Hi,
I think the worst mistake that people can make when trying
to support someone with bipolar disorder is hoping that
it will fix itself or the problem will simply go away.
My dad tried this method for DECADES and it NEVER
worked. The small Bipolar episode always got worse and
between a nightmare.
I get so many emails from people saying “David,
my loved one is not as bad as your mom, I think
she will just get out of it.” That’s a quote
I got last week.
“Get out of it?” What does that mean? I assume it means–
snap out of it. Maybe he/she will, maybe he/she
won’t. If I had to bet, I would bet, the person will not.
If you have a loved one who has bipolar disorder
and you are concerned, you need to take action right
away and do something. You have to put a plan together.
You can’t just wait around.
You know in my course at:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
a HUGE, and I mean HUGE theme in it is planning.
I say, “Plan for the worst hope for the best.” I find
many supporters HOPE for the BEST plan for the BEST case
scenario.
Want to hear something really sad?
Since I have been doing this for two years, I now have
people who scoffed at my concepts, strategies and information
saying I was “too extreme” or that I was “too negative”
and their loved ones were not the “same” as my mom and
everything would be okay.
When I first started this, I use to take tons of calls and respond
personally to most emails. People wouldn’t even get my course
or anything. I didn’t care. It’s not about money with me.
I had the time and there weren’t 800 emails a day (yesterday 822)
like there are today.
Anyway, I would get responses from people that were way off
track and I would write them for their phone number. I would
call them on my dime, paying the long distance, and talk
with them and try to “sell” them on why they had to plan.
For example, many times I would give them complete plans for
how to protect their money. People would think that I was crazy.
I will never forgot one woman asked me, “You are talking really fast,
are you bipolar?” I was like, “Whatever lady, I am trying to help
you.”
Unfortunately, I got an email to my private email address I use
to give out, from a husband and wife that are DEAD BROKE. Their
loved one destroyed them. It was so odd because I totally remember
who they are even though it was almost 2 years ago since I heard
from them.
They are one of the people that argued with me. I spent time on
the phone for free telling them what to do. They said, and I quote
“We have a doctor and he will give us all the information we need.
He never told us about all the stuff you keep telling us about…
Your mom was worse then our son.”
Anyway, the son, went into a super episode. And the did all
kinds of things to their finances.
And now he moved away, and wants to come back. Sounds good? Well
it is, BUT he destroyed their finances
and money that was suppose to be used for the sister’s college
fund. The sister hates her brother and their parents.
Friends and family members think the family is “crazy.” The cops
were always at their house.
The doctor he was going to “retired” or vanished. The son has
a ton of bills attached to the parents. There is no therapist.
Both the parents have worried themselves into depression
anxiety and major health problems.
The son lost his job. He has no health insurance. Some days
he wants help. Other days he doesn’t.
One of them is actually taking medication for anxiety or depression
or one of these.
SHOCKING!
As a side note, I find it strange that people who are supporters
are taking medication because of problems caused by their loved
one’s. It’s really strange.
Back to the story, NONE of this had to happen. I gave them a plan for free. I begged them to take action. They refused. They kind of thought I was crazy. If I remember correctly, they questioned whether or not
I was “paranoid.”
Bottom line is it’s a really bad deal. NOW, I must say, I am 100% confident I could put a plan together for them but I can’t.
It would be unfair for me to not focus 100%
and also, I must say, since they didn’t listen to me before,
I don’t want to waste my time again.
Actually today I noticed they placed an order for my course. I hope
they don’t pull the old, “get Dave’s course/system, fill out
the f.ree consultation for non medical and non legal questions
and then immediately send it in and have me explain all the stuff
over the phone.” If they do this, I will immediately refund their
money because I can’t deal with that.
My course/system could solve most of their problems, but ONLY if they
went through it. NOT if they get it, hope that it will walk it
self into their house, open itself up and start “doing it’s thing.”
It doesn’t work like that.
Here’s the thing. You have to treat this seriously. You have
to plan, strategize, and go through material. Or if you are learning
on your own, you have to go out and learn. What I am saying is this,
I am not pushing my courses on anyway, but what I am pushing on
you to DO SOMETHING. Take action and be a good supporter. Don’t
become a person I write about via email saying, “Oh so and so, well
they did nothing and now their life is a disaster…. HELP ME NOW!”
