Hi,<\/p>\n
I got this email the other day that I wanted to share with you, even though it\u2019s on a sensitive
\ntopic:<\/p>\n
\u201cDear Dave:<\/p>\n
I love my husband very much, even though he has bipolar disorder. But we have a big problem.
\nHe just isn\u2019t interested in sex any more. I don\u2019t know why. Sometimes I worry that it\u2019s me. But
\nsomeone told me it\u2019s probably the bipolar disorder, like maybe it\u2019s because of his medication. Have you run into this problem before? What do you think about it?\u201d<\/p>\n
——————————————————————————————————————–<\/p>\n
There are many issues that arise in supporting a bipolar spouse that are different than if you
\nwere just supporting a family member; issues such as physical intimacy, like this woman
\nwrites about in this email.<\/p>\n
Your spouse may have lost their sex drive due to the medication they are on. They could have lost it due to their bipolar depression. Or they could even have lost it due to self-esteem issues because of weight gain from their medication. These are just some of the reasons why your
\nloved one could have lost their sex drive.<\/p>\n
There may also be reasons why you may have lost sexual desire for your spouse, such as:<\/p>\n
\u2022 They don\u2019t take care of themselves (i.e., grooming) like they used to.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They have gained a lot of weight from their medication.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Their bipolar disorder itself is a turn-off.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They can\u2019t reach orgasm during sexual intercourse.<\/p>\n
\u2022 You have trouble seeing them as a mate; they seem more like your child more often than not.<\/p>\n
\u2022 You have problems because they cheated on you during a manic episode.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Your sexual advances are always met with rejection, so you\u2019ve given up trying.
\nThese are some of the reasons why you and your spouse may be having intimacy problems.<\/p>\n
One of the biggest points I just made is the one about having trouble seeing your spouse as your mate because they seem more like your child more often than not. This could be because you\u2019ve fallen into a caretaking role instead of a supporter role.<\/p>\n
Maybe when you married them they didn\u2019t have bipolar disorder, or at least they weren\u2019t diagnosed yet.<\/p>\n
You entered into this relationship as most couples do \u2013 as partners. However, your roles changed as your spouse became ill, and you became more of a caretaker.<\/p>\n
If you find that you\u2019ve become the caretaker, ask yourself the following questions:<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you really need to be doing all that you do for your partner? Are there things
\nthat you do that they could do for themselves but you don\u2019t give them a chance
\nto do?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Is this a role you tend to assume in relationships? If so, what about the role is
\nfulfilling for you? Are there other ways that you can meet these needs, ones that might
\nbe better for you and for your relationships?<\/p>\n
\u2022 What does your partner do that elicits your caregiving behavior? How can you respond
\nto these signals other than by \u201ctaking over?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 If your partner does require some degree of care, are other resources (individuals,
\norganizations, facilities, etc.) available, or that could be made available, that could help
\nout and lighten your load?<\/p>\n
\u2022 How can you help your partner be more independent? What skills can they develop
\nthat will enable them to do more on their own? How can you support the development of these skills?<\/p>\n
\u2022 What do you do to take care of your needs?<\/p>\n
If your spouse is very ill at times, understandably you will have to take on the role of caretaker
\nduring those periods. Just be sure that you don\u2019t extend this level of assistance beyond what is necessary \u2013 in other words, know when to go back to your supporter role.<\/p>\n
Well, I have to go!<\/p>\n
Your Friend,<\/p>\n
Dave<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hi,<\/p>\n
I got this email the other day that I wanted to share with you, even though it\u2019s on a sensitive
\ntopic:<\/p>\n
\u201cDear Dave:<\/p>\n
I love my husband very much, even though he has bipolar disorder. But we have a big problem.
\nHe just isn\u2019t interested in sex any more. I don\u2019t know why. Sometimes I worry that it\u2019s me. But
\nsomeone told me it\u2019s probably the bipolar disorder,<\/p>\n