{"id":1948,"date":"2009-07-08T09:47:46","date_gmt":"2009-07-08T13:47:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bipolarcentral.com\/bipolarsupporterblog\/index.php\/the-big-bipolar-supporter-mistake-revealed-2\/1948\/"},"modified":"2009-07-08T09:47:46","modified_gmt":"2009-07-08T13:47:46","slug":"the-big-bipolar-supporter-mistake-revealed-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/bipolarsupporterblog\/the-big-bipolar-supporter-mistake-revealed-2\/","title":{"rendered":"The Big Bipolar Supporter Mistake Revealed"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Hi,<\/p>\n<p>How are you?<\/p>\n<p>I know how hard it is to be a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder, because I am one, and because I attend so many support groups, and because I talk to and hear from so many other supporters too.<\/p>\n<p>But I also know that we make mistakes, because nobody is perfect.<\/p>\n<p>Like Tonya points out, who posted on my blog.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what she wrote:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAfter 5 years of being a Bipolar<\/p>\n<p>Supporter, I have found the<\/p>\n<p>hardest thing is to differentiate<\/p>\n<p>between care giver and supporter<\/p>\n<p>vs. mothering and nurse maid.<\/p>\n<p>Reminding someone who is<\/p>\n<p>bipolar of the things they need<\/p>\n<p>to do each day makes me a nag,<\/p>\n<p>but not reminding them causes<\/p>\n<p>repercussions that affect all our<\/p>\n<p>lives. Where is the line and how<\/p>\n<p>do you keep it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;<\/p>\n<p>One of the biggest mistakes a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder can make is to go from supporter to enabler.<\/p>\n<p>I talk about this in my courses\/systems below:<\/p>\n<p>SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?<\/p>\n<p>Visit:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/report11\">http:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/report11<\/a><\/p>\n<p>SUPPORTING A CHILD\/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?<\/p>\n<p>Visit:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.bipolarparenting.com\">http:\/\/www.bipolarparenting.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?<\/p>\n<p>Visit:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.survivebipolar.net\">http:\/\/www.survivebipolar.net<\/a><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s just like Tonya was asking, \u201cWhere do you draw the line?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She\u2019s talking about the line between caregiver and supporter vs. mothering and nursemaid.<\/p>\n<p>You wouldn\u2019t believe how many times I\u2019ve been asked this very same question.<\/p>\n<p>So if you\u2019ve been wondering it yourself, be assured that you are not alone.<\/p>\n<p>Many supporters struggle with the same problem.<\/p>\n<p>So now that you know what the line is, how do you keep from getting there?<\/p>\n<p>Well, let\u2019s look at Tonya\u2019s situation.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s the first clue:<\/p>\n<p>She says that this has been going on for FIVE years!<\/p>\n<p>She should have done something about this long before now.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ve heard me talk before about accepting unacceptable behavior.<\/p>\n<p>That if you do this, your loved one has no reason to stop the behavior, and will keep on doing it.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s when you have to become a mother and nursemaid.<\/p>\n<p>I mean, why should they expect any different?<\/p>\n<p>If you keep doing things for them that they can do for themselves, that\u2019s called being an enabler.<\/p>\n<p>But if they get used to you doing that, then they won\u2019t do things for themselves.<\/p>\n<p>They\u2019ll just let you keep doing these things.<\/p>\n<p>Then, before you know it, you\u2019re being like Tonya says in her post:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cReminding them of things  they need to do each day\u2026\u201d and feeling like you\u2019re a nag.<\/p>\n<p>After 5 years, especially, your loved one should be doing many things for themselves.<\/p>\n<p>They shouldn\u2019t need you to be nagging them at all.<\/p>\n<p>So where is the line and how do you keep it?<\/p>\n<p>As a supporter, you need to be the one to draw the line.<\/p>\n<p>You need to tell your loved one what is acceptable behavior and what is unacceptable behavior.<\/p>\n<p>You need to tell them when they are being lazy, what things they need to be doing for themselves, what you will do for them and what you won\u2019t, etc.<\/p>\n<p>Tonya also asked, once you find the line, how do you keep it?<\/p>\n<p>Simple.<\/p>\n<p>You set boundaries (limits), and then you stick to them.  Kind of like an \u201cIf you\u2026then I\u2026\u201d sort<\/p>\n<p>of thing.<\/p>\n<p>Do you feel like Tonya?<\/p>\n<p>Do you feel more like a mother and nursemaid?<\/p>\n<p>Or do you feel more like a caregiver and supporter?<\/p>\n<p>If you feel more like a caregiver and supporter, what would you say to Tonya to help her out?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hi,<\/p>\n<p>How are you?<\/p>\n<p>I know how hard it is to be a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder, because I am one, and because I attend so many support groups, and because I talk to and hear from so many other supporters too.<\/p>\n<p>But I also know that we make mistakes, because nobody is perfect.<\/p>\n<p>Like Tonya points out, who posted on my blog.<\/p>\n<p> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/bipolarsupporterblog\/the-big-bipolar-supporter-mistake-revealed-2\/\" class=\"more-link pull-right\" rel=\"bookmark\">Continue Reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Big Bipolar Supporter Mistake Revealed - Bipolar Supporter Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/bipolarsupporterblog\/the-big-bipolar-supporter-mistake-revealed-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Big Bipolar Supporter Mistake Revealed - Bipolar Supporter Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Hi, How are you? 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