Hi,<\/p>\n
You know, I get a lot of emails and calls asking me some of the same questions, and so those are the ones I try to write to you about, because you may be dealing with the same issues. Well, one of the questions I get asked about most often is what to say and what NOT to say to your loved one when they’re in a bipolar episode. I got asked this by one woman especially this one time:<\/p>\n
\u201cDave, I hope you can help me. I am so frustrated I don\u2019t know what to do. My husband is just so mad at me it seems like all the time. No matter what I say it always seems like it\u2019s the wrong thing to say like I can never say anything right. Of course this is only when hes in a bipolar episode otherwise hes the nicest guy in the world. But how do I know whats the right thing to say and whats the wrong thing to say so I don\u2019t make him so mad all the time? Can you tell me? Thanks Emily.\u201d<\/p>\n
Well, maybe you feel the same way. Maybe the same thing is happening to you. If so, know that this is a common thing that happens when someone who has bipolar disorder goes into an episode, especially a manic one where they get agitated, irritable, and angry. So how do you know what to say and what NOT to say then? I can tell you from my own experience with my mom, as well as from what I’ve learned from talking to other supporters and what they’ve written to me and told me.<\/p>\n
For example, you should never tell your loved one in an episode that you know how they feel.<\/p>\n
This is one comment that can make them very angry at you. The truth is that you do not have bipolar disorder, so there is no way that you can truly know how they feel. It would be better if you said something like: \u201cI can understand that you might be feeling [ ] right now\u2026” And insert a word like frustrated, or angry, or resentful, or hurt, or whatever feeling you have noticed or think that your loved one may be feeling. This way you\u2019re acknowledging their feelings, but you\u2019re not antagonizing your loved one, either. Especially if you stay calm and say it in a soft voice. You’re showing your support and understanding, but you’re not assuming anything either, which is what makes them mad at you.<\/p>\n
Another thing you should never say to your loved one during an episode is, “You could just snap out of this if you wanted to,” or something along those lines. I know you can get really frustrated waiting for your loved one to come out of their episode, but this is still not the right thing to say, even if you have to bite your tongue. I know I did, when my mom was in her episodes. I kept thinking things like, “If she loved me, she would stop this behavior,” or, “If she would just try harder, she could come out of this episode,” and things like that.” But I realized that she WAS trying, and that she was NOT doing this to me personally! If you say these things to your loved one, you’ll be making a mistake. These types of comments can truly make them mad (hurt them) because, well, think of yourself in their shoes. If it were you, don’t you think if it were that easy, that you would do it? It isn’t that easy. That’s why your loved one is struggling.<\/p>\n
You need to be more loving, supportive and understanding. Try saying something like: “I know this is a hard thing for you to be going through, but I just want you to know that I’m here for you.” Your loved one may say things like, “Just leave me alone!” Or even something as terrible as, “I hate you!” My mom did that, too. But you can’t take it personally. It’s just part of their bipolar episode.<\/p>\n
Well, I have to go!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Your Friend,<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Dave<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hi,<\/p>\n
You know, I get a lot of emails and calls asking me some of the same questions, and so those are the ones I try to write to you about, because you may be dealing with the same issues. Well, one of the questions I get asked about most often is what to say and what NOT to say to your loved one when they’re in a bipolar episode. I got asked this by one woman especially this one time:<\/p>\n
\u201cDave,<\/p>\n