Hi,<\/p>\n
You know I\u2019m always putting myself out there for people. And I love to hear from them, especially success stories. So people do write to me about their loved ones. And I\u2019ve had people who have told me about all the stuff they do to help their loved ones. And believe me, I can relate, because of all the stuff I did to help my mom. And sometimes you see improvement\u2026 And sometimes you don\u2019t. But you keep on helping them anyway. That\u2019s because you love them.<\/p>\n
But I\u2019ve had some people who have asked me: Can you help TOO much? Hmm\u2026Interesting question. And one that I think needs to be addressed.<\/p>\n
For one thing\u2026Like I was saying in the beginning, I think you need to help all you can because you love your loved one\u2026And because you are their supporter. But I have to qualify that statement with this: You have to balance that help. In a way\u2026I DO think that you can help TOO much. Now, before you start disagreeing with me, hear me out. If the help you\u2019re giving your loved one becomes negative help, it is \u201ctoo much\u201d help. In other words\u2026If it starts hurting them or you\u2026Or if it starts making their bipolar worse\u2026Then it becomes negative help. See what I mean?<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s a couple case histories to illustrate what I\u2019m talking about:<\/p>\n
CASE STUDY #1:<\/p>\n
Carrie was always running out of money. It just seemed like she never had enough for her bipolar medication, groceries, or rent. So she would ask her mother for money for those things. And her mother, thinking she was helping Carrie, would always give it to her. Unfortunately,<\/p>\n
Carrie always spent the money on frivolous things, and not the things for which the money was intended. So, again, she would run out of money, and ask her mother for money again\u2026and the cycle continued.<\/p>\n
CASE STUDY #2:<\/p>\n
Ben kept doing the same things over and over again \u2013 whenever he would go into a manic episode, he would get himself thrown in jail because of the things he would do. Then he would call his parents to bail him out of jail, which they would, because they wanted to help him.<\/p>\n
Until the next time\u2026when Ben would go into another manic episode, end up in jail, and his parents would bail him out. This pattern continued, draining his parents of their finances, until they wondered how much longer they would be able to help their son.<\/p>\n
———————————————————————————————————————<\/p>\n
Let me ask you a question: Do you think these supporters are helping TOO much? I think so.<\/p>\n
I think what they\u2019re doing is enabling, and that\u2019s a negative thing. Let me ask you this: What do you think would have happened in Carrie\u2019s case if her mother would have used the money to go ahead and buy the medications and groceries and pay the rent instead of giving the money to Carrie? And in Ben\u2019s case, what do you think would happen if his parents stopped bailing him out of jail? Oh, I\u2019m sure at first he would be angry, even blaming them and maybe even verbally abusing them over<\/p>\n
the phone, but eventually he would stop asking them for bail, wouldn\u2019t he?<\/p>\n
Think about how you\u2019re helping your loved one. If you are helping them TOO much and, in fact, enabling them, you need to stop doing it.<\/p>\n
Well, I have to go!<\/p>\n
Your Friend,<\/p>\n
Dave<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hi,<\/p>\n
You know I\u2019m always putting myself out there for people. And I love to hear from them, especially success stories. So people do write to me about their loved ones. And I\u2019ve had people who have told me about all the stuff they do to help their loved ones. And believe me, I can relate, because of all the stuff I did to help my mom. And sometimes you see improvement\u2026 And sometimes you don\u2019t.<\/p>\n