Hi,
How’s your day going?
I was reading this book the other day called “The Strangest Secret.”
I highly recommend that you buy this book.
Even though I am going to tell you what the strangest secret is, I still recommend that you get the book for yourself.
According to this author, the strangest secret is “we become what we think about.”
This phrase means that an individual’s daily thoughts have a strong impact on their actions, which has a strong impact on their lives.
For example, say your teacher in school always told you that you were stupid.
You would go through life believing that you were stupid.
Because “we become what we think about.”
So if your loved one thinks all the time that they’ll never get better, well, then they’ll never get better, because “we become what we think about.”
In my courses/systems, I talk about the power of positive thinking. I know it’s not a new concept, but when applied to bipolar disorder, it can mean the difference between getting better and not getting better.
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There was this study that was done, where one group had mental illnesses, while the other group didn’t.
They didn’t tell the staff working with them what was going on.
What they did tell the staff was that the group with mental illnesses was sane, while the group that didn’t have any mental illnesses HAD mental illnesses!
So guess what happened?
The staff treated the group without mental illnesses as if they DID have mental illnesses, and the group that actually did have mental illnesses as if they DIDN’T have them!
Now comes the interesting part.
At the end of the study, the group that didn’t have mental illnesses to begin with, BELIEVED they were mentally ill, because they’d been treated as if they were.
And the ones who really had mental illnesses BELIEVED that they didn’t have any mental illnesses because they’d been treated as if they didn’t.
So I think what this author said is true: “We become what we think about.”
If you think you’re really smart, you become really smart.
If you think you’re really creative, you become really creative.
If you think you’re beautiful, you become beautiful.
If you think you can beat bipolar disorder, you CAN beat bipolar disorder.
On the other hand…
If you think you’re never going to be as good as anyone else, you won’t be.
If you think you’re stupid, you will be stupid.
If you think you’ll never get better, you won’t.
Remember:
“We become what we think about.”
So it’s really, really important that we saturate our minds with positive thoughts, images and goals so that we can become those things.
You/your loved one NEEDS to believe that you can get better from bipolar disorder so that you CAN!
You NEED to be positive about it, so “You believe what you think about.”
It’s the old, “Look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, ‘You’re a beautiful person” technique, only applied to bipolar disorder.
It’s worked for people without bipolar disorder, so why can’t it work for you?
Try this technique, and let me know your thoughts.
I’d love to know what you think.
Or if you’ve already used it, share your ideas with everyone and how you’ve done it, and how well it’s worked for you.
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David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
You are so right Dave. throw in some Eckhart Tolle and try to stay present, in the positive. Meditation has to help.
David, what you have said is very true, we are what we think of our selves. Our image is made at a very young age in how our parents talk to us, and later in the schools from peers and teachers. I also know that we can change that image as I have done and I can see my son (Anthony), bipolar, changeing now at 35. He is at home with us and staying on him medication and is going to AA and NA meetings no more self medicating. He has gained weight and cleaned up and we are looking far a good half way house so he can get a fresh start in another town. With his past work record in the town we live in he has burn all the bridges and can not find work, so he has been helping me.
I have never given up on change in any form as self help, I see it every day in the people I have dealt with for years. I think it just takes some longer than others to feel they need to change, and a few never do change. Many get to deep into drugs and never find away or support to stop their drug/alcohol problem.
I read your e-mails every day keep up the good work and thanks David. John
I dont know for a long time i kept telling meself that i wasnt bipolar and that the doctors were the ones that got it wrong and i was so posititive about it. it didnt matter depression kept finding its way in and the highs i thought were just good humour and when your so low i forgot what it was like to feel normal so therefore didnt see anything wrong with good. i stiil dont really kno were i stand with the bipolar. i am seeing me gp but still havent gone back to the clinic to see a psychiatrist. i am now embrassed and scared to go back. and at the feel i dont really need to coz i’ve come the other side of a very bad depressive epsoide and the st johns wort seem to have lift me a bit.
