Hi,
Hope you’re doing well.
I am thinking about hiring some kind of computer tutor for the entire organization. I have a number of people that work for me that aren’t the best with computers and software programs (me included ).
I was thinking of hiring someone to do some kind of over the phone computer group or individual teaching. I am not sure how it will work and I am thinking about it. Let me know what you think.
Okay, yesterday I sent out a daily email about the nightmare person with bipolar disorder that I had working for me.
IMPORTANT
A number of people wrote me that they were totally depressed about how I hired someone that turned out to be so bad. You should know if you are thinking this way that the worst people that I have ever hired actually reported NO disorder.
I have hired many people with one or more disorders and only one has turned out (actually two), to be really bad and ill. The VAST MAJORITY of people that I have hired with bipolar or other disorders have done GREAT. They have out performed people without disorders. Please remember that. Melinda posted on my blog:
Dave,
Obviously you’re a good, humane person or you wouldn’t be in the business you are and employing people with “disorders.” Has it ever occurred to you that you’re TOO nice? By this I don’t mean weak, just too tolerant?
I live with a landady who’s losing or has lost her mind–she could be walking around with an undiagnosed case of bipolar illness, for al I know. She’s slandered me to her friends and family, accused me of terrible things I haven’t done, has discriminated against me because I have ADD and bipolar illness (she doesn’t know about the bipolar II I have), and sworn and yelled at me. She tries to turn my other housemate against me, another Christian!! I consider her abusive and manipulative, not to mention downright mean. I told her I think someone must have been mean to her once, but that she’s allowed them to turn her mean. Turns out my honesty helped! Dave, why did you let that crazy person wreak such havoc in your life? Do you enjoy suffering? Don’t be a masochist. You said you allowed the person umpteen chances. Why? Wrong is wrong. There’s such a thing as protecting yourself. No, you weren’t being stupid, just TOO nice! Don’t beat yourself up over this, please. Think instead of all the people you’ve helped.
Keep up the good work,”
-Melinda
I think Melinda is right I am too nice. I am way too nice when it comes to people who work for me that are new and have one or more disorders. Sometimes I give people way to many chances. It’s hard to tell which people will turn out well with bipolar disorder when it comes to employment.
I have people that work for me that never held a job more than 6 months with anyone else, attempted suicide 5 to 7 times, were in jail, were homeless, etc and do FANTASITIC.
So you can’t have too much heavy duty looking at a person’s past. The way our system goes it weighs the future and near past much more than the old, old past. Know what I mean?
At the end of the day, what’s the major problem with these people that do so much bad in such a short period of time? It’s generally they don’t have a treatment plan they are following AND they don’t have a supporter to help put them back on track and keep them their.
Today I want to talk about
5 Ways to Help Your Loved One Stay On Track
1. Don’t Let Them Get Lazy
It’s hard for your loved one when they, perhaps, have lost their job and are now on disability. Some people lose their sense of direction when they have nothing to wake up for any more when they have no job to go to. Don’t let your loved one get lazy just because they aren’t working any more. Encourage them to make a To-Do List, or something else that forces them to be productive in some way every day – just something that gets them out of bed with a day’s goal in mind.
2. Make Sure They Stick to Their Treatment Plan
Sometimes loved ones may stick to their treatment plans in the beginning, when they know you’re watching them, but then they slack off when they think you’re not looking.
Don’t let that happen to your loved one. Make sure they stick to their treatment plan. This is so important. Especially when it comes to their medication. No, they’re not a child, and you can’t make them take their medication by forcing it down their throat. But you can encourage them and reinforce the importance of taking it. Be the same way with the rest of their treatment plan – going to their appointments with their psychiatrist, doctor, and therapist. Eat a good diet, exercise, and sleep right, etc.
3. Use a Buddy System
Try to keep them on track by finding a “BP Buddy” for them – maybe someone from their bipolar support group. Someone who knows what they’re going through, and is perhaps sharing the same struggles. Maybe they can do some things together, maybe some things to keep them from getting bored – maybe they share the same interests, or at least could go out to eat or to the movies, etc.
In my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
I share many tips/tricks to helping your loved one stay on track, but in this email I’ll just share a couple more quick ones here:
4 Encourage Them to be Independent
Don’t act like your loved one’s babysitter. Encourage them to be independent, and not dependent on you. You want to be supportive, and you want them to feel your support and to know that you’re there for them, but at the same time, you don’t want them to feel as if you’re smothering them. If you have grown children, remember back to when your children were teenagers and were trying to show that they were “grown up.” Your loved one is going through the same thing. Stay close enough that if they want your help, you can help them, but give them enough room that they can do what they can for themselves.
5 Be Their Cheerleader
When your loved one does make advances in their growth, say, in therapy, be their personal cheerleader! Make sure they know that you are on their side, not only NOT nagging them, but being positive and encouraging, and cheering them on to do good so that they don’t get depressed. Even small advances can be good ones.
Being a good supporter isn’t an easy job. But it is so important to your loved one that you encourage them every step of the way.
These are just 5 ways that you can do that. I’m sure that you can come up with more.
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
Hello Dave,
This is my first email to you,I have bi polar,wking is real hard for me,so now i am on disabilty,i have peace of mind today because i am not wking,i have a real hard time in public wking,I have bad feet and bad nerves,My husband treats me like i am 5 yrs old all the time,I grew up with family that thought i was retarded,since i spent my ole child hod in speacial ed,its hard at times,i think what in the world am i gonna do when he dies,his 18 yrs older than me,will i be able to take care of things ok with out a man,i think i can,i dont trust men ethier,i have been several times,i dont seem to be good at that ethier,i feel very dumb,always depresss,i dont take meds i dont like the way they make me feel,I am very moody and have high anxiety,but i dont like to hang around people they all amke me angry,what is wrong with me dave? I know youa rent a doctor of no kind,but anyway thanks for lsitening,keep up the awesome wk u do here,I cant afford your prog,but i do get alot out of your newsletters,life is ahrd for me alot,but no suicidal,I feel like thats not the answer,Trying to live each day is the answer for me,sometimes i am so embaressed about my illness,i have been diagnosed by aprofessional,I have bi polarand sever depression,clinical also,but anyway have a great day dave,angie h
Hi dave 1st of allI’d like to say if I can help with the computer classes just let me know. As for the being too nice I take in eople with Bipolor Disorder that also have addictions. Because noone else wants them. I believe that it is Gods plan in my Life for me is to work with them. I am good with it. I am BiPolor also and have been addicted to drugs at one point in my life. I am so sorry to hear what this person has done to you But I have had it done to me also many times. Sorry noone else let you know what was happening before it got that far. Well got to run Dr. Apts.
Thank you Dave for all that you do for the people you do it for.
Do not worry about things people are saying about you because you are helping to many people to worry about the negative things. I have learn a great deal just from your e-mails and it has help me with my grown daughter with this bipolar disorder. I was lost and had never heard of it. I went through all of this that you are going through with her and her trying to turn the whole family against me. my friends or who ever she would come in contact with. So thank you and continue doing what you do, and I would be greatful to work for you and to help any way I can.
Ann
hi, im 23 years old and i’ve just been diagnosed with bp. its still hard for me to say. anyways, im just starting out with this stuff, and i wanted to thank you for the emails you send me. its nice to attain that knowledge and bit of strength.
Dave, I think the computer tutorials are a good idea. It can really improve efficiency when people know what they are doing. Feel free to email me if you are interested in talking to a competent, experienced computer tech who is also a trained teacher, and seeing if we can help each other.
Susan
Dave:
Yesterday when your Mom told you that she couldn’t believe a bipolar person could do all those bad things your ex-employee did, and you told her that’s exactly how she used to be, and reminded her that she lost 20 jobs… in what way was that being a supporter who keeps her on track?
Being her cheerleader, maybe? You know, being “positive and encouraging”? And how does that fit in with your statement today that the VAST MAJORITY of bipolar employees do GREAT?
You said that, for the most part, the people you have the most problem are people with no disorder. You say that the people who work for you who have disorders out perform the others, and are fantastic. Then you turn around and say that you’re way too nice when it comes to new employees who have one or more disorders. What do you mean by that?
Your e-mail for today sure sounds a lot different from the e-mail you sent out yesterday. By the way, you sure sounded angry yesterday, but shouldn’t you be talking about that to your friends, instead of to people who come to your website for information about bipolar disorder – people who may be suffering or having difficulty with a loved one with bipolar?
Dave,
Having a “too nice” personality is very difficult to change. May I suggest hiring or assigning someone to the task of working with your employees?
When I was a manager we were asked to take several management courses. One of the courses I took was management techniques in dealing with people. One of the secrets to successful business execs is not necessarily due to their own ingenuity and people skills. They often hire middle management that have excellent people skills and know how to get 100% out of their employees, leaving the day to day interaction with employees up to their TRUSTED managers.
If you have a trusted employee (or maybe hire one) that is up to snuff you will find that your business will run smoother (nothing against you) and also your employee’s will be much happier and YOU will have time to catch or complete projects you have on your plate. The key words here are of course is a TRUSTED employee.
