Hi,
How’s it going?
I went to a meeting recently with several successful business people.
My goal was to meet up with them and get them to help me with a few aspects of my organization.
My mission was accomplished.
But while I was there, I discovered that one of my friends, who is a really successful business person, was married FOUR (not a typo) times!
Oh, but that’s not the worst of it!
He’s about to get married for the FIFTH (not a typo) time!
So he decided that before he did, he would do the following:
1. Go to extensive therapy
2. Pick 9 friends that had to all agree that it was okay to marry anyone new
3. Make a list of must haves, can’t stands, non-negotiables, and traits that he wanted in his next wife.
4. Understand why he got married and divorced so many times (relying on the therapist to guide him).
———————————————————–
I was thinking about this and thinking about how this concept is perfect for bipolar disorder.
Many times people with the disorder are married multiple times because of the impulsivity of the disorder.
I know of a man who got married in a bipolar episode.
And another woman who did it twice! (not with this other man, of course)
But people who have bipolar disorder do things that they later regret doing and have to pay consequences for.
In my courses/systems I teach about a Post-Episode Analysis (a term I made up), where you sit down with your loved one, and together you analyze the episode and try to figure out how it happened and what you can do about it not happening again.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
That’s kind of like what this man is doing now.
That’s why I was saying that you could relate it to bipolar disorder.
Even if you’re the supporter, and not the one with bipolar disorder, you can still apply this concept to your life.
We all make mistakes.
But you can use this system to analyze why you made the mistake and how you can avoid making the same mistake in the future.
Now, I’m not saying that you’ve been married 4 times or anything…
But you can apply it to other areas of your life, even the simple ones.
You can use it to change a certain behavior you want to change, for instance.
Or to help you deal with your loved one’s behavior.
Say you didn’t deal with a certain situation very well.
List the situation, and what you did.
Then list the things you could have done differently.
Then list how you can avoid doing the same thing again.
Try this method, then let me know how well it worked for you.
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below.
I think it’s ok! Just a little bland really. It needs ‘jushing’ up a bit. Bolder fonts different colours …
Well i like it. It looks clean
Dear David
While the new page looks more profesional , it has to many line breaks.
Perhaps you can type full lines for a easy read and scroll.
Good luck
Looks fine Dave.
Thanks for all you do.
Dear David,
Do looks really matter? What you present is already readable, understandable. Did they not say that beauty is skin deep? You are not running a commercial agency and profit is not your real motive. Keep writing what you know and by all means change the format presentation as you like. I liked the 2008 form, but would urge you to use the present format which takes less space. Have I taken too much of your time with a spacious comment? Regards and Happy New Year!
Yours Sincerely.
Sankaranarayanan Ramachandran.
Dear David,
Your new site is great! You’ve amazed me each and every day with your “guidance” on bipolar. I’ve been able to touch on each and every thing. This guidance has been a BIG help to me. It’s wonderful to know that there is someone out there who never gives up and turns away. Keep up the good job and keep plugging away. Some people will never understand no matter what you say; however, bipolar is very serious. People without understanding are more for blame than understanding.
Vickie
Speaking from experience (I have been married three times). Bipolar people are always looking for someones approval. Marriage was this man’s way of getting that approval. We want confirmation we can be like everyone else. We never can, but we keep trying. He gets married. Others have other vices.
He seems to have a plan for marriage, but I doubt he will listen to his friends. He’ll have an excue why they are wrong. And of course they will be wrong because Bipolar People have there own system of thinking and justifing anything they want to do.
We just have sick thinking sometimes (most of the time).
Dave; thanks for the email. You hit the nail on the head with me. I have been divorced and re-married the same person. Post-episode analysis is an excellent term for the process you discribed. I will try your ideas and report back to you. Again thanks for the email .
Dear David
Congratulations on the new look of your site, much much better than the old one, more professional (that always gives the sensation, that the people in the site know what they are doing), does not look so gimmicky.
Once again well done, good luck, and keep up the good work.
Juan
Dear David,
Thank you for your indepth knowledge of Bipolar disorder.It never ceases to amaze me,the comments that you generate.I am always interested in your opinions.
Thanking you.
Dr.Leslie.R.Marks.
I think it is insane to go to such extensive lengths before marrying someone. The best way to decide if you should marry someone or not is to live with the person for a while to see if you are compatible and then that is not a sure thing. I am 55 y/o and have been married 5 times with 1 significant other. The significant other passed away as well as 1 of my husbands, the other 3 ended in divorce and the 5th one has BP2. I also have a form of BP and we have been together for nearly 8 years now, a record breaker for me, to say the least. We lived together a few months, after my significant other passed away, and decided to get married. I am also my husband’s 5th wife. I must ask if the intended to marry of this person’s is going to such extremes to decide if she wants to marry this person? If so, I believe it is over kill and doomed before they get started! If you really love someone, and you are not in a manic episode, then I say get married without all the fuss and to do!
Your Blog area is very easy for most people to read and follow. Plain design, but adequate.
David,It does’nt matter what format you use in your blogs. I have a friend who has this disorder, and you have given me an enormous amount of knowledge on this so difficult problem to deal with. I’m improving on how to help my friend to lead a better and more happier life.
Thanks,
Jeffrey
I think this one is a lot better. I can read it better and it looks more organized and business like. Jamie
Dear David,
Thanks for ALL you do. I have found your website very helpful many times as I was about to pull my hair out dealing with my wife’s bipolar disease. Thanks again!
I very much LIKE YOUR NEW FORMAT BETTER.
Have a blessed day!
Steve Farmer
I like the new look keep up the good work.
I love the new design, it looks very professional, the colour is great and everything is easy to find. Great Dave
Just wanted to say I like the new look and also how much I appreciate your hard work in sending out all this helpful information everyday!
I like it – sharp! I am a graphic artist and the new look is uncomplicated and very attractive.
David I know a great, loving, successful, guru who has been married 8 times. He will tell you “I learn everything I can from that person and move on.” I don’t know if he’s BP but I am and I can’t keep relationships (of any kind) long at all.
acg
Have not seen neither one. So i cannot give my opinion on any.
Think the new blog is just great.
You always have great information in your blogs. And it is presented in such an interesting and easy to read manner.
Keep up the good work! It is very much appreciated.
Wow! The new look is very professional and so many ways to search things out. Great job and keep up the good work.
Gerard Malavenda
South Burlington VT
I really like this look David. Easy to read, nicely set out and organized for everyone at every level.
The older format seemed a bit too simple.
Good on ya,
Happy New Year, Dave,
Your bipolar friend who has had four marriages is at least trying to do the right thing. There are many marriage preparation courses and he would no doubt benefit from doing one. I don’t think he should be dumped on for not getting it right the first time, but you are correct that introspection is important. The main thing I learned reading about marital longevity is that couples in enduring marriages begin with a very strong commitment to one another and to the idea of marriage being permanent. Breakup is extremely disruptive and costly and should be avoided if only because it destabilizes an already unstable bipolar situtation.
Best wishes for continued success,
Bobby
I never saw your old blog site, but I really love this new one. Thank you so much for the time you spend on this.
I do like the new design and format you have. You reach so many people. Thank you for the sight.
Dave like the new blog. Changes make it very clear. Able to find old postings, new postings and the calendar highlights the date. Excellent job. Mike
Dave,
I like your new look… I think it works well. Also I think that looking on a past situation and reflecting upon it is a good strategy to help improve one’s behavior and learn from past mistakes. Once again, thank you for all that you do.
Peace and many blessings,
Your friend,
Filiz
This design is less messy, its clerer and an easy structure to relate on. Nice work. I read ur letters, but as I am now, so totally depressed, fall in love, I am married 16 years, and got a broken hart. As this helped.? I still love me spouse.But the need to feel alive and still atractive in me age 49, is so wanted. Its a way to try to survive a depression. But here I am, more depressed then before. In a depressed episode u want so bad to get out of it that u do wrong choises. So i understand this man.this is all I can say.
Your new blog layout looks great, good job easy to link to all your articles keep up the good work.
I am doing ok. Thank you for asking. The holidays have been really hard for me this year. Dealing with my friend who is bipolar. But I know harder on him. I do not know if I am helping him or making things worse. Emotinoally I have backed off. Trying my best to get him to go back on his meds. He has been off for almost two years now. It is really scary for me cause I know what can happen. But he refuses to allow me to help. So I have been backing off alot. Cause it has taken a toll on me as well. Very much. I know how you have said in your letters to take care of us as well. I do care so much for this man. I do not know what to do. I think leaving him right now to figure it all out is the best way to love him. I don’t know what I would do if something happend to him tho….kinda darned it you do and darned if you don’t. I have stuck this out for almost two years now. I have tried so much of the things you said to try…..talking with him…writing him about all the things he does and says….and what he needs to do about his meds that nothing he does right now will be the right thing….that no matter how far he runs…….he would still feel the same….but nothing I say seems to be sinking in….some of his family members know of his bi polar….not all them do.
What else can I do…please help
Hi Dave, just commenting on the new look. I do like it. Keep up all your hard work, it is appreciated.
Hey nothing wrong with the set up. I do think it needs something though. Ya know like maybe a random pic to go with different articles of someone or something…..
Just a thought. I also would like to ty for your continuous e-mails! They strike a cord quite often.
shiena
I liked the old format,easier to read.
I don’t know if I ever saw this sight, I saw the bi-polar central site and liked it. This is fine also I like the larger print. You are a blessing in my life. I am bi-polar as is my 1st husband, my daughter and I think my grandsons but they only say adhd for the kids.
Thank You for all of you daily help.
Kathy
Looks good, pretty clear. well done….
David-The new layout is great.Your web master did a good job! Mainly (as you know)it is much easier to find a topic or folder now, it looks more professional.
Thank you for your tireless efforts you have done for years on this insideous affliction. I hope it is paying off for you financially also.
I like the new look better. Keep up the great work that your doing. Happy 2009!
Sherry
Clear as glass…thank-you for all that you do…
Knowledge is definitely power…
Thank you for giving me strength.
test
Keep up the web-site it is very interesting my son who is almost 30 is bi-polar he does not live home but it still is a chore when i see him.He is not always on hi meds and has a substance abuse problem as well, that is not always be taken care of by him.
Good article.I’d just like to add that I’ve just finished a relationship and my then BF tried to use my bi-polar against me.During our last argument he slammed me against a wall & called the cops & told em I was bipolar & got physical.Thank-God I wasn’t in an episode & he had no marks & my bruises didn’t show until the next day.Point being,make SURE trust is on that list.That he used my handicap against me hurts worse then anything else.Please,please, watch out for people like this.It could’ve gotten real ugly if I wasn’t in control of myself at the time.I was with him a yr. & he knew I was light to moderate bipolar & it never created a problem until we had a falling out.Just goes to show how important TRUST is to BP’s.God Bless us All!
I THINK THE NEW ONE WILL, BE JUST FINE. WEE ALL COULD USE A CHANGE NOW AND THEN. {WES}
Hi David
Happy New Year
Thanks, I thing a good design about your new Blog information and supporters will get the benefit about your hard worked including a Easy feedback also understanding between Bipolar society and loveones. However, they have knowledge Bipolar but sometime they need how to deal and help before they confused and especially people who don’t know this illness.
Suad
I like the new look. The print is bigger, so I don’t have to strain my eyes.Thanks for the change.
hi!dave Iread everything because with daughter sense she dosen’t realize she has problem.inher mind everyone else has the problem.because I do tell husband and it help him to.I’ve been though hell sense she was 13 year old and she won’t get help and its getting worth.she now practicing witch crafts.she 36 year old it not like and take there.I’am sorry if I miss word its because i’m going blinded.thank you and please don’t senting me news letterer.peggi schimmel from palmyra new york
Your Blog is excellent; simple & consise & to the point; helping our loved ones going through unfortunate situation & circumstance… who thanks to persons like you, are no longer ‘beyond control’- May God richly bless your work as you submit to those Blessings- Godspeed- Larry Changes 1/6/09
I think I like this one better Dave. Really nice job.
looks very nice.easy to read,not all those dark colors and tiny writing.thanks for thinking of us!
Dear Dave: I haven’t noticed any change. I get so much out of reading about my son’s symtoms and understanding him better, I have lost my anger at him and the desire to shut him out of my life. He has no one but me. I read for info. and don’t care what style it is written in. Unless of course it was something I couldn’t understand. Thanks forall the help I get from you and how good my so in doing. (right now anyway) Could get a surprise attack any time and I have learned not to get upset about it because of your letters. Thanks Again Mary Sanders
Oh, a subject too closer to my heart …
IMO, just living with someone isn’t the answer to finding out whether or not you eill get on well enough to marry them.
You see, the problem with Bipolar is that one’s outlook, opinions, personality, one’s very essential nature are driven by those damned moods. The moods colour everything, not least our outlook on anything, especially on relationships. I was once engaged to a very pretty young lady qnd we lived together for 2-3 years. During that period, things started to slide … I became depressed (and, I realise now, manic too), we argued more and more, and each time becoming more heated. Intimacy waned and sex stopped altogether because I couldn’t handle it or, when I could, she’d (by then) lost interest. “Why do I feel so bad?” I wondered. Of course, I reasoned it was because of this “failing relationship.”
Eventually, SHE pulled the plug, probably because she found someone who she liked better, who reciprocated her feelings more warmly and consistently than me. This came as a relief: I hadn’t had not make the hard decision and most of all, I had thought this relationship was the cause of my depression and unhappiness. Guess what? I DIDN’T feel any better! My depression and bad feelings continued in spite of her going. I blew hot to cold on with some other relationships, and it’s the same in my current one, it being formalised as a legal marriage.
But ‘the penny (finally) dropped’: Initially – at least – the bad relationship didn’t cause the depression; the depression caused the bad relationship. Thereafter, the whole thing became a bigger mess because the bad relationship caused events that invoked depression, and that, in turn, made the relation all the worse! It scares me now when I read back a diary I kept for a short time all those years ago, seeing history repeat itself. Now, given that people with BP also have manic episodes, and that these can be destructive to relationships, causing them to go sour … and that bad taste triggers depression! – it comes as no surprise to me that some folk with BP go through several marriages as they leave one because they IMAGINE it was inherently wrong and move on to another with the expectation the next will be different…
So, it comes as no surprise when I hear of people with BP going through multiple marriages, and I also wonder if some of those high profile artistic people who have done this might be Bipolar! For example, look at Judy Garland. Not saying she was BP – I’m not qualified to say – but look at her record: Married FIVE times, “plagued by financial instability”, often owed hundreds of thousands of dollars especially in back taxes,at one point was so unreliable she was suspended by MGM from the production Berkley’s to Broadway movie (and replaced by Ginger Rodgers), the same thing happeed again during the filming of “Annie get your gun” (when she was replaced by Betty Hutton), she took prescription sleeping tablets WITH illegally obtained morphine, had at least one publicly known major breakdown, she attempted suicide several times and she finally died of an ‘accidental overdose’. (Source: Wikipaedia) Hmmmm… (And what did she do on a bad day?!)
So, what’s the answer? I dunno! When you find it, let me know! But I do have a serious point, which is: I think it’s not uncommon for people with BP to mess up marriages because of their variable moods and what they do when they are in them. I suspect those of us who are BP probably imagine (too often) things are not as good as they ought to be when they are not half as bad as we think they are, that we imagine too often “the grass is greener on the other side of the hill” so we break up relationships only to find the grass is the same … and look for another hill! I can see myself doing this now and I’m finding it hard to pull on the brake! I think we (with BP) to this kind of incorrect thinking may be more susceptible than most so-called normal people. BUT – and it’s a big “but” – we can also screw up relationships just the same as anyone else anyway!!!! After all, something like 50% of all marriages across the whole population end in divorce anyway (at least, they do in the US and it’s not much different here, in the UK.)
But does it helpful know this about us? Well, there’s a plus and there’s a minus. The plus first and the minus last. (Yeah, things are sh#t at the moment and I’m in a very negative at the moment. Didn’t want to wake up today…) The plus is that our awareness of this weakness in ourselves ought to make us more wary of giving up on relationships too quickly. The minus is that awareness of this weakness may cause us to be TOO cautious, too mistrustful of our judgement to break up when we ought to; and THAT can have its own negative consequences – increasing frustration in a relationship causes it to become more acrimonious and (therefore) potentially violent. (By heck – this BP, it’s fun, don’t you think? Little wonder so many of us check out prematurely.)
