Hey,
How’s it going?
Today’s subject is about how you deserve your own happiness too, and you shouldn’t have to put it aside just because your loved one has bipolar disorder.
DON’T!
You spend a lot of time as a supporter, and one of the problems with that when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder is that you can get caught up in your loved one’s struggle with their own management of the disorder and your helping hem with it.
DON’T!
They may have a problem with their mood swings and their own happiness because of it, but you should not let this affect your own happiness, as hard as this might be, just because of being their supporter.
You should still do things that make you happy, like:
· Hobbies
· Doing things you enjoy
· Doing things that make you feel good
· Taking care of your own needs
· Going out with friends
· Going to the movies
· Reading
· Watching videos that your loved one
may not want to watch with you
· Doing things by yourself
· Going shopping
· Spending time with your own family
· Spending time away from your loved one
· Taking a break from your loved one
· Taking a mini-vacation from your loved one
· Having a job outside the home
Just being around your loved one 24/7 will not help you and your own mental health at all – you may get so caught up in their world of bipolar disorder that you might become as sick as they are! DON’T!
You have a right to your own happiness. Don’t delay that happiness! You really need to keep a life separate
from your loved one, for your own sake. You have to hold onto your own happiness!
Grab it right now!
Take some time for R and R (rest and relaxation). Even combat soldiers do that! Don’t stress yourself out by giving all your energy to your loved one – save some for yourself as well.
Giving all your time and energy to your loved one will make you stressed out and sick. And you don’t want that, do you?
DON’T!
Also, don’t try to be your loved one’s therapist. They should have their own therapist. They should be telling their therapist their problems, and not dumping them on you or taking out their problems on you, just because you are there!
Because your loved one has bipolar disorder, they may get depressed and may try to “take you down” with them when they are in that phase of their disorder. They may want to use you as a shoulder to cry on, which might steal your own happiness. Remember, don’t act like their therapist.
DON’T!
Again, you should not be their enabler, either, or that will steal your own happiness as well. You should not be doing things for them that they can do for themselves.
That’s one of the rules I’ve taught you as a supporter in my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
So don’t be your loved one’s enabler, or you will be robbing yourself of your own happiness.
DON’T!
You deserve a life of your own. You deserve to be happy. You deserve an identity of your own outside your relationship with your loved one with bipolar disorder .
Don’t get so caught up in their disorder and their problems that you lose yourself in it/them.
DON’T!
Don’t delay your own happiness. Take charge of it beginning right now!
Don’t let bipolar disorder steal your happiness!
DON’T!
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
Great topic today as I get so down at times dealing with everything. My spouse who has bipolor has been depressed for awhile now and I find I feel so left out and lonely. He justs sits and watches TV, does not want to eat. He does go to work but when home I find it really hard to know what to do. Usually he comes out of it on his own but this time it has been awhile. He takes his meds but still gets depressed at times. Has not had any manic episodes since his dad died. I try to keep busy and do my own thing but it is hard not to feel lonely at times. Your emails are a great help to me. thanks for all you do. I feel you understand.
Hi,
I have an 12year old grandson and I am pretty sure he is bipolar, he has all the signs, the constant moodswings, the yelling and screaming, his mom agrees with me, but dad{my son} does not. Joe, my grandson, was checked by a doctor and my son was told he had a behavior problem.
I have a bipolar daughter and can see the symptons.
What do you think we should do.
I have an almost forty year old daughter who was first hospitalized and diagnosed at age 15. She has done well professionally, but the rest of her life has been a mess, continuous ups and down, three marriages. She is a Psych Nurse and works in the mental health world and thinks she knows
it all. She is seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist for her “depressions, ” feels her depression is the fault of her family, her spouses, her childhood,
her in laws etc. She is recently, avidly and wildly born again and has divorced her entire family. I am sure her Dr.’s know nothing of her past medical history, likely may know only as much as she wants to tell. I know I can do nothing, but how can I handle this situation to the advantage of her children(one adult, one challenged which is an additional source of stress?) thanks, bette de moch
I am 26 years old, i have two small children and my husband is bipolar. I moved back home with my mother and I was feeling guilty for leaving him. I go over so he could see his children but he is always in a bad mood. He is always acusing me of cheating on him . Which honestly I havent I take care of my children and go to school. I dont have time to fool around. I have been with and made love to him when he is what you call normal, but when we stop he starts hiis mood swings again. I dont know what to do but just walk away. I do sometimes fight and argue with him… but he is just sad that I am not ther for him… but I cant put my kids through that pain… what can I do?
I would like to make a brief comment on yesterday’s topic.
Grahm Nelson said it best, but I’ll make it short and sweet.
WHAT YOU PAY ATTENTION TO, YOU GET MORE OF. (that’s why I didn’t respond yesterday)
I realize you are an imperfect human like the rest of us and make mistakes. I hope you realize now that this is not the proper place for that. FOCUS on those of us who actually want and appreciate your help, PLEASE!
Thanks for thie message today
My brother turned 41 this weekend and lives with me and my family. He has had Depression most of his life and dealt with it through alcohol. He is a wonderful hard working man when he is healthy but recently took a downward spiral. No job,no home etc.. My son is 22 and has been battling Depression since he was a very young boy. Never a problem child and very intune with his depression early on. He once attempted to jump from a 2 story window and when we stopped him he said
“Mommy, something is wrong in my head and no Doctor will be able to fix it. I don’t want to live like this and you and Daddy shouldn’t either. ” I believe he was 8 yrs old. We had never discussed depression and were just starting to see signs in him. The collateral damage is large when you live with loved ones that have the illness. Most people think they are just lazy or undisicplined. My son works full time, he is an Awesome drummer in a great band and has managed to have a relationship with a girl for the last 5+ yrs. He has made it this far not because he is lazy or undisciplined !! The problem is the level of stress he can handle is such that the job he carries doesn’t pay well enough to pay bills.
I for one am more worn out by the energy it takes to educate or should I say ENLIGHTEN others than I am the stress from $$ mangement or the mood swings. . Some I don’t even bother because it is obvious they aren’t capable or willing to understand.
I have forgotten how to have fun. I feel this need to help and support especially my son. He works very hard to get through his day. Always cooperative w/ therapy and Doctors..even Hospitalization. One person saying the wrong thing can turn his world upside down. I find myself so angry anymore. An emotion I rarely felt in the past, just not my nature.
I am feeling so alone and sad myself. I have aged so much, gained weight and am so out of shape I’m embarrassed to even go to a Gym.
I pray every night for someone to reach out to my family and give us a break ! How Pathetic is that ?
Anyway, thanks for the messages and for giving me an outlet to say how I am doing without feeling like you won’t get it !! I wish a famous person would make it their mission to help those with this illness like they step up for with Cancer,Autism,CP,MS etc. people listen.
How about those with this illness that takes lives too.
Even if they are here on earth,
lives are stolen because of lack of Good Doctors and medication that can make a person more crazed than before medication. Sorry for complaining I’m just so worn out !
I pray for all who have this illness and also for there families.
Denise
I just wanted to say THANKS, your emails are a constant sorce of truth in my life and I really needed todays email. I have a 19 year old who has moved out (because I refused to enable) and dealing with depression, a father(who may or may not be biological), uncle, and cousin who has been diagnosed with bipolar and a five year old who we are in the process of finding a good doctor to address some major behavioral issues(he just started kindergarten a couple of weeks ago). And lastly my husband who is in denial he has any problems(post partum stress from Dessert storm) and lives in his own little world most of the time and me who has let all these people bring me down with them because I am nice and want to be a good friend, wife and mother. The stress can become overwhelming at times and yes your loved ones can make you feel you are going crazy dealing with them all. I have learned so much from your emails and they seem to come right when I need an answer to my most asked question “What do I do?”. Thank you so much and keep on writing and sending them, I look forward to them daily.