Dave,
I recently became caregiver for a lady that has been diagnosed with Bipolar I and is going through a real rough time. I really find your letters so informative and want to thank you for your sight, your input, your links and your virtual support.
If ever I can do something to help you out please let me know. I am a researcher, a computer junkie, a knowledge junkie, research junkie, a book junkie, teaching junkie, entrepreneur, a nurse, mother and grandmother. Most of all I love life and try to live it to the fullest. I have been to that deep dark hole that depression sends you to and have worked my way back out of it several times many years ago. My advice to anyone suffering from any type of depression or mental instability is to GET HELP NOW! Talk to someone, look for support, get medications, get right with the Lord or whatever higher being you believe in. Dealing with these issues is not a “one man” (or woman) task. GET HELP!
Life is so much better when you face your obstacles, have options, choices, and most of all, remember, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!!
Don’t be afraid to ask for help in dealing with what I call the “demons of the mind”. These are not just mental illnesses. They did not just happen, you did not wish it on yourself, your loved one didn’t wish it on themselves. Many times they are physical illnesses or brought on by physical illnesses but remember, YOUR LIFE CAN BE BETTER! Choose to make it so.
Blessings to you and all. Don’t forget, You are not alone!
i have a 17 yr old with bipolar hes had it most of his life so u know its not been a easy rode forus but any way he working at a grocery store but he tried two other places and went back to the same place because its like he learn something one way and does the same thing at the other jobnd thing cant go that way iam just thankful that the people he works for understands and hired him back twice they they know how he is but is a very good worker. but if he quits this time they wont. i try telling him that.hes a good job and i never wanted him to quit to begin with but he just wont listen . he is still in high school and is trying to do what ever he can so he can finish and he struggles with that to. by the way he will turn 18 in oct. thank you for trying to give that person a chance because no matter what the problem everyone deserves a chance but may be the will work for u.
tammy price
anonymous, Hang in there. I was diagnosed in my 20’s and just hit 50 – it just gets better every year! The first good news I got after finding out I was bipolar was that it is VERY treatable. Recently a good friend, and guru of sorts, told me and I now realized that mental illness is actually a gift! Bipolar people are intelligent and creative. We do see some things differently and more intensely and who can say that our perception is not real – life is just an illusion – enjoy!
xID
Thanks for the 5 tips. Can you please give more of the same with specific emphasis on manic phases? I cope fine with supporting my loved one with meds, rest, encouragement etc. but I feel lost when he goes manic
Hi dave I was thinking about the start of your email about hiring someone to help you but making it some kind of telephone course may i suggest using the web a live chat might be better my son is a computer whiz and fixes everyones computer that we know he can offer you advice on the best way to go about your educating yourself and your employee’s.
the five tips sound good to but I can’t get my partner to take his meds as they make him feel rotten but i do keep making him go back to see the docs at least. this does get him out of bed.
About being “way toooo nice!” I have been accused of that soooo many times – call it being vulnerable, gullible, sensitive, “stupid;” but people started taking advantage of me as soon as they meet me. Maybe it’s my Christian upbringing, but I have the feeling that I can’t turn anyone down. That led to a loan to a “friend” of $25,000, for which he hasn’t paid a cent since 2004. I’ve also “loaned” a $10 here and a $20 there to my “druggie” friends when they manipulate me into it. Thank GOD for my ex-boyfriend who, when he came into my life, told me to STOP having ANYTHING to do with these people in my past! I am now holding onto my OWN money, which I desperately need, to pay the IRS and State Tax Dept. because my CPA “overlooked” filing 2005 taxes!
It’s easy to get “suckered in” by some people. It’s their personalities that mesh with yours, and they become your “best friend.” I’ve learned – the hard way – that not EVERYBODY is to be trusted. During my whole life, I’ve always trusted a new acquaintance until they gave me a reason not to. Now, I’m a little more cautious and discerning. It’s taking 60 years, but I’m finally coming to my senses!!
Thanks for the FIVE tips; when I was first on disability, I felt “free” without having to get up and go to “work.” However, I WAS a landlady, and there was always something to be done to the house. I was NEVER bored, although when I moved to my condo, I would watch DVDs EVERY day and night (until I discovered the computer!). Now, I have a reason to get up in the morning, and it has surely helped my growth as a person, not only as a person with bipolar.
I also encourage supporters to have a laissez faire attitude toward their loved one. My Mom used this on me – it basically, in French, means “hands off.” She never believed in mental illness, and treated me as if I was just “acting out.” BUT – she treated me no differently than she treated me all my life, and THAT was a life-saver.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
I just wanted to say thank you.
