What is Success with Bipolar Disorder?

Hi, how are you? I hope you’re doing well.

I heard a great expression the other day (you know how much I like expressions): “Success is not so much what we have as it is what we are.”

The best supporters are those who change themselves in relation to the change in things around them. Some people react to their loved one’s bipolar behavior with anger. Others react with quiet resentment. They stuff their feelings.

But, you know, you end up taking your frustration on those you love the most, and that’s what

comes from stuffing your feelings. It will just backfire on you. So you may need to change how

you communicate with your loved one. Anger, resentment, frustration, and stuffing your feelings are all not going to help your situation.

So why do some people not make the necessary changes? Some people just don’t recognize the need to change, for instance. They can see it in their loved one, but not in themselves. These people are not effective supporters, because everyone needs to change from time to time.

We generally change ourselves for one of two reasons: inspiration or desperation. Think about that in relation to your loved one, their bipolar disorder, and you.

If your loved one keeps getting angry and doesn’t do anything to change that, the scenario will always be the same. So, out of desperation, you need to change how you deal with their anger.

In other words, you can’t change your loved one, but you can change yourself in relation to

them (and their behavior). That’s changing out of desperation. You really don’t have a choice

if your loved one refuses to change.

Or you might be inspired to change. Change makes you a better person, much less a better

supporter. It’s when you change for yourself and nobody else.

For example, to keep yourself from getting stressed out over your loved one’s behavior, you

might learn stress reduction techniques. That’s changing something, and helping you to be a better person and supporter. Or practicing relaxation exercises to help you cope with things, that’s another example.

What you need to do is first look at the methods you’re currently using to deal with your loved

one and their bipolar behavior. Then ask yourself if they are effective or not effective.

If they are effective, then you don’t need to change. But if they aren’t effective, then you do need to change. It’s kind of like filling in a puzzle. And if something you’re trying isn’t working, you look for another way (another piece to the puzzle).

But you also have to have a willingness to change – not just blame things on your loved one.

Change is what brings success. Are you willing to change?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

  1. True to a point Dave, but the sufferer also needs to want to change for the better. They cannot keep hiding behind the bipolar curtain whilst we as the supporters change – you have said before that bipolar is no excuse for bad behaviour (or abusive behaviour) and I definitely agree. AS long as they are prepared to become stable and go to counselling then I think it is worthwhile changing our reactions too. It takes two to tango! I have started a website http://www.bipolarsupporters.ning.com for fellow supporters to connect.

  2. Dave, I don’t know what happened but I’m not receiving your emails the last few days. Maybe I clicked on “unsubscribe” by accident. Could you please send them again to nightlady3@gmail.com. Your emails have always been helpful and interesting and I would like to receive them again.

  3. This morning, I got accused of using my bipolar disorder to stay at home and get some rest. My roommate (who has been, not only a psych tech, but also patient for psychosis), said that just because I got a diagnosis of cervical stenosis and NEED surgery, that I’m “closing myself off,” and blaming it on bipolar behavior. I have NEVER used my condition as an EXCUSE for ANYTHING. I felt as if she were projecting her anger (which she has PLENTY of), toward me and my bipolar. She spent most of the day “out on the town,” and when she returned 5 hours later, she was still in a foul mood. She even called me a (rhymes with witch) when I asked her for the old newspapers to start packing for my move! Tonight, I’m just going to stay OUT of her way; no communication at ALL. She has a TBI as well as epilepsy, and when she drinks, she’s incorrigible. I’ve felt “guilty” ALL day, as if it were MY fault I had a migraine and was “burning the candle at both ends” lately. I have absolutely TOO much on my plate right now to deal with her and HER moods. Just because I asked her to get my mail from downstairs in the lobby – she RANTED about my “not feeling good.” I KNOW I’m responsible for my reaction to her, but it’s difficult when I share my condo with this once-homeless woman. I fully INTEND on “being myself” tomorrow, but NOT for her – for ME. I KNOW I should terminate our relationship because of her effect on me, but she’s leaving as soon as the weather changes in the spring. Normally, she’s an “angel unawares” and is VERY helpful during my moving crisis; I guess I just have to take the good with the bad, and not take her rants personally. BUT – it’s awfully hard…

    BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.

  4. Third Try
    David you have a lot of good information. different words work better some times. everyone isn’t bipolar, but the information is good for any mental health person, but the word bipolar turns them off.
    Russ ASC/EMT

  5. Hi Dave and alll who commentted on coping w/ this illness.I first thought of this term a disease, yet i don’t like feeling sickly and helplessly to stop it usually spme meds. and rest.
    Yet with my love ones i apply a different set of standards that they aren’t fully able to make for a balanced relations. Litlle things i take for granted like just getting them to take meds.and also set up a chart to ofxepectations they undersatand so it is the target.Such as wash ,clean up etc.. eachday.sometimes that worked. Shauna wanted fudge chocolate bars so that helped to get her to geta treat .
    Its just me getting rsources and to think as if how i would want to be treated . Yes i know its hard! Please keep going ,touch of love and repeated encourage use of proper speach to your self , may take it seems months but eventually i found myself not give in to unruly speech , thinking maybe that was only encrageing her.
    again find a support prson to share with, try not do it alone.
    ‘words they say may hurt but so have i said some nasty words…sooon she get /he will get right correct combo of meds.
    thanks Bob

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