Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews580/

Here are the news headlines:

Pilot breakdown draws attention to mental health standards
DO> Wow, what do you think about this?

Terminated Employee with Bipolar Disorder Awarded $315000 in ADA Case
DO> Do you think this is too little?

‘Unsuitable’ Cops to Guard Police Stations
DO> I can’t believe this, can you?

Prenatal Antipsychotic Drugs Linked to Motor Delays: Study
DO> Take a look at this warning

Bipolar Patients, Family Members and Friends: 10 Things Not to Do
DO> Do you agree with these tips, let me know

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews580/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

There was this old saying I heard: “The only things you can count on in life are death and taxes.”

It was supposed to be a sort of funny way of saying that there really aren’t many things that you can count on in life. And that’s true, isn’t it? Basically, life is pretty unpredictable. I mean, look at your life now. Would you have ever predicted that you would be who you are now? Doing what you’re doing now? Being with who you are now? Working where you are now? Living where you are now? Even driving what you are now? See? Life is really unpredictable. Especially when it comes to a loved one with bipolar disorder.

One of the things I often talk about is the unpredictability of your loved one’s bipolar episodes.

In fact, that’s one of the most unpredictable things about bipolar disorder. Which can make it one of the most frustrating aspects of the disorder for you. But I’m going to tell you a secret. There is a way to make your loved one’s bipolar episodes more predictable. I know…This may sound like an impossibility, but hear me out.

Here’s my logic: If something happens once, there’s a better likelihood that it will happen again, right? That’s how we can determine triggers that lead to bipolar episodes. So think back…Try to remember what led to or caused your loved one’s last bipolar episode. Say for example that it was a manic episode. And say that it was lack of sleep that was the trigger. (I’m just using this as an example – your loved one’s trigger may have been something else.)

Well…Using my logic…You can now use this as a predictor for the future. In other words…

If at any time in the future your loved one loses sleep…You can predict that there is a chance that they may go into a manic episode.

There! The unpredictability factor of their bipolar disorder has lessened at least a little bit for you! You can do the same thing for all their bipolar episodes. Just work it the same way as I just did.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Somebody made this post on my blog the other day, and I wanted to respond to it to see what you think:

“It is so hard to be positive when my husband begins to show signs of depression. He does not

recognize it is happening and when I point it out he gets upset. Then he will begin to say bad things about my son, his stepson. I try and not answer him, I try and say we need to stop this conversation. He usually does this just at bedtime so it is not a time I can get in a car and leave. I am also exhausted and he pushes me over the edge. It is just so exhausting. He will say things that reflect what he is not accomplishing and place the fault on my children. Then he will sulk

for awhile and then apologize.. same old pattern. So very exhausting.”

——————————————————————————————————————-

There are several things going on in this woman’s life all at once, so I’ll take it one issue at a time. First, she says: “It is so hard to be positive when my husband begins to show signs of depression.” I’ve heard that before. In fact, I’ve experienced it myself when I was trying

to deal with my mom and her bipolar disorder. But what I had to do was keep my own self and my mood separate from hers. No matter what was going on with her, I had to not let it touch what was happening with me. Now, I’m not saying that’s easy. It’s not. But in general I’m a positive person. And I had to try to stay positive and not let what was happening with my mom bring me down. So that’s what you have to do. Even though it’s hard, you need to try to stay

positive even when your loved one gets depressed. Don’t let their bad mood influence your good one. Keep a good attitude even if theirs is bad. It will help if you maintain a positive outlook on

things, no matter what your loved one’s outlook is, especially if they have a negative one.

Then this woman goes on to say that it’s hard because “He does not recognize it is happening

and when I point it out he gets upset.” That’s common with a loved one with bipolar disorder.

One of the things you need to do in your role as a bipolar supporter is to point out bipolar behavior in your loved one, such as depression. You need to do this so they can avoid a full-blown bipolar episode. In this way you can work as a team to help manage their bipolar disorder, and that’s an important aspect. But that doesn’t mean that they’re always going to

like it when you point these things out. Sometimes they may even be in denial. Sometimes they may even want to blame someone else for their behavior, as this man does. This is common.

She says: “I try and not answer him, I try and say we need to stop this conversation.” These are both good approaches when your loved one is exhibiting inappropriate behavior. But look at WHEN he does it: At bedtime. When she is exhausted. This can almost be seen as manipulative. Which is one of the biggest problems that supporters have with loved ones who have bipolar disorder. He picks a time when she almost can’t “fight back.” A time when she can’t get in the car and leave. A time when she has to listen to what he has to say. This is NOT working as a team.

So what can she do? She needs to call him on this behavior, and tell him that from now on she will not discuss issues with him at bedtime, and that she will NOT listen to him if he chooses to talk to her then, but she will listen to him at another time. Then she needs to stick to this limit.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Have you ever looked at a quilt? I mean the real, old-fashioned, hand-stitched kind, not the new ones that are bought in the stores. If you look at the one side, they look perfect – All the stitching is right, the patterns are lined up, etc. But if you look on the back…You’ll notice that strands of thread are all over the place, and pieces of fabric overlap, etc. And, well, it’s just not so perfect, is it? You can see the real picture of all that effort of perfection on the back. In other words, the back shows the “real story” of what you see on the front. Life is kind of like that, when you think about it. You see people on the outside. Like you see the front of a quilt. But you don’t see what they’ve gone through to get where they are today. You don’t know their “real” story, do you? And most people hide it real well. They don’t want people to know that they hurt. That’s just how people are.

That’s how most people with bipolar disorder are, anyway. They don’t want people to even know that they have the disorder. They’re afraid of what other people might think of them.

They’re afraid of the stigma associated with bipolar disorder (or any mental illness, for that matter). Many people with bipolar disorder don’t even want to tell their family members that they have the disorder when they’re diagnosed. But I find that it helps to tell them, because it will give an explanation for the often bizarre behavior that has gone on during bipolar episodes.

Most people suspect anyway. So it helps to have an explanation. Education helps to dispel stigma in the long run. It will also help your loved one to learn as much as they can about their bipolar disorder. Not just to dispel stigma…But to help empower them. It will help them feel stronger. It will help them learn to manage their disorder better, too. And it should give them the knowledge that they can, indeed, get better.

No, it’s true that unfortunately, there is still no cure for bipolar disorder. But it’s like diabetes.

There’s still no cure for diabetes, either. But millions of people still live healthy lives that have it, too. The point is that it can be managed. Just like bipolar disorder can be managed. You just have to make some adjustments. Like you have to take medication for it. I know that your loved one most likely won’t like that, especially not the fact that they’ll have to do it every day for the rest of their life…But look at the alternative (bipolar episodes). I’m sure they don’t like the alternative, either. So, in order to stay stable, they have to take their medication. They also need to follow a good treatment plan, stick to a good sleep schedule, eat a healthy diet, exercise, be productive, and do other things that lead to stability. But the point is that if they do these things…They CAN get better!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews579/

Here are the news headlines:

What Does Bipolar Disorder Really Look Like?
DO> Interesting article, do you agree?

Re-Thinking Mental Illness In Media
DO> Don’t you think that they need too?

Avoiding Professional Help for Mental Illness: Is it Over-Confidence Or Courage?
DO> Do you think this is smart, let me know.

Giving Your Disorder Too Much Credit? Bipolar Type II and Self-Esteem
DO> Great article, what do you think?

Comparing Psychiatric and General Medical Medications: What Does the Evidence Say?
DO> I think the need to do much more research in this area

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews579/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I don’t have a pet, because I live alone and I’m in and out a lot. But I do know a lot of people who do have pets, and some of them treat them like their children or their best friends! I can understand that. It’s easy – I mean…You train your pet…And they do what you tell them to do.

It’s not like a person. You can’t train a person to do what you tell them to do. People are just going to do what they want to do anyway. No matter how much you want them to do something.

Even if it’s for their own good. Like your loved one with bipolar disorder. You can’t change your loved one, no matter how much you would like to. They have to be willing to change themselves.

But like I said: You may want your loved one to do certain things, especially if they’re for their own good…But you sure can’t make them. And that’s where things can get hard sometimes. That’s one of the really hard things about supporting a loved one with bipolar disorder.

ACCEPTANCE. It’s hard to accept things you don’t like. Or that you don’t agree with. Or that you see are harming your loved one. Or are harming your relationship with them. Or are even harming you. How can you accept the detrimental things that come with your loved one having bipolar disorder? Now, first of all, notice I said ACCEPT, and not like. No one says you have to like these things. Because obviously you’re not going to like them. Who’s going to like it when their loved one flies into a bipolar rage and starts screaming and yelling at them? But, unfortunately, I am saying that you have to accept it.

So how can you do that? By accepting that it’s just part of the behavior that stems from their bipolar disorder when it’s out of control. That way, by making it part of their bipolar disorder

and NOT them…It’s easier not to blame them for their behavior…And to not take it personally.

That way, hopefully, it won’t hurt you as much. Other things are hard to accept as well. What about when you see your loved one doing things that hurt themselves? Like not complying with their treatment? Say they start skipping their therapy appointments, for example? Then even stop going? This can lead to acting out behavior, then to bipolar episodes. Or if they stop taking their medication, because they “feel fine,” which can also lead to an episode. It’s really hard to accept that. But all you can do is try to talk to them and tell them how much you care and that you want them to be better and the way to do that is to take their medication and go to therapy, then hope that they will.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Many people follow the newspaper every day. Are you one of those people? Some people say they just can’t seem to start their day without it. Others say it just wouldn’t be the same without

their daily “fix” of the news. Did you know that some people even get that “fix” on their computers now? They don’t even have to wait until the newspaper is delivered to their door! One of the advantages of getting your news online is that it provides a daily review of the news. So that anytime during the day…It provides a sort of running commentary, or a review of that day’s most pertinent headlines. That way, by following the daily review, you can read about what you’re most interested in. So you can keep up with things. So you can be on top of things, so to speak.

Being on top of things is important to all of us. It’s especially important when it comes to bipolar

disorder. I mean, you wouldn’t do a daily review like the newspaper does…But you can do a sort of daily review in another way that might help your loved one (and you). What I’m talking about is keeping a daily mood chart or diary. This can be an important tool in managing your loved

one’s bipolar disorder. A mood chart or diary can track things like changes in mood. This can be useful, because it can help you to see if your loved one is heading toward a bipolar episode before it happens. Different mood charts keep track of different things, but most of them chart at least these basic things: Date, Mood, and Comments.

The mood section should have a range that goes from manic to depressed, and everything in between, like anxious and irritable or agitated, etc. Again, this is useful to note patterns, which can help you to see if there might be an oncoming bipolar episode. You can also track how long your loved one has been in this same mood without change. And you can also see when their mood changes, and track that as well. Many have a place where you can put what medications

your loved one is on, as that can affect how they’re feeling, too. You can note there when there has been a medication change, which can be important. Then, in the comment section, you can note any reactions to the new medication. Many mood charts also have a place to note number of

hours slept. This is important, because sleep changes can indicate an oncoming bipolar episode.

Loss of sleep can indicate a manic episode. While too much sleep can indicate a depressive episode. The comments section is important, because it gives you a chance to indicate what might be responsible for mood changes you have indicated, or anything else of note that day.

For example: You may note that something happened that day that was responsible for a “down” mood that was only situational, and not an indication of a possible bipolar depressive episode.

This would be important, as there is a difference.

Mood charts can be kept online or in a mood chart diary offline. The important thing is that you maintain it consistently. Then it can be printed out when it is time for your loved one to see their doctor or psychiatrist (or you can bring it to show them) so they can see what has been happening to your loved one since their last visit. Do you see how a daily mood chart can be an important daily review in helping to manage your loved one’s bipolar disorder?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Do you remember George Burns? Or maybe you heard of him? He was a famous comedian, who died in 1996, just a few weeks after his 100th birthday. Now, you might say that George Burns is proof of what the experts say about humor: That humor can actually extend your life.

Now, I’m not going to dispute whether that is actually true or not, but I can see where it might be true.

Consider this: Stress is one of the things that doctors warn you against. They are constantly telling you to get rid of the stress in your life. Why is that? Because studies have shown that stress decreases people’s life spans? Yes! How? Because stress leads to more heart attacks and

strokes, that’s how. And even if you don’t go along with that idea, you must at least believe that stress decreases the quality of a person’s life. Stress makes you nervous, edgy, irritable, agitated,

short-tempered, and can even lead to physical illnesses and maladies, like: insomnia, body aches, headaches, stomach aches/ulcers, and make you more susceptible to colds and viruses because you tend to not take care of yourself.

That’s one of the reasons why I recommend humor to people who have bipolar disorder. Learning not to take everything so seriously can help them and their supporters to cope with the disorder.

Humor decreases stress. That’s right. Even the Bible says so! It says, “Laughter does good like medicine.” People who laugh live longer than people who don’t laugh. I may not be able to quote you the exact studies, but there have been actual studies into the phenomenon. Think about it… It has to do with having a positive outlook on life. Negative people tend to have more problems and more stress. They also tend to get sick more. Thus they tend to have a shorter life span. At least that’s what studies show.

So… In spite of your loved one having bipolar disorder… LAUGH MORE! Try not to look at everything so seriously. I know it may be hard sometimes, but it will help to decrease some of the stress in your life.

Need help? Try watching a comedy movie or watching a comedian like George Burns on tv, or reading a funny book. That should make you laugh! Or consider the following funny quotes from people who have bipolar disorder who have learned to laugh at their disorder:

“If you like rollercoasters, you’ll love bipolar disorder!”

“I’m a bipolar bear – cute and cuddly!”

“Bipolar – where Santa Claus’s cousin lives.”

Enjoy!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

When you were young, did your parents tell you that you could do anything you wanted to

(within limits)? Oh, I don’t mean things that would get you in trouble or anything…I’m talking about things like that if you wanted to, that you could become a doctor… or a lawyer… or even the President if that’s what you wanted! The point is that they probably saw your talents and your unlimited potential, and probably tried to steer you in the right direction…Offering encouragement and hope that you could do anything you set your mind to doing, to accomplishing. That’s positive reinforcement. That’s a good thing for a parent to do. That’s a good thing for a bipolar supporter to do as well.

One of the things that I teach supporters is that you should be supportive to your loved one and not let their bipolar disorder hold them back. But it shouldn’t hold you back, either. You should still be able to do anything that you want to do, too. If you still want to work a full-time job, for

example, you should be able to do that without having to worry about what your loved one will

do without having you around to “babysit” them. If you do, that’s called codependency.

If they get in trouble without you around, perhaps they are too dependent on you to keep them out of trouble, and that isn’t a healthy thing. You should be able to trust them to be ok when

you’re not around, at least as much as to be able to work at a job outside the home. However, I know one woman who tried to work, but her husband would call her 10 and 12 times a day at work, until she was let go from her job because they said they just couldn’t have that happening there.

Your loved one needs to have something to do while you work so that they don’t do things like

that. They need to be productive in their own right so that they aren’t so dependent on you. They need to have their own strong support network, for example, and their own social network as well. They could even have their own job – either part-time, or at least a volunteer position, just something that gets them out of the house – or even a home business might work for them.

You should also be able to have your own friends that you can see when you want. It’s healthy for you to have a social life outside of your loved one so that their bipolar disorder doesn’t

overwhelm you. It’s something you need.

Go to lunch with a friend every once in a while – it will do you good. For your own mental and emotional well-being, you should be able to go out and do things on your own. You shouldn’t feel trapped by your loved one. And you shouldn’t feel guilty at leaving them alone at home, or fear for what might happen. They should be learning how to manage their own disorder, and to be independent to some degree. They shouldn’t need you to such a degree that you can’t do what you want to do, or it isn’t healthy.

If you feel as if your loved one and/or their bipolar disorder is holding you back, then you need to talk to them about it. You need to be able to do the things you need and want to do. And they need to have things that they do on their own without you as well. Perhaps having them go to a Day Center might help, or scheduling other activities for them that you aren’t involved with. Try giving them a To-Do List of tasks to accomplish for when you aren’t home and which they don’t depend on you for help with. Try encouraging them to take up a new project – one that will take more than one day to accomplish. Perhaps some community involvement might interest them.

The main thing is that you be able to be independent, though, so that you get a break from your loved one’s bipolar disorder, as you need that.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews578/

Here are the news headlines:

A Psychiatrist Tells The Truth — It’s OK Not To Be ‘Normal’
DO> What do you think about this?

What Are Some Of The Positives About Having Experienced Bouts Of Depression?
DO> Do you think there are any positives?

Utah Mom: Young Kids Need To Learn About Mental Health
DO> Do you agree with this or not?

Hidden Data Show That Antipsychotic Drugs Are Less Effective Than Advertised
DO> Hmmm. Do you think this is a dangerous concept?

The doctor who broke up families: Psychiatrist who damned hundreds as ‘unfit parents’ …
DO> WOW, what are your thoughts on this article?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews578/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave