Picture a workman carrying a toolbox on his way to work. He looks serious. He looks strong. He’s ready to tackle the big job.
That’s YOU.
You’re ready to take on the big job of fighting bipolar disorder now.
Now, who’s afraid of the Big Bad Bipolar Wolf? lol
NOT YOU!
If you have been on my list for a while, I am sure that you have learned, the more you learn, the less you fear.
Agree?
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
David I know what your saying BUT I dont think its been afraid of bipolar itself its more afraid of living with it. Its unfair that family members suffer coz of it. I look at whats its doing to me. And I hate what i see so what must others see, my husband on saturday told me i was selfish, coz I’m depressed he said That I think everyones world should revolve around me. When in fact its further from the truth, I dont want to be part of this world or the bipolar world. the whole bp is killing me and its not ever going to go away, and thats what i am afraid of. yes Im crying rite now typing this email. My kidz desevre better than this. my husband deserves better. AND RITE NOW I CANT GIVE IT TO ANY OF THEM.
DEAR DAVE, YOU MAY BE RIGHT ON THIS, BUT IF YOUR SON IS THE SOLE SUPPORTER OF ABIPOLAR WIFE, AND NO, AND I MEAN ABSOLUTELY NO SUPPORT FROM HER FAMILY… WHO LIVE ALMOST RIGHT NEXT DOOR. THEN THERE IS WORRY AND FEAR OF THE BIG BAD WOLF, HER BIPOLAR HAS VICIOUSLY AFFECTED MY FAMILY BOTH MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY. AS SHE WAS ARRESTED FOR ASSAULTING MY SON… THERE ARE TWO BABIES INVOLVED. AND I FEAR THEIR SAFETY, AS WELL AS THEIR MENTAL ABUSE OF HER. NOW AS A MOTHER IN LAW OF A BIPOLAR DAUGHTER INLAW WHERE ARE MY RIGHTS, MY FAMILYS RIGHTS, MY SONS RIGHTS… HER DAD KEEPS HER RIGHT NEXT DOOR, LIKE A BABY…. SHE HAS NEVER HELD DOWN A JOB. AND VICIOUSLY THREW US OUT TWO YEARS AGO WHEN WE FLEW OUT TO SEE MY GRANDSON THEN 7 MONTHS OLD… MY 7 YR OLD GRANDDAUGHTER WAS WITH US. AND SHE STILL HAS NIGHTMARES OF HER RAGE AND TERROR, SO WHERE IS OUR RIGHTS….. NOW HOW CAN YOU SAY THIS IS NOT SCARY…. WE FLEW 2000 MILES FOR THIS NIGHTMARE… MY SON IS SO IN LOSS OF HIS SELF, HIS RIGHTS….. PLEASE TELL ME HOW CAN IEXERCISE MY RIGHTS TO PROTECT MY FAMILY.. WHEN HER DAD DOESNT GIVE A D…… HER MOM ALSO BIPOLAR COMMITTED SUICIDE…. PLEASE GIVE HELP MORE TO SUPPORTERS……………………
And speaking of the Big Bad Wolf (funny you should bring that up, as it is something I have verbalized many times), how is it that the SUPPORTER (me) is viewed as the “Big Bad Wolf” by the person with the disorder (my sibling)? I didn’t bring this on…in no way. Talk about heartbreaking! And it is absolutely what has happened. Is it embarrassment, guilt, shame, humiliation, etc. of what has happened in episodes? I wish someone would answer this…give suggestions as to what I might do to get through that I am NOT the BBW. But then, how can I get through if I am held at arm’s length all the time?
dear Dave thank you so very much for the letters i get from you everyday it has really helped me out very much and i love hearing about your life and your mom . that has also helped me. you see i have manic bypolar and i am trying to deal with it by my self no other family member want to try to help me or try to understand me and my problems so i have had to deal with them on my own. i am on medication for it and it helps to a point. . so dave please keep writing to me this has helped me alot thank you so much for caring about people. i would love to hear from your mom if its ok with you Dave. your friend sharon allen 11-17-08
dave i would like to have people with bypolor to write to me can you give them my address please thank you so much for all of your letters and help your friend sharon allen 11-17-08
Boy, I’m hearing a lot of pain here today…
AMANDA K: Hang in there, Hon. Too bad your husband is not supportive, but you have an illness – NOT selfishness or anything else. I’m sure you are doing the best you can, and that’s all God expects of you. I was a single mother with 2 young ones struggling with bipolar;
now they’re 27 and 25 and doing very well. Are you taking any meds, and do you have a therapist? That would help a lot.. It will be okay.