You don’t have to get my material, but go out and:
speak to doctors (pay them for their time)
speak to therapists (pay them for their time)
drive to several support group meetings
get all the books on bipolar disorder
Watch some of those videos on the illness
Talk with people with the disorder that are doing well
Get books on protecting your finances
etc.
That’s a good start.
The thing is, when I started doing this, at first I thought I could
help everyone personally. I really did. I thought I would have a
few dozen people on my mailing list. I thought we would become
friends and we could even go and “hang out” sometime.
But then the numbers went from 500, to 1000, 10,000, to 25,000
to 45,000 to more than 75,000 people on my list. I had
to start creating systems to help people through my courses
and material. Now I have to figure out a way to control my email.
Yesterday I spent four hours in the library mapping out a plan,
which is going to work great. I will be writing more about this
plan and how it can help you soon.
BUT, the bottom line is, there are people out there, that have
a disaster ahead of them and they aren’t doing anything about it.
Hey I have to run.
Catch you tomorrow.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. A ton of people have asked about my how to get out of
debt course, you can get it here:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/debtletter
It’s the same system my mom followed to go from $30,000
of d.e.b.t to only $5000 or so and this will be paid offby the 4th quarter this year–three years early.
Unfortunately since my bipolar woman is currently not only broken up with me, but has a charge of criminal trespass against me for being at the place where we lived together, I can’t even talk to her. I could plan all day and it wouldn’t matter because I may never be able to even speak to her again, much less try again to convince her to go to therapy and get on meds. I keep trying to plan for it if she does come back, but she may not this time. She has repeatedly in the past, but sometimes these relationship cycles just come to an end and there’s nothing you can do about it. If it was my mother or sister or something I might be able to help more, but in this situation I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do.
I do appreciate your newsletter though, and it has done a lot to help me understand even more about my loved one’s disorder. I’ve been doing tons of research on it every day.
hey david. i have been diagnosed with manicdepressive, but no one has told me that i am bipolar. i have taken home tests and they all point to bi-polar. yes it runs in my family. no i dont want to tell anyone especially my husband cause he doesnt understand and all he says is do i have to put you in a hospital? i dont want to tell anyone cause i dont want to take the chance on loosing my kids. yes my mind races all day long from wanting to not do my resposibilitys to hurting myself. i dont know what to do i feel like i am between a rock and a hard place.
I think it’s difficult to sequester finances when you are in a relationship with a bipolar perso
Dave,
Thank you for all your work. Having a plan is a great thing to do, but sometimes you just have to wing it. It takes a certain type person to support ANYONE much less a person with bipolar. It tkaes creativity and knowledge and drive to get things done. You are that type person and others who are not should look to you, but do not necessarily take what you offer. Maybe they are not receptive. Maybe they are in denial. Maybe they do not have the right drive to get what they need to do done. This should not cloud what you do. You keep doing the good things you do for everyone and take care of what you need to take care of.
God bless you 1,000,000 times!
Face it. The disease is progressive whether you ignore it or hope it will go away, it just keeps rolling on. It seems harsh and hard to sequester finances, but when it really hits, you are glad you did. My step-son is only 20 years old and learning how to be a responsible adult insted of a ward of the state. His father is borderline, so I have my hands full with him. Plus my mother-in-law is schizeophrenic, although it is hard to tell with her geriatric dementia. I should have run 18 years ago, now I’m just trying to survive and not get sucked under into the madness.
i just want to know if someone out there can tell me if i am bi polar or not? My husband often tells me i am and im not sure if he is right or not but its scarry i have no idea if i am or not. can someone help ?
