Hi,<\/p>\n
It\u2019s obvious that things like a heart attack or stroke would be considered a trauma, wouldn\u2019t you
\nagree?<\/p>\n
Well, experts liken the following things to trauma level as well:<\/p>\n
\u2022 Change in job
\n\u2022 Marriage
\n\u2022 Divorce
\n\u2022 Having a baby
\n\u2022 Graduating from school
\n\u2022 Buying a house
\n\u2022 Getting a new car
\n\u2022 Moving
\n\u2022 Having an operation
\nIt\u2019s easy to see how these things might be considered so, when you think of it in light of the fact that they are all major changes in a person\u2019s life. But the reason they consider these things actual
\ntraumas is that they elicit physical responses in people \u2013 remember the old \u201cfight or flight\u201d
\nresponse? Well, it\u2019s something like that. They can bring about high anxiety or nervousness,
\nand high amounts of stress in a person\u2019s life.<\/p>\n
When facing something like a trauma, like one of the things I listed above, or any major change,
\nyour loved one may experience an actual bipolar episode. If they do, they may start taking things out on you, just because you are the person closest at hand. Believe it or not, they may treat you poorly because they trust you so much. I know that it sounds like a contradiction, but it\u2019s true.<\/p>\n
It could also be because you\u2019ve accepted this behavior in the past, so they feel that they can
\ndo it again and get away with it. If you have let them get away with poor treatment of you in the past, they have no reason to believe that you won\u2019t accept it in the future.<\/p>\n
It doesn\u2019t even have to go that far. For example, it could be anything to get their way. Say your loved one doesn\u2019t get their way. So they pick a fight with you. And you give in, so they get what they want. This way they learn that every time things don\u2019t go their way, all they have to do is fight with you, and they will get what they want.<\/p>\n
All you\u2019ve done is reinforce their negative behavior, whether you meant to do it or not. I\u2019m sure you don\u2019t like this. You probably want this to stop. So what can you do about it? Well, stop it, of course! But how?<\/p>\n
Well, you need to set limits. And you need to establish consequences for poor behavior. Then you need to be consistent in meting out those consequences if your loved one breaks the limits you have set. It\u2019s almost like dealing with a child. What did your parents do when you were a child and you threw a tantrum? Well, for certain you didn\u2019t get what you wanted. In other words, they set a limit. Then you probably either got spanked, or they just ignored you (didn\u2019t reinforce your negative behavior).<\/p>\n
In other words, you paid a consequence for breaking the limit they set. You need to do the same thing with your loved one. Say you want them to stop fighting with you and getting their own way. So you might say something to them like: \u201cI love you, but if you insist on fighting with me every time you don\u2019t get your own way, I\u2019m going to ignore you when you do that.\u201d<\/p>\n
You have established a limit (their fighting)\u2026And a consequence of their behavior (you will ignore them). You could even make sure they understand what will happen if they do it again by having them repeat it back to you.<\/p>\n
Then comes the crucial part. The very next time they fight with you, you MUST ignore them!
\nAnd you must do it every single time they fight with you, until they stop the behavior. When they see that this no longer works, believe me, they will stop doing it.<\/p>\n
Well, I have to go!<\/p>\n
Your Friend,<\/p>\n
Dave<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hi,<\/p>\n
It\u2019s obvious that things like a heart attack or stroke would be considered a trauma, wouldn\u2019t you
\nagree?<\/p>\n
Well, experts liken the following things to trauma level as well:<\/p>\n
\u2022 Change in job
\n\u2022 Marriage
\n\u2022 Divorce
\n\u2022 Having a baby
\n\u2022 Graduating from school
\n\u2022 Buying a house
\n\u2022 Getting a new car
\n\u2022 Moving
\n\u2022 Having an operation
\nIt\u2019s easy to see how these things might be considered so,<\/p>\n