I live with my partner of almost 20 years and in all this time, I never understood what I now know to be BP (explained through your emails in the last year). She was once told by a counselor and I never understood what it meant. It was almost 3 years ago that her “Irish Twin” died unexpectedly. She was devastated and went into a deep depression. She had quit her job a month before because they weren’t paying her (bad situation) and I supported her decision, knowing that she has never had a problem getting jobs before (she is a wonderful chef). Anyway, long story shorter, between the depression and the economy and the BP, she was unemployed for nearly 3 years. I was fortunate enough to have support and to make enough money to live on (even though I went through my own unemployment during that time). Well, I am happy to say that she got a job yesterday and she is on cloud 9!
I just wanted to say thank you for giving me the tools to deal with her BP and I will continue to read your emails and tips so that our life together will be great again. You were there when I was at my wits end and we settled into ruts that I never thought we’d get out of. I have tried to continue my own interests in activities in the hopes that she will find her own and be less dependent on me. You gave me hope! Thank You!!!
Dave,
I have some experience with computers and would be willing to help. I have a full time job during the day but would be willing to help in the evenings or on the weekends. But I am available by email all the time. I may not know everything about computers but I am fairly proficient with various softwares and programs like excel, word, power point, publisher, infopath, sharepoint, adobe acrobat, etc. I update our webpages and post articles and updates. I managed a call center in our organization as well, so I understand the customer interaction portion of your work. I also do the credit card settlement for our organization, so I have experience with our databases and a bank site so I might be able to offer some ideas or suggestions if you let me know the type of help you are interested in.
Since my son was diagnosed with bipolar disorder with borderline schizophrenia eight months ago, I have struggled and searched to find information that could help me help him. My soon to be ex-husband also had it but at that time I didnt know anything about it, I was determined not to make the same mistakes with my son. It was ironic for me to go to work and maintain a professional mask and then return home to utter chaos-I havent met many that understand what that is like. Then I found your website and started receiving the daily emails and I find them extremely helpful and encouraging, so if I can help – just let me know.
Thank you,
Tonya
Hi Dave, I am a new supporter to the list. My daughter 18 is bipolar , diagnosed since 12. You are amazing in your dedication. I read it everyday and wish you all the best. Having employees are hard and you are fine to express your frustrations here. I know that being the supporter is tough so we all have our days! even you dave. Thank God your are human, right? So right now finding your site and all the info is so much helping me, saving my sanity and helping my whole family. I was losing my direction and all your suggestions today are great. keep on keeping on…… Just to cheer you on, Thanks bunches, Mary
Hi.
“A number of people wrote me that they were totally depressed about…”
What you are doing? …Suggesting depression?
You consider a person with BP similar to a teenager trying to grow up. I have some abstentions.
Bye-bye.
Hi Dave–
I have just subscribed and want to thank you for your information and a place to turn to when I feel so frantic. I have known the erratic behavior of bipolar disorder for most of my life. My Mom, an uncle, my first cousin, and my ex-husband are all bipolar. I did not know this until my ex-husband told me he had been diagnosed. I went on-line, and I was stunned beyond belief! Nearly half of my family is bipolar! No body ever received help…I was the person who people called in the middle of the night. I tried to help–but years of screaming and yelling and drama–all the highs and lows–all their lost jobs and financial disasters. I was exhausted beyond what I understood.
I divorced my husband after 19 years of marriage. That was five years ago. I remarried a man whose ex-wife is bipolar. We thought that was behind us. Today, we take my son to psychiatrist for a diagnosis. I am wrenching and quietly filled with panic. I am worried about everything…the diagnosis, the meds, my son’s life and what may face him. I have seen so much sadness and chaos over the years–and I can hardly breathe with the memories.
My son is 19. My husband, my ex-husband, my dad and I will be with my son today at the initial meeting with the psychiatrist. (Sadly, my Mom recently passed away) I have my first therapy session tomorrow morning to find out how I can help my son…
I am reading everything I can and I want to Thank you again for being on-line with helpful information.
Regards,
Sabrina
Dave,
Thanks for all your support and formation, this is my first time replaying.
I red many BD books, and all the advices are goods, but remember the BD patient have to keep he/her medication, my girlfriend left her medication for 6 months and believe me was a true inferno (sheand her
daughter, live with me) now she stared again because she realize my discomfort and if she don’t cooperate i will give up.