MARILYN: What a heartbreaking situation you’re in, and I don’t see what you can do to change the situation. What is your son’s attitude? If she is really dangerous, maybe it would be best for him to divorce her and take custody of the children?? I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
SHARON ALLEN: You are not alone… I know many people who have bipolar disorder who have no supporters. My guess is that this happens more often than not – it is very common for family members to be in denial, ignorant, not care, or all three. But right now you ARE connecting with others who have bipolar – blogging here will get you in touch with them. If you want to, you can post your e-mail address right on the blog; others have done that and formed relationships that way.
Love and prayers to all, Sue
Dear David: the problem I have with my bipolar son is that he is always hateful to me. Puts me down all the time. Accuses me of being drunk If i stik up for myself. He is not on the right meds. Thet help a little but not much. He is seeing a stupid M.D. he promised to see a psychairshrist {can’t spell it} You know how bipolar promises are and all the lying. I can’t deal with him at all. I can’t help him. He used tobe very sweet to me. I am 80 year old now and doing good. Had to go on antidpreesants on ac account of hos abuse and mild nerve pills. He is always asking me to give him my pills, no way. He is also very selfish and very immature. A hard case at best. And so it goes. He has alinated his brother and his daughter and now almost me. I hope for the best. Your letter have helped me understand much more Thank you Dave Maryxxxx
Your website is brilliant except for one thing, you only teach the person who lives with somebody that suffers bipolar how to understand how the bipolar person feels. I’ve spent days and weeks trying to find a site that will tell somebody who lives with someone how to deal with “their” feelings about the person who lives with that condition and has to live with the “unfettered rage” part of it when they end up being knocked out because the sufferer has hit out at a door and knocked them out because they were against the door, and when i saw your site, i really thought i’d hit gold…but apparently not. I don’t undermine that you lived with somebody who suffered it, but you don’t seem to go into the aspect of somebody living with somebody living with the disorder, unless it’s simply to sympathise with that sufferer. I’ve spent ten years married to this person and i truly feel that everything inside “me” (not him) has turned off, because those ten years have gone without a single good memory to remember…(my children don’t have a single good memory to remember either because of it)…so what about me? I think i’ve earned a little consideration (and people in my position, not just those like you who live their lives to help the sufferer completely) because i can’t take anyore of the “unfettered rage” episodes (before they kill me). I was in hospital with a serious condition just three weeks ago…at the start, he made me beg to speak to my children over the phone whilst i was in a hospital bed, and then days later, the doctor told me i had a “potentially fatal” condition, and my husband hands me a letter from himself, telling me i don’t consider his feelings (before he goes off on one completely). I had a major operation two later…first one ever in my life, so i’m not a person who’s constantly ill etc. I’m the one who’s always worked, whilst he’s not worked throughout nearly our entire marriage, and now we’re in financial straits because he couldn’t deal with it whilst i was in a specialist hospital. a week after major surgery, i’m having to work to sort it all out…my doctor has put me off for a month just to start; it could be five…ha! like that’s possible.
Please try to consider things from a person in my shoes point of view ok…your site has been wonderful, but i really did expect to find a part of it that sympathised with me…not just sympathised with me but in the respect of helping me get into his head
Claire, UK
Thanks sue in OH. And to answer your question I stopped all meds last april and on saturday just gone started taken st. johns wort to try and lift me a bit,hoping it wont send me too high but just to lift me. I found it very hard to accept that i’m bipolar and dont like the doctors guessing game with tablets. Everyday is a bad day but some are worst than others. today went from bad to worst, I still attend my own personal therapist, but dont attend the clinic. And at this stage feel I’m beyond help. I read these emails and see how well others seem to be able to accept and in return get help and how well some seem to be getting on in life. I’m afraid now to go to the doctor coz I know how bad i am and dont want to go to hospital again. With 5 children i cant and i aiso drive my husband to and from work he doesnt drive. I’m the taxi for all. i’m going to stop typing now before i depress others. thanks again sue.
Dear Dave, at first I got onto this site for my son who is bipolar, then the more I have explored the symptoms I have discovered I also have many of the same symptoms. Recnetly I was put on Lexapro and some muscle medications. Thanks for your emails Today is a struggle to want to go to work, I have this problem, then when I get there it is ok. I have to work to pay the bills next week, but it is very rough to keep going sometimes. You are very right about balance, I know my toolbox needs improvements, especially socially. So, everone take care.
this is to Claire:
I’m sorry that you are going through what you are. and you are right people need to understand the feelings of the supporter too. I am BP and I am grateful that people are there for me. Is your husband on meds? I think it is the dutie of the person with BP to take thier meds and do everything possible to stay healthy especially when they have a family to take care of. you can contact me at pamela.shelby@gmail.com and I can help you find some support. really anyone can contact me if they need some support. it is up to all of us to help each other. there is also some support groups at mdjunction.com that can help also
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 5 years ago and when it first hit me I was completely out of control. It took my doctor a good year to find the right medication for me but when he did it worked and I have been stable for 4 years now. There is no exscuse for violent, abusive behavior because this can be controlled with the proper medication. If someone who has Bipolar refuses to get help and work with there doctor to find the proper meds, and doen’t stay on there medication there is nothing anyone can do to help that person. They have to themselfs first.
I have never left a comment before. Just wanted you to know how much I appreciate your daily email. It has helped me many times. I try to be as good a supporter as I can but am doing it long distance as I now live in a different state. My son was doing fine when I left but things have been much worse at times. He stopped all medication because of a newspaper article that said anti-psychotic medication could take 25 years off ones life, but may be back on a new one. He is married now and I try not to interfere as much as possible. I wanted you to know I sent for 5 of your booklets, explaining bipoar and have sent it to family members. It has been helpful to them understanding the mood dis-order. For them to understand it better helps me too.
No matter what anyone says, don’t ever stop your emails or sending out the bipolar monthly news. It is trememdously helpful too.
Hi everyone,
In terms of conquering fear, I wanted to tell you (and especially Suzanne, who encouraged me to do so): I told my advisor at school and my supervising professor that I have bipolar (and that I’m currently on “probation” and if my lithium levels can’t be normalized in a week, may be back in the hospital). You’re right, Suzanne- people are more able to deal with this than we normally give them credit for. If we are not afraid, they might not be!
Kate
As FDR said. “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.” Howver, I beg to differ with you. As a person with bipolar disorder, I am in CONSTANT fear of a manic episode. When things are BAD (like they are now), with outside influences like tax debt, refinancing problems, and trying to rent a room, I seem to get through them just fine. It’s AFTER the crises that I fall apart – kinda like the feeling of “waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
I will ultimately segue from putting on a “brave face” through the hard times, and then fall apart once they’re over. THIS is the constant fear I’m talking about. Yes – just because it’s happened three times before, doesn’t mean it HAS to happen again – but I have a pretty good “track record.”
So – yes, I fear the Big Bad Wolf daily. I am sure there are others in my position who live their lives wondering if/when they will have another “blow-up” that shatters their lives and throws them, unwillingly, into another episode.
I hate to be a doom-sayer, but that is the truth as I know it.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
AMANDA K: My heart goes out to you, you have a lot of responsibilities on you. I don’t think your selfish, you sound like you care deeply for your family.
