Hi,<\/p>\n
First HAPPY FATHER’S DAY if you have a Father’s
day wherever you are. I have to write that
because there are almost 100,000 people now
on my lists and in some places, there is
no Father’s Day. <\/p>\n
With that said, I think my mom is going to be
making brunch for my dad and myself. In
thinking about this, I was thinking about
the bipolar supporter lie–something I
don’t think I have ever written about
only talked about with people who filled
out my forms for f.ree consultations
for non medical and non legal questions
because I am NOT a doctor, lawyer,
financial person, insurance agent, etc.<\/p>\n
The consultations are a f.ree bonus gift
with any of these courses\/systems:<\/p>\n
SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/report11<\/p>\n
SUPPORTING A CHILD\/TEEN?
Visit:
http:\/\/www.bipolarparenting.com<\/p>\n
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http:\/\/www.survivebipolar.net<\/p>\n
Anyway, with that said, just as I wrote
this, I got the “holiday phone call” from my mom.<\/p>\n
I will go over a few things today. First the
holiday phone call is when my mom takes a holiday
and one that can be very simple and not a big
deal and creates a whole lot of drama about
it. Which currently is happening right now.<\/p>\n
So now my mom is telling me she is not making
brunch we are going somewhere and I have to
be there at EXACTLY the right time or else.<\/p>\n
Her therapist, doctor and myself believe that
one of my mom’s symptoms or results of having
bipolar disorder is that when events come,
she blows them out of proportion and tries
to do way too much which ultimately, if left
unchecked, ramps her into mania.<\/p>\n
The thing that makes it so bad for me is
that a) I don’t want to have anything to
do with grief or stress b) other family
members wind up not want to go to any
events with my mom if she does stuff
like this c) that means that my mom
is reduced to myself and my dad on
all holidays or events d) that means
I am not going to have fun.<\/p>\n
So today it already started which in my
head honestly makes me want to disappear
and not go–this is exactly what my brother
has done and is doing. My brother has
effectively disowned us (my mom, dad and
myself) and doesn’t speak to us no matter
what. <\/p>\n
It all started a while ago when my brother
claims my mom didn’t baby sit for him
when she said that she was going to. My brother
was super mad and demanded that I yell at
my mom which I was not going to because I am
not going to start World War 3 and then be the
person that has to deal with it. <\/p>\n
I told him that if my mom went into an episode
I would be the one dealing with it. He didn’t
like that answer and my dad stayed out of it
and as a result my brother banned us from
all holiday get together at his house
including but not limited to Christmas,
Thanksgiving, Father’s day, Mother’s day,
family cookouts, etc.<\/p>\n
Here’s where the bipolar supporter lie comes
in.<\/p>\n
Last year, my mom didn\u2019t believe that my
brother would NOT invite her to Thanksgiving.
She waited to the very last second. I was
on standby waiting as well to get a call
from my mom to know what to do. I know
for sure my Thanksgiving was going to
be horrible. I was super mad that I
had to have a bad one because of my
mom. Part of me wanted to say forget
it and just go and hang out with one
of 10 friends that invited me over.
But I felt like the right thing to do
was to stay and wait.<\/p>\n
So at like 3:00pm my mom final realized
my brother wasn’t going to invite us.
Then the scramble came to try to find
some place open so we could go. Guess
what? Well since nobody got reservations
we were forced to go to a place that
was not good. It was a total nightmare.<\/p>\n
I was so mad I didn’t even speak. I seriously
considered cutting off my family because
they ruined yet ANOTHER Thanksgiving.
I can’t tell you in my life how many
holidays, birthdays etc, have been ruined
for me because of bipolar disorder.
Ask my mom and she would say this is not
true but it is.<\/p>\n
Okay, so back to the Thanksgiving story. After
Thanksgiving, many of my friends called and
ask how mine was and then I was faced with
a problem…<\/p>\n
DO I LIE? <\/p>\n
I felt I couldn’t say that I didn’t go
to my brothers, it was horrible, so on and so
forth. So I actually came up with a solution
that wasn’t a lie. I simply said, “Well,
it was okay, how’s yours?” By doing
this all my friends talked about theirs
instead of mine. <\/p>\n
I did have to reveal that I didn’t go to
my brothers and since we had been doing
that for years, many friends asked why.
I just said, “Oh he wasn’t around.” Which
is true because he wasn’t around us. <\/p>\n
People ask me all the time should they
lie about what is really going on when it
comes to supporting someone with bipolar
disorder. I must say, if you lied about
these things I wouldn’t find fault with you.
I mean if you had to lie and say:<\/p>\n
I had a great time and you really didn’t
Things went okay when they really didn’t
We had fun when you really didn’t
She’s doing okay when she’s really doing very badly
I can’t wait until next year when you really can wait until
next year.
Etc.<\/p>\n
When you are supporting someone with bipolar
disorder, things get so darn complicated it’s almost
impossible to explain situations and events to people
who are not part of the bipolar supporter family. If
you and I were talking, I would get it right away. Try
to explain stuff that goes on to Bob your neighbor
and it’s hard. Or explain it co Co-worker Mary,
might be very difficult.<\/p>\n
Here is my tip for the day. When you know people
are going to ask, develop a story that is vague
enough that isn’t technically a lie. Maybe it’s
a white lie but not a hard core lie. I do this
all the time.<\/p>\n
I know for sure today, my friends will ask me
“how was father’s day.”<\/p>\n
I will say “Same as always.” Which is true, it
most likely will be bad which is the same it
has been for at least the last 15 years.
I can’t think of any question that I would
be asked that would force me to have to talk
about what goes on with my mom and how it
produces 50 different problems for me.<\/p>\n
I wrote this email today not for you to
feel bad for me because I don’t need you
to but it’s to make the thousands of people
on my list that are suffering because their
loved one’s are out of control. People call
and write me and ask if I ever have problems
any more with my mom and if it’s all perfect.
It’s not. I do have problems but I create
solutions for the problems.<\/p>\n
But today, there will be lots of drama
because it’s Father’s day and I am 99% sure
my mom will say all kinds of things that create
all kinds of problems because this is her
pattern on every single holiday which makes
it so hard for me because I don’t have normal
holidays. <\/p>\n
It would be easy for me to vanish, and tell
my parents, “Oh I will be in California, sorry
can’t make the next 25 holidays.” I think about
this because I have friends all over the us and
many know that I suffer during holidays and think
it’s not fair. When I think of this, I feel bad
leaving my dad stuck with my mom and just the
two of them so then I wind up putting up with
it again. <\/p>\n
Bottom line is, when there is a calendar holiday
it’s probably going to be bad for me. <\/p>\n
So what I have done is I create non calendar holidays
for myself without my mom and dad and that way
I can have some kind of life and fun. Otherwise
I would probably be really mad all the time considering
I haven’t had a peaceful non dramatic holiday in
I can’t even remember how long if ever.<\/p>\n
Anyway, I have to run and prepare for all the different
things that can happen today which is a pain but someone
has to do it.<\/p>\n
BUT FINAL NOTE
There is a family get together occurring in Texas
in July that I will NOT be at. I can NOT go
due to business things that I have to take care of.
It will be very interesting to see how this is handled
and how my mom comes back from Texas. <\/p>\n
I of course will keep you posted and point out
lessons to learn so you don’t make the same mistakes
if any.<\/p>\n
Have to run. Have a great day.<\/p>\n
Your Friend,<\/p>\n
Dave<\/p>\n
P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http:\/\/www.bipolarcentral.com\/supporterblog\/<\/p>\n
P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http:\/\/bipolarcentral.libsyn.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hi,<\/p>\n
First HAPPY FATHER’S DAY if you have a Father’s
day wherever you are. I have to write that
because there are almost 100,000 people now
on my lists and in some places, there is
no Father’s Day. <\/p>\n
With that said, I think my mom is going to be
making brunch for my dad and myself. In
thinking about this, I was thinking about
the bipolar supporter lie–something I
don’t think I have ever written about
only talked about with people who filled
out my forms for f.ree consultations
for non medical and non legal questions
because I am NOT a doctor,<\/p>\n