Positive thinking didnt make the bp go away
God Bleess amanda
Good Morning David,
What an excellent e-mail this morning from you,
but all of them are so good, I just look forward to
opening up my e-mail and finding one from you.
It is so true what you said, we are what we think,
it brought back memories of when I was growing up
in Minnesota, my Dad would always tell us kids that,
We are what we think, and also another phrase he would
tell us was “You are what you eat” (eat healthy)
Have a great day, I know you always do.
God bless you
Darlene
When I was clinically depressed, all the positive thinking I tried, never worked. I was so DOWN, the only way I could go was “up.” But, as hard as I tried, the chemical imbalance took over, and the bipolar was winning. Until my PCP took me seriously and sent me to the Community Mental Health Clinic, I seriously believed I would never come out of “it.”
The shrink at the Clinic asked me LOTS of questions, and put me on an antidepressant – and in about a month, I could see daylight. “Better living through chemistry,” is my motto!!
Since 1978, I haven’t been clinically depressed to the point that I was back then. Sure, with the deaths of my two husbands, and the loss of several jobs, I was “down,” but never crossed the line to where I couldn’t get out of bed.
My German foreign-exchange student “brother,” left me a card that said, “Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better,” and I BELIEVE it!! I TRY to think positively, and it has stood me in good stead all these years. I’m on a marvelous “cocktail” of meds, and I am stronger for the support I get from others. Posting on this blog has helped me tremendously, to share my thoughts and read the troubles of others. “Help” can come in many forms 😉
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
Dave,
YOUR RIGHT!!!! Sometimes i catch myself going negative and make a conscious effort to stop it…. 🙂 Attitude is crucial and reactions to how we handle certain situations are important as well. Thank you for all you do.
peace and many blessings,
Filiz
Dear David,
Has this worked with your mother?
Sincerely,
Joe.
I agree very much, and have used this technique myself at times, using the affirmation cards technique. The trick is not to try changing too much at one time. It is most effective if you can apply the positive thinking my visualising yourself as the person you want to be. For example, if you want to be fitter, then you visualise yourself doing something that will make you fitter, like riding a bike. You do that AND you may also use the affirmation cards, which you recite to yourself, allegedly best done just before you go to sleep. But I think you take this too far, David. We cannot be whoever we want to be unless we are totally delusional and believe the impossible!
If you think you’re very smart, you become smarter, not necessarily very smart.
If you think you’re very creative, you become more creative, not necessarily very creative
If you think you’re beautiful ….you’ve got a great plastic surgeon!
And if you think you can beat bipolar disorder you ARE delusional and probably have a major episode and may even think you’ve already beaten it and don’t need the meds anymore!
Of course, I jest a bit but there is a serious point which is you cannot become any more of anything than the latent ability to be it within you. You cannot think yourself into being an Einstein if you only have an IQ 90. You might be able to exercise the brain and raise your gain above 100 but you can’t just think yourself into being a genius just because you want to be one. It’s just not realistic and you’ll be in for a great disappointment if you start thinking you will become what is impossible for you to be.
You cannot become really creative unless you have the potential within you to become more creative.
You will not become more beautiful if you think you are beautiful, but you will be happy with yourself as you are.
You are BP, you will always be BP, you will not beat BP. Get used to it, deal with it, move on and be happier accepting this is who you will always be because you can then be more relaxed when you are stable AND
RATIONAL, not looking over your shoulder waiting for the next “attack” but plan in a cool and considered fashion what you will do when it does come back to bite you.
You also have to realise that this kind of “positive thinking” approach requires a rational mind to implement it … and those of us with BP know too well that, when we’re having one of our unfunny turns, normal rational thinking isn’t something we have the patience to handle nor something we’re good at anyway! So, positive thinking of this (or any) kind is useful for people with BP only as a way to rehabilitate self esteem and confidence during recovery. But I would think it must be useful for Supporters at any time, as a tool to maintain self confidence and to strengthen self esteem.