Alisa
I am suffering from this very thing. I get so caught up in my daughter’s illness that it is absolutely robbing me of so much peace. There are so many issues involved in this disorder that it is difficult to know exactly WHERE to draw a line. She calls me and cries on my shoulder, but isn’t that what a good listener should allow her to do? she sees the therapist only once per month due to the high cost of that and there are 29 more days that she has to live through. I don’t have a clue how to stay out of it as much as I need to. help…
I spent the whole day yesterday reading magazines & emails, “resting” and watching a little tv instead of doing saturday chores. I felt a little guilty about yesterday even though this morning (before I read your email) I realized during my morning prayers that I needed to take yesterday “off”. My bipolar adult child is doing well but it is very difficult for me to transition from being active in his recovery to being a “supporter” as he is stable. If he calls with any problem I feel myself going into “fix it” mode. Your daily emails are important to MY recovery and they are always so timely. Keep up the great work!
I think this is a great article. It defintly applys to my situation and I needed to hear that. Thanks!!
jenn
Hi.
How’s it going?
I think I lost that “Shocking Bipolar Attack” from yesterday,
but I think it’s not so very important.
Today I received a newsletter that points on the antagonism
between fascination, attraction, soul on one side and tranquillity,
equilibrium, balance on the other side as human’s temper.
I just try to be natural.
Ahh, the wonderful world of bipolar disorder…
You are right in saying that we need all those things you mentioned, however, NONE of us will ever be free from any of it. While I am away, even for a few minutes, always in the back of my mind I am wondering ¨is she alright¨, ïs another episode of mania brewing¨, ¨will she be there when I return¨?
I have had challenges before in my life and if you were to ask me I would tell you that I had a good understanding of what the definition of challenges was….until bipolar came along and REDEFINED everything for me.
Until you experience this thing for yourself, one cannot even begin to comprehend it. Truly, my heart goes out to all who have been touched by this. May you find that which you need in dealing with this. jb
A friend offered to be my ‘supporter,’ but I don’t want to burden her with all my problems. I don’t want to lose my best friend. I lost almost all I had within the last six years–my dad, my job of 20 years, my good credit, and what once a healthy good outlook on life. I am sleeping much of my day, don’t get out of the house. Was hospitalized a few weeks ago for intentionally taking too much of a prescription drug. Now, I can’t get an appointment for nearly 2 months to see a therapist and longer for a psychiatrist.
I wrote a check for our Sept rent yesterday and I don’t know if there is enough money in my account for it. I got into a car accident last week and must come up with a $500 deductible.
I am without the energy or determination to care, so it appears. I feel like I am just throwing my arms up in the air and saying, “Oh, the hell with it.” I cannot bring a supporter into my nightmare.
Thanks, I needed to read this. Sometimes it gets really hard to take time for yourself when you are so caught up with others
I feel as if my familys’ mental illness is rubbing off on me. I am so depressed now. My husband says I was crying in my sleep.
I have to say it’s not as easy as you make it sound! I find myself a codependent and am stuck just like my two daughters 21 and 18 are. Their diagnosis’ are not “Just” bipolar, of course…they have social anxiety, obsessive compulsive, and panic disorder attached between the two of them. I find that my life is put on hold many times, because they feel that I am all they have and do not accept help from others. If I do things that don’t include them, they feel left out, but yet can’t accept other people into our lives. I’m trying to take small steps towards getting out and I am actually trying to date someone. THAT is difficult too because if someone becomes a part of my life, they need to be understanding and accepting of the mental illness issues in my life. BUT, nobody ever said it’d be easy. Right?
Thanks – I needed to hear that. I want my wife to get an evaluation, but she refuses to get one. I am willing to get an evaluation myself. I am willing to do anything to help us get along better, stop the yelling and getting so upset, and the lying about what was said, what happened, etc. How can I convince my wife to get some much needed help for herself? I need some help in dealing with her issues.
