Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

You’ve heard of service dogs for the visually impaired, haven’t you? Those are those specially trained dogs that help visually impaired people get around better. Well, now they have service dogs for other disabled people as well. Including people with bipolar disorder. It’s true!

Here’s a true story:

Bill has bipolar disorder. He was in a major car accident this past year, and was injured. They thought he was going to lose his leg, but fortunately, they were able to save it. Unfortunately, it was broken in four places, and had to be immobilized. He needed two major operations to save it. Bill was a very independent man and up until then, was used to getting up and going wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted. So being in a wheelchair was something new to him. He didn’t like it at all. On top of that, he was told that his recovery would be very slow. In fact, he was told that it could take up to a year before he would be able to walk again. He was very discouraged by this news. It was very hard for him not to be depressed. His doctors were very concerned that on top of fighting to recover the use of his leg again, that he would be fighting to stay out of a bipolar depressive episode on top of it. So somebody recommended that he get a puppy from the Animal Shelter. At first he was reluctant to do it, but the more he thought about it, the more the idea appealed to Bill. He talked it over with his wife, who said she would help him take care of it. They went to the Animal Shelter and picked out a puppy. Bill began training the puppy and playing with her, and pretty soon, his spirits improved greatly. It was a great motivation to get up on his leg as he needed to take the puppy for a walk, so his leg began improving as well. Believe it or not, he improved so rapidly that he actually was able to walk at less than a year – at only nine months of recovery! Bill attributes his rapid recovery and avoidance of a major bipolar episode to getting a puppy.

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An amazing story, isn’t it? So uplifting and encouraging! You might want to consider getting a puppy for your loved one to take care of as well. Look what it did for Bill!

I saw another report on TV, on Discovery Channel, I believe, where they did a story on a young woman who was struggling with depression. She had even been on medication to try and help her depression, but it wasn’t helping her. Even therapy wasn’t helping her. Nothing was helping her. She was desperate. So somebody suggested that she get a dog. And she did. She quickly came out of her depression, and this report, done quite awhile after that, showed that she still was not experiencing any more depressive episodes. She attributed her healing from depression to

getting that dog. She said it was because it gave her something to get out of bed for every day, among other things. She couldn’t just stay in bed and feel sorry for herself any more, because that dog needed her to take care of it. Maybe this would help your loved one as well.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

My goddaughter is at that age where “Let’s Pretend” is almost better than real life. So, even though it’s winter outdoors…An indoor picnic is just the thing for a cold, windy day! Of course, it must come with everything from real peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to potato chips to chocolate chip cookies for dessert, with lemonade to quench our thirst! The only thing that definitely does NOT come with our indoor picnic is ANTS! LOL Of course, coping and dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder “ain’t no picnic,” as the saying goes, and I certainly understand that, from dealing with my mom. You have to deal with the daily ups and downs of the disorder, and that is really NOT easy. In fact, it can be downright discouraging sometimes.

I’m sure when your loved one was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder and the doctor was going over some of the things to expect, he/she didn’t tell you everything. They sure couldn’t tell you everything in the short time they have to be with you (your loved one). They just really go over the basics. Plus, everyone is different. And bipolar disorder can manifest differently in different people, too. So I’m sure your loved one’s doctor probably also stuck to just general information because they didn’t want to give you wrong information for your loved one. But by doing that, I’m sure they left you with some questions that went unanswered. I mean, even if they had answered every one of your questions at the time, I’m sure there have been circumstances and issues that have arisen since your loved one’s diagnosis that were not anticipated in the beginning. There are some things that you can only find out by going through them, unfortunately. For example: Everyone who has bipolar disorder has triggers. But everyone’s triggers are different. So even if your loved one’s doctor had talked about what triggers a bipolar episode…You wouldn’t necessarily know what triggers your loved one’s episodes until you go through them. That’s why it’s important to do what I call a PEA, or Post Episode Analysis, after the episode. That’s where you and your loved one sit down together and analyze the episode, going over things like what led up to the episode (including triggers), and how they could

be prevented in the future (or at least spotted quicker to prevent a major episode). These are just some things that you learn with experience as you go along with bipolar disorder.

So how do you deal with the daily ups and downs and discouragement of having a loved one with bipolar disorder? Well, what I just talked about will help. In other words…TIME is a big factor. Experience as you go will help you to get along better, as you become more learned about your loved one’s disorder. The more experience you have, the better you will be able to cope with it (and them). Another thing that will help is your attitude. Learn to just make it through the bad times with a “This Too Shall Pass” (it always has before) attitude, and to appreciate the good times for as long as they last, and to get the most out of them. But you also need to stay realistic, and remember that, although you can appreciate the good times, they won’t

last. And always separate your loved one from their disorder, remembering that it’s NOT their fault that they do some of the things that they do. That will also help you get through the daily ups and downs and discouragement. As one supporter puts it: “I hate when my wife acts bipolar, but I always remember that eventually she will get back to herself, so I just wait it out.”

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

You’ve heard the saying, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again,” right? Well, that doesn’t mean that you keep trying the same thing over and over again if what you did wasn’t working. Otherwise, you’re just doing what is thought of as the common definition of insanity,

which is: “Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.” So, instead, I say that you should: DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT! That’s all it takes, sometimes, to change things. Or at least to change the outcome of something. And it doesn’t have to be something

big that makes the difference, either. It can be something small that can make a big difference.

The important thing is that you do something different than what you were doing that wasn’t working in the first place. When what you’re doing isn’t working, DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!

If what you’re doing with your loved one with bipolar disorder isn’t working…And you’re getting very frustrated…It’s obvious that something has to change. Chances are, your loved one isn’t

going to change. And you can’t make them. And you shouldn’t have to change, either. But it’s obvious that something has to change, because what’s happening isn’t working any more. So…

DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!

Maybe you’re enabling them. Maybe you’re making things too easy on them. So change that. Stop enabling them. Make them do it for themselves (whatever it is that you are doing for

them). Then they will have to take responsibility for themselves in that area, at least. For example, maybe you’ve been cooking all the meals. But they are perfectly capable of cooking

some of the meals themselves. So you tell them that they are going to have to start chipping in and helping out with the cooking. If they don’t want to, that’s fine, they can go hungry on the nights that it’s their turn to cook (but be prepared to go hungry yourself the first couple times if they test you!). Eventually, by your doing that one thing, it will change the situation (and, hopefully, your loved one). NOTE: This could work just as well with the laundry.

Here’s another example: If whenever you fight, you get defensive, and try to give your side of things, but it just makes matters worse, and your loved one just gets louder and more obstinate about giving their point of view, and it’s very frustrating for you…DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT! The next time you fight, try being quieter. It’s hard to fight with someone who won’t fight back, and your loved one will lose steam a whole lot faster!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews577/

Here are the news headlines:

Bipolar Moms Likely to Need Meds While Pregnant
DO> Do you agree or disagree?

Hemy Neuman pins murder on Bipolar Disorder: Prosecution, Mayo Clinic contradict
DO> What do you think?

AstraZeneca Fails to Delay Generic Seroquel Launch
DO> Kind of boring, but take a look

Regulating Body Clock May Be Key to Treating Bipolar Disorder
DO> I totally agree, do you?

PayPal exec killed on Caltrain Tracks had Bipolar Disorder, Family Says
DO> Geeze, what a sad story.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews577/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

If a parent is a good parent, they will raise their children to believe that they can do anything that they set their minds to do…That if they want to be a doctor, they can do that…That if they want to be a lawyer, they can do that…That if they want to help people, they can do that…And that if they want to work with their hands, they can pick a profession (like auto mechanic) where they can do that. In other words, they see their child and that child’s particular gifts and talents, and they try to steer them in a direction that will use those gifts and talents, while all the time telling them that they can be anything and do anything that they want to. In psychology, that’s called positive reinforcement. Which is a good thing for a parent to do.

