Hi,
How is your day going? I hope well.
Today I’m going to talk about a sensitive topic for supporters of loved ones with bipolar disorder.
It has to do with LYING.
Most supporters won’t talk about it at their support groups or with family because they’re either confused by it or possibly ashamed by it. But, still, it does happen when you’re dealing with a loved one who has bipolar disorder.
It’s really hard dealing with the lying part of bipolar disorder. No one knows why a person with the disorder lies, but it happens when they’re not stable, when there are problems with their medication and/or they go off their medication, or they are in an episode.
Here’s what I’m talking about:
Say your loved one goes into an episode. They say some horrible things to you, but when they come out of the episode, they swear they never said those things to you.
Now you know they did, you truly know they did, because YOU are not the one with bipolar disorder, and you know what you heard. There is nothing wrong with your memory. You are still hurt and smarting from the horrible words that your loved one said.
You may even still feel angry and resentful, if the truth be told.
But still, your loved one swears they never said those things to you. Are they lying? Are they?
Or worse – what if they were angry or even abusive during their episode and did things to you? But now they deny that they ever did those things? Are they lying?
Here’s a true story:
There was a woman who, while she was in a manic episode, she got violent. She screamed horrible things to her husband.
She threatened him with a box cutter. She actually told him that he better not go to sleep that night, because if he did, she would slit his throat that night in his sleep. He stayed up all night.
Horrible, isn’t it?
Well, the story gets worse.
The next day, she threw herself through a plate glass door, then called the police, claiming that her husband did it and had him arrested for spousal abuse!
When her husband came home from jail, she denied any of this had ever happened! Was she lying?
I discuss lying and bipolar disorder in my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
But here’s part of what I teach:
When some people with bipolar disorder go into an episode, they are not aware of what they say and do.
So when they come out of the episode, and you confront them with these things, THEY ARE NOT LYING when they deny them. They really do not have any memory of saying or doing those things!
I know, it’s a harsh reality. But it’s true.
If you don’t believe me, ask your loved one’s doctor or therapist. They’ll tell you the same thing.
This is so very difficult for supporters to deal with, because you are the ones who have to go through this. Sometimes it doesn’t help to know that your loved one isn’t lying. It doesn’t help the pain, emotionally and/or physically.
You still feel hurt, angry, resentful, and other negative emotions. You are expected to forgive them, just because they don’t remember.
And what about those things they said and did to other people? How do you explain them? It’s hard, and embarrassing.
And you don’t feel it should be your responsibility to have to do the explaining. And you know what?
It’s not! One of the things your loved one should be learning in therapy is to take responsibility for their own behavior and what they do/say when they’re in an episode. That includes what they say/do to you and to other people.
Their behavior is NOT your fault! You did NOTHING to deserve it. You need to remember that.
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below.
see above.
I really wanted you to know that this letter was especially important for me. My seventeen year old daughter has never been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder but she shows all the symptoms of being such since she was a little girl. One evening, she had an episode, if I may call it that since she’s not been diagnosed, and she hurt her two younger brothers. Things escalated and she beat both boys and choked one of them. This all happened within 1 minute. By the time I got her phone call saying that she could deal with them anymore, jumped in the car, sped the 30 seconds home, and walked in the door, the whole thing was over but the screaming and denying everything. My daughter was hysterically crying saying she didn’t touch them. “Mom, I didn’t hit them I only pushed them,” she’d said to me.
“Then how, Ashley, do you explain all the red marks on them?” I’d asked her. Both boys had marks on their back, chest, face, and the older boy had red marks around his throat.
I ended up calling the cops on her and now we have to go to the court on Wednesday for her hearing and to set up her probation. She was charged with 2 counts of simple assault and harassment.
I know that she was truly sorry for what took place. I honestly believe that she could not remember what had happened. Until that night I always thought she was lying to me. Thank you so much for every letter!
I’m trying to get her help. I just know she’s bi-polar but it’s so hard to get anyone to believe me. She’s refused treatment so many times that there’s never enough time to make any diagnos(es). Just knowing that there is information out there that can help us is a great relief.
Thank you so much,
Erica
Thank you Dave for an excellent article, all very true. This can also be expanded on – lying about where they are, what they have been doing, taking medication or not, withholding information etc etc. Thank you:-)
Just reading this makes me angry. NO NO NO no excuse. If you must lie, then live alone and don’t get married.
My children’s father is bipolar and how the children and I deal with this issue is we think of him in two ways: there is the dad they know and love who is healthy, and then there is their dad when his illness is in control. When the illness is talking we call his ill state “Garry”. This lets the kids know not to take anything he says to heart or personally… it is a coping skill that has helped us keep things in perspective, and also does not have any negitive effects on their father. It helps us all greatly.
hi dave, i’ve been reading your letters for quite some time now. i live with someone who i believe is bi-polar. his daughter is diagnosed as bi-polar. he shows signs of being bipolar and would NEVER consider going to a doctor for his behavior. his parents know him to have bad behavior in public and has quite an eccentric memory of events. all is embelished. we went to dinner one night and he asked if i wanted to wear his dinner and i calmly replied no and said i was leaving. when we got home everything that i had said he did that night he turned it around and said i had done all those things. now i refuse to go to dinner or any public event with him. i’m tired. i feel i’ve wasted 9 years of my life trying to straighten out his life.
9/08/2008
Hi Dave,
What you are saying about “lying and the Bipolar disorder” is really true, I personally experienced that for eleven years working in the center for mental health.You know what i did if worst thing will happen? I cannot help except to ask for or give an extra attention to their medication. And to have more patience and acceptance of all the worst thing they did, all the damages, embarrassment and pain, then withdraw for a while. After the stability of their mood, treat them as usual treatment.
Looking their situation I felt sorry and I really empathize them, They really need care and love.
Yes as what you have said, they must have to take also the responsibility of their own behavior and that is very important for the process of their healing.
This email is the most important one I have read in a long time. I have three childern and only one of them does and says stuff and doesnt admit to it. He was diagnosed with bipolar disordered and my husband and I are really trying hard to help him to help himself.
My son lies about everything he does that I believe or think he could get in trouble for, I dont understand why he does it. I am frustrated with him and his behavior, but because i love him and hes 9 I try to stay calm and talk to him about what happened even if he doesnt believe me. I know that one day him and I will figure out how to handle his disorder and hopefully he will learn to take responsiblity for his actions.
All some of us have is hope and faith.
This is such a horrible disorder?disease ,and so hard to understand and and is manic depression.His family has dealt with this for a number of years and it is so sad to deal with.The lying is so hard to deal with and the horrible thingsa href=”http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=42159913″>2nd Semester of Spanish, Spanish Love Song</object
my son has bipolar when he goes in one of his episodes, he damages things the last time he broke the computer chair, broke dishes, things set him off, he is having trouble with college. when he is in his episodes he says the same things, and they are very hurtful, but when he is not in his episodes he is a kind person. He is in therapy, and has been taking new medicine for about 3 months now. And the episodes are few and farther apart
barbara
I am so grateful for you, David Oliver. Your words of wisdom keep me going. I have an 18 year old son who was diagnosed as bi-polar in March, however, because he has been addicted to drugs for 2 years, I struggle every day to decide whether it is the drugs or actually bi-polar. (Yes, he’s been in rehab and it didn’t work.) You have amazed me repeatedly as you have described his behavior “spot on” so many times. However, I still sit on the fence, unwilling to accept the diagnosis, praying he’ll quit drugs and it will all end. Today, you were “right on”, again, enough to make me finally want to comment. My son is in jail primarily because of some threats he made to me, which frightened me enough to involve the police. I don’t even know if he remembers. As he sits in jail, I wonder if I did the right thing. In the months leading up to his arrest, he reared back his arm to hit my husband but didn’t, he threatened me 4 times, and 3 times he put his fist through walls in our home. Because he had been stealing from us, we no longer allow him in the house when were not home. The day before he went to jail, he came home during the workday and found the house locked and thus “broke in”. I just don’t know how much a parent is to put up with vs. letting a child go to jail. He’s been in jail for 5 weeks, is only taking seroquel, not the bi-polar drugs, and is calm. Half of me wants him back at home, but the other half thinks he needs to stay in jail so he’ll think a little harder the next time. For now it’s in God’s hands……one day at a time. Thanks again for all you do!
This is such a horrible disorder/disease,and so hard to understand.I have someone i love dearly that has this.He lies all the time and is physically abusive and mentally abusive and his family has dealt with this for a number of years.I am sending this to them so it might give them better understanding.Thankyou so much Cecilia
5 months ago I had to leave a relationship with a woman I had been involved with in a live in relationship for 1.5 years. From the beginning, something would set her off and she would continue to loop the incident (whether it was involving me in the current time frame or some other family member, x-husband or x-friend). Her manic behavior would have her at a rapid fire speech stages where she would exude happiness, and then the next day she would be depressed, anxious and wanting to end it all. This happened over and over again causing me to be optimistic that things were getting better, and cautious that things were deteriorating. I wanted to be loving and to allow my love to go deeper, but the ups and downs of the relationship would render me confused and hopeful/fearful. When I attempted to leave her, she would block my way, grab my bags and keep things that belonged to me. I eventually had to leave the state and move away for fear that something bad would happen, either from her screaming abusive things to me or me snapping under the acute emotional pressure and instability of my emotions due to this up and down existance. My heart would rapidly palpitate often when she would go into an episode and my anxiety level would cause me to break down. I knew she needed meds, but she constantly refused to see a doctor claiming her x had her tested and they determined she was not bipolar. I suspect she was in denial as your articles suggest I was right all along.
Now that I am away from her, I am more at ease and can focus on my life, whereas before, she had consumed all of me helping her with all the things that were wrong with her life, and all the people that had caused her the problems she was experiencing. I never believed all these people could have caused her the problems she had. But I do know she refused to take responsibility for her own life. She had not worked in almost 2 years and had accumulataed credit card debt of over $110000 and was on the brink of bankruptcy and foreclosure. It was always someone else’s fault. Under one episode, she decided to get liposuction at a cost of $7200 and justified it by saying it is something she wanted to do because she was devastated when I had left her. I suppose now she has a new man in her life and I have become another one of the people she continues to blame for her problems. Amongst being bipolar, I suspect she has other deep seeded emotional problems unrelated to our relationship.
Thank you for helping me to understand this disorder and be able to recognize the similarities it has to my personal experience.
G’bless you Dave. Haven’t responded (or read) in quite a while… i wore out, just really wore out. Today’s email was exactly what I needed. On occasion I’m bright enough to say to myself “she’s sick… it’s the damn disease” Sometimes it’s a fine line between being supportive and supporting the negative thinking and actions that keep her from fully “getting” that she has a chronic disease. My daughter is 30 now and the last two years have been pretty much one day of hell after another with brief respite when she “get’s it” and does all the things she needs to. She finally “gets” that without the anti-depressant, she goes into days of deep deep depression; thank g’ness she finally got that one. She avoids her psychiatrist or “forgets” to go; she blew off one therapist and then was feeling good so why start with the one she set up an appointment with when she was in dark depression. Hopefully that will come soon. She hasn’t seen the psychiatrist in months… mutter, sputter. He tells me she wants to move out badly enough, she’ll do what she needs to do.. easy for him to say !!!!! I’m meandering with my words… thank you, thank you.. i so needed your email today, Dave.. and dear Michelle, g’bless you. Nine… good lord, I had no idea it could hit so young.. tho looking back, it kind of fits for my other daughter who totally has it together, just got a huge raise into the corporate ladder. Mysterious, baffling… i guess all we can do for adult children is be a safe place to land.. sigh
This email comes at a time when I need it the most. I believe that my husband is in the middle of a very destructive episode. He has decided that he wants to be alone and doesn’t know what he wants anymore. He has been very hurtful in his words which has caused a lot of damage emotionally to the kids and me. I know he doesn’t even realize everything he says because he admitted to me the other day that he didn’t remember saying something but I know he did. He is on medicine but is having trouble getting into a therapist which I know he needs. I am losing hope as we have been struggling with this for over 15 years now. He wasn’t diagnosed until about 5 or 6 years ago and has had a hard time accepting it. Thank you for your emails as they help me to know that even though this disease is so devestating, there are those who make it and are stable.
My daughter is 28 and I feel she is still 13. The decisions she makes are way off base and she is too compulsive. I have had custody of her son since birth as she didn’t want to deal with the parenting and asked me to take over. I have had guardianship since he was 3 months because of the troubles she has been in and have tried to steer her back in the right direction and get on the right meds. She had stolen and got into trouble. She has pressed charges against boyfriends for sexual assault and then just before the court hearing went in to cancel the charges because nothing happened. She then got herself into big time trouble-facing prison. She had been placed on Probation and was requested to go through an assessment. She moved out to her dad’s out of town. After a few months, I suddenly got a call-her dad had sexually assaulted her. She didn’t want to press charges because she was afraid of him but wanted to move back. She told her counselor and her probation officer the story and was transfered. Well-9 months ago, I joined the state to begin the process of adoption. I was at the end of the process and waiting to set the date. She decided to press charges against my husband for sexual assault. The story she told changed 6 different times and on the police report-5 different times but they arrested him and my grandson was taken away. She then told me she didn’t mean for this to all happen. The day of the hearing, she left voicemail for the DA sayins she was not going through with the hearing she could not testify against him. That same day, she stopped at the house to talk with me and told me she dropped the charges because nothing happened. She then proceeded to tell me she was going to go to court to try and get custody back of her son.
I was the only one she admitted to that nothing happened. She will not go to the courts to tell them she lied because of fear of charges against her. The day she stopped at the house, she asked me how her son was and I told her he was gone. She didn’t know this would happen. Two months went by, and she has called me and asked me how her son is. He has not been returned home yet-she doesn’t comprehend what all happened and the huge trouble she has caused. Although the charges have been dropped, they will not return my grandson. Even with diagnosis, the state is still fighting me and refusing to believe the charges were false. They do not realize the destruction they cause.
storiesmom
With respect, I think you missed the point. Dave was talking about people who do not remember what they did, not that they deliberately lie.
Several points:
1. You cannot be lying if you are not intending to deceive. I.e. if you can’t remember what you did and deny doing it, then that cannot be a lie.
2. All very well saying people with BP must take responsibility for their wn actions, but it would be ridiculous to suggest they must take responsibility for what they have no memory of doing, when it “wasn’t them” that did it, but the BP. I imagine Dave would agree (?)
3. People with BP may often intend to deceive. Why?
a) They may be the kind of people who would lie anyway, regardless of their;
b) They may lie to avoid “confrontation”, to avoid an interactions that would become too stressful for them to handle when they are in the wrong mood. E.g. You park the car badly and damage the paintwork. You tell your husband you didn’t do it – someone in the carpark must have damaged your car. You may tel this lie to avoid the emotional upheaval in having the husband rant on about your carelessness and poor driving. But you don’t need to be reminded of carelessness because you have to face that in yourself so often with the BP that it hurts to even mention it to yourself! You lie because you cannot face any more criticism, becau7se you feel badly enough about yourself already without having an angry spouse pour even more scorn onto your deflated self-image and lack of confidence. Of course this kind of rational isn’t just specific to people with B.P. – it may be true of anyone with problems of self image or who are experiencing emotional trauma and who cannot face even the mildest of criticism.
So, storiesmom, et al, please be not so fast to criticise your partner for lying. They may be lying to protect their emotional balance from being disrupted, from being thrown into a mood swing, by you.
I was married for 28 years. 3 years ago my X was diagnosed as bi-polar We divorced because of his lying. He lied about everything. Things that were silly to lie about. We tried marital therapy. The therapist said they had to work on his lying. He had been lying for a long time and he was very good at it. I tried to stay in the marriage but the lying became too much for me. He was hospitalized for 10 days and fell in love with a heroin addict who was 22 years younger than him. I’m now in the process of waiting for the divorce to be final. My health ( mental and physical ) took a beating . Without him in my life Ihave now found an inner peace. I no longer have to hear those lies. The heroin addict has left him and now he wants me back. I will never return to that life. He was on medication but stopped about 6 months ago. I can’t tell if he is better or worse.
I feel very bad for those of you whose children are bipolar. Terrible disease and you can’t divorce them. God bless you and good luck.
DEAR MR.DAVID
I DONT CARE WHAT PATIENT SAYS ABOUT YOU.
THE MOST IMPORTANT FOR ME WHAT I SAY ABOUT YOU/
YOUR ARE VERY GOOD MAN AND YOU SPEAK HONISTLY.
I HOPE TO YOU MORE SUCCESS.
ABDEL GHAFFAR MALAK.
Hi Dave
You got it in one. Behind my back and while she was in hospital being treated for an ‘episode’, my wife accused me of all sorts, including sexual abuse and assault, none of which was true. Trouble was, the mental health service here in the UK believed her – and as a consequence they kept her under lock and key (unlawfully) and also kept us apart and treated me like a criminal, for a period of some 7 months. But it turned out that while she was in hospital she had been sexually assaulted and seduced by a member of their own staff – not by me. It almost destroyed our marriage. We have fought back by complaining bitterly about the ‘cover-up’ instigated by the mental health service, to hide their wrongdoings. My wife? She was mortified when she found out what she was ‘alleged’ to have said (and probably did) but neither of us forgave the authorities for acting upon what she may or may not have said, without checking what was REALLY going on behind their own closed doors….
David,
When I get angry, it is an intense anger. I’m bipolar and I remember what I said and apologize the next morning. I’d like to learn to manage that anger before it gets to this level.
Caroline M. Neal
This was possibly the best e-mail you have sent in awhile. It is so true that they usually don’t remember what they say when they are in such a state. When they find out what they have said or done (again), it reinforces an already low self-esteem, increases their guilt and then they often end up getting angrily defensive when you bring up the fact that they said or did hurtful things. It takes a lot of unconditional love to experience the painful words someone with Bi-Polar can hurl at you when you have focused so much of your attention and love on them. It would be so great if, when an episode is called to their attention, the Bi-Polar person could apologize and then thank the person for always loving them anyway. My son (he’s 22 and lives at home) usually apologizes. Sometimes he knows when he is saying the things he says, that he shouldn’t be saying them, but feels unable to fight the overwhelming rage to hold the words back. Often, the next day or hours later, he will even come to me in tears of remorse. It gives me the chance to forgive him and restore a little of his self-esteem. His apologizing wipes the slate clean for me. It’s as if he never said the ugly words. I guess it is like when we pray to God to forgive us when we have done wrong. He forgives us. When you love someone immensely, a penitent attitude goes a long way. These incidents do occur if he has missed his medicine or is under considerable stress and when he is sick.
Angela H
my b/f lioes all the time. does that mean that he is always manic? lately hes been leaving a lot for no reason and giving me 2 to 3 different stories when he gets back or the next day when he has an episode he freaks out and never rembers which is fine but he doesnt even have feelings of remorse or guilt for what he did when i tell him about it. and its hard to forget it and let it go but i live w it evryday
For those people that havent caught me at this site let me explain My grandsons name is Tyler. He has lived with me since birth YES his mother lives about 30 miles away . back to our story .Tyler didnt sleep for the first time until the age of 6, He has been in couseling ever since we finally got diagnosed with a peds dr. that finally said hes adhd . I was so upset or mad or shocked Im not really sure to this day But to say the lesst we changed drs. Only to hop from one shrink to yet another. In the mean time Tyler has hit a manic mode and broke 4 of my ribs over a bowl of OATMEAL. There have been so many medicines that he has been in the er 8 times in 2 yrs now we are in 2008 This morning was extremely bad even after all that we have been thru so when it is said that it is a work in progress. DONT EVER GIVE UP.
Caroline M Neal
Find some strategies that work for you. For example, when you feel anger, rather than bust out on the person you are with, walk away, walk a LONG way! Until you are tied. Then go home.
I employ a very effective strategy that’s kept me from thumping my kids when they misbehave.