To TRIED THEM ALL: It’s NOT a question of “bringing someone in as a supporter.” If they are a GOOD friend, they will WANT to be there, if only just to listen and be a “sounding board” for your emotions. A “good friend” is not there ONLY in the good times, but in the bad. They will understand when/if you want to talk, and when you don’t.
PLEASE don’t be afraid to “unleash” your “bipolar” on your friend – you may be greatly SURPRISED at their response. I only ask that you give it a try; what have you go to lose? Sue from OH and I are ALWAYS there for you when you want to talk. I’m absolutely SURE that this good friend of yours, who is where you are, will be just as understanding. S/he might even resent the fact that you are not honest with them, and will comfort you more than you know.
At least, by now, you are still alive. I KNOW the hardships you are going through; I have my own, which are, in themselves, enormous enough. But – my friends are THERE when I want to “bitch, moan and complain,” as I am for them.
Good luck in BECOMING a better friend to them, and watch for their response!
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
It is nearly impossible to get good medical and theraputic help even with health insurance. There has to be an answer because someone like Dian cannot wait. I am a supporter but find myself feeling very much like her blog. Mental health is looked at as not being critical unless you are “insane” and end up hospitalized… but hospitalization isn’t the answer in most cases! Don’t get me started on this one.
Sorry…I meant “tried them all” in who can’t wait to get help. Dian…I feel the same though… I probably cry in my sleep too.
To MISTY: Have you tried going to a group meeting for those with bipolar? I met, not only my first live-in boyfriend, but also my second husband through this venue.
Just a suggestion, so you don’t feel so lonely. I DO feel your pain, for I have been there. But – if you just put yourself out there, it’s possible you’ll find someone to help.
Thanks, Suzanne…but, really, it is too much to relay to someone else. I am not sure what is soo good about being here if I can’t help myself. No one is going to help with my financial problems, seeing a doctor, any of it. I know I appear to be whinning, we’ll I suppose I am. I probably should not be writing here or to you or Sue, either. I think this is my last email to you both. Thanks.
Thank you for the article. This bipolar disorder that afflicts my 25 yr old daughter has me spending over 1000.00 a month in bills (cobra health, car, phone, car and life ins., etc) that I find myself sick because now I need to pay for a group home or plenary guardianship or let the system do what they wish with her since she is homeless. I’ve tried to encourage her to do something positive with her life and it all seems futile at this time. She has been hospitalized for over a month now. I can face the facr that she is truly mentally ill now and turn it over to God to guide me.
A wonderful message – one I’m sure all of us supporting someone with bi-polar needed to read and need to heed. It seems almost impossible to have a life of my own with a 45 year old daughter, who is bipolar and her 13 year old son, also bipolar, who both live with me. I am the only one who can deal with the school system, other parents, other peoples kids, etc. as well as being peace keeper in the home. May God bless everyone who has to deal with mental illness on a daily basis. Sometimes I almost wish they were both physically handicapped instead. At least that way the public would be more understanding and kinder to them.
With all the triggers that has gone on in the lady I take care of’s life lately, I have hit my bottom. Not with her, just the family that does not support her. I realize this is a very complex illness, but in any illnes you have to try to understand the underlying symptom’s of the disease. Read. As I am. Thanks for your time to help us all figure this out and be allowed to know we need a break too.
Tried them All.
You may not realise it but we others with BP rely on you as much as we rely on each other to survive.
If you give up on us, it will become that much easier for us to give up as well.
It’s the same with the children of people who kill themselves. Suicide feels more easy for them to do because a parent has done it. So, when they feel unacceptably depressed, they follow the parent’s example! They are many times more likely to do it than the children of parents who are a live and well.
So, don’t make it easier for us by showing us an example of someone for whom surviving BP was not possible. We need Hope, we need your example. Without each other to do this each and every one of us would leave a horrible legacy behind for the others.
So, come back in from the cold and we’ll try to make it warmer for you. Then you will try to make it warmer for us!
Of course supporters should not deny themselves a good life through sacrificing themselves to someone with BP … I have said this many times before in these blogs.
But supporters, if you do that please understand you may return to a cold heart. As Suzanne has said above, a friend is someone who sticks around through good times and bad. Okay, it’s not like a marriage when someone promises to be there for the other, “in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer.” (Boy, that’s one hell of a promise to make, isn’t it?!) There is nothing wrong with doing your own thing, to live your life and maximise the pleasures you get from it. Indeed, if you are religious, it may be a God-given right, an obligation, to fulfill yourself. But you must realise that you live with the consequences of your actions. If a friend goes their own way and then comes back later, I may not want them as a friend anymore – we may have grown apart in even a short time.
A true friend will always be there through thick and thin. When you get pushed away over and over again with a vengeance, maybe it is a good idea to step back, take a deep breath. It might be the person with bipolar that needs the break from the supporter.
Jeannie,
Too true! Well said.
Hi, I don’t understand why the majority of the daily letters relate to the care takers, I would like to see more about the bioplar person themsevles. thank you
Thanks, Graham. But, in no way am I a good example of BP. I don’t want to be an example. Please do not follow my example. I am doing what is best for me, no one else.
Each person has a limit and I more than surpassed my limit. My troubles are not something I can cure and honestly, I don’t know anyone that would help me. I am ending my own pain.
I am not letting you down in way, I do hope you all the best.
Hellooooo, Tried it all. Geez, are you giving up? We human’s are standoffish at times but we are also a species who come through when needed. Alcoholic’s need A.A. Drug addicts need N.A. People with cancer need treatment. Most of all, everyone in pain needs to talk. So talk. Tell someone how you feel inside. Tell everyone on here if you have to. Find just a little more strength to let someone in.
I need to figure out what to do about my child, who is 18 now and thinks that along with her meds she needs to smoke weed, to help calm her down. Please send this to David and ask him for some advice on this. Hoping to hear from you soon. I read your emails everyday some days it keeps me going.
Thank you so much
Deb
Tried them all,
I hope you reconsider, but I understand where you are coming from – I’ve looked down a rail track as a train approached and only the fear of the physical pain put me off, not the dying! But I got through that and while Life ain’t great, it’s tolerable for me right now. Obviously it isn’t tolerable for you, and I am sorry this is so.
If you really must check out, I hope you can do this with the minimum of distress and pain for yourself and anyone else who may be affected by your demise. In this regard, I wish you luck and God’s speed. One way or another, in life or death, I hope you find your peace.
(If you find there is a Heaven, please tell Eva Cassidy I’ll be following on probably some years later, when I shall expect a performance of her brilliant singing!!)
But before you go …. read up on Phwoar meditation and practice it. It helps ease the path between one life and the next with minimal, if any, distress, and it works for people of any religion or none at all. It is also effective for giving some relief from worry and mental anguish for anyone does not wish to check out.
jeannine: tweet1@Q.com
Hi there,
Just wanted to thank you so much for your daily emails, which I look forward to reading. I’ve just read every post on this thread, and I’m feeling a mix of things actually. I feel for the desperation in some peoples lives. This really is the most hideous disease. But I also love the hope that is offered between posters. Human nature, sometimes, is a beautiful thing.
Thank you for every email you put together, in an effort to reach sufferers and supporters of bp. Sometimes I hang on your everyword, in an effort to further understand and be present for the man I love.
Lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with it, and I’ve needed to step back for my own health and wellbeing (I’ve felt this urge tinged with guilt, who am I to ‘step back for a bit’, when he gets no respite from this????).
Thank you from an ardent reader from NZ
Thanks Dave, Your news letters are of great help. I am in the health care field and I have asked the family of the client I take care of, to invest in your courses, to no avail. I do appreciate what I am learning here.
“Don’t be your loved one’s therapist.” Why not? If it helps. In the US you may have a great number of therapists and from what I have heard you pay a lot of money for them, too. In Ireland therapists are very thin on the ground, especially good ones. If you are on disability benefit with bipolar disorder, the state will pay for your doctor, psychiatrist and hospitalisation (if required). Everyone, bipolar or not, is obliged to have a doctor. If you’re lucky you have a good one. If you’re not happy with your doctor you can change your doctor. You could change your psychiatrist too, but there aren’t so many of them, especially not those paid by the state. My boyfriend is lucky to have a very good psychiatrist, who is caring and understanding and takes his time to get to know all about his patients. My boyfriend has a regular appointment once a fortnight. He also used to see a therapist once a month or so, but never had any progress with her. Apparently she was acting like a school teacher who would give him “home work.” She was younger than him but spoke to him like he was a child and seemed to know nothing about bipolar disorder. They never got anywhere. You are under no obligation to have a therapist. He told me I was a better therapist to him as I seem to understand him and the “proper” therapist didn’t and was a waste of time. eg. I encourage his art, as he is very talented. She wants him to do the sort of art kids do in play school. She obviously works by the book and has no empathy with her clients. When I spoke to his psychiatrist he said that I was a positive and calming influence on my man. Now he doesn’t see the therapist anymore. We spend as much time together as possible, though we don’t live together. We also have plenty of our own space when we want it.
Thanks Graham, I will drink Bacardi with Coca Cola til I pass out, then we’ll see what happens. Thanks for wishing me luck. I appreciate it. You take care, too.
good morning all.
i am in no way saying that bp is simple at all. it is a terrible disorder that is life changing. i am a supporter, but the truth is that i could never fully understand what one goes through on a daily basis.
however, i do know what it is like to watch your loved one struggle everyday. this is pain in itself to not fully understand. you want to help so very much, but there is a limit on what we can do.
you wish it could just end and be with your loved one, but that is not the way it is.
in the end, both of us lose out.
todd
This was the best thing for me to read this morning. My husband is in what I call “the sky is falling” mode. He wants to shut down his business, sell anything of value, blah, blah blah. Heard it all before, and it’s hard for me to live through it because he pushes all burdens onto me. Visiting family and friends alone? Doing anything on my own? Forget about it! He flips out. But I do it anyway (occasionally). I’m going to print out this email and keep it for inspiration/reality check. Thank you.
I SO needed to get this blog..My brother has Bipolar and I constantly feel guilty about the fact that I`m not living in the same house as him and am not there to help him (or to support my mum who`s his main carer when he`s having an episode). It meant a lot to me to read this so thank you and keep up the great work
Don’t end up like me. My husband has been suffering with Bipolar Disorder since 1988. He was originally diagnosed Severe Manic-depression w/homicidal & suicidal tendancies. He does NOT want to hear the word BIPOLAR and denies having Bipolar Disorder. He was an overhead craneman in a steel mill and threatened to jump off the catwalk. He was put on sick leave and ended up totally disabled. I had to go to work as the main breadwinner of the family. I became a Paramedi/Firefighter and had to leave our child home with him 24 hours at a time (scary thought). Our son is now 30 and suffers from depression also. I ended up losing my job due to the economy & ended up in bankruptcy. I finally cracked!! I have what they call agoraphobia w/Anxiety attacks. I can’t even drive a car (one of my fears). I am STUCK here in this house FOREVER!! Luckily we have the same doctor and I tell her when he’s off of his medication and she does bloodwork and confronts him about it. I am all about ME now. I let the doctor worry about him. I had a heart attack 1 1/2 years ago & I have learned that even though I love him, I have to take care of ME!! If I die, who will take care of him?? I don’t want to put that on my son also. He has been through enough.
David, I look forward to your emails!! Keep them coming!! They have helped me greatly. Bless YOU!!
Tried them all.
I hope you are still visiting this particular blog, and still able to read it, as well!
Just wanted to say … if you drink Bacardi and Coke, do drink the diet version of the coke as too much sugar can harm your health …
Yes, I have a very dark sense of humour! I find it helps. Hang around and you’ll hear some more!
thank youfor reminding me of this im stressed to the max all the time and my b/f seems so demanding im always trying to make him happy and i just make it worse on myself b/c its never seems good enough for him so intern blaming myself for his unhappiness so thank you for all ur advice
keep up the good work
kristina
I AM CONTENT
Graham, it is not possible to drink diet cola with Bacardi. If we must indulge in the best and go out the best way, we must eat pizza and drink rum and coke. And, yes, unfornately, i woke up to read your comment. And, yes, your ‘humor’ is on the rather dark side.
Bi-Polar husband decided to go off his meds, against doctor’s orders & at 4:00am left Canada for Baja. He is also typeII Diabetic.
What does family do?
That’s the problem I find. You had a whole paragraph saying that you should do things alone, do this away from your loved one, do that away from your loved one. It’s so hard to be around my loved one when he’s in a manic state, that I do want to get away. I just have a problem with the fact that I “have to get away from” my own husband a lot of the time. It gets lonely. I get so jealous of my girlfriends who have husbands without bi-polar and get to hang out with them as a couple a lot. There are a lot of sacrifice’s staying with my husband, I’m bitter sometimes that I’m forced to make them.
Tried them all!
Pepsi of Coke with your rum? (Definitely not Virgin Cola – nasty stuff!) Of course, if you drink too much rum you may pass out before you pass over. In which case you will wake up with such a hang over than you will wish you HAD passed over … (Rum hang over is almost as bad as one from a “Snake Bite”, which is 50% beer and 50% cider. If fancy feeling really ill drink a few pints of that combo.)
And a PIZZA? Hmmm … maybe a Hawaiian with extra ham and pineapple. But instead, I’d go for a vegetable Samoza for a starter, Kashmir curry with Nan bread on the side, and to finish off a whole bowl of Sherry trifle all to yourself. You simply MUST try that as a meal before you go anywhere, especially some place where you might not find a decent Indian restaurant… It’ worth hanging around for if only for another day!
These are words of wisdom David, prob is when my friend needs help i go to her and when she does not i stay away. Many of my supporters have evn advised me to walk away while the going is good. One (Hopefully joking) siad get on the next ferry to France and dont tell her. Like the young man who is confused above when youve seen the “good side” and the “bad side” how can you just walk away? I have my own pursuits and i try to follow them but her critical eye spots everything. We are going away for a week, she spotted cigarette burn on jacket in almost unoticable place. It makes me feel Ok to correct this but its the detail she watches for. Im typical London working class and shes well educated at very posh school which I have found out to be true. If i use london slang “whoops”. Im me and shes she, and life goes on regardless and like a prune I told her I had fallen for her months ago, but shes still there.
There are lots of ‘happiness’ stealers, they come in many forms, and we are all guilty of participating in them one way or another. One big one, is ‘bitterness’ from not being able to do all of those things you mentioned above when you would like to be able to do so. Even though I don’t struggle with my sister in that regard, it’s true even when you don’t have such. Money, and priorities are two factors involved here, as well as one’s faith in God, whether they are being His obedient servant or attempting to please themselves. Pleasure is ok, when you know you have done all that you can with Service to HIM, and He certainly is willing for you to have pleasure and good times, but remember to HONOR Him and speak with Him to do what is acceptable in His sight with the right heart motivation and the pleasure, or good times He will give to you far outweigh what little one’s self might attempt to do on their own. But it has to do with heart motivation first when you are serving HIM. If you are doing the service just to get the pleasure then He knows the difference in your heart and knows what is best for you. Ask, He will respond if you are listening for HIM. Though I know that is not easy if you are struggling with the ‘voices’ that interfere with listening to Him, and your own selfish desires that get in the way of doing what is right . Between the two, it’s a constant struggle to know who is who, and to make sure you do the right thing. The key there is to know whether it is in the Scriptures to serve as your Guide to know if you are hearing the Right speaker in your heart. As the self, and the evil voices can be very seductive and mislead one into thinking they are doing the right thing, when in reality it most certainly is not ! This may seem strange, but it’s so true. Many who have suffered with the loved ones who have Bi-polar or manic depressive schitzophrenia struggle with suicide thoughts and the medicine only ‘dull’s their voice seductions, the reason I am sharing this, is my sister over many years of time has shared this with me, to the point of ‘nausea’ of having to hear it more than I care to admit. So they (drs.) ‘prescibe’ a pill to eliminate those voices, when all it does is dull their volume in the head. So they and all need prayer .