David,
I really appreciate what you do for all of us, people with bipolar disorder and especially our loved ones. I can’t agree more with you and your point of view. We definitely become what we think we are. I still struggling with my own demons inside my head, I get sad (depressed) most of the time, but then when I think I am going to touch the bottom of despair I get up again, and I tell to myself: “Carlos, you can get better, you have the tools, you have people who care about you, you can become a happy guy again”. So, I feel that I can become a better person and a normal and productive individual once again. Thank you David for your words, you have helped a lot of people with your advice and thoughts. God bless you.
Dave: Thought this is a great example of your ‘positive thinking’ message, which (by the way) is a major belief in my religion of choice (Religious Science)!! Hope your day is going well! I’ts a bit long, sorry! Beverly – I am a ‘supporter’ – my Daughter has BiPolar.
Read this – LET IT REALLY SINK IN……
John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, ‘If I were any better, I would be twins!’
He was a natural motivator.
If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, ‘I don’t get it!’
‘You can’t be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?’
He replied, ‘Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or…you can choose to be in a bad mood
I choose to be in a good mood.’
Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or…I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or…I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.
‘Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,’ I protested.
‘Yes, it is,’ he said. ‘Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.
You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live your life.’
I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.
After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.
I saw him about six months after the accident.
When I asked him how he was, he replied, ‘If I were any better, I’d be twins….Wanna see my scars?’
I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.
‘The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,’ he replied. ‘Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or…I could choose to die. I chose to live.’
‘Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?’ I asked.
He continued, ‘…the paramedics were great.
They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read ‘he’s a dead man’. I knew I needed to take action.’
‘What did you do?’ I asked.
‘Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,’ said John. ‘She asked if I was allergic to anything ‘Yes, I replied.’ The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Gravity”
Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.’
He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude…I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. ‘Each day has enough trouble of its own.’ Matthew 6:34
When i could afford counseling, my counselor had me write out “i am good and I deserve to have a good day” and put it somewhere i could see it before i left the house each day. it did help me get off to a better start. Hmmm – – maybe i better try it again!
The book, “The New Brain” has studies that suggest if not prove that watching TV in particular, plus video games, etc., effect the brain’s ability to function with short term memory, mood, outlook on life–I am making a habit to listen more, rather than watch the screen. Even weather graphics can be ineffective if they jump around visually–our brains are not meant to handle quick “sights” constantly. However, the media has driven the fast speaking TV ads, as well as distracted us with two or three things happening–the scroll across the screen at bottom unrelated to the topic we view, or the message we hear by a commentator. The author suggests the media has created an artificial “ADHD” society–frenetic and frantic.
I do talk with myself in mood enhancing statements, based on Biblical phrases, e.g, “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want,;He makes me to lie down in green pastures, He leads me by still waters; He restores my soul; He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name sake…..” Also, another Psalm has “Why are you so cast down, o my soul? Hope in God”….I tell myself, “I am God’s happy child”, or “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” [all things He leads me to do]; or “Be still, my soul, and know God is God [and I am not]; or “I am my Beloved’s and He is mine, His banner over me is Love”….. I do not say a mantra or any nonsensical word to empty my mind, but build myself up in my most holy faith [which He imparted to me and will do to all who ask Him].
This is my stability–on Christ the solid
Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand!
Absolutely true! And it’s a fuss if people try to make you think you’re mad when you’re not!!
Story on the theme
“Chani”
Back in the mists of time, when fire breathing dragons stalked the Earth, when fairies lived at the bottom of the garden and Santa Claus was real, there was a small village on the edge of Norfolk called Denver. This was where the family and friends of Chani lived.
Chani was a happy little girl of 4 years. She had long dark silken hair, a round face, beautiful eyes and a button for a nose. Everyone thought she was very pretty and said so quite a lot; this made Chani feel very embarrassed! Just when she wanted to hide away in her imaginary world, where everything was perfect, someone would break the dream by pointing to her:
“Look at Chani – isn’t she a lovely child – so pretty, so sweet.”
But Chani knew she was no different from all the other children. ‘Adults could be so silly,’ she thought but without knowing just how silly!
Sometimes Chani could be very sad especially when her mummy and daddy shouted at each other. It made her cry to see them quarrelling. She couldn’t understand why they shouted so loudly, why they were so cross with each other. One day she stopped two of her friends from quarrelling and made them be friends with each other again. That made Chani very happy. So next time her mummy and daddy were shouting at each other she tried to stop them.
“Stop it! Stop it!” she commanded, just like mummy would say. Her mummy ran from the room crying and her daddy followed mummy, pushing Chani aside.
“Out of the way, Chani and mind your own business!” he said crossly. And the row continued even louder in another room.
They had ignored her. And worse, she was in her daddy’s way. She had never felt so alone before, not since she got lost in Woolworth’s and thought she would never see her parents again. Now she felt the same again except, this time, she wasn’t lost – she was at home and her mummy and daddy were there, too. But it didn’t feel like she was with them anymore. It felt like they didn’t want her to be with them anymore. Chani felt sick and cold. She sat down in the corner and cried. Why did mummy ignore her? Why was daddy cross with her? What had she done? She couldn’t understand! It felt like a nightmare only this time it was real – she couldn’t wake up from it to be soothed in mummy’s warm cuddle.
Chani dried her tears and thought about what had happened. Mummy had only ignored her before when she was being naughty, and daddy had only been cross with her before when she was naughty. So, that was it – she had been naughty! But she couldn’t remember being naughty. That wasn’t fair! Why should she be punished when she hadn’t done anything wrong? Or, perhaps she had. It wouldn’t be the first time mummy or daddy had been cross with her and said she’d been naughty when she really didn’t understand what she had done that was naughty.
Just then her mummy came back into the room. She was still crying. Chani crept up quietly behind her. She wanted to say sorry for whatever it was that she had done wrong, even though she didn’t know what that was. Chani just wanted everyone to be happy again.
“Mummy…” she called softly.
“Not now, Chani…” her mummy replied, “…I’m busy…” And she kept her back to Chani and started to cut vegetables in the kitchen.
“But mummy…” she pleaded, still wanting to say sorry.
“I said not now!” said her mummy, more sharply.
Chani burst into tears. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” she sobbed. This time mummy turned round, bent down to Chani and hugged her.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry mummy!” she cried again.
“What for? It’s alright. What’s the fuss about?” said mummy.
Just then daddy came into the room, making a cold and fierce draft as he swung open the door. Chani clung all the closer to her mummy.
“I’m going out!” he said angrily. But he stopped for a moment to look at Chani – he saw she had been crying. “What’s up, Chani?” he asked. Chani hid her face from him – she didn’t want to look into his angry eyes because they frightened her.
“What’s up with her?” he asked mummy.
“Oh, what do you think!” said mummy in a cross voice.
Daddy walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him, without saying another word.
________________________________________
Daddy didn’t stay home much anymore. And when he did, he and mummy were often cross with each other. Chani learnt to stay out of the way when they were cross or else they got cross with her; that meant they were cross because of her – she must have been naughty, although she couldn’t think what she had done.
One day, when daddy and mummy were arguing again, Chani suddenly didn’t feel well. She’d just eaten two helpings of ice cream and that was nice. But now mummy and daddy were shouting at each other again her tummy didn’t feel too good. Then, without any warning, it happened – she was sick, all down the front of her dress, over the table cloth, down the dining chair she was sitting on and onto the floor.
“Oh, God!” said daddy. He seemed cross.
“Oh, you naughty girl!” scolded mummy. “You are a naughty girl! I told you you’d be ill if you ate all that ice cream.”
That was it! That was why mummy and daddy were always cross – because she was a naughty girl.
________________________________________
Many years had passed and Chani was now a young woman. A painted young woman in the Dock before the magistrate.
“I see this is not the first time you have appeared before me”, he remarked, eyes fixed on the girl. He continued.
“But this is a very serious crime – an unprovoked assault using a broken glass. You are very lucky that Mr Brooker had the courage to stop you or else the damage to Miss Jones could have been very bad, and you could have been facing a much more serious charge. You have expressed regret but I can’t help feel that expression is more in sorrow that you were caught than for the damage you did to Miss Jones. Nor have we been offered any reason for the assault. There seems to be no explanation for this intolerable behaviour. Before I sentence you, have you anything to say?”
Chani thought for a moment and remembered her Mum and Dad, their scolding faces as clear today as they were when she was a little girl.
“Sorry,” she said, “but I’ve always been naughty.”
Copyright Graham Nelson @ 1982
The idea of speaking to oneself is an age old idea, one the Bible (Old Testament Psalms, for example) uses. In this era, many Christians are (and have been for decades) speaking over themselves as “calling things that be not as though they are”–“This is my Bible, I am what it says I am, I can do what it says I can do, I can be what it says I can be…..” as Pastor Joel down in Houston puts it. It does make a difference in my life as being down and negative was a constant in my life–my speech reflected my moods, and vice versa. Meditating on God’s love and His goodness to all (He works all things together for good to those who love Him….), thinking of the value He placed on all His creation by the death of His Son, raises my head to be looking back with gratitude and humility, and presently working on attitude and actions, with faith in HIs provision and His love poured into my heart, then up ahead with hope and assurance that what He promised He will do–come again for His own.
(Side note, this comment was lost, then found, and it actually was written before the preceding comment I made.)
Honestly Graham, I really don’t think you get the jyst of David’s writings. If you are ugly you will always be ugly(in peoples eyes) but if you think you are beautiful in your own eyes, it gives you a lift and the ability to think positive. If you think you are creative, you can doodle on a junk piece of paper and have the positive attitude that you are very creative. If you think you can beat bipolar, you keep striving for that solution. Your philosphy is backwards. If you think you can’t beat bipolar or at least manage it, then thats when you give up. It may be a disorder that will always be with you but David has always been straight up, and you seem to find a flaw in everything he writes.
It was quite easy to understand what Dave meant to say in tonight’s email. When he doesn’t always find the exact right words to describe it, other people will pick it apart. I’m sure Dave knows very well that you can’t beat (or cure) bipolar, but you can manage and control it. Beauty is a matter of opinion.
Positive thinking, like everything else, works with practice. You have to do it over and over again for it to take effect. You also have to know your limits.
Tjis is so true! That is how my bipolar hasnt beaten me! Thanks be to knowlege and fight! Learn always and try everything to help yourself! Doctors and therapists cant fully fix You< you need to take control and fix yourself! Faith and help from your suport person will help too keep u in check also! Its ur fight and you take control and remember you can beat it! It takes work and studying ur illness. Take the control away from the illness and dont dive up or give in! I now have to teach this to my 12 year old who has this illness just like me! She needs to step up and learn about it and fight and take control. If I can do it so can she! Then all her dreams and hopes will come true!
It is important to be positive but you always have tolive with the fact that you have bipolar and have to live with it. The good times are good you enjoy them and are thankful for them when you have them. The bad sad times don’t last forever and when you are there you have to know the sun does shine eventually. I don’t know about Beating this disease it has its ebbs and flows but it is like a good wine it gets better with age!
Graham: I enjoyed your comment, as usual, and your story.
Jeannie: I’ve been reading this blog for a while, and have enjoyed your input, as well. However, I do feel that Graham understands very well what Dave Oliver is saying (or trying to say). Positive thinking is a lot more difficult and a lot more complicated when you throw bipolar disorder or another mental illness into the mix…. Suzanne alluded to this as well.
When someone is psychotically depressed, saying “I’m beautiful” just doesn’t cut it. I believe Dave Oliver often has a tendency to oversimplify things and doesn’t have the insight into bipolar that many of these bloggers do…
Jeannie and Nightlady
Sorry you think I am being negative in my comments. Ironic or what! But I can take criticism when it is constructive and I’m sure Dave is big enough to do so as well, which is what I try to do WHEN I don’t agree with everything that he may say. Would you rather I kept quiet? I might choose to qualify the message but that’s not being negative is it? What kind of friend is it that always tells you look great when you’ve cabbage on your teeth? What kind of friend is it that leaves you thinking what you think is right when it’s wrong, or the other way around? A bad friend. That’s who. Good friends tell you what they think, try to tell you the truth as they see it and challenge you if they believe you are misguided – they don’t nod along and agree with everything you say or do so as not to upset you. I don’t need friends like that and I don’t suppose Dave does either. I prefer to think I am a better friend to Dave than some of the sycophants who pop up in the blog because I try to show things from the BP survivor’s perspective (at least mine) AND to offer CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. So I hope I am able to balance what HE SAYS AS A SUPPORTER with take on things AS A BP SURVIVOR in a constructive way. Of course we will see things differently for that reason, and just as I learn from Dave I hope he learns stuff from me. I am sure he would be the first to admit that he isn’t the font of all wisdom, and neither am I. But I hope what I bring to the blog helps enrich what he says. All those messages telling Dave how wonderful he is (yes, he’s a good bloke – I agree) they don’t help anyone!!! I mean, what kind of blog would it be if ‘everyone’ were behaving as lap dogs for Dave? Besides, Dave asks for opinions and he gets them from some of us. Only some of us. He gets at least as many, if not more, posts from people NOT offering useful opinions, as he has asked of them – just messages from people who seem to wash his feet and dry them with their hair. That doesn’t help anyone and it sure doesn’t help Dave either. When he asks “what do you thing?” he wants to know what we think! Some of us do just that, others would rather place flowers at his feet, which is not what he is asking us to do.
But perhaps I AM getting the wrong end of the stick with regard to this latest post. If I am Dave, sorry! We Brits tend to take what self-improvement gurus tell us very literally. I once got bitten BIG TIME when we were hit in my bank by one guru’s ideas – the US version of Total Quality Management, which tried to indoctrinate everyone into thinking all they needed was a system to ‘get things right first time …’ Guess what? They didn’t get things right first time. Guess what else? Hundreds, and I mean hundreds, of managers in UK companies and organisations ended up having mental health problems, needing medical psychologist support, because they couldn’t get it right first time, because of that damned US-designed Total Quality Management programme! (Not the US’ finest export …) TQM made people develop unrealistic expectations of what they as individuals could achieve. So, when they inevitably fell short of those expectations their self esteem and self confidence was shot to shreds. It mashed them. Totally. Some of them flipped and a few flipped in front of trains, out of windows and into cars with pipes from their exhausts and through their windows. You get the picture. I have seen way too many people fall down with breakdowns and die just to sit back and watch more of them fall into those traps again. THAT is where I am coming from, AS WELL as from the perspective of someone with BP. Just as Dave has a passion about Supporters, I have a passion about
a) people being damaged by unrealistic self-improvement programmes and
b) about communicating what it’s like to be BP.
So, sometimes, just sometimes, I feel Dave errs a bit too close to those risky self-improvement programmes, and I also think he does not always see things from the perspective of someone with BP – at least, not of my experience of it. Am I wrong in saying so? I also see too many supporters showing precious understanding of their BP loved ones. A lack of understanding can lead to inappropriate “support”, and handling someone with BP the wrong way can ultimately be dangerous for the Supporter and/or the Survivor such they don’t survive! Yeah, I’m passionate about that too because I’ve known a few who have not survived for want of understanding.
Dave and I also share an enthusiasm about trying to help people, by sharing our personal insights, knowledge and experience. They are different, neither of us is a font of all wisdom! But – I believe – our unique experiences are complimentary. Back to the post:
So, maybe I misunderstand what Dave means about thinking yourself really beautiful – it has been said Britain and the USA are divided by a common language! True story – what you call “a flat” is what we call “a puncture” in a tyre (or tire as you spell it.) What we call “a flat” is what you call “an apartment.” There was a bus load of US tourists in Liverpool doing The Beatles Tour. It stopped at the side of the road and the tour guide said “That is where Brian Epstein (the manager of The Beatles) had a flat.” So what did the American tourists do? They took pictures of the road, not the building! As I say – divided by a common language. But I still don’t think it make sense to think yourself beautiful. I don’t think I am beautiful in any respect BUT I don’t care if I am or not. What matters is that I LIKE MYSELF AS I AM. If THAT is what you think Dave means when he says about feeling beautiful, then we are not divided in our views, just in the language we choose to use. Are we? Or do you really think we can look in a mirror and see a beautiful face because we want to see one? I don’t. Mine’s an ugly face but I love it anyway! I think it is more important to love the face you see, any face, than to admire its beauty because it sure a Hell won’t stay beautiful! We get old.
Ditto with creativity. My grandad thought he was a good artist. That didn’t make him one – he painted like a child, not an adult, although he thought he was very good. He was happy with what he did, which is fine, but he would have been damned unhappy if he tried to sell any of what he painted. Hey grandpa, if you ‘think’ you’re a great artist you’ll be a great artist.’ Yeah? Only in his mind! Delusions of grandeur. I paint, I draw, but I’m not a really good artist, and I am not really creative. Sure, I can write fairly well, but I don’t produce many stories or poems and songs. I can’t draw anything original – I just copy! But hey – I don’t need to think positively about that, to become a really good artist because I’m happy doing what I do.
IN OTHER WORDS, in my opinion, what is important is not to think of your self as beautiful or really creative, but to be comfortable in what you look like, in what you feel about yourself, in what you can do … and in what you can’t. To be comfortable with you, with the person who lives in your body. At the moment I am not well enough to work. Does that bother me? Maybe it would if I didn’t have a pension, but I do have one – financially I get by just about. But I have no ambition to get back into employment to become “a success” because I’m comfortable being what I am at this time. I gave up chasing the illusions of success in a career: It’s no more real than the Emperors New Clothes. Real success is about being comfortable with yourself in spite of yourself, in spite of your weaknesses, in spite of your disabilities, of your failings, all that every much as it is about your strengths. Okay, sometimes I rant about the BP, and why shouldn’t I? But more often I joke about it! I laugh at it as I laugh at my deafness, or the sleep apnoea. As for the diabetes, I celebrate the fact that it’s made me change my lifestyle and lose over 140 lbs in weight since August. (Not bad, huh? I dropped from having a 42″ waist to almost 35″, and the beer gut has almost gone. But I digress.)
Look, overall I agree with the point Dave makes in this last post – i.e. that you can change your self image and your behviour by positive thinking. I’ve no doubt about it. I’ve done it. Perhaps I am too hung up about the language he used and maybe I am reading what David has said in the wrong way, but I feel there is in the message some element of unwitting encouragement of false hope. It smacks of that “you can be anyone you want” stuff, which I really do feel is nonsense and encouraging dangerous self-delusions. (Sorry Dave but I do.) Is it so wrong of me to say so? You can think yourself thin and become thin, you can think yourself losing weight and you will lose weight. (I didn’t this time – just took a bit more exercise and eat better food. Nothing radical.) But you can’t think yourself beautiful, and why would you want to anyway? Maybe you have three legs and one eye; so what? All that matters is for you to be happy with who you are, not looking beautiful. I knew a lady whose mother took Thalidomide when she was babe in her womb. My friend was born with flippers instead of legs and feet and a pair of hands that stuck out where her arms should have been. She didn’t go about thinking she was beautiful or that she could beat her disability. She isn’t and she knows it. But nor does she feel sorry for herself. She accepts what she is- seriously disfigured – but she doesn’t care because she likes herself and she respects herself in spite of it all. She accepted who she was, loved who she is and just gets on with life! Feeling she was beautiful was irrelevant to her. She knows she isn’t beautiful by society standards and she knows some people find her repulsive because of how she looks, but she doesn’t bother trying to think herself beautiful because that isn’t important. She can’t beat the disability, she’s adapted to overcome it. She says, I am nort pretty but if people can’t accept me for who I am, they can f### off! (She doesn’t pull her punches!)