Thanks again and good luck
Sorry for my English writing, I am Hispanic (Gracias)
Dave, Karl here, I enjoy reading your articals. Their informative, your references to other matreials is good. I am an active member of R.R.T. “Recovery Repertory Theater”, we put on plays (free) that adresss recovery issues here in Memphis,TN. area. Even though I’m an “earth person”, they have managed to tolerate me for the last 6 to 7 years. I am finding that amoung them there are so many that are bipolar and had “self medacated using alcohal and or drugs, and our plays are centered around recovery and working the steps. Your information is giving me a better understanding of them and what makes them tick. I just wish more people, “normal people” that is, would take an intress in trying to understand why they are as they are. Anyone can set back and judge and complain, but it takes a “real person”, like, yourself and your staff, to care enough to do “something”. Don’t strive for profection… just improvement… doing “something” is a fare greater thing than expecting “George to do it”…. After all, didn’t Christ say ” Go forth and LOVE thy neighbor”… to love thy neighbor is to try to understand … Your doing a good deed. Keep it up and keep it going……..Karl
Hey Dave,
My first E-mail to you. I have a boyfriend that was diagnosed Bipolar about 2 years ago. He has probably been hypo-manic his whole life and has full blown mania at times. I have alot of understanding for this because I’m a psychiatric nurse. I encouraged him to go to a psychiatrist 2 years ago and they immediately put him on an antipsychotic med. He has alot of delusions—–thinks he has all the answers to everything and if we don’t listen he becomes very angry. He is also very paranoid about anyone in authority–ie the police,the government etc etc. Pressured speech, talks nonstop. His brother is bipolar and his mother was also—she commited suicide. I could go on forever but I won’t. My problem is that he is very resistant to the diagnosis and especially to taking meds—like most manics. His doctor was an idiot and didn’t manage his case well and he would’t listen to me even when we had a written release of info for me to speak with him. He was afraid of something legal I’m sure because Brian is very smart and when he was psychotic he recended the release of info. He was on an antipsychotic only for about a year—he hated it because he felt he was dumbed down. He also had no sex drive and couldn’t perform sexually. He was very sedated so the doctor took him off the antipsychotic and put him on only a mood stabalizer–lithium. Within 2 mos. the psychotic features came back—-so then he put him on a baby dose of an much less strong antipsychotic and he continued to get worse. He started lying to me and using MJ to calm himslf down. Things went downhill and I made him move out. Then he took himself off all medication and started using “natural herbs” and such crap!!! After a couple of months of that I finaly gave him an ultimatum to get back on some meds and get a new doctor (he fired the last one). He didn’t respond. Now 2 mos. later I am seeing him again and he is still off meds–we both want to be in each others life—we truely love each other but I don’t want to be his caretaker!!!! He has lost yet another job and I feel is going backwards. When he first started meds he got back his drivers license and social security # (which he had mailed back to the “man”) ,got a job and a car and started to get back on track with life. Understand this is a once very motivated man——played football for university of Tenn. for 4 years while getting an engineering degree—then was drafted into the NFL. When he was a kid he used to read encyclopedias for fun. A brainac. This is true to form for most MANICS!!! My problem is it is real hard for me to be in a relationship with this man as he is without meds—-how do I get him to see the light? He does see a therapist but I’m not sure if this therapist encouraged him to get off the meds because I can’t talk to him. Alls I know is that all the talk therapy,AA meetings(he is an alcoholic–not drinking for the past 4 years) will not make his irritability (this is his depressive side) and mania go away. I do not want to be his caretaker constantlly monitoring his behavior—he has to be accountable also—-but he is manic and does not have a basis for reality. What to do—-very conflicted——love the man——-but do I save myself or maybe he will see the light—he says that he is not closed to meds but doesn’t move in that direction. Please give me any pearls of wisdom!!!!!!! Thanks, Bebe
Dear Myo,
I don’t think you really understand this website. You have written a number of challenging emails to David Oliver, but from reading them, what I could understand of them…I think you are on the wrong website. FYI.
Thanks for the awesome e-mail you sent me Dave. I am a very bi-polar person, and I do have an awesome spouse who helps me keep on track, what you sent me will help him even more. There are days that are tough for him to deal with, but it really helps to have a support system from your spouse, thanks Dave, and if you have any more info about Spouses living with Bi-polar partners, please send all you have, that would be soooo awesome!!
Christine Cantrill, Prince George BC, Canada
Cantrill.Christine@Gmail.com
To BEBE: I think you’ve answered your own question. Having been a psychiatric nurse, you’ve seen the results of bipolar people OFF their medications, and you say this man that you love is OFF his medications, and should you go ahead and LOVE him??!!
There is NO cure for bipolar disorder; no natural herbs can do what the chemicals in antipsychotic meds can/will do for a person with bipolar. Since he resists taking pills for his biplolar, you should see to it that he DOES go to a shrink and get some. From my standpoint, it sounds as if he is taking you for a ride, and is being VERY irresponsible.
Perhaps if you told him how you really feel about him, give him some examples of really “crazy” people OFF their meds, it MIGHT help him AND you. As Ann Landers used to say: “Wake up and smell the coffee.”
I’m sorry if I’m so harsh, but I was in love with a paranoid schizophrenic, so I KNOW how much it hurts when the one you love has a mental illness. He couldn’t be helped much, and spent about a third of our time together in the State Mental Hospital. You have a choice: get him on meds, or, run, don’t walk, away. This way, you’ll have more peace of mind.
Trying to be your friend,
Suzanne
Dave,
Your suggestion about a BP buddy would be nice and also helpful…..
How do I find one???
I am 55 and live in Arkansas, I have BP myself.
I am currently not working but have a very outgoing personality.
Would love to hear from someone.
Joni
Dave
You started something great ia’m sure that people that dont get anything out of the information you send out, there would be just as many that do, i am a carer and find a lot of the information very helpfull, Some people just cant seam to see that your not a proffesional or doctor and that your doing this out of the goodness of your heat, so dont worrie about what other people say, they have the choice to go and seek help some other placess.
I think starting a commputer group of some sort would be fantastic, interaction and sharing thoughts and ideas between people whom have the same problems in life ”mental illnes” not only for the people with but also the carer, I would imagine that you would need a monitor?
I think your doing a great job keep it up
If your spouse had bi-polar disorder instead of your mother, would you have walked away a long time ago? If you mother had wiped out your bank account to where you could not pay your basic bills or allowed the wrong kind of people in your house while you’re away ( Some woman stole my perfume, make-up, clothes, shoes, and of course cds and dvds while I was away for school for two weeks), or kept company that stole, delt drugs, and possibly killed people, would you have chosen to walk away? My husband has decided to get help and has been taking medication and has held a job for 4 months now. I am currently deployed to Iraq, so I cannot see what he is doing or whether he has been able to change any of his habits. And yes, he is a magnificent liar. I have been wrestling with the thought of walking away when I return home. I am pretty sure that, if I leave he will stop taking his medications and end up killing himself with drugs/alchohol or with the type people he usually hangs with. He is so dependent on me. Everything good thing (normal things for you and I) that he does he reiterates that I am his reason. I would like to know honestly, would you walk away?
Dave,
You obviously have compassion for the complications surrounding bipolar disorders plus a great writing ability to make a lesson out of everyday, common events. Keep on encouraging others.
As for hiring folks, I have a strong payroll background and done hiring and firing. People change. Sometimes what is presented in an interview and with work history checks doesn’t always mean a person will be productive in a new position.
I have an adult son who is bipolar. Perhaps you could write about a supporter dealing with leaving an inheritance to one with bipolar.
My husband has a hobby friend who is just coming out of a depression that lasted over a couple years. During that time, the friend lost his job, friends and went through days when he would not get his mail, answer the phone, or leave his home. My husband seems to be the one this guy turns to when he’s hurting. WHen this person calls, I can tell when he is down by his voice. He has recently been diagnosed as bipolar.
Hi Dave
FANTASTIC ADVICE! I couldn’t agree with you more. What I have noticed with my BD husband, is that stress definitely has a serious impact. So what I do is simply to try and sort out any problems that he doesn’t NEED to know about. (His father left a message a week ago that my hubby’s brother’s family has no food and money). Sounds like BP too… Anyway, I just contacted his sister who found out the real situation for me – which is no serious crisis – and I kept the whole episode to myself, because I know he is already stressed. Another thing – I check him from taking on too many commitments, which he is prone to do, and afterwards feels burned out. There’s is lots more where this came from!
Much love and keep up the good work!
Johanita
Dear Dave
Why have people become psychotic? It goes back to the Great Depression – Depression, Manic depression, Schizophrenia, Anxiety are all illnesses that are caused bya chemical imbalance. The above can be inherited – as it get’s passed on to the next generation the symptoms becomes worse. People have made them hooked on the wrong treatments – alcohol, drugs etc. These cause more havock as it kills most off their healthy brain cells. Their levels becomes uncontrollable and if they do not get professional treatment they become psychotic that is why people kill, commit suicide and commit other crimes. The medication do have a positive effect – it controls their behaviour. If this can be promoted the world can become a better place and less children and adults will fall prey to drugs and alcohol.