That’s a good thing for a bipolar supporter to do as well. You should be supportive to your

loved one and not let their bipolar disorder hold them back. But it shouldn’t hold you back, either. You should still be able to do anything you want to do, too. For example, if you still want to work a full-time job, you should be able to do that without worrying about what your loved one will do without having you around. If you do, that’s called codependency. If they get in trouble without you around, maybe they’re too dependent on you to keep them out of trouble, and that isn’t a healthy thing. You should be able to trust them to be ok when you’re not around, at least as much as to be able to work. However, I know one woman who tried to work, but her husband would call her 10 and 12 times a day at work, until she was let go from that job because they said they couldn’t tolerate it.

Your loved one needs to have something to do while you work so that they don’t do things like

that. They need to be productive in their own right so that they aren’t so dependent on you. They need to have their own strong support network, and their own social network as well,

some friends who they can hang out with and do things with, or like at a day center. They could even have their own job – either part-time, or even a volunteer position, just something that gets them out of the house – or even a home business might work for them.

You should also be able to have your own friends and family that you can see when you want.

It is healthy for you to have a social life outside of your loved one so that their bipolar disorder

doesn’t overwhelm you. Go to lunch with a friend every once in a while – it will do you good.

For your own mental and emotional well-being, you should be able to go out and do things on

your own. You shouldn’t feel trapped by your loved one. And you shouldn’t feel guilty at leaving them alone at home, or fear for what might happen.

They should be learning how to manage their own disorder, and to be independent to some degree. They shouldn’t need you to such a degree that you can’t do what you want to do, or it isn’t healthy. If you feel as if your loved one and/or their bipolar disorder is holding you back, then you need to talk to them about it. Or maybe even talk to their therapist about it, if you

feel that you need to. You need to be able to do the things you need and want to do. You need to have some freedom from both your loved one and their bipolar disorder. Otherwise, if you’re not careful, you may suffer from supporter burnout.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews576/

Here are the news headlines:

Iowa Senator’s Letter to Oregon Hits Hot-Button Issue: Child Psychiatrists
DO> VERY interesting, take a look.

Book Review: Somewhere Over the Rainbow, I’ve Lost My…Mind:A Manic’s Mood Chart
DO> Looks good, don’t you think?

Experts: State of Psyche Affects Physical Ailments
DO> Do you agree or disagree?

[Woman with Bipolar Disorder] Hoping to be next Mrs. Illinois America
DO> Wow, what do you think of this story?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews576/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Ya know, there was this girl who used to work out where I do…Who, I swear, had more problems than any one person could have in a lifetime, to hear her tell it! She was always having problems with her boyfriend, for one thing. I mean, he wasn’t abusing her or anything…But he certainly couldn’t do anything else right, according to this girl. And it was all so dramatic! It made me wonder why she even stayed with the guy in the first place. And if she wasn’t complaining about her boyfriend, she was complaining about her job. To hear her tell it…It was like there was this huge conspiracy going on at work or something. And, of course, it all centered around her. Yeah, right! Again, all the drama. It would make me tired just to listen to her! Then there were her family problems…Her car…Her apartment…Money problems…And anything else you could think of that could cause problems in a person’s life. But I mean, I had problems, too, but nothing that was on the catastrophic scale that apparently her problems were to her! This girl was what I would call a Drama Queen.

And the thing about Drama Queens is that nobody wants to be around them. They just drain you, ya know? They’re always complaining about something. According to them, nothing goes right in their life…They’ve always got problems…And it’s always a crisis! The thing is, when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder, you can’t afford to be a Drama Queen (or King). You can’t afford to have crises. A bipolar episode is crisis enough. But everyday problems have to be solvable.

