Hi, how\u2019s it going? Hope you are doing well.<\/p>\n
I just received an email from a woman who was not happy. She told me about how she got diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and her struggles dealing with it. Then she told me that her long-term boyfriend said something recently that really offended her. He said, \u201cI don\u2019t think you\u2019re bipolar because you don\u2019t act crazy like some of the people we\u2019ve met who are bipolar.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wow. Isn\u2019t that quite a statement? I can see where she would be offended. After all this time that he was supposed to be there through her struggles, and he wasn\u2019t even paying attention. She asked me how she should respond to this. Well, that\u2019s not the easiest thing to answer, but I\u2019ll fill you all in on what I think would be best in a situation like that.<\/p>\n
To start off with, address your hurt. Let them know that it hurt you for them to say that, and let them know why. This might sound something like: \u201cI really wish you wouldn\u2019t have just said that to me \u2013 it really hurt my feelings. Now I feel like you haven\u2019t been paying attention to all the struggles that I\u2019ve gone through with this.\u201d<\/p>\n
Try to use \u201cI statements\u201d whenever you can, because them getting defensive isn\u2019t going to help you get your point across any better. Then, depending on how they react, you can choose your actions from there.<\/p>\n
Ideally, they\u2019ll realize that they worded it poorly and let you know that it came out wrong. If that\u2019s the case, then you might have solved the entire problem already. I would suggest still sitting down to talk about what they do see of your struggles, just to make sure you are both on the same page.<\/p>\n
If, on the other hand, they continue with their original point, and are not willing to see that they hurt you (or why they hurt you), then you will have to make it more obvious to them. At that point tell them about the struggles that you\u2019ve had, and that you\u2019re working your way through it. Tell them that it\u2019s disappointing that they should be seeing this from the outside.<\/p>\n
But then, I want you to realize something. And once you\u2019ve realized this, you can tell them as well. Yes, it\u2019s sad that they are seeing things from the outside looking in, instead of from the inside helping you out. But if they must be on the outside, then at least they see your more \u201cnormal\u201d side first. If they aren\u2019t going to know you as well as they should, at least they don\u2019t immediately think that you\u2019re crazy.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s hard, because it\u2019s coming from someone who is supposed to be close to you, but if you think about it, that is exactly how you would want an outsider to see you. That means you\u2019re doing something right. Unfortunately, it still means that they\u2019re doing something wrong.<\/p>\n
But you can tell them, that while you\u2019re disappointed that they haven\u2019t been as close to your situation as you had thought that they were, at least you are recovering well enough that you don\u2019t appear to be \u201ccrazy.\u201d They shouldn\u2019t be able to argue the fact that not looking crazy is a good thing.<\/p>\n
So maybe it will help them to see the struggles that you have been going through. If not, you may need to reevaluate your relationship with them. This doesn\u2019t necessarily mean to stop talking to them altogether. But if they aren\u2019t going to be as close to you as you had thought, then you need to be aware of that for the future.<\/p>\n
I hope this helps. Any other suggestions?<\/p>\n
Well, I have to go!<\/p>\n
Your Friend,<\/p>\n
Dave<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hi, how\u2019s it going? Hope you are doing well.<\/p>\n
I just received an email from a woman who was not happy. She told me about how she got diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and her struggles dealing with it. Then she told me that her long-term boyfriend said something recently that really offended her. He said, \u201cI don\u2019t think you\u2019re bipolar because you don\u2019t act crazy like some of the people we\u2019ve met who are bipolar.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wow.<\/p>\n