1. Post responses below.

2. Great email today but the 1st ingredient is you have to know your loved has BP, otherwise your love for this person can grow cold if you think he is just abusive, wife beater, or whatever you want to call domestic abuse, which is typically a learned disorder, passed on by previous generations. After being “beat up” a few times to the point of hospitalization, the heart grows distant and cold. And all you want is distance between you and the one who put you in the hospital. Then several years later, when his daughter demonstrates very odd behavior and you take her to a Psych and find out she indeed has BP, you think back, sometimes with regret, that if only you had known it was a mental illness, not a learned disorder, you may have done things quite differently!

3. I loved the newest e mail about love with bipolar disorder. My fiance has bipolar disorder,and I’ve been dating him for a year and a half. I always seem to make his bipolar subside when he is having an episode,because of my patience,understanding,and undying love for him. This was an excellent e mail,keep em coming!

4. I agree that you need love to be a good supporter. I am a parent of a adolescent with bipolar disorder. However, I believe that love = the patience, the understanding, the compassion and the empathy. That’s what love is. All those things in the measure required at the time. I’ve learned about my own depth in dealing with a child with bipolar disorder. And, when I acknowledged the different emotions evoked when dealing with the different episodes, manic and depressed, I realized there were areas where I needed growth. The medicine, the therapist, and the family support are all significant ingredients required to help someone with bipolar disorder. The last ingredient I believe is necessary for them to live a significant and successful life with the disorder is the acknowledgment of the disorder, the knowledge of the disorder, and acquiring the tools themselves to maintain control of the disorder.

   Sandra Vercellono

5. Couldn’t have said it better myself!

6. I cant seem to find the missing ingredient

7. Dave, thank you for sending me info on BD. I am just surfing for info on the disorder, I am almost sure both my husband and dgt have it. They have yet to find a combinaation of medications to help my husband, and my dgt is only 8. He does not have the distructive behavior others have mentioned, @ least not yet. She does, but He just has periods of isolation and as I say ignoring me, then he may have a few days he is affectionant and caring. I was once married to an Alcholic/ Addict and it seems like Im reliving it, except he doesn’t disapear for days @ a time. I am not financally able to purchase your courses @ this time, but thank you for the free stuff. I to have depression and anxiety, but most of the time controlled with medication, and when it isnt, yep my down falls with his isolation times, aren’t we a mixture for disasster. I no I need to learn more about how to live with it if I continue to stay, but I just wanted to thank you and please keep sending anything you feel will help me that sorry to say is free.

8. AMEN!bipolar or no bipolar Love is the main ingredient, I Really believe todays email is true, if we applied everything we do with Love can you imagen how better off we would be..
   WWJD-What would Jesus do? He did everything with Love and he was perfect…..
   I know we are not perfect but when you look at things through loving eyes you show more compassion,more patients, more understanding…
   Thats why I put my faith in God to help me with the hope and the strength of getting through those diffcult times with my bipolar friend and just to keep myself going well..
   God is love and reading the bible and studing it helps me to be a better person..Love is healing,positive, and good,apply that to dealing with bipolar and it makes things a bit smoother.calm,stable,
   Love is also unselfish thank you Dave for loving us enough to share a daily email with us and allowing us to any response to your email.I love getting your emails and they are all very helpful..Thank you so much..
   Everybody deserves love,everybody wants to be loved and God loves us and accepts us just as we are.

9. David, I shared your Bipolar Meals with my friends in the Bipolar group in mdjunction.com If I can do anything to help in your cause I am here.
   I have gotten much from you, thanks for being a friend.

10. The emails are great, though I suffer from Bipolar disorder. Do you have an email you send out to people with Bipolar disorder. I often notice two or more emails from you. Maybe you could split your time into serving both supporters and those of us with the bipolar disorder?

11. Although my major supporter through my 20s was my adopted mother, she NEVER accepted that I had a mental illness. This made it exceptionally difficult to get through to her that I had special “needs” as a person with bipolar disorder.

    YES – we had “knock down, drag out” fights, butting heads over what I needed from her, and what she wanted from me. It could get very ugly at times. But – she was a “spit fire” in her LOVE for me.

    She never coddled my illness; she expected me to be, act, and address issues as if I were “normal.” Thankfully, I never had a major, clinical depression while she was alive – lying in bed, moaning and complaining. If I HAD been depressed – and uninterested in anything – she MIGHT have sensed something was definitely wrong.

    Bug – she always went through my hospitalizations for mania WITH me. During my first “nervous breakdown,” although we lived in IL, she stayed in a trailer park in D.C. in our Airstream for two months while I was in the psycho ward, visiting almost every day, until I was transferred home to IL to another mental hospital. She and my Dad didn’t visit as often, because they knew they were only a local phone call away.

    I also remember my second hospitalization (after my Dad died), when my manic behavior was anathema to her in so many ways. My heartbreak came when she and my aunt visited while I was in the “quiet room,” and they were unable to visit with me. She, my aunt, and my cousins brought Thanksgiving dinner to me – and I completely ignored them. BUT – there was LOVE in what she tried to do for me. There was no MISSSING ingredient as far as her passion for me was concerned.

    During my third, and last, hospitalization, she wrote me a letter (which I still have), trying to understand what it was SHE had done to turn me against her; what made me “sick; and, more importantly, what she could do to “turn me around.” When I read that letter, I was inconsolable. Because, you see, she had done NOTHING wrong, except to love me, unconditionally.

    I guess this all boils down to – LOVE is NOT enough to keep someone from having a manic episode, or even a depressive one. The chemical imbalance is what “throws” us bipolars into uncontrollable behavior, that can ONLY be treated through medications, therapy, and a treatment plan to help “stabilize” us through life.

    I am 60 years old, and had all my major hospitalizations in my 20s. I have no supporter now; I live by myself – I was unable to have children, and both my husbands died. But – the local community mental health clinic is keeping me on the “straight and narrow” as far as meds and therapy are concerned. The rest – I have to do on my own…

    BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.

12. My supporters offer to freshly bake me a dozen chocolate chip cookies to cheer me up and make me less depressed. I thank them for their kind offer and open up to them, trusting that they will make me feel better and they care about me. I put all my faith in what appeared to be my strong family supporters.

    They add the flour, the baking powder, the salt, vanilla, chocolate chips and walnuts. They mix it all together in a bowl.

    What important ingredient did they forget to add? SUGAR. (LOVE). Instead, they add a different item to the mixture. ARSENIC. (HATE). A white substance which is very poisonous if ingested.

    So, they add the poisonous ingredient, vigorously stirring the mixture again. They turn on the oven to 375 degrees and bake the cookies for 15 minutes. The kitchen smells so good…the odor of hot chocolate chip cookies. The smell of LOVE out of the oven.

    They carefully take each warm cookie off of the cookie sheet and place them on a beautifully decorated plate. They pour a glass of cold milk and set it on the table nearby the cookies. They take a cup of coffee, carefully adding cream and SUGAR for each of them and set it on the table adjacent from the cookies.

    They invite me into the kitchen. It smells wonderful. They smile and tell me that they baked the entire batch of cookies for me. They suggest I sit down with them at the table to enjoy my treat while they have their coffee.

    They start talking to me; telling me what an awful person I am, how I have failed in my life, that I am lazy and worthless. I was in shock, thinking these supporters were caring, but they were saying really mean, ugly things to me.

    They watched as I took the first bite of cookie and sip of milk. Somehow, the cookie did not taste as good as it smelled. Something did not “smell” right at all. Why would someone be kind one moment and mean the next? Why would something delicious smell so good, yet taste so bad?

    I learned, these supporters were out to hurt me, not help me. They acted in ways that were harmful rather than helpful. They wounded me in ways that I will never recover or trust again. But, I learned from the first bite of the cookie…if something smells good but does not taste right, leave the rest of the cookies on the plate and get out of the kitchen.

13. Your annoying, your mail annoys me.

14. You are right on the money with this one Dave! Love most definitely is the key ingredient both to my home cooking and to my relationship with my 28 year old son who has been only recently identified as having bipolar disorder after many years of misdiagnoses, heartache and missed opportunities.
    Thanks to many of your suggestions, books and the correct medication and counseling, he finally has a future and I can finally have my son back.

    Thanks for all you do Dave!
    Keep up the good work!

15. I totally agree that love is the most important ingredient – unconditional love more than emotional love. If you cook a meal or create something for someone special, with your heart they will appreciate it more. A home cooked favourite dish says more than an evening in an expensive restaurant. However, I would say that when you are a supporter of someone with bipolar disorder there is another very important ingredient besides love, which is Patience.

16. All You Need Is Love. Its the main ingredient to making anyone’s life full, happy, and complete. We all need to know were loved and food is just one of the many ways of showing it. Its what made me fat but oh well without love we would all be lost.

17. Suizcide,

    Try to not get so annoyed you might learn something and be able to help yourself instead of feeling sorry for yourself. You have a self defeating attitude. And you are probably are a really good person with lots to offer the world. So try to be more open-minded.

18. Hi, Dave
    I am really appreciating your newsletters. I have recently published a paperback book about some of my experiences as a person with Bipolar Disorder and wondered if I might add to it, in my next edition, some of your resources or links to your emails, website, books, etc. Please let me know what you think about that.
    Thanks again,
    Crystal

19. Dave~~I always wondered why MY MOM’s cooking was better than anyones&realize the special ingredient was love!!I am a bp supporter&dh gas the bp.Believe me ur help is very much appreciated!!I gave ur wedsite to my dh’s psychiatrist. Like u always say ur not a DR. or lawyer& ext. May I say enjoyed this!!Tks a million for all ur help!! Hugs Margaret

20. I re-read my posting above and realized that it is very negative. I am holding my anger inside and not forgetting and forgiving those who have harmed me. I don’t think I am going to get past this. I know when I feel this way, I am very depressed and overwhelmed with life. My apologies to anyone who I may have offended.

21. Hi Dave,
    I am a bipolar sufferer and have anxiety disorder as well.
    I agree yes you need love to get you through this rotten hand we’ve been dealt.
    well im doing it tough at the present time, my charming husband walked out on me 2 months ago, leaving to raise 4 children alone. if anyone needs an extra dose of love its me.
    thanks for your emails keep up the good work
    God bless
    Julie

22. Yes LOVE is the essencial ingredient. I’ve been giving love to my loved one for 25 years while the last 16 years were difficult and the last 3 were absolutely tough. She however, being BP, lost the LOVE and cannot see to continue with the relationship. We have three kids who’s lives will be shattered but this does not even make a difference to my loved one. We are in a process of divorce and her heart and mind has been made-up. Only a miracle and God can change the situation. Thus to all the BP supporters and BP survivors, PLEASE make sure that LOVE remain in the relationship

23. IN NEED OF INFO. HUSBAND IS INVOL. COMMITED IN HOSP. WAS DIAGNOSED HIGHLY DILISIONAL,

24. I AM GLAD I FOUND THIS SITE AND AM VERY INTERESTED IN DAVID OLIVERS BOOK. MY HUSB. WAS DIAGNOSED 14 YRS. AGO AND I STILL FIND THAT I AM ALWAYS LEARNING MORE ABOUT THIS DISORDER. HE WAS DOING SO EXTREMLY WELL FOR THE PAST 4 YRS. THAT I JUST WANTED TO FOGET THAT HE EVEN HAD THIS. ONCE AGAIN I MUST STAY ON TOP OF THINGS AT ALL TIMES AND ITS HARD FOR ME AT TIMES . MY SON WAS MURDERED 8 YRS. AGO AND IT HAS CHANGED ME ALOT. I HAVE PTSD. AND POSSIBLY ADHD. LOVE MY HUSBAND, ONCE AGAIN I FIND MYSELF IN A LITTLE SHOCK OVER HIS RECENT EPISODE, I AM NOT AS STRONG AS I USE TO BE BEFORE MY SONS DEATH AND WISH I HAD MY GRANDMOTHER’S HOME MADE FOOD THAT ALWYS MADE ME SO HAPPY AT HEART SINCE SHE LET ME COOK WITH HER, IT WAS DEFINITLY LOVE THAT MADE HER FOOD TASTE SO GOOD.

25. DEAR DAVE, THANK YOU FOR THE ARTICLES, BUT I AM TIRED OF THE BP PERSON BEING THE VICTIM,,, MY DAUGHTER IN LAW HAS BP, AND HAS DONE HORRID THINGS TO MY FAMILY. SHE HAS BEEN ARRESTED FOR ASSAULTING MY SON, AND THERE ARE TWO BABIES INVOLVED. HER FAMILY SUGARCOATS IT, AND WILL NOT SUPPORT MY SON, HE IS HER SOLE CARETAKER, AND IT HAS CHANGED HIM…. I THINK THAT IF YOU COMMIT A CRIME, YOU SHOULD PAY, AND NOT BE PATTED ON THE SHOULDER, AND SAY OH, SHE, OR HE IS BIPOLAR… IT IS DANGEROUS AND IT IS HURTFUL………………………….PLEASE SUPPORT THE SUPPORTERS MORE….. AND THE DANGERS OF LIVING WITH SOMEONE WHO IS BIPOLAR, I PRAY FOR MY DAUGHTER INLAW, BUT IAM GETTING BURNED OUT TO WHERE I JUST WANT MY SON, ANDTHE BABIES TO GET AWAY FROM HER AND HER FAMILY….. IT IS HARD CAUSE THEY ARE 2000 MILES AWAY………………

26. I would like to know how can I convince the family advocate and the court that the best for my kids would be to stay with me after the divorce rather that with my wife who has BPD. I don’t want my children to become the BP supporter at this time in their lives, ages 8, 14 and 17.

27. Togetherness and love itself is what love means to me. Relationship with the BP is a must! Hands on all the time life style, but I truly wonder if anyone is able to live that lifestyle 24/7 for a life time. It cost so much of yourself that you begin to feel the victum. Anyways I love the articles and appreiciate all the amazing input.

28. I really think I need to eat my aunts’ poisoned cookies and get my pain and suffering over with. They would be glad, as well. Probably the world would be a better place. Well, I do have my own poison in my ‘hidden’ prescription bottles. I have been saving these medications for the ‘right time,’ and I think NOW is about the time.

29. Tried them all,

    Have you! Do you realize that it isn’t how you feel(or whether you forgive, hate etc.) but what you think-your mind is yours and you don’t have to fight with emotions etc., just think-reasoning there’s no way out is wrong thinking-You have a good Mind-use it for you-instead of emotionally debating-you might feel it-but why think it-displace your attention to something of intellectual value-you have a good mind-use it.

    Neville,

    your friend in thinking

30. First let me say that I have been truly blessed with four beautiful sons, two of which have been diagnosed the BPD, ADHA, PTSD, just to name a few. I have been reading my emails for months from David and they are an incredible source of strength for me. This is the first time I have ever gone to the blog. I have two responses to previous posts…..First to Marilyn. People with these disorders are the victims along with thier families. It sounds to me like you are not informed about the disorder, nor are you a supporter. You are sitting back and criticizing. Maybe you should find a local support group for familes of people who suffer from this disorder. Then get more information on the disorder and find out how you can help your son and his family and not hender them! Next is to Dawid…. Your children became (or should have)supporters the moment your wife was diagnosed. This is not a disorder that is controlled without support! There is a good possibility that your children could have the disorder also.

31. Hi Dave
    Love is indeed an ingredient to any recipe. To make your marriage work love is the most important factor, love your children your neighbour anyone you come into contact with. It sometimes feel so impossible if you don’t love yourself how can you love the next person. You know Dave Bipolar have a way to really take away the you have within yourself that you don’t even feel love flowing from you anymore. You’ve become a stranger to yourself you hate things about yourself, the fact that you are not the same person you use to be. It really take so much out of you that you forget their is such a word as love. Love goes with feelings, your feelings diminish then what do you have left. You really try to make us aware of what is important, but this is not working if you must do it on your own without your spouse really assisting you and share in your feelings. Well thank you Dave. I’LL TRY MY BEST

32. I agree that love is an important factor in any relationship. But love can only go so far when you are supporting someone with bipolar. I found out the hard way. I love someone very much that is bipolar but that love and I are now alone because the man I love doesn’t want the love that I have for him. In fact I don’t think that he knows what he wants right now. He only wants to have a friendship with and I don’t think that I can handle that. The man that I love took the love I have for him and has walked all over it and stomped it in the ground. He either doesn’t know or if he does he doesn’t care how much he has hurt me. What should I do? Should I tell him how I feel about him and how much he hurt me or do I let it drop and go on with my life without him in it? I really could use some answers.

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