Hi,
How’s it going today?
What’s new?
I am actually going hiking today so I have to take off pretty quick—because it gets dark earlier these days. I don’t want to get lost in the middle of the woods at night : )
Anyway, you know, one of the worst parts of having bipolar disorder is going through the depressive end of the mood swing.
It’s especially hard on the supporter, because you feel so helpless to do anything about it but to watch your loved one suffer.
You can’t just tell them a joke and make them laugh and it’s all over. It’s just not as simple as that. Or watch a funny movie with them – even if it did bring them out of it, it would only be temporary.
If your loved one had the flu, you could give them medicine to help them feel better.
But there is no “cure” for their depression.
You can encourage them to do things, but they are fighting a real enemy.
And their worst enemy is boredom.
Boredom causes more bipolar depressions than anything else (notwithstanding the chemical imbalance that causes the mood swing).
In my courses/systems below, I talk about To-Do Lists, which are very helpful with keeping the enemy of boredom at bay, and I show you how to do this:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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Some people are good at making To-Do Lists and keeping up with them. Larger projects can be broken down into smaller tasks.
Everyday tasks can be big accomplishments for someone when they’re depressed.
What’s important is to keep busy, because boredom is the enemy of bipolar depression.
Sitting in front of the television can deepen a bipolar depression.
Even your trying to make conversation with them can make them more depressed.
One woman who was used to gardening as a way to feel productive (which helped her manage her bipolar disorder) found herself getting depressed during the colder months of the year, until she found some indoor plants that she could take care of year-round. This helped her with her depression.
Another woman who struggled with bipolar depression had been an English teacher before her disorder forced her to go on disability.
Because she had been used to being so busy before, boredom quickly set in, and she struggled with depression greatly.
She began tutoring out of her home, which filled up her time, and her depression lifted.
A man who had formerly run a successful auto shop before his diagnosis of bipolar disorder was overcome by bipolar depression simply out of boredom. There just wasn’t enough for him to do around the house, and he felt useless.
Then one of his friends asked him to work on his car in his garage. One friend led to two, and now he is no longer bored nor depressed.
Another man became the head of his bipolar support group and not only plans the monthly meetings, but also plans outings for both those with the disorder and their supporters and families.
In his downtime, he spends his time researching the Internet for new information on bipolar disorder he can share with the group. No longer bored, his depression has decreased.
Another woman became a literacy volunteer.
Yet another woman began volunteering as a school nurse at her child’s elementary school.
And one woman, who struggled with bipolar depression for years, works for me now. She has become a contributing writer to this website and, although she has had a depressed day here or there, has not had a bipolar depressive episode in almost four years.
Boredom is the enemy of bipolar depression.
But if you think of your talents, you can think of ways to use them so you don’t have to be bored, so you don’t have to be depressed.
Read back over some of these examples. These people aren’t depressed any more. They are helping themselves, their supporters, their families, their communities, and other people.
Boredom doesn’t have to be your enemy if you don’t let it.
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David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
Boredom seems to be my enemy. I was fine while I was working full time. I felt that I had some purpose. Now that I have been unemployed since Jan of 07, I have found myself in more financial debt than I have ever been, and have been more depressed than ever. Dificulty in finding enjoyment in the simple things in life. I recently went on a trip to Las Vegas and couldn’t enjoy the trip thinking of the financial debt I have created with my spending habits. My parents are now involved, as I have moved back in with them. The hardest part is the difficulty understanding mental illness for them. Uneducated support is really not support. They don’t understand that the simple task of taking a shower takes much prep. While I have tried to educate them somewhat they don’t understand the chemical component of the d/o. Mental Illness, like diabetes, requires medication to help control. My father asked me a question the other day about my car insurance, and I told him that I didn’t know. “You don’t know anything” was the response that I got back.
My problem is that I tend to try and relieve my boredom by shopping. Shopping fills the immediate boredom phase that I am going through, followed by depressive episodes of stressing about not being able to pay the bills in order to simply survive. We aren’t talking about huge shopping sprees, just a simple 75 dollars at walmart, but when you are only bringing in 1200 a month for yourself and two children, every penny counts.
I think what you say is very true. I worked for 20 years as an RN, and it was very rewarding and stimulating. But eventually my bipolar disorder got the best of me and I was unable to work. I have really wanted to work again, but my therapist won’t even let me use the “W” word. She says that it would be great if I could… but we both know that, if I tried, I’d be setting myself up for failure and shame.
However… I am NOT bored! I am on the Internet for much of the day, and have met many people (some through this blog) who keep me interested, feeling involved, I feel like sometimes I can do some good when my friends are having a hard time, and that, to me, feels productive. They are a huge part of my support system, because they understand me and are very compassionate and kind. I also keep up on the news like crazy; I’m very interested in knowing what’s going on in our world.
I’d like to set a goal for myself to start reading again, to start playing piano again (if my fingers remember how to), and maybe to seriously consider going back to the novel I had been writing.
I am disappointed that I cannot “really” work, but I know I could not be a reliable employee and could not keep up with the schedule as I once did.
But being on disability makes me feel bad sometimes, my lifestyle has definitely changed, and many people in my family (and some others) don’t have a clue about how profoundly bipolar disorder can affect one’s life, and I know they view me as “lazy”, or trying to “live off the system”.
If only they could understand that it is not my choice – I’d much rather be working for so many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that my lifestyle has changed severely (and not for the better).
Still, there ARE things I can do that can keep my mind alert, and while they don’t make me any money, they are necessary to my survival.
I try VERY hard NOT to be BORED. There is ALWAYS something on my “to-do” list, such as doctor’s and therapist’s appointments; working on the computer and answering emails (mostly from friends I’ve met on your blog – some of the most INTERSTING people in the world); doing surveys for cash or points (I’ve eaten free off some of the gift cards I’ve earned); and mystery shopping that advertises over the Internet.
That’s not to say there are times when I just sit and read my gossip magazines that take me to another world that I’m fascinated with. Having once been a professional actress, the “lives of the rich and famous” thrill me, and they’re NOT hard reading. In ten years, I’ve only read ONE novel, and that was a month ago. The meds I’m on make me lose my concentration, so all I can read are the newspaper and my magazines, which don’t take a whole lot of concentration.
Boredom IS a precurser of depression. When one feels “useless and unproductive,” what is there to live for? Fortunately, I’ve only had one clinical depression that lasted for a year (when I was off any med), and I had to work to bring money in. I had just bought my apartment house, and I was VERY busy with work AND the house. I would do my “easy” work at the University, and come home and go to bed. I did little or no socialization during this time, and was VERY enervated; no energy or desire to do anything outside of my work or house. Finally, I went to the Community Mental Health Clinic (referred by my PCP), and was put on Desipramine, and within 3 weeks, was feeling more normal. I NEVER want another depression, so work VERY hard at having “busy work” to counteract it.
Find SOMETHING that interests you, whether it be volunteering (which I cannot do), reading, working on the computer, making new friends – ANYTHING to get you out of the vicious circle of “boredom to depression.” You’ll be surprised at how much better you will feel.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
Unfortunately I cannot agree with you at this time. I am in a major depressive episode right now, and have been unable to get out of bed, other than to go to the bathroom and look after my dogs…for a week. I have not showered, bathed, done laundry, dishes (I’ve barely eaten, and the few times that I absolustely HAD to eat I went over to Tim Horton’s across the street in my pyjamas). And I have PLENTY to do, I’m a student at George Brown College in Toronto for the Social Work Program. I missed 4 days of school last week, I have papers due, studying to do, plus my house looks like a bomb went off.
I AM NOT BORED, but I AM DEPRESSED. FYI.
I suppose it is only fair to tell you that the reason for my depression is my boyfriend left me and told me he didn’t love me anymore. This news hit me like a ton of bricks, and I haven’t been normal since.
Thanks for all the GREAT info! My mom has SEVER Anxiety disorder/Bi-Polar disorder! She lives in an Assisted Living facility! She seems not to want to have the will to thrive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is 81 will be 82 this year! She can’t walk as well as she once did! She seems to be progresivly going down hill since she has been there!!!!! There seems to be NOTHING to say to her or to sugjest!!!!!!!!!! I am ready to QUIT just as she is doing!!!!!!!!! Not sure what to do at this point!!!!!!! Frustrated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dave
my wife decided she wanted a divorce back in march she was diagnosed with codependence but every thing seems to fit in bipolar as well i cant get her to listen or get help or even read books about this i am the enemy and nothing more after ten years of marriage she cts as though i have beaten and and abused her. i am stuck and lost and worried about my children dont know what to do any more and running out of time.
guy
I have struggled with numerous overlapping mental disorders and physical diseases. Bipolar disorder has been the most prominent with over 15 hospitalizations covering two states and three Canadian provinces. Many times boredom has been cited as a contributing factor to my depressive cycle.
With the help of my medical team I began searching for help with my boring life. I decided I needed a hobby to start with. My old pastimes of photography and theatre were quickly ruled out because of combination of Parkinson’s Disease and Fybromyalgia. Then a very dear friend introduced me to scrapbooking. It was not terribly masculine but it did satisfy my creative side and occupied hours of time every week.
After awhile the novelty wore off and once again I searched for something to do. My background was a combination of politics and corporate public affairs. My medical issues brought an invitation to join the Board of Directors for my city’s branch of the Canadian Mental Health Association. I served as a member of the Board for six years and even became Treasurer for three years. Later I was asked to sit on the provincial Board (Canada’s equivalent of U.S. states) as the representative for my region.
I decided to keep even busier by writing poetry. After having several poems published I decided to try a simple book with the poetry based on my Bipolar cycles. It did reasonably well and I am now working on a second book with a similar theme.
I still cycle quite regularly with one or two hospitalizations each year. I work towards a “clean” year as each calender slips by. I am no longer able to sustain a job, not even part time, having been dumped into a very meagre disability pension about five years ago. The upside to the story is that I continue to make in roads to my condition and in many ways I am a more kind and compassionate man than I was before the onset.
I appreciaate the material you send. It has given me some new techniques and bolstered some old ones. Please keep up the work!
Gratefully,
Bill P.
To: Dee Dee
I am sorry for the pain you must be feeling.
I can relate, you sound as if you are at the other end of depression.
Busy building your life, and then a bomb goes off unexpectedly.
You need time to mourn and adjust, and simply take care of yourself.
I don’t know anything about you or your relationship. But from what you have written, I have had my experiences. Where life is busily going along fine (I think), and then something doesn’t go according to my plan.
My priorities were wrong. Then, I felt bad because I missed what was important to me. That kind of depression feels like “burn out”. All I was working for was not even worth it, if I lost what I valued. Then, I would go the other extreme of only doing what I absolutely had to.
Just don’t beat yourself up. Give yourself time to reevaluate your life.
I believe it’s totally O.K. to be where you are. It feels like your dying, but truly it will be a springboard to a better life. You are getting an opportunity to define your priorities for a happier future.
I can’t force you to see it this way. But I hope to encourage you that in looking at my own pain from the past, I can now see I had to have the pain to cause me to evolve. And I am thankful now, that I did.
Knowing how B.P. disorder is, we have to be aware of the extremes we make in our own lives. Finding our own balance, gives us peace. Being truthful with myself and God has and always will set me free, by eliminating self-imposed burdens.
P.S. It is good to take a break from your own pain, by helping someone else. God bless, Vicky
I may be in the same boat as “Guy” above. My husband wont listen to the Dr. He has not been diagnosed with being bipolar but he sure has agressive behaviors, moodswings, says he hates his life, blames any and everything on me. He is intelligent, college grad and 4 years in the service but he has moments were he just says whatever is on his mind, no matter how hurtful or or inappropriate it is and no regard to whom it is to (most of the time me or strangers he may never see again). just tired of it…. we have been married almost 9 years and we have 7 y/o twins. i have two others with us. any advice on how i may get him to seek help or just question the possibility?
Dee Dee,
My heart is breaking for you. You are in my prayers. I look forward to hearing that you are back on your feet. A brighter day will definitely come. He isn’t worth it. You are worth it. God loves you!!!
David: Did you send an e-mail saying you needed help on a bad e-mail you got? I am not willing to give my information out when it says it is from someone else on your behalf. Let me know.
i have only just found out i have bipolar and it has explained alot to me, but it doesnt seem to do the same for my family, they dont understand why i stay in bed till late afternoon to only get up and sit in front of the t.v getting lost in a fictional world. i worked full time as a fitness instructor and loved it after recently losing my job im so bord im 18 but feel i have no reason to be here like im alive but not really living i have a car that i cant pay for and have no money to go out with friends or join a gym i feel like ive lost my way of life and realy dont see a way out!
To: Dee Dee….. I am sure the loss of your friend is very difficult for you to cope with right now….I am sure the “Wound is Deep and Open at the moment” but it will Heal…..The important thing, Dee Dee, is for you to keep LOVING yourself……try to think of your boyfriend’s decison like this “one person out of Billions has decided he does not want to spend the rest of his life with you”(there are 6.7 Billion people on Planet Earth at this particular time) I am sure there are many many people who would love to be your friend, and I am sure many of the Men on Earth would think your ex boyfriend is a very unfortunate person for deciding he wanted to end his relationship with you !!!! So hopefully, you will find now that you have given the wound some time to begin healing, that you are able to get back to your studies and your LIFE….who knows, you might meet your new “Best Friend” tomorrow….but this is not very likely if you do not get back in the game of life. I hope you can plan to clean up yourapartment, and try to concentrate on your studies… have a shower and put on something you feel good in…………….before too long I am sure you will be able to enjoy yourself again !! If you were one of my daughters I would say to you “Sweetie, He really isn’t worth it”….Hope you feel much better tomorrow when the Sun comes up on a New Day for all of us……Please do not allow yourself to sink into a Deep Depression over this…….Take Care, Kathy
I have read your email. I was wondering if anyone has information about starting a support group. David if you do could you send it to me. I am one of those people who suffer from depression. I have been spending 4 days a week in my house. I want to look into starting a group. I feel that I need to find others in my area who have bipolar disorder, I feel like I am alone. I can be happy and then I get so depressed I can’t even bring myself to take my pills. I get into a “it doesn’t matter” mood. I have not been able to work in over a year for medical reasons, and that doesn’t help.
I have a son who often helps, but then I feel like it isn’t fair for him to have to tell me when he sees me changing. He is a teenager, and he is busy getting involved in the local Teen Centre and Volunteering for things like awareness for homelessness and getting other Teens involved in the community. The last thing he needs is to look after me. He has been doing that for years.
I need something to make me feel like I can get support from others more than him. My boyfriend works and lives away so he is not here to help my son. My daughter moved out because the change was to much for her. It is something that alot of people can’t get their head around.
I am not involved with Mental Health in my area, and I need someplace that others will understand me. So if you have any information that you could pass along, I would bve very greatful. Thanks, Paula
To PAULA: It’s only a suggestion, but if you have a local Community Mental Health Center/Clinic, you could go to a case worker, and mention that you would like to start a Bipolar Group, and volunteer to operate it.
If there is no Center, you could advertise either in your local newspaper or Health Department. This shouldn’t cost you any money, as it is a self-help group.
I was involved in a Lithium Group 20 years ago, and got a LOT out of it. Especially when you can have people with bipolar disorder get together and not feel so alone with their illness. I highly approve of your desire to start such a group. Good luck to you in your endeavor.
Dave!
Keep up great work, man! Relentless persistance, that is what you are!
Sincerely,
Lars
David the last couple of your emails arent getting to me till late coz of the time difference here in Ireland whereas last week they were ok. last nites email does make sense but when your really down you just dont want to do anything. Saturday I was really really bad and even my husband got very thick with me and we ended up in a huge row, I spend the day crying shouting I even thumped the hell out of my own chest (not able to catah me breath when finished) trying to show him how much I HATE MYSELF. I’ve 5 kidz and the noise of them was even going through me. I hate myself for putting my family through this pain and thats when you start to question everything about how much is it worth the effort. I did cbt when in hospital two years ago and what you said in your email is exactly what your suspose to do but how to get to that point I dont have the answer to especially when you cant move. at the moment me and the paracetamol have become best friends popping anything up to 10 a day, for the aches and pains, my husband thinks theses pains are in my head, if so why do they feel so real.
11/17/08
Hello Dee Dee!
LIFE MUST GO ON…….If I were you, do painful: but I must have to be thankful because he break me while we are not yet married. Breaking up are so painful with the presence of your children. Rest assured of my prayers. Lorna
You are a genius, Dave! My mother used to say, “You spread yourself too thin!” and “What are you running from?” I always struggled with depression, but thought that was all it was. I knew, though, if I got bored, it would make me more depressed. I have been diagnosed with ADHD which is what my son has along with Bipolar Disorder. It’s hard to concentrate when your in the state of fear….fear of being bored. One of my teachers said, “The opposite of boredom is curiosity!” Always remain curious of life, and one can find something to do, as long as it is constructive. And, Dave, lists have been a life saver for me. I start them every morning with my coffee!!!
I know that this is off the subject, but I feel that I just had to discuss this with someone today. My husband is, I believe, an unmedicated Bi-Polar. He is in a borderline area, where he is not so severe that he cannot hold down a good job, or has attempted suicide yet(That I Know of!) But, as many bi-polar individuals you have discussed, he has mood swings, as he is unmedicated,belittles other people in order to give himself a temporary mood boost(which, of course, dosen’t last long and dosen’t go over in the workplace, even more than it dosen’t go over at home. Other people have unkindly let me know that!), has headaches(possibly from his condition, but he has a bottle of asprin,Tylenol, or Alleve for every room in the house, because I keep finding them in every cubby),has anxiety which causes trouble sleeping,and cannot sleep even with Tylenol, Benedryl, Wine, beer or liquor, boiled milk, and the list of items tried goes on. He does have sleep apnea and has been diagnosed. He has a C-PAK for it,but I know that his problem is not all physical and there is a depressive element to it as well. His C-Pak is not changing his sleep habits much, except that now he has to wear it and instead of exploring the bi-polar option(He has two sisters who are diagnosed bi-polars and both on Zoloft and Prozac, with several suicide attempts between them!) He has elected to have surgery today, which I didn’t know he was having until he told me AT 10:00P.M. LAST NIGHT! Some young surgeon honing his scalpel skills is going to install supports into Ramon’s throat as a procedure to keep his throat open while he attempts to sleep at night, thinking that will cure his problem! I know that I’m no Doc. , but I think that after 2 weeks on Zoloft and some allergy shots, his problemS(plural) would be pretty much cleared, but he won’t hear of it. He’s a prior AF Officer, Prior Rated Flier, and any Mental Health Treatment carries a big stigma to him, although, I suspect that some of his fellow officers wish that he had recieved some form of treatment. He was an exemplary officer,but dosen’t have any personal friends. None that have ever stayed friends with him, anyway.
I am living in the Florida Panhandle (20 miles south of L.A.”LOWER ALABAMA”), and sometimes our healthcare providers do not all follow the same standards,misdiagnose or just want to get surgical hours. I do not know what to do about these problems, because he is an adult, believes or has been convinced that his problem is purley physical, and says I’m to blame for most of his problems, even the sleep disorder! We have three kids and our oldest daughter has been on Zoloft herself, at the age of 16, because she was diagnosed with suicidal tendentcies by a licensed psychiatrist in Ft. Walton Beach. She is now 18, attending UCF, and off the Zoloft, but it helped her immensly. I am convinced that she might have comitted or at least attempted suicide without Zoloft. There was intense interference from Ramon’s family. He was insinuating that there was nothing wrong with our daughter to his family and that I was the real problem. His family was calling up Veronica’s psychiatrist and trying to put him on the spot, mentioning the LAWSUIT word, no doubt. Being that he was a Fighter pilot and the only living son(his brother died of a brain tumor at the age of 13, and they still have very BIG issues) of a Puerto Rican Family, they believe ANYTHING he says without question and his parents and sisters, sadly, are his only friends in this world, besides myself,and that is a rare problem for a retired fighter pilot, as they have met so many different people in their career. At any rate, I’m unsure of how to approach this whole situation. Should I let him do what he’ll do and hope that he doesn’t make a mess of his health, without facing thereal issue, or should Iintervene in some way. As I said, he is an adult.
Just call me “UNSURE OF WHAT TO DO IN FT. WALTON!”
AS a BP supporter for my teenage daughter, I agree with Dave about the boredom issue. My daughter likes to keep her hands busy so she has something else to think about than the depressing negative thoughts that race through her head. She has learned that working with beads has a calming effect for her. She has put together some beautiful pieces that she has started selling and basically started her own business venture. I am glad she is learning to face BP head on as she was only recently diagnosed. I know that what works for one person does not work for everybody but I think it is important to find something you can do to try to occupy yourself while you are getting yourself back on “an even keel.” Thanks, Dave! You have been a great help to us!
Bordome can drive sane people crazy, and for those of us w/ bp we have to learn how to not go crazy on every little thing even beign BORED! I try to keep myself busy doing all kinds of little things all the time, I have projects going like cleaning out closets or making curtains or small stuff like reading a book that i never finished or coloring a picture w/ the kids, I love fuzzy posters! My main problem is when its slow at work, what am i supposed to do to keep myself busy then? i cant color at work, I cant read a book at work, I can only sit and wait for more work to do. I end up searching the web and typing to all of you. That doesnt look good to my boss if he sees me playing on the web but there is nothing elce to do and I have to stay busy!!! i do what I can.
Very, very important examples and very, very helpful letter. Thanks for sharing.
i just moved into a new house and my boyfriend and i got back together after being separated for a few weeks..so i should be on top of the world..but i’m not i am bored. i dont want to do anything..i have no money..i have plenty to do.. i could clean out my old house..walk to the park..hang pictures in the new house..cook..clean.. whatever but i don’t wana do anything..i take deakote and have never felt so normal.. but for me this is BORING.. i sleep now every night and take naps too.. i miss my mania.. i like being wildly productive..staying up all night and blowing them away at work..the only thing i don’t miss is the racing thoughts that drive me crazy.. i think i’ll go off my meds for awhile so i can get something done
HEY EVERYONE. MY NAME IS MARI AND MY BROTHER IS BIPOLAR. I HAVE BEEN DOING SOME RESEARCH AND BIOENERGETIC MEDICINE SEEMS TO BE SUCCESSFULL FOR THIS TYPE OF ILLNESS. IT IS SUPPOSED TO CURE THIS PERMANENTLY AND SUPPOSEDLY YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO TAKE MEDICATION EVER. ONE CAN GO BACK TO HAVING A NORMAL LIFE.
I WILL BE TRYING THIS WITH MY BROTHER. HOPE THIS CAN BE HELPFUL