{"id":1535,"date":"2009-03-22T09:24:21","date_gmt":"2009-03-22T13:24:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bipolarcentral.com\/bipolarsupporterblog\/?p=1535"},"modified":"2009-03-22T09:24:21","modified_gmt":"2009-03-22T13:24:21","slug":"the-mirror-test-for-a-bipolar-supporter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/bipolarsupporterblog\/the-mirror-test-for-a-bipolar-supporter\/","title":{"rendered":"The Mirror Test for a Bipolar Supporter"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi,<\/p>\n

I hope you’re having a good day today.<\/p>\n

I was talking to this guy the other day
\nwhose wife has bipolar disorder.<\/p>\n

The conversation went something like
\nthis:<\/p>\n

He said, “Dave, I’m really having problems
\nwith my wife.”<\/p>\n

I asked him, “What kind of problems?”<\/p>\n

“Well, she’s just so moody!”<\/p>\n

“What does that mean,” I asked him.<\/p>\n

“She’s all over the place! Sometimes
\nshe’s up, sometimes she’s down,
\nsometimes she’s in between\u2026 I swear,
\nit drives me crazy.”<\/p>\n

I know this type of complaint. I’ve heard
\nit before from supporters of loved ones
\nwith bipolar disorder. <\/p>\n

I figured his next line was going to be about
\nher not being to tell him what was wrong,
\nsaying that it was “everything” or “nothing,”
\nand sure, enough, that’s what he said (adding,
\nof course, that this drove him crazy, too).<\/p>\n

So then he started telling me about the other
\nproblems he was having with her.<\/p>\n

About how often they were fighting.<\/p>\n

“She just doesn’t understand what I’m going
\nthrough, and how frustrated I am,” he told me.<\/p>\n

“Well, what do you do about it?” I asked.<\/p>\n

“Well, I just don’t talk to her when she
\ngets like that! I mean, she just cries, and
\nwants me to hold her, like that’s going to make
\neverything all right, which it won’t, because
\nit isn’t going to solve any problems anyway,
\nso then I have to hold her. Then we just get
\ninto this big argument. Which then I never win
\nanyway, because she’ll just cry some more.”<\/p>\n

I tried explaining that this is a classic sign
\nof the mood swings of bipolar disorder, and
\nthat he would never win, so why does he
\nkeep trying?<\/p>\n

He just looked at me like I was crazy.<\/p>\n

So many men just don’t get this part.<\/p>\n

So this guy kept telling me more of his
\nwife’s behaviors, and they were all typical
\nbipolar behaviors, but he was like
\nblaming her for them, like she could do
\nsomething about them, if she just tried
\nharder, or like they were her fault, and
\nshe was just doing them to “get back
\nat him” or something.<\/p>\n

I asked him, “Do you do anything to
\nhelp her?”<\/p>\n

He just gave me this blank stare.<\/p>\n

Then he said, “Well, SHE’S the one with
\nthe problems, not ME.”<\/p>\n

I tried again to explain to him about
\nbipolar disorder and how she’s NOT
\ndoing these things to “get back
\nat him” or anything, but that she has a
\nmental disorder and can’t help it.<\/p>\n

He said some other things, and again I
\nasked him, “What are you doing to
\nhelp her?”<\/p>\n

Guess what he did?
\n(Scroll down for answer)<\/p>\n

He tried to pick a fight with ME!<\/p>\n

Like I was the one to blame!<\/p>\n

He really did NOT want to believe that
\nI was telling the truth about the things
\nI said.<\/p>\n

And, I guess, he was offended, because
\nI kept asking him what he was doing
\nto help his wife (I really wasn’t trying
\nto offend him, honest).<\/p>\n

Then guess what happened?
\n(Scroll down for answer)<\/p>\n

He started to defend his wife!!!!<\/p>\n

This guy started driving ME nuts!<\/p>\n

Here I thought I was helping him, and
\nhe started wanting to fight with me.<\/p>\n

But, in his defense, I guess he was just so
\nfrustrated over his wife’s behavior, and him
\nnot understanding it, that he was taking
\nit out on me. I guess I can understand that.<\/p>\n

In my courses\/systems, I do talk
\nabout bipolar behaviors and how
\nimportant it is for supporters to have
\nknowledge of them so that they can be
\nmore understanding of their loved one:<\/p>\n

NEW
\nLEARN THE SECRETS OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL WITH
\nBIPOLAR DISORDER?
\nhttp:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/bipolarmastersystem\/<\/a><\/p>\n

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
\nVisit:
\nhttp:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/report11<\/a><\/p>\n

SUPPORTING A CHILD\/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
\nVisit:
\nhttp:\/\/www.bipolarparenting.com<\/a><\/p>\n

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
\nVisit:
\nhttp:\/\/www.survivebipolar.net<\/a><\/p>\n

But here’s what I took away from this,
\nand what I wanted to talk to you about.<\/p>\n

What happened with this man is what I call
\nthe “Supporter Mirror Test.”<\/p>\n

It’s like, before you start complaining
\nabout your loved one’s behavior,
\nyou have to look at yourself in the
\nmirror and have to ask yourself,
\n“Have I done everything to help
\nmy loved one?”<\/p>\n

I mean, there’s no one standing over
\nyou judging your behavior \u2013 you
\nhave to be your own judge, but
\nreally, ask yourself if you could
\npass the Supporter Mirror Test today.<\/p>\n

Are you doing everything you can
\nto help your loved one?<\/p>\n

Are you being kind and understanding
\nwhen they have their mood swings, or
\nare you just pushing them away, or
\nacting annoyed?<\/p>\n

Because they’ll see that as rejection,
\nand that’s not good for someone who
\nhas bipolar disorder\u2013 they really need
\nto feel your support and understanding.<\/p>\n

Are you supportive and patient when
\nsometimes they get irritable and
\nthey’ll push you away, and that they
\ncan’t help that, that it’s just part of
\ntheir disorder?<\/p>\n

And the other things they do because of
\ntheir disorder, even if you don’t like the
\nbehaviors, do you still try to be supportive
\nof THEM as a person who can’t help
\nthemselves sometimes?<\/p>\n

Are you doing everything you can to
\nhelp your loved one?<\/p>\n

Ask yourself:<\/p>\n

Can I pass the Supporter Mirror Test today?<\/p>\n

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide \u201cBipolar Disorder\u2014The REAL Silent Killer.\u201d Click Here<\/span><\/a><\/strong> to get FREE Information<\/strong> sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hi,<\/p>\n

I hope you’re having a good day today.<\/p>\n

I was talking to this guy the other day
\nwhose wife has bipolar disorder.<\/p>\n

The conversation went something like
\nthis:<\/p>\n

He said, “Dave, I’m really having problems
\nwith my wife.”<\/p>\n

I asked him, “What kind of problems?”<\/p>\n

“Well, she’s just so moody!”<\/p>\n

“What does that mean,” I asked him.<\/p>\n

Continue Reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Mirror Test for a Bipolar Supporter - Bipolar Supporter Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.bipolarsupporter.com\/bipolarsupporterblog\/the-mirror-test-for-a-bipolar-supporter\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Mirror Test for a Bipolar Supporter - Bipolar Supporter Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Hi, I hope you’re having a good day today. I was talking to this guy the other day whose wife has bipolar disorder. 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