I have an exhusband who was diagnosed as Manic Bipolar – he is unmedicated. I spent 10 years in a marraige with him & could not take the out right lies anymore or the physical abuse of my oldest son & myself any longer. sadly I had two more wonderful boys with him, & he lied his way & bought his way through the divorce & got custody of those two boys. yes I am fighting to get them back, but the lies just continue, they have become so outlandish & surreal I just do not know where to turn. He has become almost delusionaly parinoid & people believe the things he os saying. I jhust want to scream. I do not understand how people continue to funcction & talk their way out of the lies. I thought for years it was me that was crazy because he would say things & swear he didn’t. Istarted tape recording every conversation we had & when he would say, I did not say that I would play it back to him. Of course I doctored the tape or that is not what was said on the tape & I was hearing things. One day he accused my oldest son of hitting the babaywhile I was at the store. My son had not been home for hours, as he was at his friends house across town & 10 at the time. The final straw was when he threatened to have my oldest put in jail at 13 for hitting the baby, he claimed he had it on video tape, then claimed it was pictures & then they were destroyed, but he was calling CPS & getting this boy out of the house. I could not take it anymore.
Even now 3 years after my divorce I still have to deal daily woth the lies. I have been accused of sending motorcycle gangs after him, threatening him, stealing things from him. His story just keeps changing from day to day & no one wants to see it. Even the judges won’t look at what he is doing.
Can people go through episodes for 15 years straight? He was arrested & plead guilty to domestic violence during the divorce, & now claims to EVERYONE I made false charges & it never happened & he never plead guilty & wa snever arrested, despite spending 5 days in jail. He denies ever hitting me or my son, but swear I hit my son all the time & he saw it. I just do not know what to do anymore.
I have been under investigation 25 times with CPS for the insane stories he makes up about things I am doing to the little ones. he even has them telling the stories & believing them. The latest is that I hold their heads in the toilet when they burp.
Anyone help!!!!!! A desperate mother
my daughter had a particularly brutal episode about 3 months back. drugs and alchahol were involved but i think it was just a rather bad episode that lasted several days…….things were said and done she was charged with attempted assault with a butcher knife among other things. she kept us hostage verbally for about several hours with derogatory remarks and whatnot my other half said it wasn’t her saying those things but her illness(he is bipolar as well, it is under control with meds. ) speaking. when she left it was a feeling of total relieve!!!! then when she came back in she said that she was aware she had said and done some things and that she was really really sorry! it was like she expected us to forgive her because she was sorry!!!!!! i still feel resentful and angry about it ,,,,how do i go on and not feel so angry, she wasn’t lying she knew she had done it!!!! but hey i said sorry so forgive me now!!!! other times she truly didn’t know what she had done or said!!!! she is only 15 and i want her to get her bipolar under control and quit running from it!!!!thanks for hearing my words of frustration…….!
A friend of mine who is in nursing school & working in a psych ward, and whose mom is bipolar told me that the actual chemistry responsible for episodes literally effects/disables the short term memory part of the brain & its chemistry. Whatever courses thru their veins putting them into episode is the same thing that short-circuits their short term memories. Sad but true… and at least that makes sense of the mystery for some bp patients.
i found most of what whs said in the report about lying a wake up calll to the truth of what i believed to be truth in my life for years but at least now have the knowledge to face it head on, Thank you so much for all the fascinating and wonderfull information to get me through this.
This is a no fault illness. Not your fault, not their fault. My loved one became totally different (like an alien inside her) and lied and said such hurtful things to me and to other loved ones. Distancing myself from her has helped. She now is on meds, but only because she was put on administrative/medical leave. She is better, but certainly not back to what she was before the episode. My heart has been broken by this, but I HAVE to move on for myself. She is back with her husband, but not too much with me. At least she has someone who can monitor what is happening. We just never knew what was going on until I did some Googling and began to figure out things. Hang in there…don’t (repeat DON’T) take any blame for anything that was NOT your fault. Understanding the illness is very helpful, horrible as the illness is!
Thanks, Dave, for the things you have done to help all of us understand what has been happening with this illness.
Dave,
I’ve gone through the same thing with my 19 year old son who’s been diagnosed with Bi Polar Disorder.
And the worse thing is that he believes that he’s in the right most of the time, or his version is ‘somewhat’ different. He’s even admit that he doesn’t remomber alot that happened, or he will say that we’re lying about what happened.
This last incident that happened, he was arrested for 2 counts of domestic battery against me and his older brother. His brother ended in the ER due to having his head getting hit with a hammer and one count of battery against a neighber who was trying to protect me. My son bit the neighbor.
The charges were dropped and he’s in a state hospital right now, but I don’t know for how long. The social worker is saying that she’s is working with me to get him into some sort of placement out the home, but I’ve had so many promises made, I don’t know wether to believe her or not.
I honestly believe that he believes the ‘untrue’ stories that he’s been saying about everyone around him and it’s part of the illness, but I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I’m just about burned out from going through this for over 15 years now…
HOW DO I PAY WITH PAYPAL? STILL NO REPLY?
More which does not apply to me. I rember everything, but some letters I type, though that’s due to Alcohol. And medicaly induced Brain Damage.
Hell that’s what the “medication” is for.
Why if it’s so good. does the Judge tell one not to speak if had meds in last 24 -48 hrs.
Why will no Worthless organasm (psych. take it)? Why if it’s so good R all my major organs tested each month? Except for the Brain, as this is the “meds” job, deceribation. KILL without KILLING, Yes it is worse than death. I wish I had NEVER heard or a psychiatrist. @$9000+ or $0. The one @$0 would have to be better, not as condecending…. And there would be NO way one could be worse in any way!
I believe I have Medicaly induced Brain Damage. Yes all the Sickness trade can do is KILL people. It is there PROVEN duity. I MUST SUE… $1 PER BRAIN CELL!
When R all psychiatrists going to be removed from psych. Wards & TREATED? WITH THE MONEY SAVED FROM THERE EXUBERANT WAGES WE CAN FORM A BETTER WORLD, A WORLD WHERE THE MENTAL HEALTH OF ALL WILL BE GREATLY IMPROVED. … EVERYONE WILL BENIFIT. AND THE PROBLEM OF MENTAL HEALTH WILL BE GONE…
Yes WE ALL KNOW the psychiatrist is the DISEASE! YOU CAN PRODUCE WHATEVER YOU LIKE WITH THE RIGHT WORDS, TONE, ACTIONS… AND THEN THEY HAVE DRUGS, WELL I REST MY CASE. WHAT DISORDER DO YOU WANT? CIRTAIN DAMAGE TO THE BRAIN, GIVES SAME SYMPTOMS…
All KNOW THE PSYCH. IS THE DISEASE, & recent “studies” PROOVE” this, check it out Dave.
I COULD GO ON FOREVER ABOUT THE SICKNESS TRADE, & HOW INEPT WORTHLESS IT IS THOUGH I WILL LEAVE NOW. FIND SOME NYMPHOMANIAC. YES THAT IS SUPPOSED TO ALSO BE A PSYCHOTIC ILLNESS. I CALL THEM HEALTHY YOUNG WOMEN?
SAME WITH A CHILD WHO SHOWS SIGNS OF LIFE & BEING A CHILD. IT’S ADD, ADHD, ADDD….. NO THAT IS A CHILD. AND IF THEY ARE GIFTED WITH A SOMETHING, GOOD IT MAY DEVOLOP INTO BIPOLAR! AS WE ARE A LONG WAY INFRONT OF ALL MERE MORTALS.
WHY CAN WORTHLESS FOOLS Drs. Give meth or Dex Amphetimine to Children as young as 2? Yet the same Gear is illeagal to Adults? What does the Kid do anyway that shows he is NOT a KID?
If mine weren’t full of energy, noisy, had the odd fight… I would have them to the Dr.
WHY ARE NONE OF MINE PUBLISHED?
YOU ONLY PUBLISH THE ONES YOU TYPE YOURSELF, ANYONE CAN SEE!
I have taken the time to read and skim through the comments and the majority are supporters of bipolar. I have been diagnosed with bipolar and its hard to deal and live with myself unless the supporters trying to deal with it. I am currently off my meds not really by choice. I am aware sometimes of my actions and hae tapped into knowing when I have these episodes , I have learned a lot of coping skills and my supporters have learned to deal with me by saying all this bipolarism is hard to deal with esp. with the mood swings, crying spells, and so forth. I want to tell the supporters to never give up because everyone has faults its how you deal and cope with it is the real issue. The lying do become stressful.
I believe that, in some cases, it’s a question of character. For example,
domestic violence (and lying about it) goes on all the time for people who do NOT have bipolar disorder, or any other disorder, for that matter.
And I agree with Graham that, if the person is psychotic and unaware of what they’re saying or doing, it can’t be called lying.
In my case, I mostly get the depressive side of the disorder, and I don’t have any reason to lie about that.
Twice I’ve had full-blown manic episodes. I remember some of the things I said and did during those times, but not all. My memory during those times is kind of “fuzzy”. When I got well, I wanted to “fill in the blanks”, so I asked my family or friends, whoever I had been with, what had happened – what I had said, what I had done. And then, since I knew that I “hadn’t been in my right mind”, naturally I believed them when they told me whatever had happened. These were people I trusted. Fortunately, I really had never done anything terrible – most of the time what I had done was embarrassing. If I did say something nasty because of being hyperirritable, I felt terrible about it later, and I always apologized.
So, I guess what I’m saying is that bipolar survivors don’t have a monopoly on “lying”, or violent behavior, or anything else. And each bipolar patient handles their episodes differently (some may deny things they don’t remember, some, like me, believe what I’m told about what I said or did and feel badly about it – and always apologize.
Everyone’s experience is different. And, again, there are many people who do NOT have bipolar disorder who lie, deceieve, steal, or become violent.
Dave,
You are saying that people in episodes do not remember what they say and did.
Is this phenomonon like temporary insanity? Will watch with interest for your answer.
In regards to today’s email about the bipolar person not remembering what they did in an episode – I, unfortunately, remember EVERYTHING I did/said in a manic episode. Once, I tried to run down my brother witih my car! I almost slapped my Mother when she swore at my therapist over the phone…this is a hard disorder to deal with when you’re aware of all the BAD you do when you’re not in touch with reality.
Most of the “lies” I told were part of my religious “delusions.” I firmly believed that my surgeon was my biological father – and proceeded to tell other doctors who visited the psychiatric ward the whole story. “Believing” the delusions is a symptom of the illness; and they can get you in some BAD trouble.
Yes – I regret and asked forgiveness for my actions. But – I did NOT like to be reminded of them. They humiliated me, and I lost my self-respect and confidence because of them. It has taken nearly 30 years to get where I am now – becoming responsible and accountable for my actions – and I feel nearly “normal,” whatever that is. I make my own decisions, and deal with the cards as they are dealt. My IRS problem was NOT mine – my CPA failed to file. My lawyer says I have no recourse against her, because it would be her word against mine – and I’m “mentally ill.”
“It ain’t easy being green,” as Kermit would say. I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t. I just have to follow all the directions of the IRS, and “eat it.”
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
9/09/2008
Hi Rob,
May I suggest, please transfer your wife to another psych ward, that is mostly trustful to take care of their clients. ASAP… Am worried of your wife.
Lorna.. happyhomemaramag@yahoo.com
Hi Dave….
thank you for this post. it was the best one i have read in a while.
about two months ago, my husband(who is bipolar) was hospitalized
for the first time in 15 years. He refused to go in willingly,so i had to have him
committed. During his hospital stay, He threatened divorce (b/c i put him in), But i knew that when he got better he would not remember what he’d said. We just celebrated our first wedding anniversary last month. In my opinion, his hospital stay strengthened our bond, because he now knows that he can trust me to do the right thing for him-should he become ill.Thank you for doing what you do. It helps.
Kenner,La.
Well, good news folks…I am getting a new therapist….TOMORROW. YEAH!
My long distance family does not want me until I am again ‘happy’ with a ‘positive attitude.’ Otherwise they don’t want me to Visit them in NY.
My email friend says I am suicidal, and obsessed, I don’t know. I know I stressed, I am sad, I am angry, I am frustrated — all at the same time. I know i am not lying about it. I am just sick of it.
My family still does not comprehend me….they only want me to come if I am happy and they live in the richest county in NYC but can’t help me with the rent (a few hundred dollars), can’t understand why I can’t get ‘any’ job because even the illegal aliens can find work and i am just not ‘creative enough.’ Whatever that means, I have absolutely no clue. They suggest I put my mom in a Senior Living Home because she’d getter better medical care…but she did not mention the cost, yet she can criticize how much our rent is….grrrrrrrrrr.
Well, yesterday, i tried to drown my sorrows in a bottle of Bacardi. Did not work well but I had great dreams of what Utopia might look like. No worries, no problems, no bills, only happy people. I want to live in Utopia.
hi, i read your posts when i can, i am bi-polar and so is my husband. i am at my wits end trying to put myself back together from one of my husbands lies. i was 19 and 8 months pregnant when he told me that he had been diagnosed with a terminal cancer. this lie he went to great lengths to perpetuate for eight years, until i found out the truth. at which point he continued to lie.
has anyone any advice as to how i can go about healing from this? my trust in other people as well as (and most significantly) myself, is just well, gone.
My BP daughter just told me the other day that she makes sure she takes her meds because her mind does funny things and races if she doesn’t. then a week later, she tells me the meds make her head feel funny…..and that she thinks she feels better when she doesn’t take them. This is HORRIBLE! I already have a stressful teaching job and facing all of this confusion constantly just adds to my stress. I know she is stressed, but how can I help her if I am feeling completely wiped out physically and emotionally? the problem of course is that these behaviors change with every passing day. It consumes me.
For Erica:
All the knowledge in the world will not help your daughter without proper treatment and to find the right meds for her and to get her to take them is where the real battle begins. She doesn’t need probation, she needs to be in the Psych Ward until they can figure out what meds will work the best for her and get her stable. Believe me I know as I have no control over my 21 y/o daughter and she blames me for it!!! And the worst part is she probably knows more about Bi-po than most Psychiatrists do! Her father is undiagnosed and untreated Bi-po type 1 (the worst kind) and she is so much like him sometimes that if I had the power to put her in the Psych Ward for a while I would do it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, in the state I reside in, I can’t force her to go into a Psych Ward. She has to go on her own accord because she is now an adult. Please do what is best for your daughter before you lose a child. This is a very dangerous mental illness, mood disorder, or whatever you want to call and it is not something to just let go with probation as probation violations will only land her in jail and still not get the help she so badly needs. Believe me I have had to explain what BP is to the cops here and I still got the idea that they didn’t have a clue. So get her help while she is still 17 and considered a minor because if you wait, you may be too late. FYI: I did persuade my daughter to go to the Psych Ward not long ago, but she had no insurance so they didn’t keep her for very long so you have to do your homework and find one that will help her before they release her and do it soon.
Wow, the first time an anticle has hit sooo very close to home, for me!
I have two BP daughters and two so far BP grandchildren. I have experienced mush of this LYING, and then being totally INNOCENT with each one of them!
I never knew this was a symptom of their disorder, but just thought is was a part of there cronic dysfunction.
Having this imformation helps me a great deal, I can understand there abusive actions better, and I can stop questioning myself on what I did wrong, or where I went wrong, which I think most Mothers wonder when their children express these kinds of negative behaviors.
THANK YOU for this imformation….it has given me more tools to work with and understanding!
Thank you for the article, it came at a time when I needed reinforcement. My husband is bipolar and we’ve been together for 6 years. The last year his disease seems to have taken over him. It’s been a lot of ups and downs and very difficult to moniter. Fortunately his docter and psycologist are wonderful and moniter him closley.His last manic episode was the worst. Not only was he incredibly physically abusive with me, he also ran around the yard naked with a pot on his head sreaming at the FBI to come out so he could kill him with his gun (which was actually a wooden spoon he was carrying around). He made forts out of tree branches and peed on trees to “put the fires out”. Yes he also apeared to be lying when the next day I tearfully told him everything that happened and showed him the horrible bruises all over my body. He denied everything and said “It was all a dream that I had last night. Somehow you read my mind and put the bruises on yoursef to make me feel guilty”. Illness can be a strange thing.About three days later with the help of medication and a psycologist, he came out of it and the harsh reality hit him hard. Now that fall is here, I can see him slipping into another “blip”. He starting to talk strange, do odd things, pacing in the middle of the night, hiding things. His meds have been increased and I am hoping that this is as worse as it will get.It’s heartbreaking to lose my real husband to this disease.Even with medication there will be ups and downs. The most impotant thing is to notice the signs of an impending episode and take action immediately. Remind your loved one of “the last time” when they resisted seeing a docter, but do it while they are still able to rationalize somewhat. DO NOT wait until they are in a full blown episode when they aren’t aware of what they are doing or saying.Also go with your loved one to the appointments. I can guarentee there will be times when they don’t even remember seeing someone, will forget appiontments, forget to renwew new percriptions etc.Plus they are not not always able to see their own odd behaiviour.I say all of this from experience, through trial and error. Again Dave thank you so much fot the woderful job support you provide for everyone. You truly are an inspiration!
I have been a great supporter for my childrens dad for years with him leaving and returning. I have been called the enemy for so long and he would say that the voices were clons of me, but i’ve been the one helping him for so long because i love him and care about his welfare. And now it’s like once again my fault so he says because i told him that we should try to have a relationship with him being at a family members house instead of him being at the house right now because the children do not need to see him when he gets so angry or says things that make no sense to them or myself. Well, that does not work for him, he says. So now i feel like I’m hanging on, and i want not to do so. I thought after he was taken to the hospital that things would be better, this has been going on for about ten years. I help him when he’s down and then when he feels up it’s like i don’t exist.
A dear friend of mine suffers from this condition. However I will say that although sometimes the truth is distorted sometimes the truth is actually real. I have double checked for my own peace of mind some of her stories and “unlikely” life events, one example where she was educated, very high class school , and having checked with that school found that what she told me was true. The problem is for us supporters is that we can rack our brains trying to tell truth from non truth , and listen as much as possble, we cannot know exactly what is going on inside. There is an old song by the Supremes called “You Keep Me Hanging ” If anyone here knows or looks up the lyrics to the song I think they will know what I mean. The drug side of things make her so tired too quickly too soon and I find that a hard one.
Okay, let’s get this straight!
If your spouse is violent or physically threatening (which can lead to violence) when s/he is manic, just get the hell out of the way! There is an old joke that goes, “Hypochondriacs think they are mad, people who ARE mad KNOW they are not!” The point of telling you the joke is simple: When someone is manic you can’t reason with them, so don’t bother because, whatever you say, they believe they are right, not you or anyone else (unless it’s “God” whispering in their ear!) Indeed, it can get dangerous if you insist on challenging their irrational thinking because they think you don’t understand them, and ESPECIALLY that you are not listening. How do you feel when you are trying to convince someone about something important and they won’t listen? Damned mad at them! Right? Well, that is how THEY feel when you won’t give up on trying to persuade them of your opinion when (they think) they are right! You build up in them a sense of great frustration, which isn’t a good idea when someone is manic and busting out with energy that has to be expelled. If they can’t expel it the way it they want to do it, there’s a good chance they’ll expel it on you!!!
What to do? Well, one way not to hike up the tension is to go along with whatever they want to do. This is the same technique used to pacify people with senility. Just agree with them. Don’t argue. You can try moving their view: e.g. DON’T say, “That’s wrong”, DO say, “Nice idea but would that mean…. and could that get in the way of what you want?” If they say “no, it won’t” just accept it.
But if their fixed idea is against you anyway, get out of their way.
Also remember that, irrespective of other reasons, people who have gone years without a diagnosis for their depressive condition/episodes or who have struggled with tearful episodes, are usually practiced liars because they have felt they needed to cover up their emotions:
“How are you?”
“Fine!” he lies.
(See’s tears in eyes) “Are you okay? What’s up with your eyes?”
“Ah, nothing. Just got something in the eye and the other’s come out in sympathy!”
Been there, read the book, seen the movie, got the t-shirt!
We with BP (and unipolar depression) get used to using lies as a way to avoid embarrassment or inquisitions into their emotional state. When I was a kid I had one of those unexplainable depressions and then had a teacher dogging me for an explanation for the crying. She went on and on and on and on, relentless questionning…. and …. I cracked under the pressure! So, when she offered me a “way out”, in this care a suggestion from her “Is there trouble at home?” (which there wasn’t) like a victim of torture I falsely confessed there was trouble at home. I lied to get her off my back. And it worked. You learn stuff like that even before you or anyone else knows you are not well. And you use it.
I had a relationship with a bipolar man last year, we were together for a year and a half with six months break when I was overseas. I had decided to leave him for personal reasons and he became very stressed and upset and had an episode which scared me to death. The next day he denied it. Though subsequently he said he did that on purpose to scare me as he said I was not honest with him about my leaving. A few weeks after I left we got together again for three weeks holiday and it was a wonderful time, no problems. By the way he is on meds and is being closely monitored. I have been away from him at home (overseas) the past few months, he tried very hard to get me to return, gave me ultimatums, begged me, and told me how much he cared for me and wanted me in his life. I then decided yes i do want to be with him forever despite knowing about his bipolar and suddenly he decided he did not want me anymore which has caused me a year of grief and confusion. During the past few months when I said I was not ready to return he wrote to me very abusive emails which upset me greatly, and then denied he had written them. I know he seems mentally unstable swinging from professing his deep love and wanting me to be back with him, to abusing me and giving me ultimatums and telling me he doesnt want to see me again. I have told him how much i want to be with him and my love for him as underneath it all he is a wonderful person and our good times together were the best in my life and I believe i could cope with his illness and care for him. As it stands now he says that he has totally changed his mind about me and doesnt want me in his life, and that is after trying hard to get me back, and as soon as I agreed he changed. He keeps writing to tell me of all the wrongdoings i have done, making me out to be a terrible person, i.e. abandoning him etc. I have told him i would give up my life here for him and move to him (another country) and love and care for him 100% commitment which is what he wanted all along… I am now left broken hearted and confused. Is this a typical bipolar behaviour? Do I need to understand that this is his illness causing his behaviour and that it is best that I do not spend my life with him even if I love him? He says he still loves me but has changed his mind about me coming to be with him – just when i said i would. Im sorry if i sound confused but i am.
For Jeanette….
I lived this up and down, “I want you, I don’t want you” existance for well over a year. I endured all the abuse you talked about, and also the good side where I bagan to feel things were finally on track. Then, out of the blue, it would revert back to the character assasinations and demeaning, dispicable tone of a woman that was clearly not well. Now that the realtionship is over, I am at peace. My suggestion for you is the conclusion I came to. Even though I loved this woman, (or wanted to love her more than I could because of the ups and downs) I asked myself 2 questions……Imagine you just met someone and they asked you to describe your relationship with your partner. Could you honestly say, “I just love everything about him! He makes my life enriched with each passing day and I don’t know where I would be without him.” Then give yourself the porch test. In case you don’t know what that is, ask yourself if you can see yourself and your man at 80 years old, sitting on a porch not saying anything, but feeling total contentment and bliss knowing that you love each other and that it is so comforting to have him next to you to walk through life, and that there is nothing else you could think of that would fullfill you more than to share your world with him. If the answer to both questions is yes, then by all means do everything you can to make it happen. If the answer is no to either one, you have to let him go for your own survival or you will continue to live this up and down existance until either he gets better with meds and therapy, something drives you away or you leave for your own sanity. I chose to leave and I am so happy with my life now and the confidence I have regained after a long period of verbal assaults that rendered me emotionally out of sync.
Good luck to you…I feel your pain!
for Graham
You speak the absolute truth! When I think back to that time when my hubby was physically abusive I realize that I should have handled the situation differently. In retro spect it WAS the first time that his episode was that extreme, so I guess I truly wasn’t prepared. But yes I did rationalize with him or try to at least.Wrong thing to do. I have learned. Like last night he got up at 2:00 am to start builing a bomb shelter so “they” couldn’t get us. (apparently sometimes it takes awhile for new meds to kick in or docter said it may have been the fear of taking a new med) So I got up got myself a cup of coffee and helped.Eventually he got tired and went back to bed.This morning he remembered bits and pieces and actually laughed about it and thanked me.But you know these times have been a real eyeopener and made us both take the illness seriously. Both of us have learned alot about each other and are probobly closer than ever. Unconditional love is the key. One must seperate the illness from the person, just like any condition And you are so right he himself has admitted that he lies because his thoughts spin and he dosen’t want to admit that sometimes he feels like he’s going insane and will say anything to as he calls it “purge” the anxiety. When he is not sick he is a wonderful kind man who would do anything for his family, and even though he is going through the trials of balancing the combinations of meds, he truly is working hard to stabalize himself for the sake of everyone. Graham I really appreciate your humerous and honest perspective. Thank you so so much.Take care.
Hi David, I’ve been a subscripter since 2005 and have learned alot from you. I’m going to unsubscribe not because of anything you have done but because last friday the 5th of September my son Keith who had bipolar was killed in an automobile accident. I just wanted to let you know how much you helped me and his other loved ones. Thanks again, Lori Scragg
All well and good but when does the wife, husband, father, mother, partner, child ever be able to not have to be the victim of the one with bi polar ?
When do they start being the focus in life ?
When are they allowed to live wihtout the abuse ?
When are they allowed to live in freedom without every second having to pander to the one with bi polar ?
When can they start living in truth ?
Fantastic Article! What supporter can’t relate to this one. I have been often heard to say ” Bi-Polar sufferers never let the TRUTH get in the way of a Great story” and this is why I had my husband sign a document when he was well to waiver his privacy when dealing with his medical professionals, so they instead will talk over his episodes with me to find out exactly what has happened during his cycles. Even if they can remember what has gone on – chances are they are too embarressed to admit it – which ultimately doesn’t help in trying to rectify the problem. Wishing all supporters the best of luck and kind wishes – it is not an easy path we have chosen in standing by these people – you are all doing an incredible and unenviable job. – Devon
All well and good but when does the husband, child ever be able to not have to be the victim of the one with bi polar ? When do they start being the focus in life ? When are they allowed to live wihtout the abuse ? When are they allowed to live in freedom without every second having to pander to the one with bi polar ? When can they start living in truth ?
EXCELLENT QUERY, This insistence on “normalizing” these mental conditions pervades everywhere. My wife (BP) of 17 years destroyed my life & is now harming our children. Both therapists & the legal system needs to wrap their brains around the facts. BP is a serotonin imbalance in the brain. BPs can & obviously do (based on all the comments here) often or perpetually operate in a sociopathic manor. There is no capacity for remorse or guilt. Some of the comments here even try to justify actions with the “I don’t remember..” we non-BPs have to put up with. I have been told by therapists “But She’s Their Mother” or “All this talk about a mood disorder”. The legal system wants to keep the kids with the mother. So Judges, Lawyers, Therapists, & well intentioned 3rd parties need to come to grips that many BPs devolve towards sociopathic MONSTERS. We may love them but either they should be medicated, or you should isolate them from harming others.. not make the world put up with them.
Re-read the anguish of many of the posts here, the unwillingness by some to take responsibility.. and compare it to the garbage on BP support sites (How Wonderful, Making Your BP Life Better). Little recognition is ever given to the people these MONSTERS harm. In my case the wife, mother-in-law, & sister-in-law (3 individuals) have done & continue to do harm to 5 households involving 11 other non-BPs. Why should the rest of us (or anyone) have to put up with that impact. Medicate them or remove them. They shouldn’t be allowed to do the harm they do.
I suspect that much of the “I can’t remember” is BS. There is a masochistic joy these people get from causing harm which is neurologically related to arousal states/serotonin/satiation. Do not be fooled, they are MONSTERS.
Hi, Im a supooter and live away from my friend who has bi-polar. Example of muddles thinking. she told me last week she had a dell computer and as I know a bit about the internet etc i was talking about how to set it up for her. she sonded very intereted in what iiii had to say. range her beginning this week and she said she had not got one , just wanted to know because she and some oter friends had mate who was in africa and they wanted to keep in touch with him . Also sometimes when we chat, which is actually i guess muddled conversation she was using an adjective to desribe something about a movies and said ” I am a harlot…pause, I am scarlet” she wants to be a director and knows lots about the movie biz but if she comes out with statements like that its not going to work. I know thats a bit nit pikky. Also she calsims she through her passport away with some rubbish by mistake, tells me she intends to get new one but i cannot be sure. we have been making plans to go abroad. Id apprecite anyone elses comments on her behaviour. we are only 100 miles apart in UK but neither of us have tranport and public trnasport in our south west area is atrocious. Should I intervene ie. mental health people or let her figure it out. Shes carming and very polite but it scares me cos she veres the topic of coversation around to things of a sexual nature, not all the time but quite often. She admitted to me the other night that its all a waste if not in love and actually owound me up when i was making her giggle by saying “J youve just pulled me ” Thanks guys.
Ps i have some knowledge of the entertainment industry as am ex pro Stage Manager.
Add a little alcohol to the mix and you can start hearing about a lot of lying. I know I have had the worst episodes when I’ve been drinking. ( I don’t anymore, but this was only after one too many episodes ) Of course, I thought when the doctor told me not to drink on these medicines they were just “trying to ruin my fun”, but now understand there are serious consequences to drinking.
This is when my behavior has been THE worst, worse than manic spending or laying in bed all day and not brushing my teeth or bathing… I’ve been desperate for money and reported things stolen from my house just to get insurance money, I’ve stolen from the house of friends, I’ve picked up purses in crowded bars and taken them into the bathroom to rifle through for cash or makeup or anything else I’d like to have, only to emerge from the bathroom to say I found it there and wondered who it might belong to as I give it to the bartender. The alcohol is what pushed me into this bad behavior because otherwise, I am absolutely NOT the type of person who stole, maybe shoplifting in junior high school, but never as an adult. I did at times steal narcotics before I was diagnosed, as I saw them as the only thing to make myself feel “normal”, not for the high. It produced no high, just energy.
Also, since I’m being so forthcoming, I’ve drank too much, picked up strange men at bars and brought them back to MY house, many a time a situation that could have gotten me hurt, had unprotected sex and then they’d leave, never gave them my number or wanted to see them again. I am in my mid 50’s and some are college students that live on my street. I can’t even walk my dog for fear of running into them, I got a stockade fence installed in my backyard because of this one thing. Shame.
I lie to my friends that I am a lonely single…don’t remember when I had sex last, etc.. but I lie and I lie only about the things I’ve done when I was drinking. After the last episode which I would consider again, criminal, I decided to stop drinking anything other than 2 beers or 2 glasses of wine. No tequila, no vodka, no bourbon or other “heavy” liquor. Since then, I’ve been fine. I can’t stress enough how people being treated with medications for bipolar disorder should not drink in excess. My doctor told me 1-2 beers is OK, no more. I always do what I’m not supposed to do, but at this point and a few close calls that might have landed me in jail, I “get it” finally.
I too have screamed at friends, been verbally abusive and in those cases, I hope they’d understand, some do some don’t and I’ve lost many friends by my outbursts of anger. Usually done when I have felt hurt of betrayed in some fashion… all with cause, but I do overreact to things that might not be as big of a deal as they really are. I have now just a handful of friends. Some close, some not.
If I could only turn back the clock knowing what I know now, wonder what my life would be like. Since this is impossible, I just look at each day as a challenge and on the med’s properly, doing the best I can. Unemployed, artist/designer with no other skills and looking at going back to school under the WIA program. Unemployment checks have kept me afloat for a year or more, but those will run out soon. I have a lot of time on my hands and have lately gotten some major tasks done around my home, all on my own. Painting rooms, spraying for pests, gardening, and going through my closet finding out that after so many shopping sprees, I have more clothes than I have hangers… time to purge. I find this hard to do, give away my clothes, but I think it’s a sign that I have waaaaaay to many. Of course, my chattiness is only part of my illness, my apologies.
My son is 20. I am almost certain that he is bi polar. He was unable to keep a job and had no medical insurance so I took him to DSHS were they give him insurance and money for food. To keep these benefits he has to obtain a general physician to refer him to a phsyciatrist and abide by there recommendations and medication. This all began 4 months ago and he still has not been diagnosed and has not seen a physiciatrist. The general physician said why are you seeing me? If you had a heart problem, you wouold see a heart doctor. You are mentally ill. I can’t help you. He didstart him with my incouragement on Depacote as he said it might help and referred him to a counselor. My sone is mentally ill. He hated the doctor. He did not take the medication and just to get him to the appointments is a nightmare. How do I get him help. He threatens to kill himself on a daily basis and says how miserable he is and how much life sucks. He feels hopeless most days. He will occasionally have a real manic episode but lately he is mad at everyone and every thing. He was on meds as a child, diagnosed with everything from ADD, Tick disorder, oppositional disorder and on and on. He says terrible things to everyone that loves him. How can I get hime help and make him take his medication? He does not live with me. He floats between his dads house and friends. Is there a way he can be put in a home situation were they make him take his meds until he is ok and function in society? We live in Washington state. Please help while I still have a son to help.