I don’t know what you know about St. John’s Wort, but you will need to take it at the recommended dosage for at least a minimum of 2 weeks before you will notice whether it will help or not. The same thing that a Dr. will tell you regarding medications they would prescribe. Please, do some research on “st. johns wort and bipolar” to know what to be on guard for. And do not mix with prescriptions. Be sure you tell your Dr. if you continue to take it. Everyone is different and will have varying reactions, I have also read, it can trigger mania.
You are not beyond help, please just ask someone who is qualified to help. I know it can be scary when you feel alone, but you are so worth it and there are people who care. God Bless You, vicky
Amanda K. I just want you to know you are not alone,and being a mother and wife is alot to take care of when you are in good health,add a diease and it does make your job taking care of your family harder, just hang in there, for my self I have found it very helpful to get involved in bible study,especially when I am feeling low and depressed just knowing that God loves me just as I am and that he is the one that gives me all my strength to do any thing is up lifting to me. I have found in my Sunday school class that the fellowship of other women(I’m in a all women ss class) is helpful when I am feeling low,we all are struggling with something and sharing our struggles and taking it to the Lord in prayer really helps me.
I may have said nothing to help you, but I want you to know this low will pass hang in there.Take care.
Thank you Dave for your unselfish efforts to help us all,bipolar supporters and suriviors, you are such a blessing to us.
As someone with bipolar, I was very disappointed to read all the info about David Oliver – only to get to the bottom of the page to find that this was something very expensive i was expected to buy!! I am not working since my disability case is coming up very soon, therefore, I am barely making my bills. I think you are leading people on to think they are going to get some great FREE information that can help them and/or their loved ones. I felt taken advantage of when I saw the outrageous price!!! You should offer this for free to the many people whose lives have been ruined by this horrible disorder.
My husband has been bipolar for two and a half years. It has been a nightmare! I have been with him since I was 17. I am 49. I do not recognize this man anymore. We have been married since I was 19 to him. The way he acts scares me to death as I do not know what to expect of him next. His Dr. is treating him for depression only and she says he is not bipolar. He yells and screams and blames me for everything. I have support from my daughter and son but they have been stressed beyond belief because of their father’s behaviours as well. We all have been more than supportive to him (and still get blamed for his illness because we must not be as nice or loving to him as we should be, or complimentary to him as we should be!) Can you imagine??? He was severly depressed for four years before he turned bipolar. We have been nothing but the greatest supporters and stuck by him through all of his trials but where do you draw the line? I honestly just don’t know how much more we can endure.
Claire, UK: I hope you are recovering well after your operation 🙂
Keep reading Dave’s stuff. Subscribe to the letter and read the mails every day. No, all the pieces may not be applicable to you. Some of them definitely will seem to be written just for you. You will learn how to cope better, share with other folks and hear what they have to say.
I think eveything has “turned off” in you because you were not prepared to deal with this disorder (with prepared I don’t mean willing, I mean able). It doesn’t seem like you had a system or even support for yourself – you need to get it. Even if only to save your own sanity.
As for sympathy, there are so many bad stories and heartbreaking circumstances out there, some much, much worse than yours, others not. Some related to mental illness and many that aren’t. All I can say is get strong and do what you need to do. Your life is your responsibility and no amount of sympathy will fix that.
It’s going to take a lot of hard work and a definite change of your mindset will be necessary, but seeing how you survived all these years I am quite sure you will succeed. Just don’t give up, look for solutions. You need to make your life better, no-one else will.
To Candace Ricketts: You can’t be serious? You want his books for free ? Are you also asking Ford Motor Co to give free cars to people without transport or saying farmers must give their produce away because people go hungry?
This is David’s livelihood !! The letters and the blogs are free – and very informative. I also can not afford his books and I am content with that (Just as I can’t afford a new car…) But I tend to take as much as I can from the mails I get daily – and I try to apply his advice. I also have BP and I know the hard work is up to ME, not David.
He is not responsible for you. You are.
Yes, it is true you must be prepared. You need to have to tools to tackle whatever comes your way, but it is not always that you are. You don’t always have the tools for certain situations. It is not easy to face different issues that comes your way daily because your life is very unpredictable.
Thanks for the advice. Regards