Hi, how’s it going? I hope you’re having a good day.<\/p>\n
I got this response to one of my blog posts, and wanted to share it with you to get your comments on it.<\/p>\n
Eric says:<\/p>\n
“Hello,question for you,my wife has been diagnosed with bipolar, I suffer from extreme depression and anxity and fibromyalgia,How can I be an effective supporter to her when I have my own issues to deal with.I love my wife with all my heart,but she thinks i should be able to focus on her issues 24-7 when its hard enough for me to concentrate on just getting out of bed because i hurt so much and face a day i know is going to be hard, I would die for my wife but I just dont know what to do at this point any suggestions HELP!!!!!!!!!! Eric”<\/p>\n
First of all, it makes things more difficult when both of you suffer from depression. Then, his physical condition complicates things even further. It sounds to me like he feels he can’t share his feelings with his wife, and might need to be reminded that she is not a mind-reader \u2013 she only knows what he tells her.<\/p>\n
I know that may sound harsh and non-understanding, but think about it \u2013 She could be totally unaware of how he feels (physically and emotionally) if he doesn’t tell her. Too often, supporters of a loved one with bipolar disorder keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves and don’t share them with their loved one. This can lead to negative feelings on the part of the supporter,<\/p>\n
because they just “stuff” their feelings, and when you do that, they will eventually overflow and<\/p>\n
come out in some way, like getting angry and fighting. You need to share your feelings with your loved one in a way that they can understand.<\/p>\n
Eric asks how he can be an effective supporter when he has his own issues to deal with. First of all, there is neither a simple nor an easy answer to that. I do commend him for wanting to be a good supporter in spite of what he is facing, though. But unless and until he learns to deal with his own problems, the truth is that he can’t be a good supporter to his wife and her problems. He just won’t have enough energy, both mentally and physically.<\/p>\n
I’m always telling supporters to take care of themselves first, or they won’t be any good to their loved ones. This is true, but you still need to communicate well with them. You can’t expect them to understand what you don’t explain.<\/p>\n
If you are feeling resentful, as it sounds like Eric is, you need to find a way to share this with your loved one, in a loving and non-threatening way. I’m sure Eric is a good supporter most of the time. But he could say to his wife something like, “I love you, but I’m afraid I can’t see to your needs right now because I’m dealing with my own.” And then share what he is going through, because she should be his supporter as well, and might just need a little direction.<\/p>\n
What do you think? What would you say to this man?<\/p>\n
Well, I have to go!<\/p>\n
Your Friend,<\/p>\n
Dave<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hi, how’s it going? I hope you’re having a good day.<\/p>\n
I got this response to one of my blog posts, and wanted to share it with you to get your comments on it.<\/p>\n
Eric says:<\/p>\n
“Hello,question for you,my wife has been diagnosed with bipolar, I suffer from extreme depression and anxity and fibromyalgia,How can I be an effective supporter to her when I have my own issues to deal with.I love my wife with all my heart,but she thinks i should be able to focus on her issues 24-7 when its hard enough for me to concentrate on just getting out of bed because i hurt so much and face a day i know is going to be hard,<\/p>\n