Wanted to share that as that is one ‘happiness’ stealer that is hard to avoid . But focusing on Scripture does help, it makes those voices mad, and they will do what they can to distract the focus as they know what the purpose is of those Scriptures, and they don’t want that. So that’s the reason for the struggle. My sister has told me this repeatedly and some days she can read the Scriptures, and other days she can’t. She is a professing Christian, and tries to witness to others inspite of her condition, but isn’t always successful due to the lack of interest, and credibility they have of what she has been through or how she may happen to look like at the time.
Just wanted to say that I’ve noticed that you mainly write for the bipolar supporters…why more for them than the people you are really trying to help like me…with bipolar disorder??? Not saying thats a bad thing but shouldn’t you write one for them and then one for the people with bipolar disorder, seeing as we are the people you are doing this for???
YOUR EMAIL CAME AT THE PERFECT TIME BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN WHO DEVOTES MY ENTIRE LIFE TO TRYING TO HELP MY BOYFRIEND WITH HIS MENTAL ILLNESS. I HAVE NEGLECTED MYSELF SO MANY TIMES AND WITH NO APPRECIATION. HE TAKES ME FOR GRANTED BUT I LET HIM DO THIS TO ME. MY BOYFRIEND OF THREE YEARS HAS BROKEN UP WITH ME AGAIN (FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME) ABOUT 4 WEEKS AGO. I UNDERSTAND THAT HE IS BIPOLAR/SCHIZOPHRENIA BUT I CAN’T TAKE THE PAIN AND HURT ANYMORE. I TRULY LOVE HIM AND WAS THERE FOR HIM IN EACH AND EVERY WAY; BUT I CAN’T PUT MYSELF AT RISK BECAUSE WHEN HE GETS LIKE THIS, HE BECOMES SEXUALLY PROMISCOUS. HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT MY FEELINGS. HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT THE FACT THAT I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO IS THERE FOR HIM WHEN HE GOES THROUGH THESE EPISODES. HE CAN THROW ME AWAY INSTANTLY AND MY HEART IS IN SHAMBLES. HE GOES ON WITH HIS LIFE WITHOUT REGARD TO HOW MUCH HE HAS HURT ME. I FULLY UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF A FRIEND BEING THERE THICK & THIN, BUT HOW MUCH EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL ABUSE CAN A PERSON TAKE BEFORE THEY REALIZE THAT THIS PERSON IS NOT STABLE AND WILL DRAG YOU DOWN FURTHER. DO NOT GET ME WRONG- I AM STILL VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH MY BOYFRIEND, BUT I HAVE TO LOVE MYSELF EVEN MORE AND GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION BEFORE I KILL MYSELF DUE TO STRESS AND WORRY. I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT MY OWN LIFE. I AM SO CONSUMED WITH HIS, THIS IS NOT RIGHT. I WISH HIM THE BEST BECAUSE HE NEEDS GOD IN HIS LIFE. GOING OFF AND ON YOUR MEDICINE WILL DESTROY YOU IN THE END. I TRYING TO FIND THE STRENGTH TO MOVE PASS THIS AND LET GO FOR MY OWN PEACE OF MIND.