Hi,<\/p>\n
I recently heard a story about a woman whose husband was an alcoholic. And she was frustrated\u00a0(and all sorts of other negative feelings) because of it. The biggest thing she felt, though, was anger and resentment toward him because she had to keep “covering up” for his behavior. He would do something when he was drunk, and she would have to “bail” him out of it. In fact, one time she actually did. She had to bail him out of jail after he got a DUI \u2013 drinking and driving. But she would constantly make excuses for his behavior. If he was hungover and couldn’t go into work that day, she would call his boss and make up some excuse for him. If he was drunk at a family gathering or something, her “cover up” (excuse) was usually that he was “just tired.”<\/p>\n
She even made excuses to herself, to justify her husband’s behavior. “He’s just been stressed out,” she would think. She was even afraid that she might have something to do with the reason why he drank, so she made more excuses. He squandered away so much money on a gambling\u00a0spree when he was drunk one time, that his wife had enough. She stopped covering up for him, and she wouldn’t even stand for his own excuse for it.<\/p>\n
It had gotten to the point where she told him he needed to take responsibility for his own actions and the consequences of those actions. For example, she told him that if he ever got arrested for drunk driving again, that she would NOT bail him out. In other words, she set a boundary. Now she just has to stick with it \u2013 if it does, indeed , happen, she can NOT bail him out of jail, even if she wants to, or else he will keep repeating the bad behavior.<\/p>\n
Well\u2026Eventually things got worse, and she stopped covering up for him at work, so he lost his job. Their relationship suffered so greatly that even her self-excuse that maybe she had something to do with his drinking didn’t hold water for her anymore. She tried to get him to take responsibility for himself and to go get help, but he refused. Finally, this woman left her husband.<\/p>\n
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You might be asking what this story about the alcoholic has to do with bipolar disorder. Or else you’ve seen the parallel between this woman’s story and your own. When someone with bipolar disorder is unstable, they can act just like this alcoholic man. They can go into a manic episode and do all sorts of things, leaving you to clean up the mess behind them. You better not do this!<\/p>\n
If you keep making excuses for your loved one’s bipolar behavior, you may end up like the woman in the story. Your loved one needs to learn to take responsibility for themselves, their actions (in or out of an episode), and the consequences of those actions. What if your loved one gets arrested during a manic episode (for reckless driving, or shoplifting). What would you do?<\/p>\n
The first time, bail them out, probably. But what if it happens again? It would be just like the wife of the alcoholic.<\/p>\n
Sometimes, the only way your loved one will take responsibility is if you make them. If you are not there to bail them out. If you stop making excuses (or covering up) for them. If you set boundaries and limits, and stick to them. If you make them pay their own consequences.<\/p>\n
Well, I have to go!<\/p>\n
Your Friend,<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Dave<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hi,<\/p>\n
I recently heard a story about a woman whose husband was an alcoholic. And she was frustrated\u00a0(and all sorts of other negative feelings) because of it. The biggest thing she felt, though, was anger and resentment toward him because she had to keep “covering up” for his behavior. He would do something when he was drunk, and she would have to “bail” him out of it. In fact, one time she actually did.<\/p>\n