Hi,<\/p>\n
How\u2019s your day going?<\/p>\n
I hope it is a good one.<\/p>\n
Yesterday I was talking to an old acquaintance, and I was shocked to hear just how annoying she had become. I\u2019m not meaning to sound rude, but it seemed like the only thing she did the entire time we talked was complain.<\/p>\n
Apparently her new boyfriend couldn\u2019t do anything right, and her babysitter was causing problems. There were other things she complained about also, but I won\u2019t bore you with all of them.<\/p>\n
I was surprised by how inconsiderate she was being by complaining constantly, but I was even more surprised to realize a bitter truth. That truth is: how often are we, as bipolar supporters, complainers just like she was?<\/p>\n
How often do we spend so much time complaining about the things we don\u2019t like, when we could be focusing on the things we do? How often do we waste our time that way, when we could be doing something more productive? That\u2019s right, wasted time.<\/p>\n
How many better ways could we be spending our time? I can think of a few. Can you?<\/p>\n
I know it\u2019s easy to fall into the pattern of complaining. I\u2019ve certainly done it a few times. I think we all have had at least a few moments when we just need to vent everything that\u2019s been going on with us lately. Everybody has those moments, whether they are a supporter of someone who has bipolar disorder or not. And as long as it stays an every-once-in- a-while thing, there\u2019s nothing wrong with it.<\/p>\n
But sometimes we let it go too far. Sometimes we let ourselves get so carried away in complaining about our loved ones that we forget that there are good things we can be talking about also. There is, after all, a difference between venting and complaining.<\/p>\n
And there is a point where we spend so much energy complaining that we even forget that the person we are talking to might have something to say also. That\u2019s when we run the risk of being as annoying as that old acquaintance of mine.<\/p>\n
So what can we do to avoid all of this negativity? I know some people who would call that \u201cnegative energy\u201d \u2013 I don\u2019t really know what that means, but I know it isn\u2019t something we want to have.<\/p>\n
One of the things we can do to avoid negativity is simply to be positive. Go figure, right? It seems so simple! And guess what? It is!<\/p>\n
All we have to do is think about the things that we really do love about our loved ones, and focus on them. That doesn\u2019t mean that we have to ignore the bad things, or forget that they exist. It just means that they shouldn\u2019t be the center of our focus.<\/p>\n
Instead, when they do things that we can\u2019t stand, we should allow ourselves to cope with the problem at hand, and then calm down and remember why we love them. After all, that\u2019s what this is all about, isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n
No one would be reading these emails if we didn\u2019t love our loved ones. I wouldn\u2019t even be writing these emails if I didn\u2019t love my mother! But we all know that I love my mother, and you love your loved one.<\/p>\n
So why do we complain about them? Most of the time it is out of frustration. So instead of complaining to a third party about something we are frustrated about, why can\u2019t we just calm down and then talk to our loved one about what frustrates us?<\/p>\n
This has to be done very carefully, of course. And it should be done when they are not in an episode, if that is at all possible.<\/p>\n
But if we could just carefully approach our loved ones and say something like \u201cHey, you know it really frustrates me when you do this, do you think we can talk about what could be done instead?\u201d How much of a difference do you think that would make? I can only imagine (and hope) that it would make a huge difference!<\/p>\n
It would certainly be better than complaining about them to people who aren\u2019t involved (and let\u2019s face it, people who probably don\u2019t care!) So instead of complaining, I\u2019d like it if all of us \u2013 including me \u2013 would try to deal with the problem at hand and focus on the positive.<\/p>\n
What do you think? Does that sound like a plan?<\/p>\n
Well, I have to go!<\/p>\n
Your Friend,<\/p>\n
Dave<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hi,<\/p>\n
How\u2019s your day going?<\/p>\n
I hope it is a good one.<\/p>\n
Yesterday I was talking to an old acquaintance, and I was shocked to hear just how annoying she had become. I\u2019m not meaning to sound rude, but it seemed like the only thing she did the entire time we talked was complain.<\/p>\n
Apparently her new boyfriend couldn\u2019t do anything right, and her babysitter was causing problems.<\/p>\n