Hi,
I hope you’re having a good day.
I have to take off really quick because I have to go to a conference in New York and there’s probably going to be a ton of traffic. Not to mention it’s raining too. First I want to say something. Soooooooo many people say to me, “I am not like your mom.”
Or they say, “My loved one is not like your mom.”
Listen, my mom was never that bad most of my life. I mean, she was bad sometimes but not that bad before the last major episode.
With bipolar disorder, without a system it can get worse.
The person who never did anything wrong can sometimes turn violent. They are not in their right mind.
Look at this:
Hello David,
Hi my name is Michael, my wife (name omitted) has been speaking to you for a couple years now. I have a question for you, when my son goes crazy and I have to restrain him from hurting others or himself, He will say just kill me and get it over with
it. Have you ever had to deal with that, if so how do you respond, I know my self I go from complete anger to complete sympathy, without him knowing. What would you do in that situation, how do I deal with that statement?
Thanks Mike
————————————————————
First let me say that I am NOT a doctor, therapist, lawyer, financial advisor, law enforcement official, etc.
I am NOT offering any medical, legal, financial or professional advice. But I will tell you this, because it is a fact:
Your loved one CAN become violent, even if they have never been violent before.
Especially if they go off their medication, because, as I said, they are not in their right mind.
You know Michele, who works for me.
Well, her sister had bipolar disorder, went off her medication, threw herself through a plate glass door, called the police and claimed spousal abuse and had her husband arrested!
Another day she told her husband that she had hidden a box cutter in the house and that he better not go to sleep that night, because she was going to slit his throat if he did!
I know this sounds horrible, but it’s true.
Your loved one CAN turn violent, even if they’ve never been violent before.
I said in the beginning that without a system it can get worse. In my courses/systems below, I talk about how you have to have a system:
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What you do is, between episodes, when your loved one is calm and receptive to good communication, the two of you sit down and work out what you would do if your loved one did become violent.
You have to have a system in place, just in case.
I know one couple who did this.
Here’s what they worked out.
They decided that if he goes into an episode and becomes violent, that the first thing she should do is call 911 and the police, so he doesn’t hurt her.
As long as she calls right away, chances are he won’t hurt her, so she can stay to tell the police that he has bipolar disorder, so they won’t take him to jail, they’ll just restrain him and take him to the hospital.
During that time, she is to call her husband’s psychiatrist, to let him know what’s happening, so he can be in touch with the hospital, in case they need his help with medications, etc., or his advice on where to send her husband (what facility, etc.).
Then she is to take all his medications and follow them to the hospital.
See? They have a very comprehensive system that they worked out in advance, when her husband was not in an episode that protects both of them should he become violent.
Mostly, they acknowledged the fact that, even though they didn’t want to think about that fact, and didn’t want to think that it might happen, they still worked out a system in case it should.
Another point, too. They also have a signed Medical Release and Power of Attorney signed by him (when he was not in an episode) that she has a copy of that she would take with her to the hospital in case she ould need to admit him.
This is a very important point, because during an episode, especially when your loved one is violent, you will NOT be able to get his/her signature on one of these forms, and you will be restricted from having access to them and/or their records and/or their care.
There also might be personal things you might need to do, like have access to your bank accounts, that a Power of Attorney will enable you to do. I know it’s probably hard to believe right now that your loved one could turn violent, but with bipolar disorder it’s always a possibility.
Just make sure you have a system in place.
Does this make sense or do you totally disagree?
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Post responses below
It all sounds real good, but when they turn on you they turn quickly!! I just went through it recently. I was hit in the head, chest, both arms and then thrown to the ground and restrained. He was holding me down and yelling………….I couldn’t move and if I could have I was scared to death of what would happen next. Of course it was not his fault, but mine!!! I wouldn’t listen to him when he was yelling at me about a comment, that was made earlier, that made him angry. You say be patient, have a plan, stay calm……………that’s easy for you to say!! Have you been hit in the head with an IRON???? Should I be patient and forgiving one-more-time…..until I’m DEAD???? I think you are “trying” to do the right thing and help, because these people are SICK……………but, I would like to have a NORMAL life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Dave,
Thank You for today’s email about violence. Your right. my problem is I turn all my hate against myself. I have a plan and people that will do what needs to be done in case of an emergence. I think it is good for you to put out this information. Especially for supporters. I think they have the hardest time in some ways. I truly appreciate the people who are real family in my circle. Thank You for all you do!
Dave,
Everything about their plan seems in order except for one thing.
If they call the police, and he harms her in any way before they arrive, HE
WILL GO TO JAIL! The law is not as lenient towards mentally disordered people as may be thought. They do not believe that having bipolar disorder is an excusable reason for violent behavior, especially if a person willingly stops taking their meds. Maybe, instead of calling the police, they should call the local ems department which is accessable through 911 services as well. They have emts who are also trained in restraint techniques, as well as, who are able to administer medications that can sedate the person for transport to the local hospital. This way, they can not harm themselves or anyone else in the process. It is just a suggestion. Sometimes it is better not to get the police involved in a medical crisis situation, their protocol is just not what it should be. They may also want to invest in intervention classes for her. It will teach her techniques to keep him from harming her or himself until help arrives.
With Warmest Regards.
Amanda a bipolar survivor
and a patient of experience
Having the signed paperwork is very important. My mom even tried to revoke the power of attorney when she was in an episode, thankfully all the staff knew she was in an episode and wouldn’t let her. Although after the berating I had received from her I was tempted to tear it up. You see I have lived with my mom’s episodes of various natures since I was quite young, I actually wanted nothing to do with her, when she became almost completely out of her mind I was the only one out of four children who stepped in to take care of her. You have to recognize the oncoming symptoms of an episode and head off the violent attack. Even a seemingly docile old lady will attack.
dear dave i am 66yrs old and i am taking care of my granddaughter she is 20 she has bipolar split persanollity addhd she is a good person until her mental problems kick in then it is ww3 she will call all kind of names sometimes i am not sure how to handle her some of her friend dont help the matter they tell her you r 20 you can do what you want i am almost at my wits end i get mad at her and tell her i am going to boot your bu## out but i would never do that but it is really hard for me sometimes as i help take care of her mom who is deaf and i take care of her grandfather who has been real sick if you could give me some pointer i would be grateful read your emails everyday thank you a grandma who needs help
Hi Dave
I agree with Dep. To have a plan is easier said than done. One can agree that the supporter make a phone call but the person that is getting in the episode are not him or herself in that state so he or she could for instance grab the phone or something like that when the other person try to make that phone call. My solution is also that one should have a plan but the supporter should also think of a backup plan in case the original plan is not working. Then there could also be a backup plan for the backup plan and so on.
Have a great day
You say if ‘people with bipolar go off their medication they may become violent.’ I don’t think that is the only reason. I have ‘episodes’ when I became angry, almost hit two adults and three small children with my car. I did not care about them, only the fact that I was angry with my life. I was NOT off my medication. I still take my medication as prescribed and it did not make any difference.
Deb, I agree with you.
Here is my issue. My loved one DOESN’T believe he has bp. He was diagnosed 8 years ago, but he thinks that b/c he minimized his substance abuse and would show up to appointments hung over, the doctor mis-diagnosed him. So, basically, what I hear him say is that he is smarter than the psychiatrists, counselors and doctors that see him. He has attempted suicide once by overdosing on depakote and an anti-depressant, and recently, he climbed the tree in our backyard and tried to tie our children’s rope swing around his neck until I pulled it out of his hands. My question is this–he has slapped at my hands, grabbed my arms, and he gets very angry – when does he turn his violence to me? We have been discussing divorcing, how will my children be protected if I have to give him visits? What would stop him from stalking me? He does it now when we are married and living together. Why wouldn’t he do it when we are separated? How do I get him back to a doctor, back on meds? He thinks he doesn’t need them. He can be very paranoid. He has been rapid cycling for about 6 months now. What is the end? Where is it? I want a “normal” life, too. But my beloved believes in only 2 options – death or divorce. He has a plan to run away and live on the streets. Does that sound “normal”??
Any suggestions or comments are welcome.
What truly are the statistics on the number of bipolar patients getting violent? My Dr. assures me it is very low. Comments like these make me afraid that everyone is going to think I am dangerous. In fact I never have been. I do everything I can to remain stable and live a somewhat normal life. Please don’t make it worse for us than it already is. Many of us are really TRYING!
When I am in an episode, I used to say things to my loved one like “I’m going to kill you” or something similar. However, I never hit him, hurt him or laid a hand on him. It was just stuff I said when I was in an episode. However, he took it seriously and one day up and left me for saying things like that, even though he knows I would never hurt him. In fact, I have never struck out at, hit or hurt ANYONE in my whole life. It’s just not my nature. But I become quite vocal when I’m in an episode, and am liable to say just about anything.
But it cost me my relationship anyway. So, bipolar sufferers out there, if at all possible, try and watch/monitor what you say during an episode. I know this might be virtually impossible for some, but it was a negative learning experience for me, and I just thought I would pass it on to others.
I am the bipolar person. Let me tell you what’s going on. I assume I am in a different type of episode right now. Usually I am suicidal. I just want to die so this whole episode bullshit is over for everyone. I know what a toll it takes on them. But this episode is different. Instead of being suicidal, I am having homicidal thoughts. They are so scary. I have overdosed the past two nights but it wasn’t enough. I am still here and the thoughts are progressing. Today/tonight I will stab myself through the heart. I Don’t want to say anything to anyone who is usually supportive because they have already said the next episode I Will go to the state hospital. I can’t go there. I won’t. Instead of hurting those closest to me, I will take my own life and pray for God’s understanding and mercy. The plans do not always work. Sometimes, like this one death is best. Yes I do take my meds daily. See my therapist. this is just the one that no one can fix.
how do you convince your love one to be tested to find out wether or not they are dealing with a disorder. My spouse has all of the signals. For the past 9 months Ihave been knocked on pushed down, verbal abused. Everything is always my fault. He goes from acting normal to not acting normal with the blink of an eye. I have been married 17 years and have known him for 20 years. he has never been a violent person up untill the last 8-9 months. The things he get upset about are very small. He has problems remember. Where should I start !!!!!!! I want my normal life back
help!!!!!
I can never call the police here, cause since he had a violent childhood and since hes been violent in the past, the cops around here wont listen to me when I say that he has bipolar and hes having and episode, they just always go ahead and arrest him whether I give them permission or not. They used to send him to the hospital but that was years ago now they just arrest him. So like I said I can never trust to call for help when he has and episode. so do you have any other ideas what i could do before I get badly hurt?
I think you have rathier good information. I really didn’t realize that with the anger. You see, I’m bipolar and I used to always have serious tantrums to where I’d actually strangle my friends and family when they did something slighty wrong. It could’ve been hitting me accidentally when playing ball, or just asking a question one to many times. I beleive when a loved one is in a manic episode and just raging, the first thing you do IS GIVE THEM SPACE. When I get angry that’s the best thing to do with me. Give me time to vent, and think about what’s making me rage. My fiance is also bipolar, so it definately takes alot of strength, patience, and tolerance. It can get REALLY hard at times, to where you just don’t want to do anything but shoot yourself, but always remember that this is just a temporary episode that can’t go on forvever. A person has to run out of energy sooner or later. But, your work shows me obvious things tha I wouldn’t think of at times. My mind gets so mumble-jumble, but when I read your work, it kinda just takes the cloud away. Thanks for trying to help, just remember, no one person can help b/c every bipolar person is different so what works with one, may totally bomb for others.
TO DEB: SINCE NO ONE ELSE HAS WRITTEN I WILL. I THINK TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE OF A PERSON WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER IS COMMENDABLE. BUT TAKING THE ABUSE THAT YOU HAVE IS FRIGHTENING. HELP YOURSELF AND GET OUT! OR HAVE THIS PERSON ARRESTED OR COMMITTED. DON’T GO BACK UNLESS THIS PERSON HAS MADE EVERY EFFORT TO CONTROL THEIR ANGER.
WHY DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE TO STAY WITH THIS?
To BRANDY: Please STOP and think about what you are planning. The overdoses didn’t work, so you’re thinking about an even more VIOLENT way to do away with yourself? Believe me, it’s HARD to stab yourself in the heart; your own BODY will reject that attempt.
Now, to give you some well-deserved advice. I KNOW you’re in a bad place right now, and you feel your anger, directed toward yourself, is appropriate. BUT – you ARE a child of God, and He doesn’t want you to do anything to harm yourself. Call your psychiatrist/doctor/therapist, and TALK it out. Perhaps your medications need to be regulated, or you NEED to go to the ER and get yourself committed. I also know you don’t WANT to go to the State Hospital – NONE of us do. I HAVE been in a State Hospital, but I survived, having weighed 78 pounds (5’9″), and they did an excellent job of diagnosising my problem as being physical, as well as emotional.
God has a plan for each of His children; just because you may have not found out what it is now, doesn’t mean it won’t come to you when you least expect it. Please – don’t cut your life short. I CARE about you; when you have time, email me at: Slmsmc@aol.com, and I’ll be glad to chat with you, really.
I’m NOT set out to “save the world,” only my little place in it. And – you ARE important, to this blog, to Dave, and to me and all the other people here. Please – think about what you’re planning to do, and how it will affect your loved ones. You are PRECIOUS in the eyes of the Lord, and to anyone who cares about His children.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
I have to agree with Jacqueline. I have never been violent in any way and I direct a homeless shelter that serves many folks with bipolar disorder. We’ve had to deal with potential suicides, but I have never seen violence. Even when folks are not on their meds. What is the source for your information? I feel your statements are really off base.
Hi David, you wrote a great email about being violent. But, in my situation, my son gets so violent that he will hurt me if I try to get help or anything else. And he has hurt me many times. He says everything is my fault from a to z. I really don’t like the police because they get so abusive with the person, they don’t seem to try to understand anything about the bipolar person. But back to my son, he is very strong and I have to cower to him or I would get beaten. But I can’t stand the thought of the police getting involved with it and then him getting a police record because of it.
And the place they have his doctors are pretty much useless because they are hardly ever there and it is hard to get a hold of them. I am doing my best to keep him in a good mood, but it is a daily thing of him flying off the handle at least once or twice a day. Sometimes more.
All I can do is just keep on praying to our Lord Jesus. And hope for the best. Keep on writing your work because you are the best ! God Bless You Always,
The best system I have is to get my boyfriend into treatment at the beginning of a manic episode. Now I know what signs to watch out for I would speak to his psychiatrist and doctor to examine him and adjust his meds and admit him if necessary. So he would not get as far into the episode where anyone could get hurt. It scared me a little when I read in today’s email that anyone could get violent even if he’s never been violent before. This confirms the likely reason why my boyfriend is not ready to set up home with me. He probably does not trust himself and his bipolar.
DEE DEE, you sound a lot like my boyfriend. When he was in an episode 6 months ago he said the most horrible things to me, some of them threatening. Then he spent 6 weeks in the psych ward. Afterwards he did not remember much of what he had said or done. When we discussed it he was quite shocked at his own behaviour and promised never to do this again. When stable he is the most loving, kind, funny, sexy, generous and helpful man who could wish to meet. When he is in an episode he is not himself. It’s difficult if not impossible to promise what to do or not to do if you’re not aware of it while you’r doing it. It’s the bipolar demon that’s being horrible not the person. I hope that the next man you develop a relationship with will be more patient and understanding than the last one. Thanks to Dave’s emails and this blog where I learned (and still learning) a lot about bipolar disorder that our relationship is still going and strengthening.
BRANDY, please do not hurt yourself – get help asap! Sign yourself into the psych ward and get your doctor to do tests and adjust your meds.
I agree with Vicky, I agree with you Dave.
I too have an adult son that has been extremely viloent WHILE over dosing himself on his perscribed meds. hE SAYS IT’S BECAUSE THE REGULATED AMOUNTS ARE NOT WORKING.
IT IS VERY DIFFICULT AT TIMES LIVING WITH HIM. but he has nowhere else to go.
He has ran his car into the front of my house. Kicked in the entrance doors because he said his key does not work. Holes have been kicked in the interior walls of my home. Yes, he repairs what he has destroyed BUT I HAVE to purchase the items he has destroyed. He has been in my face threatening to stab me, threatened to kill my 3 dogs, kill my 2 cats and hang by the neck all of my 8 parrots, BECAUSE they are unnecessary and make too much noise or smell.
He has not had any of these manic episodes in over a year but I know one day they will show up again. I just pray nothing like what has gone on before.
During the last blow up ( nice word I guess) = He stated that IF I call the police on him during his “episodes” ; ” I WILL start this house on fire and it will be too far gone before anyone can save it”.
But like I said; he has NOT had anymore explosions, or manic episodes to that degree in over a year. Temper tantrums are so much easier to deal with ! He has stopped taking all meds, stopped seeing his Dr and social worker since starting to attend church and gotten involved with a young lady. Also started working construction jobs . EMPLOYED!! PRAISE be to GOD
I believe God is powerful. I also know we have to have determination and strength to stop abusing ourselves and others. As long as we keep GOD in front of everything, I believe all things are possible.
I still watch for signs and pray for both of us that there will be no more problems.
Thank you. I will get a system in place to prevent any violence.
I will find out the name of the psychiatrist on call, and get my husband on board with a system in case this happens.
I appreciate the information and will act on it.
Paula J.
Isn’t there specific police officers trained to deal with people going through a bipolar episode? Many times, police officers don’t understand mental illnesses and are needlessly abusive and over zealous. If 911 is called for a medical emergency, the police usually accompany the ambulance and rescue units.
I agree that not everyone who is diagnosed with bipolar disorder is not violent. I don’t think that violence should be a characterization of the illness and it stereotypes the community to have fear and false pretentions of those with bipolar disorder.
With my son, during a manic episode, he is usually very angry with the world and if you get in the way of something that interferes with his plans, it can escalate into shouting, slamming, throwing things, causing a scene that would cause any “normal” family or friends to call the police. I have to walk on eggshells during these times just to keep things as calm as possible. I wouldn’t necessarily call it violent behavior but definitely the potential for violence but as with any other illness not all of these behaviors present to everyone.
Thank you all for sharing your comments, I have always felt so alone with my son’s manias because so few understand it. I feel less alone now!
I used to think calling 911 was the right thing to do for help. However, here in the Houston area just in the last 7 days 2 people that went off their meds were killed by the police. The news made a point to say that the police are trained about bipolar but when the man lunged at them they just shot him dead. I personally have bipolar disorder and have had it since 1970, however, not diagnosed until 1986. I am still struggling to find the right doctor to get me on the right medication. I am on medication but I know that it is not the right combination. I am not going to give up tho.
my son is bi-polar,was finally diagonosed 3 years ago,& is on a lot of medications. Is it possible for my 21/2 years old grandchild to be bi-polar? She has severe MOOD SWINGS…different then the ‘terrible two’s’! We have no resorces to see a specialist..as my son is unable to work & is on medicade. How to I find help? Thank you. Her behavior is violent & is increasing.
Yes, people with BP can become violent BUT you supporters must appreciate that your own style of managing your loved one with BP can trigger that violent behaviour. That may not be true of all cases, but it can and does happen. I said this before and I will say it again until I am blue in the face – sometimes someone with BP will just want, just NEED to be left alone to get through what they are feeling at that time. There are times when your “help” is NOT what they want, or what they need, because there are times when the help or comments you will make will serve only to wind them up,. by adding to the emotional turmoil and stress that they are trying to desperately control. I know that when I’m in a mixed episode, nothing should frustrate me, no friendly advice (let alone aggressive or even assertive) advice will be helpful, just thaty all these things will add to the “pain” and confusion I will be trying to handle. And you have to let me, or let your loved one handle it how they want to handle it. It’s their life, it’s their illness. While they propose no risk to you or anyone else leave them alone unless they want your help. However much you want to hekpm, however much you may feel they need your help, if they don’t want it, if there is no risk to anyone else except themselves (according to YOUR assumptions), just let them get on with it: I bet 9/100 they’ll get through those moments all by themselves, which is good for their self-esteem. But if you get in the way of their attempts to handle it themselves, if you frustrate what they want to do by themselves, while not wanting your help, then they will feel you are making it worse, making them feel worse …. and you WILL be making it feel worse. So, it becomes YOU who is the threat to them! If they are fighting to survive but you are frustrating how they want to handle things themselves, of course they WILL become aggressive and – ultimately, if you keep on trying to force your own solutions on them, they will become violent. So you you be violent if someone was attacking you! Well, THAT is EXACTLY how it feels from a BP perspective when you are trying to deal with a crisis, when you need to deal with it by yourself. Evem LITTLE things can get in the way: Some (mosty?) people with BP hate it when they cry. They hiot a bad day and they want to cry but they are managing to hold themselves together. Just then, some well-meaning person says something sympathetic, something nice … we don’t want you to do that to us!!! Never do that!!! Because you know it makes us cry! And we don’t want to cry! Acknowledge we are there – sure, but don’t try to be sympathetic! When I am in one of thse “on-the-edge-of-tears” states I’d rather you told me to f### off than be nice! The spurt of adrenalin that comes with handling an insult makes it easier to prevent the tears from flowing.
And therein is another reason why you may find someone with BP is aggressive. They may want to punch in some adrenalin because – ironically – being angry helps them control the more painful emotions. To stop myself from crying, to stop myself crying, I hit things – mostly walls! I could probably break bricks with a punch from my right fist because I have hit so many walls! It helps me by doing that. Stop me from doing what I think I need, what I MUST do to help myself I may well end up punching you instead of the wall.
Get it? “Yes? Excellent! Just leave me a lone when I want to be left alone and we’ll be fine. No? If you get in my face then watch out because I’ll get in YOUR face until you back off!” That, in a nutshell, is how it often works – at least, that’s how it is for me. (Incidentally, I have not – yet – hit anyone, although I’ve come damned close. I have in mind a strategy – upset me in this way and I must make myself walk out the door until I cool off to a safe temperature. That way I will cool down AND get the space I need.)
There are OTHER consequences, too, as well as innocently provoking violence. IF you as a supporter cannot understand when your BP loved one wants that kind of space, to help themselves without your interference, then that will tell the person with BP that you don’t understand their needs, don’t understand their BP. Bu if you can’t understand them, you won’t respect their decisions. If you don’t respect their decisions, you don’t respect them. If you don’t seem (to them) to respect them, why the Hell should they love you? Why the Hell should they care about you or your opinions, least of all your “good” advice for them?
Look, I am not telling you supporters you have to roll over and do whatever the BP loved one wants you to do but what I AM telling you is that you must – at least try to – put yourself into their shoes, to demonstrate some REAL empathy, so you can see things from their point of view. If you can’t do that, you ain’t helping yourself or your BP loved one, so get out of the way because you will become part of the problem not the solution. And if you are perceived by the one with BP to be part of the problem, then they ain’t going to be nice to you.
Take this on board, Supporters, because it just might save you from harm AND keep your relationship on the healthy side.
Just wanted to add that while some of the bigger cities in the US may have cops trained to deal with Bipolar disorder, where I live here in nowhere ID, Everybody, but Drs, ask what it is and not all the Drs really know what it is. So if you have to call the cops here for a violent situation, it is a domestic violence call and somebody will go to jail! So the only recourse I have when my daughter becomes violent is to drive her the 40 odd miles to the psych ward and pray she doesn’t decide to do something to kill both of us on the way, like jerk the steering wheel out of my hands. She is 22 y/o and she doesn’t have a driver license just because she has unpredictable BP, such as Tried Them All has described.
Jacquelyn:
Thanks for your support!! The only reason I can say that I have stayed is because I truely love this person and know in my heart of hearts that he is a GOOD man. He is a good provider, a hard worker (never misses a day of work) and I know that he does love me. I am working with him and his Dr. to try to get this under control………BUT…….he knows he has ONE last chance. AND it will be over!! I know that I will have to move out of the state I now live in and get as far away from him as I can, because as someone else said…………you either stay and try to survive or you die anyway!!! He won’t let me go freely!!!
To all the supporters out there I encourage you to read what Graham wrote and take it to heart, for he speaks the truth. There was a time when I would try to “help” my hubby thrrough his moments….the end result was he felt suffocated and even more confused which would inevitably lead to violent outburts and physically violence.He describes it to me as such: when his mind is swirling with emotions and is panic stricken in his mind he is thinking” oh god, I must get this under control, I’m going into a bipolar loop.” It scares him he feels out of control. When I constantly “bugged” him, it added to his termoil, now he is thinking, “oh **** not only am I dealing with my crap, now Im upsetting her, oh god I could get to that point where I do something stupid. Maybe she’ll leave me this time. I’ll lose my family etc.” It fueled his fears even more. I am not saying to abandon your loved one….just step back again. For the past year our issues have gone somthing like this: I see that he is getting agitated, maybe even paranoid. I ask him if everything is OK to which he usually replies aggresively”Of course everything is fine, why wouldnt it be? God why wont you leave me alone? Your always bugging me!” This is my cue that he needs his space to which I either leave the house with the kids or start doing something thats far away from him. The kids have also learned that this is his quiet time. Usually he chills out within an hour. But can you imagine if I kept going with it? Or got angry with him for speaking to me as such? I can tell you from experience it would have esculated. Another important point which I say over and over catch a manic cycle in the early stages, watch for the signs.Its not easy and it can take a lot of manipulation on your part. Nothing is ever fool proof, but generally if you know your loved one you will see that they have certain “patterns”. I am in no way trying to minimize anything that anyone is going through or has gone through. Or telling others that anything they have experienced is OK or excuseable.I am just saying this to all of those who choose to stick with their loved ones that there is hope with a lot of work and perseverence.
This site is useful ,people have died ,not being diagnosed for BP being treated for depression with anti-depressants making things worse and triggering psychoses and detachment from reality ,running away for a telephone call and falling from a 5th floor…
Thank you Graham Nelson,you have shared some very important light on what I have been doing very wrong with my now exboy friend,
What you are saying my sense and explains alot to me,
Thank you for sharing with us..Dave Thank you for allowing us to share,about your email topics.
God bless you all,sirviors and supporters.
GRAHAM, SHAWNA, you’re right that patronising (or appearing to be patronising and over sympathetic) can bring the worst out in someone with bipolar. Of course, every individual is different. My boyfriend needs a lot of space and time to himself when he is “down”. I give him that, knowing that if he doesn’t get time to “sort himself out” the stress could throw him into another episode. However, when he is “up” he does not want to be alone. Then it’s him who won’t give you a moment to yourself. The system we have when he is when he is “down” I will leave him to it and know he will contact me when he is feeling better again. Even when he wants to be left alone, he sends me one text every day just to let me know he is ok, so I don’t need to worry. He has been in a depressive episode for a few weeks now. During that time there has been the occasional day or two when he came to see me and was fairly cheerful, and I’m thinking that’s the turn-around at last, but then it isn’t. When he was feeling like this before for more than 2 weeks his doctor would increase the dose of anti-depressants. Since his big manic episode the doctors are reluctant to do this. It’s been 6 months since that episode, but I think he still needs more time to fully recover. Right now he just wants to sleep up to 14 hours a day.
Shawna
You describe this so well! You have even illuminated things that I had not even recognised within myself – thanks for the added insight!
It hurts because I recently realised my odd state of mind and skewed judgment screwed up a relationship I had 10 years ago. There is a sad sense of a missed opportunity and guilt for having caused heartache to a very special lady, one with special unselfish and generous qualities.
With all your contacts, Please send everyone this message. SAVE SOMEONES LIFE. PLEASE CHECK YOUR TIRE PRESSURES EVERY FALL AND SPRING. UNEVEN TIRE PRESSUES CAUSE ABOUT 60% OF ALL AUTOMOTIVE ACCIDENTS, ESPECIALLY IF PEOPLE ARE ON A CELL PHONE, EATING OR DRINKING A BEVERAGE.THE VEHICLES WANDER ALL OVER THE ROAD. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A HEAD ON MVA? I HAVE, PRETTY MESSY. SEND THIS FORWARD. SAVE A FRIENDS LIFE. GOD BLESS US ALL!!!!! KEITH HANSON,WPG MAN.
I am confused between the person who is on drugs and leashes out and the bipolar person who leashes out, there must be something in common with what happens to the conscious reality portion of the brain? I need to do more reading. I am surrounded by bipolar people, they are all different and yet have common traits. My grandson, my daughter, my boyfriend and his son, my nephew and possibly my x-husband. I can’t figure out if my x-husband was addicted to drugs or was self-medicating? I wonder what they labeled bipolar before that word surfaced? Is it a mental imbalance that can happen to anyone given the right circumstances in stress or is it strickly linked with genetics?
Hi, David
I was shocked when I was reading story about your mother. Actually, it’s your story. One thing I can tell you I’m truelly impressed by your courage and your genuine strong love to your mother and your zest for life. You are a man that deserve a great respect. When I read about your mother I couldn’t get rid of the strange feeling that this is exactly my story; every single ditail! Just I can’t bear anylonger all the suffering!… Besides of bi-polar my mother has a tough character and powerfull destructive energy. And so many year of abuse and humiliation from her killed all my love to her. Just resently she assaulted and hurt my feelings too too much… I saw SO much hate in her eyes. Frightening!.. And she knew what a terrible year I’ve had what I’m going through… On top of everything the incident had to happen on my birthday… Even after she never wanted to apologise from me… I know I have to deal with her, I know I have to help her and try to improve our relationship, if possible… But right now I don’t have any desire to communicate with my mother at all!… Perhaps, I’m not a good enough daughter. Anyway I was never good enough for her as long as I remember… It’s tough espessially when you’re all alone… Thank you. With all my respect, Julia
What do I do if the patient (my adolescent son) feigns taking the pill by keeping it under the tongue and later spits it out in the washbasin ?