Hi Dave,
I can’t wait til you tell us more about your plan and how it works. I did the writing down the problems, prioritising and research/brainstorm thing yesterday and have already solved two of our problems and I am working on the others. I feel so much more positive now that I have a plan of action and my positivity is rubbing off on my 14yr old son who has bipolar, just this morning he told me he loves it when I am like this. I have only been getting your newletter for a very short time, it is already making such a difference in our lives. I know where to go to get info., I have someone to talk to and that makes me a better person for my son to talk to. Thankyou
Hi. I thought that my husbands bi-polar wasn’t that bad either……..about 2 years ago he quit taking his meds (unbeknounst to me and everyone) for a year,then kept telling me that he wanted a divorce (this from the man that worshiped the ground that I walked on) Finally last June he made me so miserable that I left and he divorced me just as quick as he could in October. I am now a lost and broken soul. I have lost my best friend AND my husband. Do you think he will come around and want me back? He has no contact with me now….its like he hates me.
I’m somewhat confused as to how a son or daughter had acscess to mom & dad’s money. It sounds like they were still competent adults. My children will not have access to my money unless and until I’m declared incompetent, by that time there will be a document directing who gets to be trustee. Perhaps I’m abnormal in addition to bipolar II.
I do get how seductive the idea of riding out the wave of depression is. After all, that part of me that doesn’t stop has always stepped in to clean up after the down episodes. I liked that part of me alot. I knew she was a little reckless, but she wasn’t dangerous, she was a good patient, she hardly ever screwed around with her meds, and she got things done. I didn’t mention her until my doctors advice line had to call 911 and that was STILL because I knew I couldn’t “ride this one out” I wasn’t concerned about the pacing. The emergency room report probley said something about how I was kind of climbing the walls, cause I kind of was. I sure didn’t mention it.
None of the above is acceptable. My only possible defense is that I Always called when things got bad — at least three steps from completeing a suicide plan. I wasn’t interested in dismantaling anyone else. I was the only one I ever wanted to kill — the fact I wasn’t gonna miss meant that never having completed a plan, there was always time to make a phone call.
Now I am kind of concerned that my husand will take controll of my assets. And I can’t hide them with any one else cause I’ve always been either overly cautious or down right paranoid. As soon as I have any significant assets, I’ll be looking to protect them. (Meantime we need to talk about that debt salvaging thing — That wasn’t the hypo mania’s fault. That was getting so damn down I wasn’t working, or leaving the house, or getting out of bed.)
hey ,its taken me a few weeks to really even look at these emails…your right, im waiting for things to just get better. today is a good day where i can talk a little bit about what im going through, i am no longer on medication for bd but lately iv been considering it again as im unsure wether im coping wellenough, i have small children, the only thing i truly worry about is who will take care of them iff something snaps with me,,
I have bipolar after a life of being treated for depression having undergone many ECT sessions and spent nearly a year in hospital. the stigma of coming back to work adn people commenting that i am from the crazy hospital and having to work more harder to show tat i am not crazy even if i am close to breaking point as iam right now. But with all this i realised that i have not been promoted but have gotten the annual pay raise or notch increases. So i cant tell boyfriends and family baout my illness and after all these years i have gone alone to hospital stayed with no visitors come out and gone to my flat because its better than the comments from my family. i only came out last year in 2006 but with everyone it was a sort of like u will get better. When i have gone on spur of the moment shoppings and travels and buying of cars my friends and family took advantage. So i have learnt to be resilient but have also enjoyed my happy phases until my doctor warned about my internet romances and flirting when i felt so high until a year later i crashed and have welcomed the dark clouds wich have enveloped me slowly unawares even though one feels strange watching the dark clouds as if its hiding the sun coming from a distance towards you but u cant run as u want to see this thing coming and u get fearful adn scared but cant run but ur mind is so clear and aware of everything that u can plan ur suicide perfectly as u are so clear and immediately u stop the meds.and u look out and see the clouds has come above ur house and u go to the front door to open it like u invitng a visitor. Its just too much to fight this visitor so u welcome it and now its a battle to survive from day to day.And no one gets u and therapist is a stupid and any strategy to drink meds. is too much work and u bath(yipee) but to get underarm deoderant is too much etc. But going on a very strict diet helps me get control again.Its the only thing i can do at this stage as my last atack was in 1999-2001 where i was this hopeless and helpless. But being with someone is out of the question as i fear being found out and the stigma, its bad in south africa regarding mental illnesses, so i am sitting whereas i should be in hospital all because of the stigma at work and being used.