Hi,
I hope you’re having a great day!
Hey if you are in the United States don’t forget to vote.
Hey, if you are somewhere else besides the US and you are suppose to vote, don’t forget.
We have so many people from all around the world I don’t know what is going on everywhere. So everyone vote if you are suppose to be voting.
This is your reminder : )
Well I got back way late from my trip to New York.
I went to this conference and was showed around by a person who has bipolar disorder that is by far one of the most successful people I know with bipolar disorder. She is actually featured in my Bipolar Mastery System.
She introduced me to lots of people that can help me further grow this organization. It was great.
I am going to be doing another interview with her soon. I’ll keep you posted. She owns a VERY successful company and has been able to be a single parent, manger her bipolar disorder, run her business and handle it in an industry that has MASSIVE change. She is amazing and modest. She is SUPER smart.
So anyway, today I also have a sore throat probably because I have been getting virtually no sleep and the weather keeps changing like 30 degrees in the day.
Okay, so when I was coming back I saw a Teddy Bear in a store. I said, “Hey Anna would like that.” (she is my God daughter).
Anna really likes Teddy Bears.
Just the other day (Halloween), she was holding onto her teddy bear as if it was the most important thing in the world, and it made me think of something.
So what does this have to do with bipolar disorder?
Well, I’ll tell you.
Anna made me think of bipolar disorder the other day because her holding onto her teddy bear that way made me think of how some supporters coddle, or enable their loved ones.
Enabling is when you do things for them that they can do for themselves.
Enabling is one of the things that I teach about in my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
Anyway, I was talking about enabling.
So let me give you an example. Say… medications, ok?
Your loved one is perfectly capable of taking their own medications. But you also want to be sure that they take them, because if they don’t, ell, that’s a BIG trigger to a bipolar episode, isn’t it?
So here’s what one couple I know does:
She (the wife, she’s the supporter) bought her husband a pill box – they’re real cheap, you can buy them at pretty much any pharmacy.
Once a week, her and her husband sit down with his medications and she watches him fill up his pill box for the whole week.
Now, here’s a system he has, which I think is cool.
In order not to get confused (because he is on several medications), once he has filled up each day with one medication, he turns that bottle upside down, so he knows he’s used it. He does that for each medication in order. Then when they’re all turned upside down, he knows he’s done. The important thing is, she doesn’t do this for him, that he does it for himself, or else she would be enabling him. She would be coddling him, just like Anna does with her teddy bear. I guess I should say Teddy Bears because she has a bunch. And you don’t want to do that. However, this is the other part of their system.
And this is the part you CAN be involved in, because you want to be sure your loved one does take their medication so they don’t go into an episode.
In other words, you still want to be a good supporter, while not being an enabler, and not coddling your loved one.
Ok, this is what this man’s wife does, how she makes sure he takes his medication:
They keep his pill box in an open place in the kitchen by the sink.
He takes his pills at the same time every day, so usually she sees him take them. But there are times when, for whatever reason, she doesn’t.
At those times, it is easy enough for her to check if he’s taken them, because all she has to do is open that day’s compartment, and if the pills are gone he’s taken them, and if they’re still there he hasn’t, and she just gently reminds him to take them.
This is a good system that goes to show how you can be a good supporter and help your loved one while not coddling them or being over-protective, and definitely NOT being an enabler (doing things for them that they can do for themselves).
I’m not saying you have to use this system or anything – you can develop one of your own, and not just for medications. I just used this as an example.
The important thing is that you not be an enabler.
If you have other ideas, or systems that have worked for you and your loved one, please share them here, so you can help other supporters.
Has anyone enabled and found it to be a huge problem? Please post some comments.
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
Hi Dave,
I have a 14 year old son who was diagnosed a few months ago with bipolar disorder. Is it considered coddling him if I sometimes hand him his meds so he doesn’t forget to take them? He takes one pill in the morning and one pill before bed and it is usually the pill at bedtime that I do that with…..while he is sitting on the couch watching tv I will go get it and hand it to him.
I have to admit I am an enabler, but that doesn’t mean that the ones with Bi-po of this HH take their meds properly, including myself. My husband and I try, but my daughter decided over a month ago to see how long she can go without any meds at all. Her outcome: 1 foot in the Psych Ward and the other one gliding right on in and the worst part of it is she knows what she is doing to herself!
My son has Bipolar and I have been reading your daily reports that I receive. Some days, I get very scared and can not read these reports, but this one was very good. I think there may be a fine line between being a supporter and an enabler. My son doesn’t believe that he has Bipoler and has decided not to continue seeing his doctor and is not taking his medication. He seem to be doing fine, but is now “depressed”.
As a mother of a 34 year old man, I feel helpless…….
Good idea Dave. When my daughter went on meds I tried not to remind her, nag her so to speak, to take them. Instead, I simply count the remaining pills in the bottle to ensure she took her dose that day. Once I had to remind her, but I never told her I count them, as I don’t want her thinking I’m checking up on her. My daughter is 22 and trying to gain independence. She is a wonderful girl who struggles with depression, brought on by a situation, and then diagnosed with bipolar II. It really has changed my life and it’s good to read your daily emails. Thanks.
Hi, I have been married to my husband for 3 months, and we have been together for over a year now, he has a severe case of Bipolar disorder, were have been through many violent episodes, and I have watched him suffer with servere depression, and manic moments. I am the type of person who wants to take care of people especially the people I love, but I notice if I do try to coddle him he pushes me away like if I say have you taken your medicine today. But when it comes to other things like finances he wants the help to some degree, I am just really coming to grips with this disorder, and reading your daily emails have helped both of us so much. Thank you! I was also trying to find where I can go to when I still have questions about this, because belive I usually need answers on a daily basis. Could you provide me w/ some information were to go online or who to call in my area. Thanks Again.
This comment isn’t about enabling, but a pill keeper is an excellent way to help remember you to take your meds. Since being diagnosed with bipolar disorder a few years ago I have had problems with my memory. I don’t know if it is the illness or my medications. If I forgot if I took my meds I just look at the weekly pill keeper. It helps me not to miss a dose or to take to many. I find my pill keepers at the Dollar Store. They usually have them and cost much less than the pharmacy or grocery store.
Hi Dave! I have been ready your emails daily. They have a lot in common with Alzheimers. But what I really wanted to pass on was for your sour throat try building your amune system up with echinatia & glden seal. To clear up the sour throat use cinnamon capsules. Cinnamon clears up your sinuses, stops your cough reflex, & brings back your voice if you loose it to larynigigis. For diabetics, use tic tacs altoids (1.5 cal each) everyone else cinnamon discs, fire sticks, hot tomales etc. It does make a difference. Tks Patti
Dave,
My Doc started me on the Lamictalorange starter pack and it is makeing me so tired. I take it at 11 at night and I am sleeping for 12 to 14 hours (more if the dog dosen;t need to go out). But have a vary hard time staying awake also.
Is this normal???
Debs
A pill keeper works for me. I get it ready the night before, because I have to take my pills as soon as I get up (7:00 am). It is easy to get messed up when you’re rushing around trying to get ready for work, school or trying to get others in the family ready!
The pill holder is one way I can make my life easier, and I got it at the local dollar store!
I have a established a pattern that when I get overwhelmed, upset, depressed or SUPER MAD, I become impulsive and overdose on my medication in an effort to kill myself.
Since the act is impulsive and I am never able to think for a moment to not to hurt myself, I needed assistance with placing my medications out of my immediate reach.
The idea of a pill keeper is excellent. I get the pills I need for a few days and the bottles are put in a lock box. My mom has hidden the lock box and the key. I have not overdosed since.
This is very similar to what I do with my son. Actually, people can tell that he is the one that does the filling of the meds every week because he knows how many of each one. I actually have to read the bottle to remember which ones he takes and when. I strongly encourage everyone to do something like this. It does help.
Wow…. I just hope somebody cares. I have been having BP for 5 years and the only thing my mom does to see if I’m taking my pills is paying for it. (she doesnt trust me with money…guess why) Every time she goes, she ask the pharmacist what each pills are for… and then she comes back home and say “why do you need these pills. I dont think its helping” when I am off the pills nobody knows.
My good point… I will know myself when I am having an agressive episode and I will seek help myself. the most damage ihave ever done is to destroy objects and myself. (like cut my hair, get a tattoo)
Hmmm Dave, how come you dont write much about mixed episodes? I have that alot…. LIke in somewhere before the normal phase. Is there more info on this anywhere?
guys…I write a blog to tell about myself and my bipolar and how i deal with it. check it at
http://www.my2polars.blogspot.com
This comment isn’t about enabling. I really need help!!! Im dating someone with bipolar disorder. We are been together for 2 years we find out he had bipolar disorder 4 months ago. My question is WHAT I need to do to keep him calm down? He is on medication and now the Doctor is telling him he might not be bipolar that he might have depression. Im the one the see him everyday and see what is going on with. He break up with me and told me that he hated me and that he wanted to be with someone else. Then when I decide to move on he came back and ask me back and told me he was sorry and that he wanted to change. I decide to make it work and yesterday he told me that he doesn’t want me anymore. It is very depressing for me b’cs I cant keep doing this to my self but I love him so much that I want to help him to get better. But how I can be with someone that doesn’t want be with me.
I really need someone advice. Im hurting so much b’cs I really love this guy but I cant keep doing this to me self and I dont know waht to do.
Thank you very much and please help me.
Blessing to you all.
To TRIED THEM ALL: I’m soooo proud of you for figuring out an easy way to keep yourself from accidentally overdosing. As long as your Mom has control over your meds, you CAN’T do any harm to yourself. You have come a LOOOONG way since you first started on Dave’s blog, and you have matured so much. You go, girl!!
As far as medication boxes go: I pick mine up at the Community Mental Health Clinic once a week. I have 5 pills I take in the morning, and 4 at night. With the illness, I used to become confused as to when and how many to take. I pay $1/wk for the nurses to fill the box; however, sometimes even THEY make mistakes! One of the new nurses absolutely FORGOT to give me a week’s worth of my Zyyprexa! Since then, I ALWAYS look through the box to make sure ALL of my meds are in there. Since this can happen to anyone, it’s a good idea to go over which, and how many of the pills you’re supposed to take.
A GREAT email, Dave!
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
David,
I am beyond the point of coddling my husband who has not yet been officially diagnosed with bipolar. Doctors have diagnosed him with depression and then recently with anxiety disorder only because these are the symptoms that my husband admits to having. Anyway I have been going through all of this with him for several years now, and he still refuses to talk about the possibility that he has bipolar. His father has been diagnosed with bipolar and has been suffering for over 20 years now. My husband wants so much to be completely different than his father that he refuses to look at his behaviors and the impact that it is having on me and our four children.
When I said I was beyond coddling him, I mean that I have gone to the other side of the spectrum and now I am so frustrated, tired, angry, and exhausted that I do not want to deal with the symptoms of bipolar anymore. I have tried everything to get may husband the accurate diagnosis and treatment that he needs, I have followed many suggestions that you have given me as well as mental health therapists, and nothing has worked.
I do not know what to do anymore. I just sit back and wait for his moods to change from mania to depression, and then deal with him accordingly.
Anyone have any suggestions?
SUZANNE: Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. You are a very sweet and understanding friend.
I honestly am still having a very difficult time, but have now have a therapist who has been helping me with a lot. He has made the difference.
I still don’t have a job, money is tight, my family is deliberately mean, hurtful and uncaring. Consequently, I feel depressed, angry and sad most of the time.
All of my MULTIPLE suicide attempts have been impulsive, but very INTENTIONAL. I have never overdosed by accident. I have felt so badly that I wanted to die. It is a very lonely and desperate feeling. I have felt hopeless and helpless.
In my comment earlier, I only wanted to point out that I had a serious problem with overdosing. There is no way to stop a person like me from intentionally taking too much medication, other than have someone else closely monitor how much he/she has immediate access to. For me, it was my mother taking the medication in a lock box, thus limiting the amount of medication I can take.
My mom and I do my meds. I get the bottles out and she fills the try. I don’t find it enableing it actucle makes it nice. What we do is that I give her the medication and tell her how many and what thim of day I suppose to take them. I just getting used to all the medication I am on because I was just diagnosed about a year a go. It took them about 4 mouths to get the right combonation of meds.
To Alegria,I am in the very same position you are in.I dated my boyfriend who is bipolar for 7 months and he broke up with me 3 time before the last 4th time and immediatly started telling me about someone new in his life,then after a week or 2 he wants to come back,This has emotionally drained me and this last time I could not trust him enough to want to let him come back.I love him very much and I miss him alot but I won’t tolarate a cheating man bipolar or not.I don’t understand this part and I wish I could give you a better answer to your questions and problems but I don’t have the knowledge about this part either,I some times beleive he would just break up with me and say thoes things to make me go away so he could just withdraw to himself because he was depressed and some times ashamed of the hurtful things he said to me when he was upset but I am not sure….I know he could be the most kind loving,giving man one minute then just turn on me in a split second and be so harsh and hurtful and start talking about other women which has been hurtful to me and cause serious trust issues,After he broke up 3 times then ask me back I did go back and try hard to make it work but the 4th time, was to much for me to handle and every relationship has to be built on a foundation of trust for it to be a healthy one,I did not trust him after the 4th break up and I did not see away for a heathy relationship dating him even though I cared very deep for him,I would do anything thing in the world for him but I won’t be a door matt, and I had to let go for my own santy and happiness.
There is so much about bipolar I don’t understand and I want to understand,maybe someone eles reading this can give me and you both more light on this problem.
I’m sorry I couldn’t give you more positive imput on this but I just want you to know you are not alone and I know what you are going through.
You are in my thoughs and prayers.
Dave you are a blessing from God for all you do for everyone who enters your website.Thank you so much.
I used to feed my teenage bipolar son medicine with water , but sometimes
he used to hide it under tongue and then later spit out the tablets in the sink. Once he admitted the prank , we ensure that he gobbles up the tablet regularly.
This is for Mary, Thank you so so much! First I want to apologize for my writing. Spanish is my first language. Mary I totally understand everything what you are been feeling. Im so devastated. I don’t know what to do. Right he wants me to go away and my friends wants me to go away from him b’cs they dont want me to keep hurting. I put my heart in to this and he dont even care a thing for what I do for him or us.
I got to the conclusion that walking away now that he wants me away and the right time to do it. It really hurts to leave him b’cs I love him so much but he just dont want to try or even give me a reason to stick around.
I been so depress b’cs of it but I have to walk away. I did everything to make this work but he never try. Im not a quitter I always been a Fighter. I lost my mother when I was 18 years old and had to take care of my 13 year old sister. I had to work and go to school and support my sister. I always been the type of person that always try to look every on the positive way but this time I had to walk away for my own good.
Mary thank you very much for you sweet kind words. God Bless you Mary and I will pray for you.
God bless you Dave. Thank you for all you help.
God bless you all.
Hi There! I fill 2 weeks for myself at once. I only have to fill 2 times each month, and then I know what i NEED by writing a post it note… Need Abilify for example and seroquel. Order by…
Ordering is a hard thing for me.
I also add all my vitamins in there. They try to make up for all the”fun” the lithium has done.
I too, HATE to be coddled with this.
CarolSue
Hey Dave, I’m 31 a single parent of 2 my diganoses is Bipolar with Psychotic features,I was given this diganoses in 1998 I was 21 this scared me alot….for the most part I was a normal happy person in 97 my husband died of luekemia and I was sad an depressed like anyone would be when a death occures.I got so depressed and i just couldn’t shake the depressed feeling,well for 6months dealing with sadness and depression,I got so depressed that I slipped into a psychotic episode (in other words I loss the touch of reality, I had an overwhelming feeling of mania an axiety . I was thinking all kinds of crazy things, I had took all my clothes off because I felt anxiety and was hot that i felt like I was suffacating..I thought I was in the Garden of Eden and my grandmother found me naked hugging a tree saying that I was waiting for God to take me!!!! This scared the holy crap out of me because i didnt know what was happening to me.since than ,I had a episode in2004 when my grandmother died at that time I thought the rapture took place but this time I knew this was happening so i felt it coming on so i signed my self in the hosptial …..I just recently had another episode not sure what triggered this one but I felt this one comming on too n went to the hospital ……I hate these episodes cuz I like reality alot better than losing the touch of reality its very scary …i live alone wit my 2 children and i real dont like living alone for the fear of if i were to have an episode i could commit suicide and not know what i was doing …..but now i know what this feels like an when i feel an episode is comming on I make arrangements for my kids and go to the hosptial…..but I take my meds never miss because I know how dangerous my condition is and I love life and my children so much I struggle to stay stable …..but psychotic episodes are very scary I struggle after each one cuz those episodes are a little bit longer to recover from …98 was the worst ,04 was medium and 08 was less scary n i bounced back quiker from….I hope i dont ever get another one …..so people who suffer from bipolar you r defanately not alone because thiers always some on who has it worse out there. I wish i had regular bipolar it would be easier to deal with but i dont so i struggle and dealwith alot.so dave if u have some advice for me it greatly apperciated thanks for this site and emails ……god bless you all!!!!!!