Hi,<\/p>\n
Today I want to talk about:<\/p>\n
THINGS NOT TO SAY TO YOUR LOVED ONE<\/p>\n
1.\tALWAYS<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t use any sentence that has the word always in it, such as you always do this, or you always do that. For one thing, no one always does or doesn\u2019t do anything. It\u2019s an extreme word, and your using it isn\u2019t going to do anything but make your loved one mad. Like if you said, \u201cYou always pay more attention to the TV than you do to me.\u201d It\u2019s not even realistic, and will more often than not lead into a big fight.<\/p>\n
2.\tNEVER<\/p>\n
This is a lot like using the word always. It\u2019s another extreme word. Like if you said you never do this or you never do that. Again, it\u2019s not realistic. No one \u201cnever\u201d does things. Like if you said, \u201cYou never do anything with the kids.\u201d It will only seek to make your loved one defensive, which will probably come out in anger against you.<\/p>\n
3. \u201cYou\u2019re spending too much money.\u201d<\/p>\n
Now, even though this might be true, your saying it like this will cause them to be angry and lash out at you. Yes, excessive spending is a symptom of a bipolar episode, but your loved one may or may not be aware that they are doing it. You might try phrasing it something like, \u201cHave you noticed that you seem to be spending more money than usual lately?\u201d This puts the ball in their court.<\/p>\n
4.\t \u201cI understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
There is no way you can understand bipolar disorder if you don\u2019t have it, and your loved one knows that and is sensitive about it. So if you say this, they are very likely to come back with something like, \u201cNo you don\u2019t. You couldn\u2019t possibly understand.\u201d And<\/p>\n
that is true. You can\u2019t fully understand what they\u2019re going through, because you don\u2019t have the disorder. But you can say something like \u201cI can only imagine what you\u2019re going through.\u201d<\/p>\n
5.\t\u201cYou\u2019re sleeping too much.\u201d<\/p>\n
If you say this to your loved one, it might put them on the defensive. It may sound to them as if you\u2019re saying, \u201cYou\u2019re lazy.\u201d And they may want to defend themselves. Yes, if they are in a bipolar depressive episode, they may sleep more than usual, but your mentioning it in that way may cause them to misunderstand your caring. It might be better to say something like, \u201cDon\u2019t you think you might be sleeping a little too much lately?\u201d<\/p>\n
6.\t\u201cWhat about ME?\u201d<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, your loved one, when in a bipolar episode, is in a very self-centered mode. They don\u2019t care about you or how you feel or how things are going for you. They only care about how they feel and how things are going for them and what is happening around them. They are in no position to meet your needs. It is best just to leave this alone.<\/p>\n
7.\t\u201cCan\u2019t you do something?\u201d<\/p>\n
You want to scream at them, \u201cCan\u2019t you do something? ANYTHING? Just get off the couch, or out of bed (or wherever they happen to be).\u201d It\u2019s so frustrating to watch your loved one lay around day after day and do nothing, or not even get out of bed. It\u2019s hard as a supporter to understand that, when in an episode, sometimes they can\u2019t even get out of bed, much less do what you would like them to do.<\/p>\n
8.\t\u201cDon\u2019t you WANT to get better?\u201d<\/p>\n
This is accusatory, and pretty much guaranteed to get a reaction from your loved one. This could be anything from crying to yelling to withdrawing, or any other emotional reaction. Of course they want to get better. Nobody wants to suffer from bipolar disorder. They just feel that right now they don\u2019t have the ability, and they need you to support them by being understanding.<\/p>\n
9.\t\u201cYou\u2019re doing this on purpose.\u201d<\/p>\n
Again, you are accusing your loved one for something that isn\u2019t their fault (they didn\u2019t choose to have bipolar disorder) and can\u2019t help. Again, you will probably get an emotional reaction from your loved one.<\/p>\n
Well, I have to go!<\/p>\n
Your Friend,<\/p>\n
Dave<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hi,<\/p>\n
Today I want to talk about:<\/p>\n
THINGS NOT TO SAY TO YOUR LOVED ONE<\/p>\n
1.\tALWAYS<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t use any sentence that has the word always in it, such as you always do this, or you always do that. For one thing, no one always does or doesn\u2019t do anything. It\u2019s an extreme word, and your using it isn\u2019t going to do anything but make your loved one mad.<\/p>\n