{"id":2066,"date":"2009-08-01T06:10:49","date_gmt":"2009-08-01T10:10:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bipolarcentral.com\/bipolarsupporterblog\/?p=2066"},"modified":"2009-08-01T06:10:49","modified_gmt":"2009-08-01T10:10:49","slug":"dealing-with-bipolar-you-cannot-be-this-for-your-loved-one","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/bipolarsupporterblog\/dealing-with-bipolar-you-cannot-be-this-for-your-loved-one\/","title":{"rendered":"Dealing with Bipolar? You CANNOT Be This For Your Loved One"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi,<\/p>\n

I hope you\u2019re doing well today.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s something I used to be for my mother, that you absolutely CANNOT be for your loved one.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t mean to do it.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t want to do it.<\/p>\n

In fact, I wasn\u2019t even aware that I was doing it.<\/p>\n

My mom was taking advantage of me in this way, and even she didn\u2019t know it.<\/p>\n

I sure didn\u2019t know that this was a way she was taking advantage of me, either.<\/p>\n

I had the best of intentions, because I care about my mom.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t realize that what I was being to her could actually hurt her.<\/p>\n

But do you know what she was doing?<\/p>\n

She was, in truth, making me be her THERAPIST!<\/p>\n

Yep, I was my mom\u2019s therapist for awhile there.<\/p>\n

Well, neither of us actually realized it was happening\u2026<\/p>\n

And you couldn\u2019t really put your finger on it\u2026<\/p>\n

Or define it\u2026 or look at it\u2026 or analyze it\u2026<\/p>\n

But looking back on it, I could see that I really did act like my mom\u2019s therapist.<\/p>\n

Now, I\u2019ve thought about this, because I absolutely do NOT want to see this happen to anyone<\/p>\n

else.<\/p>\n

In fact, I\u2019ve written about it in my courses\/systems:<\/p>\n

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?<\/p>\n

Visit:<\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/report11<\/a><\/p>\n

SUPPORTING A CHILD\/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?<\/p>\n

Visit:<\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.bipolarparenting.com<\/a><\/p>\n

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?<\/p>\n

Visit:<\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.survivebipolar.net<\/a><\/p>\n

In actuality, it\u2019s really a type of enabling.<\/p>\n

A real sneaky type of enabling, because you don\u2019t see it happening.<\/p>\n

It sort of just happens, and you don\u2019t realize it\u2019s even happening.<\/p>\n

Here, I\u2019ll give you an example.<\/p>\n

You really care about your loved one, I know you do, or else you wouldn\u2019t be their supporter, just like me and my mom.<\/p>\n

So of course you\u2019re concerned with how they feel.<\/p>\n

So you ask them how they\u2019re feeling\u2026<\/p>\n

And they tell you.<\/p>\n

But where you had expected a \u201cFine,\u201d or even maybe a, \u201cA little tired,\u201d or,\u201dKind of depressed\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

The next thing you know, your loved one is spending hours telling you exactly what their thoughts and feelings are\u2026<\/p>\n

And looking to you for answers (solutions) to their problems!<\/p>\n

And you are actually becoming their THERAPIST!<\/p>\n

An enabler is someone who does things for someone that they could (should) be doing for themselves.<\/p>\n

Well, you wouldn\u2019t tie your loved one\u2019s shoes for them, would you?<\/p>\n

Or take a shower for them?<\/p>\n

I know these are silly examples, but you can start to see my point.<\/p>\n

There are certain things that your loved one should be learning how to do for themselves.<\/p>\n

Managing their own bipolar disorder should be one of them.<\/p>\n

Yes, you are their supporter, and probably a very good one, but you should be a helper, not do everything for them.<\/p>\n

The problem is, if you do enable them, they will never get better.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why enabling is so harmful to your loved one.<\/p>\n

They should have already set up their own support system, and you should be included in that, but they should not be depending on only you for their support.<\/p>\n

In their support system should also be included a psychiatrist and a THERAPIST!<\/p>\n

It is the therapist who they should be talking to about their problems, NOT you!<\/p>\n

Even though it is great that they talk to you as well, you can listen, but you can\u2019t really help them to change like a therapist can \u2013 that\u2019s what they\u2019re trained to do.<\/p>\n

Remember, you can be a sympathetic ear to your loved one and be supportive to them\u2026<\/p>\n

But you CANNOT solve their problems for them\u2026<\/p>\n

And you CANNOT be their therapist!<\/p>\n

Have you found yourself in this position with your loved one?<\/p>\n

How did you handle it?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hi,<\/p>\n

I hope you\u2019re doing well today.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s something I used to be for my mother, that you absolutely CANNOT be for your loved one.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t mean to do it.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t want to do it.<\/p>\n

In fact, I wasn\u2019t even aware that I was doing it.<\/p>\n

My mom was taking advantage of me in this way, and even she didn\u2019t know it.<\/p>\n

Continue Reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nDealing with Bipolar? You CANNOT Be This For Your Loved One - Bipolar Supporter Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/bipolarsupporterblog\/dealing-with-bipolar-you-cannot-be-this-for-your-loved-one\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dealing with Bipolar? You CANNOT Be This For Your Loved One - Bipolar Supporter Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Hi, I hope you\u2019re doing well today. There\u2019s something I used to be for my mother, that you absolutely CANNOT be for your loved one. I didn\u2019t mean to do it. I didn\u2019t want to do it. In fact, I wasn\u2019t even aware that I was doing it. My mom was taking advantage of me in this way, and even she didn\u2019t know it. 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