Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

Do you believe in predestination? Some people do, and some people don’t. I don’t mean to get into some big philosophical debate or anything…Just wanted to get you thinking about whether

you think we have any control over what happens to us in life. Because I think we do. See…

I look at it this way. I don’t think your loved one had control over whether or not they got bipolar disorder. So it’s not their fault that they got it. (Which, of course, is much different than having

responsibility over it, because they still do have responsibility over it.) So whether it was fate or not is certainly not the question. That’s not up for debate here. But what I’m bringing up is that it’s up to them what happens from here. That part IS their responsibility. In fact, you could look at it this way: Someone once said the following: “Life is 1% what happens to you…And 99% your reaction to it.” In other words, I don’t think you can control some of what life throws at you. Some stuff just happens to you. But you CAN control how you react to it. So…In the first part of what I said (stuff happening to you), you don’t have responsibility. But in the second part (your reaction to it), you DO have responsibility. Many times, I talk about how your loved one needs to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions in a bipolar episode. That’s part of the “99% your reaction to it” kind of thinking. Because if it isn’t even their reaction to it,

it’s certainly your reaction to it. And they need to at least consider that. They need to know and acknowledge that their actions do have consequences and that those consequences affect other people, like you. And that there can be ramifications.

Like sometimes there can even be legal ramifications to their bipolar behavior. For example:

What if, during a manic episode, they shoplifted from a store and got caught? They could be facing legal charges for that! Even though they have a mental illness like bipolar disorder, it doesn’t excuse what they did – it is still illegal, and there are consequences for their shoplifting.

So they need to take responsibility. Or what if they were driving recklessly while in a manic episode (this is very common)? Say they got a speeding ticket. It doesn’t matter to the police that your loved one was in a bipolar manic episode or not. They are still legally responsible for paying the fine for that speeding ticket. In other words, there are ramifications for their bipolar behavior. They are responsible for the consequences of what they did during their manic episode. Sometimes they may not even remember what they did, but they are still responsible.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

There’s something you need to keep in mind if you are dealing with a loved one who has bipolar disorder: KEEPING PRIORITIES. Doing this can really help you to cope. The thing is, though, first you need to decide if something really is a priority or not. Sometimes people can really “make a mountain out of a molehill,” as the saying goes, and then they get their priorities all mixed up. But if you do have your priorities in order, it can help you to have a greater perspective on things.

Like this email I got the other day:

Hi David,

It is true that we who are the supporters wind up needing some support ourselves sometimes. It’s

very easy to get tied up with not only every day obligations but so many unexpected things can arise as well. You have to remember you can’t always do all of the things that crop up unexpectantly. There are just so many hours in a day and you have to prioritize. If you sit back, take a moment and just stop to think, there will be some things that can be put off until tomorrow. Didn’t get to do the breakfast dishes this morning? Maybe you could just put them

in the dishwasher or give a quick rinse til you get home and do them all after supper as well. Or maybe you forgot to take something out of the freezer for dinner. You can still defrost it in the microwave and then cook or reheat it, then try to get something ready for the next day at the same time. How’s a double recipe sound to save some time for the next day? Take care of real emergencies – don’t make them. With bi polar you always have to keep your eyes open for one.

Being aware of signs are important to catch before [an episode] can arise.”

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I really like how she says: “Take care of real emergencies – don’t make them.” I think too many people do that, whether they mean to or not. Then that just makes their situation worse. John Lennon said: “Life is what happens to you when you’re making other plans.” You have to kind of “plan” for other things to happen just in case something goes wrong with your plans. I know that seems kind of funny, but it’s true. I mean, you do need to make plans, that’s important. But you also need to make a Plan B in case something unexpected comes up. That way you can deal with it. It’s important to have plans, and in order to do that, you do need to prioritize, and to prioritize correctly. If you don’t, you’ll be making emergencies out of things that you should just let slide.

Have you ever known someone who was a “drama queen?” Someone who was always making a crisis out of the smallest incident? Didn’t that bother you? Well, you could say that that person definitely did not have their priorities in order, couldn’t you?

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Life is NOT an emergency! You need to be able to take things as they come, or you will end up stressed out and unable to deal with things that you need to deal with. And possibly even making yourself sick in the process.

So, for example…Your first priority should be to make sure that you are taking care of yourself (because otherwise how can you take care of your loved one). Make sure that your own needs are being met. Then your next priority could be taking care of your loved one.

Try sitting down and making a priority list to see if your priorities are in order. If not, you may need to change some things.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews582/

Here are the news headlines:

Everyone Around You Is An Impostor: Inside the Mind’s Most

Bizarre Delusions
DO> What do you think of this article?

Dating and disability: Readers’ Stories
DO> Great topic, take a look.

Reintegration Awards Recognize Service to People With Mental Illness
DO> Great article, take a look.

Can Electrical Brain Stimulation Treat Bipolar Disorder? New Trial To Find Out
DO> Wow sounds promising, right?

Birth Complications High in Mentally Ill
DO> Wow, this is really sad

County Aims to Stop Mental Health Stigma
DO> Do you think this is a good plan?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews582/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Let me ask you a question: Do you think life is a matter of choice or of chance? Like, do you believe in luck? So many people go to the casinos in Las Vegas believing that they have “the system” that’s going to help them “break the bank” and make them rich, only to lose all their

money because they were wrong. Do you know why I think that is? I think it’s because when it comes to casinos and gambling, it’s all a matter of chance. I know there’s people who would disagree with me, who think there’s got to be a system to it all, but I still think underneath it all it’s just dumb luck if you win. “It’s all in the cards,” so they say!

Well, I don’t think life is like that. Oh, I believe part of it is chance. But I believe most of it is choice. Like with bipolar disorder. If, say, your mom has bipolar disorder, then “chances” are that you’re going to have bipolar disorder, too. But even though the “chance” may be for you to get the disorder, it’s still your “choice” in how you handle it once you do get the disorder.

I believe that your life, or at least the quality of your life, is made up of the choices that you

make. Other people agree with me, too. There’s a self-made millionaire who says: “There’s no chance to it. I chose to become rich.” Then he set out to do it, making decisions that helped him to achieve his goals. It had nothing to do with “chance,” or luck.

Think about it in terms of recovery from bipolar disorder. Do you think your loved one is going to recover from their bipolar disorder?

Let me ask you: Are they taking their medication? Are they seeing their doctor, psychiatrist, and

therapist on a regular basis? Are they following their treatment plan? Are they going to a bipolar support group? Do they have a good support system? Do they keep a mood chart or diary? Do they monitor their signs and symptoms and watch for episode triggers? Do they keep regular sleep habits? Are they on a good diet? Do they exercise? Are they productive? Do they work or volunteer? Do they have hobbies? Are they well-balanced (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually)? Do they have (and meet) responsibilities? Do they take care of themselves? Do they have short-term and long-term goals? Do they believe in recovery for themselves? Are they optimistic/positive? Do they have a good attitude? Are they a good problem solver?

These are all a matter of choice! And these are all things that lead to stability with their bipolar disorder, and to long term recovery from the disorder.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Living with someone who has bipolar disorder can be difficult sometimes. In fact…Sometimes it can be downright overwhelming. Sometimes you know what to do…But other times you just don’t know what to do. What do you, for example, when you ask yourself…What do I do when enough is enough? And when is enough really too much to take?

Like in the following case:

Loretta was married to Richard, who had bipolar disorder, and he had been struggling with it for all of their married life, which meant that Loretta was struggling with it as well. At first, she thought she was the only one going through it, but then she went to a bipolar support group for supporters of a loved one with bipolar disorder, and found out that there were other people who had some of the same issues that she did, and that helped for awhile. However, Richard seemed to get worse as the years went by. He did things in his bipolar episodes that affected their marriage, like almost bankrupting them when he went into a manic episode and made some

foolish business investments without telling Loretta. This really upset her, and she secretly resented him for it. She never trusted him with money again, and she had to take over the finances.

One time he even got in trouble for causing an accident when he was driving erratically while in a manic episode, and it cost them a lot of money to get him out of that legal trouble. At one point, Richard even started abusing alcohol and drugs, and it cost them a lot of money to put him in a rehab center to help him deal with that. Loretta thought she was used to Richard’s “antics” when he would go into his bipolar manic episodes and even thought she could handle anything. But she found out she couldn’t, when in a manic episode, Richard had an affair. That’s when Loretta decided that enough was enough. She decided that 13 years of being a good supporter was enough. If Richard wasn’t going to get help for his bipolar disorder by then, then she gave up. She just couldn’t handle any more manic episodes. The affair was the last straw. She filed for divorce.

——————————————————————————————————————-

Many times, I talk about hanging in there with your loved one and what it takes to be a good supporter. But that does NOT mean that you have to continue to put up with totally unacceptable behavior. There is only so much you can take. Like in Loretta’s case: She “took it” for 13 years!

And during that time, she put up with all of the consequences of her husband’s manic episodes –

the financial and legal ramifications of his episodes, along with what it did to their marriage. And that was quite a toll! And there had to be a toll that it took on Loretta herself as well. It had to be very frustrating…To think that she was getting somewhere with him…Only to have him go into another manic episode and have the behaviors start all over again.

So there can come a time when you ask yourself: When is enough too much to handle? And what do you do about it? You may be up against this right now. And if you are, I ask you to consider this: You may be in Loretta’s shoes. You may even be considering divorce. But divorce may not be the answer. You may want to try a separation first…To see if that’s what it would take for your loved one to get the help they need for their bipolar disorder. The important thing is that you do NOT have to tolerate unacceptable behavior. Especially if your loved one has become violent. You must, first of all, see to your own safety. If your loved one’s rages have gotten out of control, then getting out of the situation may be the best thing for you.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Let me ask you something: Have you ever known a workaholic? Or even been one yourself?

Well, it’s one thing to work hard. That’s commendable. But to work so hard that it gets you stressed out is NOT a good thing. Here’s another question for you: How many people do you know who love their work? Probably no one, right? (or very few people). As children, we are encouraged to follow our dreams (even though some of them aren’t very realistic, like becoming the president). We are encouraged by our parents and other people, like guidance counselors, to use the gifts and talents we have to think of a career that we want to work in. But too many people actually end up hating their jobs. If you are one of them, I encourage you not to let this

keep going on. I know the economy is tight. That’s why so many people are holding onto their

jobs, even if they hate them. Or are even working a second job. Or a third one! But eventually, it will eat away at you, believe me. I know one woman who hated her job so much that she had an anxiety attack on the way to work every day. That’s no way to live! And definitely no way to take care of yourself.

I talk to many people with bipolar disorder about starting a home business as an alternative to working outside the home. Or consider working only part-time, if you can afford it. But remember back to the beginning of this post. You should be working in a field that supports

your gifts and talents. A job that you enjoy. One that makes you feel good about yourself. One that you look forward to going to. Unfortunately, too many people don’t do that. They just take whatever they can get.

I know one man who is a certified car mechanic, but can’t find a job in his field. So he started a home business just fixing cars in his driveway for now. And he does very well for himself, and is basically stress-free, because he is his own boss. Also, he can set his own hours. He also determines how much money he is going to make. So he is doing what he is trained to do…What he loves to do…The way he wants to do it.

Some people are stuck at dead-end jobs – They can’t go any further up the ladder. Then what do you do? There are so few jobs out there at this point, because the economy is still so bad (even though we’re told that it’s improving). So many people are even being let go from their jobs.

And the competition for the jobs that are out there is fierce. But not if you start your own business, like the car mechanic I was telling you about. He is very happy doing what he’s doing.

Maybe you should consider starting your own home business? Many people with bipolar disorder do it because of the flexibility of it and because it works around their disorder. And because the business can still work even if they get sick.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews581/

Here are the news headlines:

Are Bipolar Characters Finally Getting a Fair Shake on Television?
DO> What do you think of this article?

Tulsa Father Says State Mental Health System Broken
DO> OF course it is, don’t you think?

Emotional And Instrumental Support Likely To Play A Critical Role In Recovery …
DO> Interesting article, take a look.

Bipolar Disorder Sufferer Aims To Tackle Stigma Of Mental Illness With Support
DO> Great article

The Four Secrets to Being Hypomanic Successfully
DO> Do you agree or disagree?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews581/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all

aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Did you ever have a time in your life when things were going along a certain way…But then all of a sudden things changed? For example: You had plans for a certain career…But then found yourself in a totally different career than the one you had foreseen yourself in? Or…Had you imagined marrying a certain type of person…But found yourself instead married to a completely

different type of person than the one you imagined you would marry? These are just examples. But you get what I mean.

The thing is…We can’t plan for every eventuality in life. Sometimes, no matter what we do…

The unexpected happens. Things change. And there’s nothing we can do to help that. There’s something important you need to know about bipolar disorder, in case your doctor didn’t tell you…Bipolar disorder can change. There are different kinds of bipolar disorder. And you can be diagnosed with one type of bipolar disorder, but as you get older, you can actually end up

with a different type of bipolar.

Here’s a case study:

Sylvia had bipolar disorder for most of her life, but wasn’t diagnosed with it until she was older. When she went into bipolar episodes, she always went into manic episodes, though. She never experienced the bipolar depressions she heard so much about. However, when she was well into her 60’s, Sylvia experienced a bipolar depressive episode that thoroughly confused her, since she had never had one before. It was a particularly bad one, where she couldn’t even get out of bed for three weeks. When she eventually came out of it, she asked her psychiatrist about it, and he said that since she was older now, her bipolar disorder had changed. They went over her triggers and found out that, in fact, her age did have something to do with her depression.

———————————————————————————————————————

Here’s the thing about aging and bipolar disorder. As you get older, there are other issues that affect you other than just your bipolar disorder, but that can contribute to a bipolar episode.

For one thing…You’ve heard of “senior moments,” right? Where you start to have memory problems as you get older? Some people do get depressed over that issue. Another thing that can lead to depression in older adults is not being able to do the things they used to do just because of the aging process itself. At first there can be a sense of denial, and they might still try to do those things…But then get frustrated when they find that they can no longer do them. There might even be some anger before there is the inevitable acceptance. Or they might experience depression, especially if they have bipolar disorder.

The “Empty Nest Syndrome” can contribute to a bipolar depressive episode, too. As children get older and leave home, your role changes, and that can cause problems, even making you depressed if it’s hard for you to accept the new change and the fact that your children (and you) are getting older.

Physical illnesses beset older people more frequently as well, and that can be a cause for depression. There are normal things like high blood pressure and high cholesterol that older people have to contend with…But there is also the fear of stroke and heart attack as well.

All these things can combine to give a person with bipolar disorder the risk of having a bipolar depressive episode even if they’ve never had one before.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

You know, if it were summertime, my goddaughter would be wanting to have a lemonade stand and sell lemonade. Lots of kids like to do that. I don’t think it even matters whether they’re rich or poor, either. I’m not sure it’s even about needing the money, is what I mean. Like, they might want the extra money to buy something special…But mostly I think kids like to put up lemonade stands and sell lemonade just for the fun of it, don’t you think? Of course, to a lot of kids (like me), making their own money IS fun! LOL

Speaking of making lemonade…You’ve probably heard that expression: “If life gives you lemons…make lemonade.” Well…I think that can apply to bipolar disorder as well, if you

think about it. Because it means that you need to have a positive attitude, and that’s one thing that can be very important when you’re trying to deal with the ups and downs that come with bipolar disorder. Your attitude can determine many things. It can even affect your health, did you know that? It’s true. Even the American Heart Association promotes having a positive attitude. They say that having a positive attitude decreases stress. And since stress is one of the major factors in stroke and heart attacks…A positive attitude can actually prevent them! So to stay in good health, in other words…Have a positive attitude!

Your attitude also affects your emotional well being. If you’re in a negative frame of mind…

It won’t even matter if good things happen to you, because you’ll react to them negatively. But the opposite is also true: If you’re in a positive frame of mind…It won’t matter if bad things happen to you, because you’ll react to them positively. And, in that case, you will definitely react to them with a better frame of mind. For example: Say you have a major problem that comes against you. Problems sometimes need creative solutions. It can take a process to solve them. And you need to have the wherewithal to be able to do that. If you have a negative attitude, you won’t be able to think of all the possible solutions…Where if you have a positive attitude, you WILL be able to think of all the possible solutions to your problem…Even that crazy, “it’ll-never-work” answer that may be the very solution to your problem, you never

know! But the more positive you are, the more receptive you will be to even consider it.

Having a more positive attitude doesn’t just help you to solve problems better, like the major problems that come against you at times (like a major bipolar episode)…But it can also help you cope with the smaller day-to-day problems of dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder.

Having a positive attitude is just better for you all around.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I came across this post on my blog the other day, and feel like I need to respond to it, as this woman talks about so many problems:

“Hi Dave, this is a good one, really made me think about my supporter, oh wait, I do not have

any! I am all alone in dealing with my Bi-polar, even though I am married….my husband is so

not a supporter! he thinks Bi-polar is just all in the mind, and I need to be stronger, and not be so

weak! (and he is bi-polar to, but refuses to deal with it!) So I deal my Bi-polar on my own, read

your fanstastic information here, read books onto how to help control it. I am not on any medication, have not been for a while, I was many years ago…thinking maybe I may need to be, I am under a lot of stress and depression, as my marriage is failing, it feels that way, my husband and I are not doing very well, pretty far apart, argue, fight, all that great stuff in marriage. So I am not sure what to do with all of this, feel very alone and alineated, no one to talk to, no one to turn to, not sure how long this can go on, but dealing with it the best I can.”

——————————————————————————————————————-

So many problems! I feel so sorry for this poor woman. But let me address the issues one at a time. The first thing she talks about is not having a supporter. This is such an important issue.

You need to form a good, strong support system in order to manage bipolar disorder effectively.

Whether you have bipolar disorder or are supporting someone who does, it is so very important that you have a good, strong support system to help you. Especially if you’re the supporter.

Because if you are the only one your loved one has to depend on, you will burn out. And you also need others to whom you can turn so that you have support for yourself, just to take care of yourself, so that you can continue to take care of your loved one. So having a good, strong support system is crucial to being able to manage bipolar disorder. You just can’t do it alone.

At the very least, you need a team of medical and mental health professionals to support you with a good treatment plan in place to help you. And this woman says nothing about that.

In fact, she clearly states another HUGE problem: That she is NOT on medication! That could be the crux of all her other problems. No, there is no cure for bipolar disorder yet. But there is treatment for it. And the best treatment is still medication. But that won’t do you any good if you don’t take it. This woman said she used to take it, but doesn’t take it any more. I wonder if things were better for her when she did take it? Because things usually are. And she needs to get back on it for the best hope of managing her bipolar disorder. She says that she is dealing with things the best she can, but she would be able to deal with things so much better if she were on medication.

She would also be able to deal with things so much better if she were seeing a psychiatrist and therapist on a regular basis. A psychiatrist would help her regulate her medication and help her with any medication changes that needed to be made. A therapist would help her cope and deal with any issues related to her bipolar disorder, like the problems she is having with her marriage.

One of the biggest problems is that she says that her husband also has bipolar disorder, but won’t deal with it. He needs to get help for it, but she can’t make him. And that’s a big problem. So she also needs to learn to be a supporter to her husband, while managing her own disorder.

This woman has a lot of problems, but her bipolar disorder can still be managed. She just needs to tackle one problem at a time and they will fall into place, starting with getting back on her

medication.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave