{"id":2206,"date":"2009-10-01T08:17:31","date_gmt":"2009-10-01T12:17:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bipolarcentral.com\/bipolarsupporterblog\/?p=2206"},"modified":"2009-10-01T08:17:31","modified_gmt":"2009-10-01T12:17:31","slug":"bipolar-this-could-be-your-fault","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/bipolarsupporterblog\/bipolar-this-could-be-your-fault\/","title":{"rendered":"Bipolar?  This Could Be Your Fault"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Hi,<\/p>\n<p>How&#8217;s it going for you today?<\/p>\n<p>I hope everything is well.<\/p>\n<p>I got the following email that I wanted to share with you:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;My wife has bipolar disorder, and<\/p>\n<p>we fight a lot of the time, because<\/p>\n<p>she says I don&#8217;t listen to her.  Or<\/p>\n<p>because the house isn&#8217;t clean and<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m not helping.  Or that I don&#8217;t know<\/p>\n<p>how she feels or what she&#8217;s going<\/p>\n<p>through.  Or just that I&#8217;m not<\/p>\n<p>a good supporter.  How do I defend<\/p>\n<p>myself against these things? \u2013Dale&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Well, the first thing I would tell Dale is that I am not a family counselor or any type of therapist<\/p>\n<p>or professional, so I can only give my opinion.<\/p>\n<p>But it does sound like there might be something to this.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe part of it is his fault.<\/p>\n<p>One of these things is a common complaint from people that have bipolar disorder:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;You don&#8217;t how I feel or what I&#8217;m going through.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Dale asks how to defend himself against this.  He can&#8217;t.<\/p>\n<p>There is no defense toward that type of comment.<\/p>\n<p>Since we don&#8217;t have bipolar disorder, there is no way for us to know how they feel or what they&#8217;re going through.<\/p>\n<p>That&#8217;s true, but we can still be sympathetic and understanding of what they are going through<\/p>\n<p>without having to experience it for ourselves.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe this guy&#8217;s wife just doesn&#8217;t feel his compassion and under-standing enough.<\/p>\n<p>When I talk about this in my courses\/systems, I advise you that you need to be unconditional in<\/p>\n<p>your support \u2013 sometimes your loved one is going to say things you don&#8217;t like, but you need to<\/p>\n<p>accept them.<\/p>\n<p>SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?<\/p>\n<p>Visit:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/report11\">http:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/report11<\/a><\/p>\n<p>SUPPORTING A CHILD\/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?<\/p>\n<p>Visit:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.bipolarparenting.com\">http:\/\/www.bipolarparenting.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?<\/p>\n<p>Visit:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.survivebipolar.net\">http:\/\/www.survivebipolar.net<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Many complaints that your loved one will have about you and\/or the situation can be blamed on their bipolar disorder itself.<\/p>\n<p>They will not always have rational thoughts.<\/p>\n<p>But, let&#8217;s look at Dale&#8217;s email again to see if his wife maybe has a point, because you may be going through the same thing with your loved one.<\/p>\n<p>He starts off by saying that they fight all the time because she says that he doesn&#8217;t listen to her.<\/p>\n<p>He thinks he does, obviously, or he wouldn&#8217;t fight about it.<\/p>\n<p>First of all, have you ever fought with your loved one?<\/p>\n<p>Of course you have.<\/p>\n<p>Even couples where one of them does not have bipolar disorder fight sometimes.<\/p>\n<p>But have you ever WON a fight with your loved one?<\/p>\n<p>Probably not.<\/p>\n<p>Because their impression of the situation is going to be the opposite of yours.<\/p>\n<p>So let&#8217;s see if Dale has any defense.<\/p>\n<p>Hmmm\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Do you think he does?<\/p>\n<p>Because you have probably been accused of the same thing.<\/p>\n<p>This is a common complaint for people who have bipolar disorder.<\/p>\n<p>My opinion would be that instead of fighting about it (and getting nowhere), he should examine his wife&#8217;s complaint to see if there is any truth to it.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s easy to assume that you&#8217;re being a good listener, but your loved one may not see you as one.<\/p>\n<p>Your body language may give you away, for example \u2013 like rolling your eyes if she starts complaining, or crossing your arms when she starts talking.<\/p>\n<p>You need to try to actively listen instead of react.<\/p>\n<p>What this all boils down to is good communication.<\/p>\n<p>And, instead of being defensive about it, I think this man should take a good hard look at how he&#8217;s communicating with his wife.<\/p>\n<p>For example, he says she complains that he doesn&#8217;t help with the house.<\/p>\n<p>What she&#8217;s really saying is that she doesn&#8217;t feel as if he&#8217;s supporting her in that area.<\/p>\n<p>In that case, the situation is easily resolved if he would just start helping her around the house more.<\/p>\n<p>Incorrect perceptions of what your loved one is really saying can keep you from being an effective supporter.<\/p>\n<p>Try to put yourself in their shoes.<\/p>\n<p>Also, listen to what they are NOT saying as much as what they ARE saying.<\/p>\n<p>What would you tell Dale?<\/p>\n<p>Are you dealing with the same type of complaints from your loved one?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hi,<\/p>\n<p>How&#8217;s it going for you today?<\/p>\n<p>I hope everything is well.<\/p>\n<p>I got the following email that I wanted to share with you:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;My wife has bipolar disorder, and<\/p>\n<p>we fight a lot of the time, because<\/p>\n<p>she says I don&#8217;t listen to her.  Or<\/p>\n<p>because the house isn&#8217;t clean and<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m not helping.  Or that I don&#8217;t know<\/p>\n<p>how she feels or what she&#8217;s going<\/p>\n<p>through.<\/p>\n<p> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/bipolarsupporterblog\/bipolar-this-could-be-your-fault\/\" class=\"more-link pull-right\" rel=\"bookmark\">Continue Reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Bipolar? 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