Hi,

Remember what is commonly called the Serenity Prayer? “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.”

Well, today I want to talk about the “accept the things I cannot change” part. That’s important when it comes to coping and dealing with bipolar disorder. It’s trying to change the things you CAN’T change that leads to stress and anxiety, and that’s what’s bad when it comes to bipolar disorder. Stress leads to depression, and sometimes physical problems as well, even fatal ones. In someone with bipolar disorder, stress can lead to a bipolar episode.

There are some things you CAN change, but there are other things you CAN’T change. You can’t change other people. It’s up to them to change themselves. And that’s only if they want to – you can’t do it for them. You can’t always change the situation around you (although sometimes you can, and I’ll talk about that in a minute). You can’t change the world, as much as you might like to sometimes. You can’t change the place you’re in, usually. Especially in this economy. Most of us are lucky to be holding on to our homes these days, and couldn’t afford another house even if we wanted to. You can’t change things. Things just are the way they are. For example, you just can’t change the fact that your loved one has bipolar disorder. It’s just a fact. You may not like it, but you also can’t change it. The only thing you can do about things you can’t change is to accept them.

A friend of mine told me this quote from one of her daily readings, and I think it applies here:

“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.”

I think that’s what it’s all about. Finding serenity, or peace of mind, in whatever situation you’re in right now. In other words, accepting what you can’t change. If you can come to the place where you can accept that your loved one has bipolar disorder and you can’t change that fact, then you can do something about it – You can start learning how to cope with it.

Remember the old expression, “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Well, this is sort of the same thing. You can work with what you have, if you accept it. If you don’t, it won’t get you anywhere, anyway. And it might make you sicker, trying to change what you can’t change, getting all stressed out and, like I said, getting stressed out can lead to depression and other things. And that is something you DON’T want!

For supporters, you won’t go into an episode like your loved one with bipolar disorder might, but the stress can make you not as good a supporter as you can be, if you don’t accept the things you can’t change. The main point I’m trying to make is to accept the things you can’t change, and work with the things you CAN change, and you’ll be much more able to manage your loved one’s bipolar disorder, and to be a better supporter.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave