=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=
Hi,
What’s going on?
How are you.
I hope you are doing well.
You know Michele who works for me,
well, we were talking about how you can
tell who a real friend is, and, well… I’ll
just let her tell you herself:
——————————
“I think a real friend is someone who will
stick by your side no matter what, and
will never hurt you. I know how simplistic
that sounds, but it really is a big deal.
See, I have bipolar disorder. And I used
to go into manic episodes a lot. And when
I would, I would talk. A lot! And to who-
ever would listen, about whatever I would
think of to talk about. It didn’t matter, I
thought I was just being friendly. Very
friendly!
I used to think these people were my
friends. But then I got really hurt by one
of them – she stole my car, $2000 from
my bank account, and some of my
prescription medication.
It was a hard lesson to learn. I really
thought she was my friend.
Here’s the difference. Bill and I were
best friends for 5 years before we got
married. He’s been through all my
episodes with me, manic or depressed.
He has listened to me talk his ear off
when I’ve been manic, and held me when
I’ve cried when I’ve been depressed.
He’s never once taken advantage of me,
even when he had the opportunity to,
many times.
He’s just always been there for me.
Bill would never do anything to hurt
me. Now, I’m not saying to marry your
best friend or anything – our friendship just
kind of worked out that way! But he has
proven himself to be the best friend I’ve
ever had.
It’s been hard to make other friendships,
though, because he’s a hard act to follow.
He’s a high standard to weigh other
potential friends against.”
Michele
—————————–
In my courses and systems, I talk
about having a good support system
and who should go into it; including
friends and loved ones:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
I think it’s important to learn from Michele’s
story. Not to say that everyone should marry
their best friend, of course not!
But that everyone should have a standard that
they should follow in choosing their friends.
Especially with bipolar disorder. That’s when
you know who your true friends really are –
like when Michele said that even in her bipolar
episodes, Bill stuck with her. Now that’s a
good friend.
Your friend,
Dave
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I couldn’t agree more with michele’s story. I also have had a hard time finding true friends
with my bipolar. It has been very hard on my husband,kids& family. I have found a few loyal & true friends.And I thank god everyday for them.
thanks for sharing,JennyH
I really do understand Michele’s Story. My son and his girlfriend broke up again and he has very few friends. They think he is a loser among other things because they do not understand. Unfortunately he has to learn that they are not his friends and that will also hurt him. This has been very hard on me because now he is back home.
I agree sole heartedly with Michele. True friends are not easy to come by these days. And with bipolar (at least for me) I don’t like to be around people. I would rather stay to myself. I have a problem with not only trusting people…People that I do not know and some that I do, scare me. So yes I agree if you have a good friend, a true friend hold on to them and be thankful that they you are loved so much.
My daughter has been hurt so many times by people she cares about who only wanted to use her. Me too for that matter and I believe we are stronger persons for the lessons we have learned. I believe she will be a lot more cautious now when she makes friends with anyone. It took me a lot more years to learn I couldn’t trust just any one but then I only thought I was a depressed alcoholic and now I know I am a recovering alcoholic with Bi-polar, major difference, and I am much more the wiser now. My daughter has known about her BPD since an early age and she has learned at the age of 21 to not be so trusting, but I think her latest friendship with another guy (not romantically inclined), as she saw it, went belly up was the last straw to teach her to be wary of the “nice person, bend over so I can let you have it” syndrome and unfortunately there are more people who want to take advantage of others than there are genuine true friends. Michelle’s story is a sad reality for a lot of people.
Thanks Michelle for your comments. I have 4 really good friends. I had I thought was a good friend, until she showed her true colors. The longer I knew her, the bad times outweighed the good. She started playing head games & talking out of both sides of her mouth. In the end, she really hurt me, and I was devastated by it. Hopefully someone worthy of my friendship will come along, & I can build on it from there.
Thanks again,
Rick
I agree with Michelle mostly but think a best friend can hurt you sometime even to the point of severing the “best friend” relationship. My definition of a “true” friend is one who remains a friend in spite of time and distance and loves you regardless of your shortcomings!
I was reading what Michelle had written, and I too have an amazing husband who has stuck by me through the goog and the bad. H e is so understanding and caring. He’s also agreat big help when he can see the beginning of an episode coming on. I was seeing my doctor who had diagnosed me with bipolar 1, and for some reason his secretay’s said I had misssed too many appointments which really I hadn’t. So, I had to find another doctor and it took me 5 months to get in. This doctor took me off my seroquel and changed it to abilify which was bad. It didn’t work for me , and everything only got worse. When I went and saw this new doctor I was in and out in 5 minutes, no kidding!! I finally had to put my self into the pavillion to get some help. My original doctor was the one to see me. I told him about why I didn’t see him anymore and he was pretty upset and told me he would take care of the problem in his office and for me to come back. I was so happy that I just sat there and cried. He cchanged my meds, and added 2 new ones and I have been myself, the nikki that I know. It is amazing the importance of our medications, talking to some one and sharing how you feel, and having a great doctor who truly cares and takes the time for each and every patient. I feel for those who have such a hard time. I still have to be really careful about alot of things. It’s not always easy,but having someone beside me knows and cares and loves me anyway makes a big difference.
I am going to see a psychiatrist soon.I need t o take an objective approach as to what my diagnosis is. For all i know he could be a quack however the meds that are prescribed xanax and lexipro help my mood swings.To really help another jndividual suffering from depression or bipolar,I must be in a better state of mental health to support my friend emotionally.She is a recovered alcoholic and we have decided to remain friends! Thats good for her and myself.She is a highly motivated individual who is successful and unfortunately widowed.With all that being said I honestly have to keep working my 12 step program to help and benefit her in any way.please dont misunderstand,I wont shut her out of my life.I would like an educated response as to what the good friends at bipolar think!
I tried to support my husband who was diagnosed with BP back in June 07. He was in denial at first and chose to leave me and filed for divorce. I felt I was his only real true friend. He has two so-called friends that seem to give him the time of day when they need money. He is a very smart person and when we were together he had his doubts in these men. I am very heartbroken and wished that it wouldnt have ended this way, but I cant force anyone to be with me if they dont want to. When he had his very first episode, he threw me 5 $100 bills, I could have taken them but I gave them back to him. I had no idea that he was in am episode. I have learn so much from this website, but unfortunately, too little to late. The last time I talked to him, I asked how he was doing he said that better and that his dr. said his bp isnt that bad and he will be cured. Will he be cured or does he want to believe he’ll be cure. I thought there wasnt a cure just you can control it. I
I tried to support my husband who was diagnosed with BP back in June 07. He was in denial at first and chose to leave me and filed for divorce. I felt I was his only real true friend. He has two so-called friends that seem to give him the time of day when they need money. He is a very smart person and when we were together he had his doubts in these men. I am very heartbroken and wished that it wouldnt have ended this way, but I cant force anyone to be with me if they dont want to. When he had his very first episode, he threw me 5 $100 bills, I could have taken them but I gave them back to him. I had no idea that he was in am episode. I have learn so much from this website, but unfortunately, too little to late. The last time I talked to him, I asked how he was doing he said that better and that his dr. said his bp isnt that bad and he will be cured. Will he be cured or does he want to believe he’ll be cure. I thought there wasnt a cure just you can control it. I
My husband was diagnosed with BP in June 2007, the day after he was diagnosed he left. I felt I was his true friend and I was willing to help him. His sister has BP too and she begged him to stay with me claiming that I would be the only one to help him. He refused and filed for divorced 4 months later. I am very hurt, sad and I love him still. At first he was in denial and continue to blame our separation on my son. After months and possibly a little stable I have been able to talk to him, I asked him how he feels and he said much better and that the DR. said that he isnt that bad and he can be cured. Can he be cure or just control? I have asked him to give this relationship another chase and he refuses. He has three so-call friends, they always stand him up, lie, and constantly borrowing money. In the 7yrs I never stood him up, lied or borrow money. But He cant see this in our relationship.
Michele, I envy you for having such a perfect relationship with your husband. Not many people have this nowadays. I believe that a good trusting friendship is the best foundation for a marriage. Having said that, my ex-husband and I were very good friends before and into our marriage, but still it didn’t last. His bipolar is a bit less severe than my boyfriend’s. It’s bad enough though, especially since he refuses treatment.
My boyfriend often calls me his best friend. Right now I am probably his only true friend who will stand by him. I visit him every day in the psych ward and see him gradually improving and coming down to earth level. I believe a good solid friendship is a very important part of any relationship.
I am a mother of a 17 year old daughter how has bipolar II and is in a hypomania episode right now, I would say for about a month and a 1/2 I am unsure how long these last or if there is an average time or just however long they take or what even happens when they come out of one, will she crash and go into depression or what? The reason I am writing in this blog is because of the whole friendship thing, one of the major things that have happen while she is in this state is she has pushed her boyfriend/best friend away a relationship she has been in for two years, and this was the guy that loved her for her and put up with all the ups and downs, has stood by her through everything, he got frustrated with reason but was always there, then to top things off she met a guy and hung out with him twice and on the second meeting had sex with him all the time swearing to me he is just a friend and he has a girlfriend (which he does) well she learned alot about trusting and friends because he only used her and went back to his girlfriend and she went back to her boyfriend only to leave him again in two weeks. Her behavior is scaring me, I found cigarettes in her purse this morning, she has emptied out her checking account, but at the same point she is more active and seems happy most of the time. We went to the dr’s and explained most of this and he adjusted her medicine but its been a few weeks and I don’t see any change, she broke her curfew both nights this weekend this is so totally out of character for her, I even said today, where is my daughter she has changed that much. Okay I got off the subject, my whole point was to say she had that best friend, person she could trust and count on, but since the hypomania kicked in he is the first one she pushed away. Is this typical? Any suggestions on what he or I should be doing, he is at odds ends, because she has done this before actually same time last year, but not to the extreme this time is. I am unsure what to do, I just keep being there for her, but she has shut me out so I keep trying different approaches, we have always been very close and she has always talked to me about everything.
Even when I’m NOT in an episode, I get taken advantage of by many people I thought were friends.
One woman, who lived in the upstairs apartment in my apartment house, took me for buying her an SUV (she said she’d pay me back – eh) and about $20,000 more. Then, there was the “joker” who “borrowed” $25,000 and said he’d pay me back – zilch. I’m now starting litigation to get it back, as I’m in desperate straits and NEED the money.
I didn’t know, when I let that woman in my house, and the other one who lived downstairs, that they were both crack addicts. And crack addicts are GREAT manipulators, especially of someone like me, who was quite naieve in these matters. I don’t THINK I can blame my bipolar on my lack of judgment in giving these people all that money; but I just figured if I were in their position, I would want someone to help me out like I helped THEM out.
There have been many such incidents over the years. My current boyfriend got me to cut ties with these people, and not to lend them ANY money. THAT has saved my checking account!
Of course, it’s not easy to determine, at first, who’s going to be a good friend or not. The “proof is in the pudding,” as they say. Allan has NOT seen me through any major bipolar episodes, but I THINK he would stick with me.
Just hold onto your checkbook, and neither a borrower nor a lender be.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. Please pray for Susan, and save a little prayer for me. Thank you.
I have had my fair share of being taken advantage of. I am more cautious now I have posted about my husband before and what a great support he has been to me. I want to share another email I just got today (amazing coincidence)
Britnie wrote:
To YOU:
I’m writing you today with a heart full of love, smile of joy, and a tear of sincere Thanks!
Three years ago my life changed as I fearfully and doubtfully entered Center For Change. My life had become unmanageable to live alone. I was terrified of people, food, and of life. I had no dreams or hope and felt no love for myself or others. I was completely lost as to who I was and where I was going.
Whether you stepped on board that day with me or have joined in anytime the past three years its YOU Id like to thank! At some point you believed in me when Id given up, taught me something of value, celebrated my successes, cried when I have cried. Many of you may not have been able to or have chosen to not be apart of the life I now live but I still have you to thank!
This past year has been a tremendous year of heartache, disappointment, self discovery, battles, and milestones. I have grown into my own skin learning who I truly am through each experience. The major stepping stones this past year started with a wonderful job I had working as an office manager for a construction company. (I actually worked around all men! Those at CFC surely thought id become a nun just to avoid the male gender. J ) Through that job I learned SO many valuable lessons both in the work filed and the nature of humans when faced with lifestyle differences. That job gave me the opportunity to feel financially stable enough to buy my own car and place to call home.
In February I started a new chapter in life after loosing my job. After refusing to give up and risk loosing my home I started a new job. I now look forward to being a friend and support to those with autism daily. Those I work with refuse to let anything get in their way of what they want. They have taught me so much in the short time Ive been around them.
Today, this very minute is all I have to work with. Its this very minute that counts. I have come to love myself in this moment and give my best effort in all that I do. I may not always love the situation I am in financially, physically, or emotionally but I know If I just do my best things will work out.
Through the past year I have come to really cherish my relationships with family and friends. Its taken a lot of hard work to build relationships again after waisting time on my end being selfish and self distructive. My grandmothers death became a huge wake up call to me on how important life & love really is.
I love meeting new people, going to coffee shops and finding the good in others, joining in political rallies, late night conversations with my roommate or siblings, reading a good book, cooking a new food and having friends over, long walks, inspiring music, sleep over’s with my niece for its an excuse to be a kid, laughing till tears come even though nothing is funny, looking in the mirror and accepting the flaws, giving a hug, and on and on!
If at three years ago you would have asked me where id be in 2008 I would have said greatfully dead. Four months into treatment Id have told you the picture perfect future that was instilled in my brain from others. Today… I will tell you my life is unique and my future is full of endless possibilities. I may have blonde short hair worn in a Mohawk confusing most all of my family but its me. I am a women who has found my voice.
May my journey in life be one that leaves a positive mark on others as yours has done upon mine. Our higher power has a plan for all of us. Whether ours still cross paths now or never again… May He bless you with the ability to learn from the challenges and always celebrate this life.
My best wishes and prayers go out to each of you.
Today is the day! Why wait!
Remember who YOU are! Don’t let it get you down!
I am who I am! Proud to be:
Britnie Lynn
I wrote
Wow Brit! This is so beautiful! Thank you so much for including me in this wonderful email! You have truly inspired me. Thank you for not giving up on me. I am a hard friend to keep because I’m not sure who to trust. You are such a great girl, and I thank you again from the bottom of my heart for including me.
Love,
Sarah
Here is my imput to all those who asked. I am feeling especially…helpful right now. I hope this helps you guys.
Garry, put yourself first. It is great to be there for someone but be careful. don’t let your friend get in the way of your well being.
Conquisd28, no you can not cure BiPolar. But he may mean medications can help (even then it is not always completely managed). It is great that you are still there for him, try not to be too needy and just let him know you’ll be there if he needs you.
Melissa, It sounds like your daughter needs a little tough love. She may need to be placed in a center, or hospital, especially now before she turns 18. She seems to be on a similar manic rampage, that I went on and ended up pregnant and unable to identify the father. That was my wake up call. Lets hope she doesn’t have to experience everything first hand like I did to figure out how to function with BP.
My children are young and it is hard for people to understand their moodswings and some become very judgemental. fortunately the one has a smile to die for and every one loves him (he’s 4 years old) He is still misunderstood but for the most part the blam is put on me like I am a bad parent and don’t displain enough. The 9 year old has 2 good friends in the neboorhood that understands him and I so apprecaite it because everyone needs friends.(He also has a mild form of autism and atachment issues stimed from his abused past. We were blessed with him when he turned 5 years old and has sinced addopted him) They put up with alot with him but they still come knocking and asking if he can play out. They will usually come and get me and say he’s having a moment can you please come and get him. Couple hours later their asking him to come out again.
I agree with Michele 100%. I hate, however, to throw a wrench into this love fest. Here it is. During manic or depressive episodes (if my husband is any example), people suffering with the diorder, tend to throw away their true friends and make “better” new friends.
Recognition of what a true friend is falls into the category of taking ownership of the illness. You can’t tell who a friend is while in the grips of an episode. So we’re back to square one. Treating the illness comes first.
I hope that after treatment has an effect reality has a prayer. Until then reality is seen as an illusion and illusions are treated like reality.
For coquid28, my husband took off to a new state with another woman…after expressing his undying love for me. This is what they do. Sadly, people with untreated bp can’t be trusted…most certainly not with one’s heart. I feel for you and hope that your healing will be shift.
Linda
Sarah,
Thanks for the advice, it is scary that she will soon be 18, and I have been giving some tough love lately, we had a good one last night, and I prevailed for once. We see the dr. next week I want to see how that goes, we saw him last month and he adjusted her medicine but I don’t know that it has helped control the mania, her moods switch so fast, I have a hard time keeping up. This is a big month for her too with the senoir prom, and graduation and she has never been good with change so I think its all really getting to her. Thankfully her ex-boyfriend (who is a god send) is taking her to the prom, partly for me because I at least feel she will be safe, also because he is still so in love with her, and is still trying to stick it out and be there for her because he knows right now she is not who she used to be, the scary thing is who knows how long this could last?