That is what I am suggesting. Don’t be looking in the mirror thinking “I am beautiful.” Look in mirror and see someone worth loving, and love the person you see in the window for all their good and bad points.
Now tell me – is that so negative?
This principle was actually written in the Bible long before “The Strangest Secret”! It’s in Proverbs 23:7, “as he thinks, so is he.”
I highly recommend Joyce Meyer’s book “Battlefield of the Mind,” which goes into more detail about how to get control of your thoughts & live a healthy life.
I find that knowing what’s in the Bible is good, but reading it daily has power to change lives. God is bigger & more than anything we can imagine with our mortal minds. It’s worth seeking Him & His Word!
Stacy
Well spotted!
Isn’t it just the way: The World is full of plagiarists but none of them are as good as the real thing! <>
Graham I loved your first story and understood prefectly well where you were coming from. And I loved your arguement in the in the second blog.
God Bless Amanda (Ireland)
Thank you, Amanda. I appreciate you saying so.
Off topic: Irish Gaelic music is amongst my most favourite, having first introduced to it when we (a musical partner and I, called simply “Andy and Graham”) played in support of Clannad in a Yorkshire town called Bridlington. This was in the late 1970s and guess what? They only cost £200 a gig in those days!!! We played for free just to get on the bill.
I do struggle with bipolar, and the breakdowns I have had, have actually changed my life for the better. I have become a much more positive person because of what I have gone through. But having a “good attitude” and thinking positive thoughts has not “cured” my bipolar disorder. I resent people assuming it will, and that if someone does have bipolar, then they are
“not doing enough” or they are “not strong enough”. Recovery from bipolar disorder is a long process; changing thought patterns is definitely one part of it, but that alone will not cure it forever. At least it hasn’t for me…I struggle with deep depressions from time to time and yet I am one of the most positive and optimistic people out there. – Erin K.
To Graham You are very artistic with your words. The basis of my point was inner. Inner beauty, inner strength, inner creativity. I have a big nose, I use to get teased ruthlessly by the other kids in school. I would cry and wish I didn’t have that thing on my face, I was such a tiny little thing and there was this big object right in the middle of my face. One day I told my Father about how intensley I was ridiculed, his words to me was” you will grow into it”. I did. I guess I was relating more to encouragement.
To Graham, Thanks!
To Erin, I hope my post didn’t make you feel that way. I have a husband with deep and long-term depressions as well (un-medicated to boot!) so I know “just thinking right thoughts” won’t usually cure a person with bi-polar….It is a huge help if you can capture your thoughts before they lead to feelings (have you heard of Rational Emotive Therapy?)…God does still heal today too! If we have to go through this life un-healed, at least we can show His strenghth through us as much as possible, and cling to the promise that these bodies & minds are temporary! (I have muscular dystrophy so I can empathize in a different way)
Positive thinking won’t wish away bipolar disorder. For that, I’m positive!
Hi! Dave,
Thank you for all the work you put into your daily emails to all of us.
Currently the person who suffers with BiPolar is fighting everything we as a family have tried. Recently she had to be hospitalized, but it was only for 5 days. It was barely enough to get her stabilized. Of course, other things were tried before this happened.
She will not read your emails. She is angry at us for putting her in the hospital. She is finding reasons to not take her medications, because there are SIDE EFFECTS! Wow! Wish she could see the SIDE EFFECTS of not taking her medications. She wants us to let her live her own life, and right now we are all ready to let her.
I know you have put a lot of time and money in all the research you have done, but we don’t see how we could afford your resources at this time.
Thanks for listening 🙂 D
Keep a log , good drugs bad drugs. I keep track of what has worked for me in the past and what does not work or has bad side effects ie risperdol and my throat closing up or staggering like I was intoxicated. Recently learned that restoril kicks me into a high whereas previously it would bring me down and allow me to sleep. Now it is on my bad drugs list. Ongoing process.
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