Hello dave, sorry I have not been on here for a while, I have been disappearing in my own world and with drawing from this world, it is too much for me at times.
I recieved your e-mail about the new site…LOVE IT!! it looks way better, and easier to use and find things, they stand out better…totally love it.
I have recommeneded your site to other people as well, lots of them who have many questions and need answers and information, I brought them to you because your site is the best, I love it!!!! your awesome Dave…keep up the good work you do!!!!
Hi David I much prefer the new look. My only criticism is that perhaps there are too many spaces between the lines. I am so glad I found you and your wonderful words of wisdom which have helped me so much to better understand my bipolar disorder.
Peggi Restraining order – NOW I have a friend who just lost everything to crack cocaine use. I had to say “bye-bye now”. I can not change anything but me and my actions. My “helping” her is not help at all! It is enabling. It makes the loved one or friend worse. Save yourself Peggi!
acg
The new look.
A couple of ideas are suggested to make text easier to read:
I think the colour of the main text should be darker for a stronger contrast against the background. I nfeel the same about text that attribute each correspondent; I also think these should be bigger, again to aid the reading of the text.
Otherwise – the layout, fonts and especially links on the left hand side – I really like it!
Your website looks fine Dave, everything is right there to be easily found.
The 4x story is interesting, I’m still learning how a bipolar thinks, and how(not) to respond when something doesn’t make real sense, or what to do when she gets difficult.
Stories are a good way to learn these things.
There’s one change I would make (and I hope it’s an EASY one) – put the NAME of the writer BEFORE the post. That way, if we recognize the author, we would be more likely to attribute our response to THAT particular person, instead of waiting to the END to find out WHO wrote it. Just a suggestion :0
I’ve been married twice – both husbands died during the marriage, so I have NO relevance to divorce at all. Both times, I was with each husband 5 years. I had 1 significant other, who was paranoid schizophrenic, and we were together 3 years – he died also. My last husband was OCD, with a LOT of other diagnoses, as well as morphine addiction. Now – I don’t KNOW if loving someone else with emotional problems HELPED or HINDERED my relationships, but my 1st husband had NO mental issues at ALL.
I think because of my attending a Lithium Group for 15 years, I learned how to “agree to disagree,” and how to “argue” effectively. I don’t remember ANY angry OUTBURSTS that couldn’t be resolved in a timely manner.
I’ll be 61 next month, and now have 3 “significant” relationships. Although “intimacy” is a problem with one of them, I get what I NEED from another. I’m alone most of the time, so ANY interaction is appreciated.
I’m sorry, but I just CAN’T relate to multiple divorces and remarriage.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
I just think it is great! The color is absolutely fabulous, upbeat & positive. It looks professional and you are all that and more. May I just take this opportunity to say THANK YOU! for all the work you do, Dave. Thank you, Thank you, & Thank you! Please don’t ever feel unappreciated for a minute.
Hello David
We would like to thank you for the tremendous amount of work that you do and the support that you provide to many people .
we have found your daily emails and web site to be extremely usefull.
My wife and I are supporting our son who has this condition and found your information exceptionally educational .
I did note that there was a section on people who have complaints but I find it hard to understand anybody who could or would complain about anybody who is doing their absolute darndest to help others.
As you would be more than aware to manage a condition like bipolar is very difficult and a constantly changing scenario a bit like being a juggler I suppose but one where we are constanly learning .
Anyhow thanks for all your help and support over the period of time we have been recieving your emails and we will continue to look forward to the future emails and your words of support.
Thanks Again
Ray & Glenice Hayward
Bendigo
Victoria
Australia
David, its great to have the opportunity to say “thank you so much for all the things you do for us”. I like the new “face”, it looks very profesional, you are becoming a very important person, whatever you get in your favor, you really deserve it, God bless you, Ileana
Dear David,
I think the new blog looks clearcut and professional so yeah I do like it. Although perhaps the title could stand out a bit more to be more catchy, just a few thoughts.
Well have a peaceful and productive and good day I will be trying to do the same. God bless u
Cheerio regards
Ingrid.
David,
With regards to your friend who is getting married for the fourth time well i think i am not the best person to obtain advice from as i have neva been married before, however from a christian perspective i would seriously think twice before on engaging in another marriage. Perhaps he could seek out a pastor from his local church not necessarily catholic, i recommend any pentecostal believing in jesus such as assemblies of god denomination or any other faith filled believing church. Also i think he should seek some counselling from a good marriage counsellor or perhaps even a christian counsellor would be better as they often can give wise advice or could point him in a more better direction.
Kind regards and i hope this info has been helpful
Ingrid.
its plain but nice.thanks for your help.god bless
Dave, This man marrying so many times, hits really close to home. You see I suffer from BP and my marriage is ending as I type. My husband likes to judge and call names. His favorite being retard. I am his 3rd wife, It will have been 19yrs, this month.I have never felt so alone in my entire life.I too have been married once before, and that was an abusive relationship, that lasted 8yrs, But 2 wonderful children came from it. I am trying to figure out what a real BP support system is. I have been alone in this BP thing since day one. I only know a man is one of the last things I want to think about. Input would be appreciated. Thank you Dave and others for all of the information on BP.
David,
This is my first time to comment or give my opinion, you really hit home for me! I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder for a while now. I just recently turned 45 and I’m noticing that the older I get, the worse my symptoms become. I was being treated with Seroquel but would continue cycling, I’ve been awake for 38hrs. Luckily, I had an appt. with my psychiatrist this afternoon. We’re going to give Zyprexa a try!
I’ve got your man married four times beat. (Not something I’m proud to reveal.)My FIFTH! husband and I just celebrated our 6yr. anniversary. With my other marriages I looked for every and any way to leave the marriage, I’d sabotage every relationship.
I’m sticking with this one! He’s read up on Depression and Bipolar Disorder and loves me anyway!
I’m in the minority here, as I actually preferred the old look of the blog. It was better to have the writers names in bold at the top of the post instead of the very pale small print at the end of the new blog. Maybe this could be improved – otherwise it’s ok.
I know a woman in the UK who has been married 8 (yes, eight!) times. She does not have bipolar or any other disorder. She is very extravert, otherwise very ordinary – not rich or stunning looking. She would have had even more than 8 marriages if she had accepted everybody’s proposal. I have no idea how she seems to get every man she meets to propose to her within a couple of weeks of knowing each other. Nowadays so many people are in fear of commitment. I envy her for the fact that she never had to live alone. I had 2 marriages, a number of relationships that didn’t quite get there and had to live alone far too often.
It’s quite possible that my 2nd husband was in a bipolar episode when he proposed to me and we got married 3 months later. He was certainly in an episode when he left me. My current boyfriend and I live in different houses. Due to his bipolar there are times when we see each other nearly every day for weeks. Then there are times when we don’t see each other for over a week. There is no rush, but I am hoping that some day we will get married, when the time is right, and not during an episode.
Hi Dave,
Maybe I am just use to the old one, I like the old one better!!!!
Dear David, your insight about Bipolar Disorder is amazing including the Practical Aspects of the same. David i have a sister whos husband suffers from this Disorder, she really needs this info.I am more comfortable with the old format which helps me to take Print outs and read it like a story, anyways as long as the stuff is great , it hardly matters how it is presented.
I really like the new look, I do think it needs some color or something though, maybe to make it jump out more or just more colorful.
I love all the info, but sometimes you need something, even if it is just color to brighten things up.
I like it great job.
Hi David
Your new site is awsome, I really like it.Well done and keep up the wonderful work .
Best of luck. Ange
Hi David,
I like the new look of the Blog because it’s easier to see who wrote what at the time and which date.
Much appreciated. Take care,
Sue and all the animals. x
Organized, good color dispursal, good character spacing, much easier to find individual items – I lke it
I definitely like the new one. I can read much more easily. The information looks well organized.
I don’t like change. Its ok (I do prefer the old way)but I agree with suzanne about the the name going first and making it darker coz its hard to see. just my opinion.
God bless. Amanda
Hi Dave,
Let me start by wishing you and everyone a wonderful 2009! Thank you Dave, for your wonderful daily email and for all the hard work and dedication you put in to this site, which is a tremendous source of info and a valuable help to me as a supporter of my husband.
My husband and I have been together for just over 27 years now (excluding a short period that we were divorced four years ago). I can honestly say, and he would probably agree, that in this relationship sometimes, I have been to hell and back! It was only last year that I stumbled across your website and finally began to see the light so to speak, about many of my husband’s actions, thinking patterns, mood swings etc. We were separated on and off for most of last year while he was involved in an extra marital affair, yet again (and there have been many). I was almost at the point of going to see a divorce attorney last week when he broke down and begged me not to go through with it. Things with his girlfriend obviously did not work out (huge surprise). He has finally, at his own request, started seeing a good therapist and using Limictin, which I try to get him to take regularly each day. He is also trying to stop drinking again.
What I am trying to say is, I don’t care how the blog looks as long as it still contains valuable and helpful information! It has helped me through many a dark day, when I was at my wits end! It has been a huge help even though I do not have the financial resources to be able to order any of the courses available. It is my lifeline to information I would not otherwise have been able to get. In this country, not many people know the ins and outs of this horrible disorder and those that do, dont really speak about it much. I do not know of any local support groups around here. One can find plenty for Alcoholics Anonomous as well as for their families and friends, but nothing for BP sufferers or their supporters! It is a shame, to say the least.
The latest turning point for my hubby was on New years eve when he wanted to invite some friends round to our home to have supper with us. He scrolled through his contacts on his mobile phone and could not find one friend to invite! How my heart ached for him but there was nothing I could do about it. Now, with a bit of help from me, he is slowly making contact with some of his old friends again.
I have learned that the general population in this country are very ignorant about BP disorder. Most of the time, I have been the only person that understands and is willing to support my husband. Not even his own sister wants to get involved in supporting him, although she does support me. Even our kids don’t always understand, not to mention my parents, family and friends. It feels like a battle I am fighting all on my own some days with most of my friends and family thinking that I am nuts for sticking it out with him!
I know that if I had not stuck it out, he most likely have attempted suicide a long time ago. That might sound like I am bragging or something, but believe me, I am not. It is just something I know from within, or intuitively, I guess.
Perhaps one day, Dave, if you ever have some time, or possible resources, you could start a course in SA? Or maybe get in touch with some organisation here that would make it easier for people in my situation in this country, to purchase the information that you make available and get some support. If it was made available in our local currency, a lot more folks here could buy it. Oh well, that is just a thought, use it, don’t use it, it’s up to you.
Best wishes as always.
Colleen, South Africa
I can’t relate to the whole loads of marriages or partners for that matter in fact by the time i read through all the above comments i felt i must be a freak. I am 34 and met my husband at 16years old, I got married at 19, and my hubby has and is the only sexual partner i ever had and please God will always be. I was in hospital 2years ago and this topic came up and one of the guys couldnt believe that i have only ever had one partner. I am 14 years married with 5 beautiful children. And although theres times we have our rows some very big ones I wouldnt want that to change.
God Bless. Amanda
Site looks fine, it is really the content that is most important. I enjoy being able to connect with others expriencing same.
Hi, David
I like your new site. It is easy to read,and functional. I wish I had your site before my son committed suicide. I have another daughter that is bipolar and a sister. I am not,the thought is that my mother may have been. I thank you for insights I have received from your emails and blogs.
I like the looks of it. It’s cleaner and easier to read
I had not seen your old Blog site. But looking at the new one, it seems to be to be to long to read and keep the information together in my mind. Having a step-son with it. It is sometimes hard to help him. He is also a drug loser. anything in the house is good, our meds are fair game to him, he has even used his father birthday to get his meds at the drugstore. We finally had to kick hib out of our home. He moved into his Grandfather’s home and did the same thing. His mother says nothing is wrong with him, so we had lost our war to get help for him. My husband & I both fill bad again it. But with our bad health, we had no choice with what we did.
Dear David,
Thank you so much for helping me to face bipolar issues with my husband. I have never done so before until I started reading your emails. I love the new format! How long did it take you to write all of that fantastic information? People have asked me why do you stay with your husband? I answer, “Would leave a spouse just because they had cancer, no, I live with a husband who has a disease, that’s where I’m at in my marriage.” Some days it is so hard to cope, thank you for all the remarkable information.
David,
My husband is the one, I think, that is bipolar. I am his 3rd wife and soon to be the ex-wife. He met someone who is filling my shoes. I once called his behavior an obsession, now I know better. He refuses to get help, since I’m the one with the problem. Now I’m just plain angry. I’m tired of trying to get him on some meds and seeing someone. Someone else will have to carry this burden. This seems to be the best solution. I only hope that other people have better luck than me.
Fran
David it’s fine, clear and user friendly. Keep up the good work, your site has been a great source of learning and understanding for me and has helped me to cope massively and understand the needs of the best person on the planet (as far as i’m concerned).
Dave, you mentioned a list to do before this person gets married the 5th time. While that may work for him, which is good, I have found that making lists just seems to make it harder becuase than there are times you will fail at that list or you dont accomplish what you had intended to accomplish. I have been in a pattern of making bad choices when it comes to me, havent actually gotten married but have been engaged a few to many times. I tried to do a list here recently on why I make these choices and how I could break the habit and begin working on a more positive habit with less consequences. Although the list did make me think about a few things it is not helping me to break this pattern. I have been trying for years, and every time I end up getting myself in a situation that I shouldnt be in, hurting myself or the other person, and just being miserable all together. If anyone has any other suggestions to help me break this pattern I have gotten myself stuck on I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.
Hi Dave
thank you for what you are doing for all of us that has bp or depression.
I am not able to respond to you because I don’t have the internet but can read the eamils on my cell phone.
Is there a way that I can respond even though I don’t the internet.
I have alot of questions and have a friend who has bp but I don’t no how to help her.
Can you please help me with this matter please.
thank you again for your help and for all your doing for us. collett
Dear Dave,
I was looking for a chance to contact you.
I would like to thank you for the help you are giving to my sister and my nephew who is bipolar. They have no computer at home. So I do the service of getting your letters printed and sent to them. My sister as supporter would have been in worse situation without your insightful letters.
I had ordered your book for bipolar supporters. since I do not have a credit card, I got the card number of my brother who is working in Oman. I gave this number for payment. But I have been waiting in vain for the book, for a long time.
Will you be able to do the needful so that you can help my nephew, who is actually a student of a prestigious engineering college here at the moment. But he is just unable to open his books and concentrate on studying.
Yours gratefully
Sebastian Kuthukallunkal
David,
Good Job…both with the blog and the Information.
I thank you very much,
v/r
Bob Krell
Ihave been receiving your mail messages for over 18 months and Iguess that a comment is in order. Ihad a relationship with a bipolar woman which lasted 4 years during which time Ipoured my heart and soul into support, care and unconditional love. She dumped me for another guy and Inever saw it coming. Iam over the pain but will never understand what happened.Istill love her
and want to understand.
As a spouse of a bipolar husband, I would take him back if he went to Anger management therapy and would agree to stop being abusive. But he wants to be abusive. I think it would be great to be able to meet someone who has also dealt with a bipolar spouse and then divorced. It’s really like two people that have lost their spouses and are grieving. Because having a spouse with bipolar is very much like grieving the loss of that person. The grieving process is very real and exhausting. And then you would know what you both went through already and that would be a common meeting point. Another thing that absolutely needs to be started is a support group for kids of bipolar parents. Or adolescents and teens of bipolar parents. These kids need to be able to talk about the mania and how it causes them so much shame and anguish and heartache and real physical symptoms and anxiety. And one more thing – could someone please explain to me why bipolar makes people pathological liars.
Thanks.
What if the person with bipolar disorder never regrets or has any remorse? They have no empathy and never say they are sorry either. So some people with bipolar that have co-occuring personality disorders don’t later regret anything. Is it possible the no regret, no remorse is part of being bipolar?