You have to approach your problems in a calm manner. First of all, you have to realize that, when you’re dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder, there are going to be problems.

But your best chance to solve them is if you approach it as a team and try to solve them together.

So, you stay calm, realize there are going to be problems, work as a team, and develop a good

problem solving approach.

For example: You might write down the problem. Then write down your options to solving the

problem. Then eliminate those options that are not viable options. Then choose the best option for solving the problem. Many people find that just by writing things down, it helps with the problem solving approach. Sometimes you might have to talk to someone else to help you solve your problem. It’s ok if you need to ask for help. This doesn’t mean that you’re weak. Everyone needs help sometime. It just may be what you need to help you solve your problem.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I got the following email from someone the other day, and I wanted to share it with you, because

you might have even wanted to ask the same question or wondered the same thing:

“Dave, My wife has had bipolar disorder for a long time, and I’ve been taking care of her for all that time. I’m ok though. I don’t have it, at least I don’t think I do, but that’s what I’m wondering about now. I don’t know if she’s just driving me crazy with her bipolar behaviors or if I might be catching her bipolar disorder. But lately I’ve been having mood swings myself. Well I’m not going into mania like she does but I really have been depressed wondering if I’m always going to have to go through this. Is it true, could I really catch her bipolar?”

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At first, it may seem like a silly question to ask whether you can catch bipolar disorder, but believe me, many supporters have asked me that very same question. And, very simply, the answer is: NO. You can’t catch bipolar disorder like you can catch the flu. But you CAN pick up your loved one’s bipolar behaviors if you’re not careful! And that can happen if you let their bipolar disorder overwhelm you to the exclusion of everything else. Which can happen easier than you might think, believe it or not. It has happened to so many supporters that they do

end up asking me if you can actually catch bipolar disorder from your loved one.

But here’s what I’m talking about: If you’re living in the “bipolar world” so much that you don’t have any escape from it…Then bipolar disorder becomes the “norm” and normal life becomes the exception. Then things are topsy-turvy for you…And you can become as emotionally sick as your loved one. That’s why I always stress to supporters that, for one thing, you shouldn’t be the only supporter that your loved one has. They should have other people in their support system

who can give you a break once in a while. That’s so that you can get a break from them and their bipolar disorder. And so that you can stay emotionally healthy.

For another thing…You need to have other activities outside of your loved one, things that you do with other people. For example: Meeting friends for lunch or dinner every so often would be a good idea for you, and definitely keeping up these relationships, too. You need to have friends who don’t have a mental illness to surround yourself with, as this will also help keep you emotionally healthy. You also need to keep your family relationships close to you as well.

Family bonds are important, especially when you’re a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder. They will give you a good sense of normalcy, and also a good sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

Another good source of self-esteem for you (and another thing that will get you away from your loved one and their bipolar disorder) would be an outside job. If you don’t already have one, I strongly urge you to get a job outside the home. This will not only help your loved one to become more independent, but will help you to get out of the bipolar world on an ongoing basis as well.

You also need to do things that make you feel good, that bring you enjoyment. You could even do these things with your loved one, so that both of you can escape the bipolar world so that it doesn’t consume you! But you at least definitely need to do these things so that you can stay emotionally healthy.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

There’s a well-known expression that goes: “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.” And that’s true, and I respect that, as I’m sure you do as well. The problem comes when someone “offers” you their opinion. Strongly. Well, not just “offers” it, but expects you to take it. That’s when you can feel sort of strong-armed, and you really don’t like it. I mean, everyone is entitled to their OWN opinion, sure, but it goes without saying that at the same time they should respect that you have YOUR opinion as well. And that you are entitled to your own opinion. Some people are so opinionated that they expect you to take their advice all the time. They think that their way is the only way. I have run across this type of attitude in some of the bipolar support groups that I volunteer at. And, in my opinion, this type of attitude can be very dangerous.