I have been living in the darknes most of my life – not realising what is the real cause. I went and did research. What I have learnt is that your brain is very powerful. Your brain is controlling your thinking, behaviour, attitude, happiness, anger, frustration and emotions. If you have no control over all the above – your brain takes over and you become uncontrollable as a person.
The world in darkness.
Dedicated to those who need spiritual and emotional healing
Stifle the quality of life walk in faith.
We cannot prevent daily circumstances that can interfere with our daily life whether you are a housewife, business person, doctor, nurse, lawyer etc.
It happens all the time and we must learn to have control over whatever the situation might be. You get up in the morning without thinking that God has allowed us to see a new day in life, and to thank Him every minute of the day. We have become so within ourselves – caught in our own situations – conditions- circumstances. Families are breaking up you and your neighbours have become strangers and so it go on that even countries get along with oneanother.
THE WORLD AND ITS PEOPLE ARE LIVING IN ANIMOSITY – MONEY HAS BECOME SO POWERFUL THAT PEOPLE WILL KILL ONEANOTHER.
THANK DAVE
HAVE A BLESSED DAY
Dave, Thank you for all your selfless advice. Sadly, out there, you will inevitably find those who are looking for a scapegoat. It is hard when you come under attack unjustly, but if your conscience is good that’s all at the end of the day that matters. The price of ‘nice’ is costly as I have discovered. Only in therapy could I see the consequences of always endeavoring to justify the negative reactions of others. Still not there, well into my sixties, but at least there is an awareness that it is ok to say NO sometimes and mean it. Maybe we bipolars (I am bp11) learned to be submissive after bout of intense anger accompanied by guilt? Thanx again for your support.
Dave, Thank you for all your selfless advice. Sadly, out there, you will inevitably find those who are looking for a scapegoat. It is hard when you come under attack unjustly, but if your conscience is good that’s all at the end of the day that matters. The price of ‘nice’ is costly as I have discovered. Only in therapy could I see the consequences of always endeavoring to justify the negative reactions of others. Still not there, well into my sixties, but at least there is an awareness that it is ok to say NO sometimes and mean it. Maybe we bipolars (I am bp11) learned to be submissive after bouts of intense anger accompanied by guilt? .
Dave,
Wow, just sitting here reading all the replies. It amazes me the estent of all the knowledge of Bipolar all your readers have. I grew up with a Bipolar mother, although back then it was manic depression.She was a great mother when she wasn’t drinking and took her meds. But when she wasn’t….. I was 5 the first time I remember(what I would call now a “cycle”) her “mean time” thats all I knew to call it. She was drunk as usual and passed out on the couch and I was hungry so I woke her up and asked for food. Consequently, I was beaten with a belt all the way to my room where I was locked in til she got up. And as usual after every beating session she would apologize and be very loving and the whole time not remember what she had done. My life has seemed to follow in suit, however I don’t spank my kids except the occasional swat on the rear for something major. I live in fear of becoming her. In recent times I have shown symptoms of bipolar disorder, but it is yet to be diagnosed. I feel for all of these people but in comparison my symptoms are minor. I am a student in pre-med hoping to go into obstetrics. I also plan on using this information as a case study for one of my classes, but don’t worry I won’t use anyone’s story without consent. I will offer this bit of advice I have learned over the years, Knowledge is power the more you learn about mental illness the better it is for you to support a person with mental illness or to support yourself. Mental illness is very important to get diagnosis and treatment for and if you or your loved one has it, you should never be without a support system! Always tell someone when you are feeling like you cycling down, because that is the moment when most start to plan their demise. The patient in question, will appear to be happy and all is well then they take their life. I have lived this personally. Dave, although you are not a medical provider, this website and newsletter is an awesome form of information and I hope you continue to get it out there, and don’t worry about the negative posts. I know when I read them that I can see why my mother did what she did. But you know what else? I forgave her, the hardest thing to do next to childbirth(lol) but I did. We have a relationship now, only because she has been sober for 15 years and she is on her meds. It can never be like it should since my childhood was robbed from me, not just by her, but I forgave her and we talk daily. I hope someone can take something good from this and apply it to their life and keep on managing. Life outside of Bipolar is possible and there is a beautiful world out there underneath it all! Keep rocking dave!
Dave,
I agree with Melinda. I just don’t think you can be nice to some bi-polar people. Especially the ones in denial that there is anything wrong with them in the first place, i.e. everyone else is a jerk. My experience has been that these people often are difficult, mean-spirited bullies. When you call them on their bad behavior, the response is very hostile. Then they try to wrangle up sympathy from anyone they can that YOU are a jerk, usually beginning with people who are important to you. I’ve just written people like this off… they’re out of my life for good, unless they can come back with some real recognition of their problems and the grief they cause people around them, people who care about them. When you hold people accountable for their behavior, you do them a favor. I think people who forgive again and again and again just make themselves miserable and they further enable bad behavior from the offender. Hold someone’s feet to the fire and something will change… probably for the better. It’s not to be vendictive, it’s to help a person recognize issues they have that are holding them back from being the best they can be in life.
Hey Dave:
As a former owner of a computer business as well as 25 years experience on college faculties teaching technology subjects, I have some thoughtful ideas abaout computer training for you and your staff.
It would be helpful to speak to offline about this, so is there a direct email address or phone number that I can reach you at? I’m not asking for your personal cell phone number–enough people have that already! (I read your daily emails…) In your Inner Cirlcle newsletters you list a fax number so that is an option for communication. Let me know how I can help. I’m in your database so you should be able to find me.
Jim G.
Kenosha, WI
Inner Circle Member
Dave,
I’ve been reading your emails for a few weeks now. This one really hit home to me. My 19 year old son was diagnosed as bipolar just over 3 months ago. We have been working to find the right dosage of his medication, but he has shown a lot of improvement. Our biggest challenge is motivating him to “do” something. He had to quit his last job because it was a restaurant/bar, working the late shift. We found out the hard way that he was staying on after work and drinking with his “buddies”. We haven’t been able to get him to really try to go out and find a new job. He feels like it is a waste of time…that he won’t be able to find and keep a job. He does have a small parttime job, but it is barely enough to make his car payment (if he doesn’t blow his tips before they make it to the bank). He either sleeps most of the day or goes out to do something fun with friends. He has worked on some productive projects, but fluctuates between those and just playing around. I’m about at my wit’s end, trying to motivate him without being a nag.
We have finally found a couselor, which we will start going to next week. I’m hoping that he will be able to help us in this area. It is so hard for me to know how to be supportive, yet not become an enabler. I would LOVE to see more advice on this!
Thanks for your emails. I would love to order one or more of your courses, but with our son not being able to pay his bills, our finances just won’t cover it at this time. I’ve had to recently return to work just to make ends meet (after being a stay at home mom for 30 years). Keep up the good work.
Is anyone out there? I’ve given up on supporting the bad behaviors of my bi-polar sister-in-law. I don’t want my kids around her. It has split our family in two. My husband supports my decision, but my in-laws want me to forget her bad behaviours and just accept it. I cannot… I was threatened with physical violence and I could see in her eyes and tell from her words she meant it. Now my kids have no contact with their grandparents or their cousin (her daughter) whom they really love – who, incidentally seems to be heading down the same path.
We’re at the denial of any illness phase, the she’s just got a bad temper and everyone needs to accept it phase. It’s more than that – she geniunely wishes me ill and will stop at nothing to see it happen. She is fixating all her problems on me. How can you support someone like this? I’m opting to run away as fast as I can! For my sake and my kids. I’s bad enough we lost our sister, we’ve lost a lot more than just one family member here. Anyone else have this kind of situation? Any advise?
Dave,
I have been a subscriber to your list for quite a while now, however,as much as I would like to, cannot afford your program. I have read what you say about a bipolar spouse having an affair and not to believe anything they say. It is so hard. We have been married for 12 years and he was finally diagnosed about 3 years ago. It has been quite a roller coaster. Still on it. He has moved out again (5th time in 4 years), having an affair with another woman he met in school. He finally graduated (yea, i didn’t think he would ever do that), and now he says he doesn’t love me, he hasn’t loved me for the past 3-4 years, the only reason he ever comes back is because of our 4 kids. I really don’t know how to handle this situation. He moved out about 2 weeks ago, yet still comes by or talks to me almost every day. Says he needs to get his life straight and get a job. He is typical bipolar, won’t hold a job, sexual promiscuity, addictions (alcohol & pills), angers easily, but never physical abuse, but mental and emotional abuse. He won’t stick with his treatment, says he doesn’t want to be on pills the rest of his life, but he really needs them. Please help, I need some advice as to whether to just back off and let him think about things or do I step in and try to do something about it? He is also taking 1 of our children (his biological, but I have raised him for 12 years he is 14), but leaving the other 3 behind. I have expressed my concern about him taking him out of the stable environment into one that is uncertain, but he won’t hear anything about it. I need to do something, these kids deserve stability, even if I am the only sign of stability that they know. Please help.