Hi,
How’s it going?
I want to warn you today about something important.
It’s something that I see too many supporters do.
They are still making bipolar disorder the main focus of their life.
At first, when your loved one was initially diagnosed and you were learning all you could about bipolar disorder, it was your main focus, and that was ok.
But it still shouldn’t be the main focus of your life now.
The main focus of both of your lives should now be stability, or the management of your loved
one’s bipolar disorder.
You have to understand and realize that bipolar disorder is a lifelong illness and you and your loved one will be dealing with it for the rest of your lives.
Still, it shouldn’t be your main focus.
Even though there is no cure, bipolar disorder can still be treated with medication and therapy.
There are other things you can do to help your loved one to maintain their stability as well.
Things that will keep the focus off their bipolar disorder.
Concentrate on your relationship, for one thing.
Remember that bipolar disorder is not what defines your loved one.
You are with them for other reasons.
Your loved one is a person with a unique personality, has interests and goals, and is capable
of living a stable, healthy life.
Surround yours and your loved one’s life with all that life has to offer, not bipolar disorder.
In my courses/systems, I talk about how important a good relationship is to bipolar stability:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
Concentrate on that relationship, and make it the best that you can.
Remember what brought you together in the first place. Don’t make the mistake of Don’t make the mistake of making bipolar disorder the only focus of your lives.
There is so much more to it than that.
You should share some common interests.
Enjoy doing the same things.
I know a couple who when they were dating, used to go to their favorite restaurant and eat strawberry shortcake and drink coffee and talk for hours, and despite the bipolar disorder, they still do it!
What was your favorite thing to do when you were first dating?
Do it again!
Spend time with your children.
Or even grandchildren, if you have them.
Don’t forget extended family, either. Family is important to your loved one’s stability.
A social life is important, too, so they don’t isolate, because isolation is a trigger to a bipolar episode.
And it, too, keeps the focus off the bipolar disorder.
And keep fun in your lives!
Try to think of some fun things to do.
Another couple I know enjoys playing board games, so they do that.
It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or extravagant.
The important thing is that you don’t make bipolar disorder the focus of your lives.
What do you do to keep the focus off bipolar disorder in your lives?
I’d love to hear some ideas.
I might even put them on here!
Post responses below
David,
My first name is Jon but your email that just arrived had as its Subject ‘Cousins, Bipolar Disorder? Don’t Do This With Your Life’. I think it probably should have said ‘Jon, Bipolar Disorder? Don’t Do This With Your Life’?
Mixed up fields in the database maybe?
Regards
Jon (Cousins)
My wife is still committed and now being stabilized on medications. She was diagnosed 16 years ago, we have been married for almost 26 years. She has gone through hypomania many times but stayed on her meds until earlier this year, where she decided to reduce her meds to about quarter dose (Lamictal).
She went into a major manic episode. I agree with what you are saying above, but the issue I am struggling with is the reckless and hurtful behavior she had done while manic. Living with another man, the lying about me, needing to get a restraining order against her…etc etc.
She tells me that she IS NOT responsible for her behavior while she was manic…but it still happened…and alot of it happened to ME. Trying to get back to a “normal” relationship is a struggle…I need to walk through all of this with her…deal with it together, I need to be reassured what was caused by the mania and what was caused by her own personality…they have become blurred through this major episode and also over the years of hypomania which is which.
I have the desire to “get beyond this”….but are struggling…waiting for the meds to get stabilized, then she has to get reintroduced back into the community, then she has to get therapy for herself….then maybe…it will be time for us to work thru these issues to help rebuild our marriage.
I have already gone through 3 months of waiting (most of it continued to be extremely painful and hurtful to me, with lots of nasty things said to me)…and it prob will be another 2-3 months before “we” can talk through the issues.
And hopefully come back to a “normal” relationship where BiPolar is in the background and no longer interlaced with every waking hour.
David, what does a survivor do when their family are major triggers? My family only want what they can get from me, treat me with disdain, no respect, ignore any needs I might have, ignore my birthday, Christmas, Mother’s Day. Yell at me when I ask to use something that is mine that they have taken. Deny me sleep, then complain when I become sick. They all would like to see me back in the depths of depression where they could count on me to be physically present, but mentally and emotionally absent. I know this will never make it to be posted, but it helps to express myself. I am not allowed to ever talk or communicate with others. Thank you David for your letters. It is wonderful to hear that somewhere there are survivors who are loved, respected and enjoyed.
Hi Dave,
I really apppreciate your email today. I have been in some pretty serious circumstances dealing with my niece who also has bipolar and is learning how to stay stable. It isn’t easy, but it does take a lot of time. There is the old stubborn teen age attitude that she knows everything and it is hard to get her to listen sometimes, but I have had a positive influence in her life and it makes me happy.
I like building models, you know aircraft, helicopters, tanks, ships, and used to practice the drums when I had more space for them. I worked several years restoring and old classic 1970 Duster, and have a wide array of music CD’s to listen to. If anyone out there doesn’t know already, you can go to Amazon.com, go to downloads, then MP3 downloads and type in the name of your favorite artist. It will give you a large array of music by them if not their entire collection of music. First you have to download a free program called iTunes which you can google and it will bring up “free download” sites from which you can download the iTunes software. iTunes is a free product from Apple, but works on Windows too. It is the program that plays back your favorite music from Amazon.com and then you can make CD’s with it if you have a CD Burner on your computer, and make a huge compitulation of all your favorite music. I have 5 hrs of music so far. It only cost .99 cents for a song and you don’t have to buy the whole ablum, but you can if you wish in most cases. This can take a lot of your time and it can be very fun! I already have most of the “Bob’s Favorite Hits” from my list and plan to get more…
Well that is what I do for fun. Listening to music can really be a soothing and comforting experience.
Thanks,
Bob
I don’t feel that my bipolar disorder is the “focus” of my life, even though it’s the “Elephant in the Corner” for me, as I struggle through the strssors/triggers in my life, to stay sane.
My MAIN focus is working on my computer. Right now, I have maxed out my emails, so will have to go back to them and delete, delete, delete! so that I can receive others. I had gotten them down to 225, but now they’re up to 1000 again! And most of them are completely useless…:) I have my regular websites that I visit, and occasionally enter sweepstakes and contests. It’s one of the main reasons that gets me UP in the morning!
Right now, I’m TRYING to deal with a 3-week bout of vertigo. Yesterday, I went for “vestibular rehab” at the University, where it turned out I didn’t HAVE that inner-ear problem at all. So – I’m going for another round of rehab tomorrow morning at 11 (stll tooo early for me!), in the hopes that the dizziness will finally go away and I’m NOT walking on eggshells trying NOT to fall!! The medications for vertigo are too strong, and lead to sedation and falling, so they’re out of the question. At this point, I’ll try ANYTHING to get back to “normal.”
For fun, I go visit my older friend, Barbara, who’s really a “kick” to be around. She’s 76, looks 55, and acts 25! She’s an author, a playwrite, and student in a writing class. She wears me out just listening to her litany of how BUSY she is!! But she’s a GREAT born-again Christian, and our prayers together keep me grounded.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors san those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
As a life long person with Manic-Depression, now called Bipolar. This is just something I have to live with. Over the years I have learned that although I did not buy a ticket, I have a lifelong pass on the greatest roller coaster ride ever. I am special. Sometimes I am up and sometimes I am down. There are ways to forget this condition. There are ways to learn to cope and thrive. If you are a survivor, never give up hope! You Will someday, learn to come to terms with this condition. It is a trial and error sort of thing, you and your doctor will have to work really hard at.
Some people are blessed with finding the right drug cocktail right away. Others have to experiment longer, with setbacks along the way. Just relax and realize that this too shall pass. Do not panic! Try to do all the things that help you be well, then relax and try to enjoy the ride. It does stop. There is hope in that. Each phase does end. Sometimes we even get a normal phase where we can accomplish much and strangers would not even know we are bipolar.
Hold your head up! This is not something you asked to be blessed with. Like Diabites, it can be moderated with medication. But, you still have to eat the right foods, avoid things that trigger you, get enough quality sleep, avoid stress and toxic people, get moving (exercise does chase the blues away), take the right medicine (if your medicine is not working, tell your doctor the truth), Do not be afraid of telling the truth about your condition. Even though everyone tends to over react, do they not realise that a day or two of little to no sleep will not kill you or them. If we rush to over-medicate the sleeplessness, we must also lower the dose when lack of sleep is no longer the problem.
Often health practitionors are quick to over-kill hypo-mania and very slow to respond to the dibilitating effects of prolonged intense life robbing depression.
DAVE, You sent exactly the same email yesterday. It doesn’t really matter, as some people obviously got it the first time today. I often wonder anyway, how you can send a different topic every day. I commented yesterday. I’m not very happy at the moment, as I haven’t seen or heard from my loved one since Friday. Someone told me today they had seen him yesterday and commented on how well he looked. I know for a fact he is still not 100%. I give him the space he seems to need, but can’t help feeling upset about our relationship being put on hold. I’m glad I have my kitties to keep me busy right now.