Especially when you’re dealing with people who have just been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and aren’t that familiar with the disorder yet. These people are looking for any help, and bad advice can come off as good advice to them, when it comes from someone in a bipolar support group. And I’m not saying that the person means to hurt you or anything…Not on purpose.

Just that they think that their way is right, and maybe it is for their loved one, but that doesn’t mean that it is for your loved one, so that doesn’t mean that you should necessarily listen to them.

For example: One time I heard a woman actually telling a man that he should take his wife off all her bipolar medications and put her on this supplement instead, because this woman had put her husband on it and he had gotten better. Well, whether this woman’s husband got better without

medication or not isn’t even the issue here. The issue is that she is giving out bad advice!

Dangerous advice! I mean, first of all, she is NOT a doctor or anything, so who is she to tell someone else to take their loved one off their bipolar medication in the first place? I’m sorry if I’m getting all up in arms about this, but it is really a sore subject for me, because too many people do this, and I’ve seen too many people go off their medication because they listened to bad advice and went straight into a bipolar episode because of it.

So here’s this woman telling someone else that they should take their loved one off their bipolar meds just because she took her husband off his and he got better. And I’m saying that’s bad advice. Because who knows, it may not even be why he got better. And the thing is, for how long will he stay better? Because when they first go off their medication, some people with bipolar disorder may stay ok for a short period of time, but then go into a bipolar episode. So we don’t know “the rest of the story” yet. We don’t know if he really is “better” on this supplement

instead of his bipolar medication. And the thing is…Even if he was…It wouldn’t mean that it would work for your loved one, just because it worked for this woman’s husband. So she really shouldn’t be passing along bad advice like this.

But it’s like what I was saying about opinions…Everyone is entitled to have one. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that they should share it with everyone. Sometimes you need to be careful what you share, how you share it, and who you share it with. The only opinion that should matter to you is the opinion of your loved one’s treatment team. They are the ones who know what’s best for your loved one.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I was watching an episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos the other night, and they showed this one video about a kid who got angry. He had built this big building with colored blocks, and it was really high…But then he got mad…And kicked it! Then the whole thing toppled…And it was like in slow motion…And the whole thing came crashing down on top of him…And he ran crying to his mother…Like it was the building’s fault! Like he just couldn’t figure out what had

happened! Well…You’re not a toddler any more. But you know…There are situations where you still might find yourself wondering why you’re sitting in the middle of a bunch of “colored building blocks” because of your anger. Anger can cause us to do things that we later regret.

I’m sure that’s happened in your loved one’s case with their bipolar disorder.

Anger and rage are symptoms of a bipolar manic episode, and something that you should look out for. Especially if it becomes a pattern in your loved one. Anger is an emotion. A reaction to something. Something you don’t like. Something that, say, rubs you the wrong way. Something that hurts you. Especially if it’s been going on for awhile. And especially if you have no control over it. That’s when we usually react the hardest. Like you may get angry over your loved one’s bipolar behavior. You may not like what they do. So it makes you feel helpless. And this might make you angry. It might even make you angry at them. So what do you do with this anger? Do you fight with them? That’s what usually happens when the supporter gets angry at their loved one with bipolar disorder. The problem is that it’s easy for that to happen in too many cases.

Worse yet is when you stuff that anger and it turns into resentment. Because that can actually make you physically sick. It can cause you to have stomach problems like even have ulcers.

It can cause you to have an increase of headaches, or even have migraines. It can cause you to have body aches. It can cause a whole host of problems. And if you’re not careful…The stress can build up to such a degree that you are even in danger of having a heart attack or even a stroke.

So what’s the answer? It’s simple: Stop being angry. Now, I didn’t say it would be easy. I just said it was simple. Just ask yourself if it’s worth getting sick over just to hold onto all that anger, and you’ll see that the answer is definitely NO! Then choose to put your anger (and stress) away and to talk to your loved one instead. Tell them about the behavior that makes you so angry, and ask them to work on changing it.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave