Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

When you were younger and you didn’t feel like going to school…Your parents made you go anyway, didn’t they? Yep, mine made me go, too. Even when I didn’t feel like it. What about later? When you didn’t feel like going to work? You still had to go, didn’t you? Even when you didn’t feel like it. You can’t just call in sick just because you don’t “feel like” going to work that day. You have a responsibility to be there. And you have to meet that responsibility. Otherwise, other things will suffer. Like the bills not getting paid and other things.

Well, unfortunately, it’s the same with being a supporter. You can’t just “call in sick” because you don’t feel like “showing up” one day, can you? Even if you don’t “feel like” being there.
Just like back in school… or at work. You have responsibilities to your loved one just like you did at school and have at work. People depend on you at work, and your loved one depends on you at home. You have to “show up” and meet those responsibilities. Whether you feel like it or not.

And sometimes that can be frustrating, I know. Frustration is one of the biggest negative feelings you can have when you’re a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder. I know, because there were many times that I experienced frustration when I was trying to help my mom with her
bipolar disorder. I got so frustrated that time when she was in her worst episode that I wanted to turn around and walk out on her and never come back! (but of course I didn’t). The point is that many times, I sure didn’t “feel like” being her supporter!

There were many times that I just had to “show up,” like we all had to back in school on those days when we didn’t “feel like” going and our parents made us go anyway. On those days when you’re that frustrated, you just kind of tie a rope and hang on, it’s all you can do. And you hope that the next day will be better than today.

The thing is, that those days are going to happen. It’s just inevitable. Yes, there are going to be some days where your loved one seems to have improved in leaps and bounds. And that’s great!
But those days are few and far between. Mostly, their recovery will consist of long, dry days that seem to go on forever…Days where they don’t seem to have made any progress at all. Or, worse yet, days where they seem to have even gone backwards a little (or even a lot). Or they could have even had a relapse, or an episode, when they were doing great for a while, or even a long
time (or so you thought).

So that’s when you can get really frustrated. And so can your loved one. Then it’s really bad, when both of you are frustrated. It’s hard to keep a positive attitude then. But you still have to –
You still have to “show up,” even when you don’t feel like it. It’s how you get the best of this thing called bipolar disorder.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

Here is the Bipolar News:

Lefties more likely to have psychotic disorders such as …
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Large, rare CNV burden reduced in bipolar disorder
DO> Informative study, don’t you think?

Keith O’Neil Winning Battle with Bipolar Disorder
DO> This man’s story will inspire you.

“Mathematical deficits” in bipolar disorder
DO> Good information for you to know, especially if you are dealing with a teenager.

Pregnant Women Need Stronger Bipolar Drugs, Study Reports
DO> Important information if you plan to have children.

Common biology shared in schizophrenia and bipolar disorder
DO> Don’t you think this is an important study?

First-episode type predicts morbidity, disease course in bipolar …
DO> Did you know that knowing about the first episode was so important?

Comorbid anxiety problematic for adolescents with bipolar disorder
DO> Important information if you’re dealing with a child or adolescent.

Interferon-Free HCV Tx Benefits Mentally Ill
DO> Don’t you think this medication can be an important help?

Bipolar primary care prevalence varies by assessment method
DO> Don’t you find this to be an interesting study?

Gene Variants May Contribute to Bipolar Illness by Changing Brain
DO> Some interesting information for you to know.

Bipolar mania and depression independently inherited
DO> Did you know this about bipolar disorder?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews663/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

There’s an age old question that people ask: Why do bad things happen to good people? And that can definitely apply to people who have bipolar disorder and the supporters trying to help them.
I mean…Things could be going along just fine…In fact, things could be going along fine for a long time, maybe even years…And BOOM! The next thing you know, your loved one is in another bipolar episode. And you’re left asking, “Why?”

But here’s the thing: It’s unproductive to try to find a “why” behind why bad things happen. The “why” question generally lends itself to finding fault, someone to blame. Then you might want to blame your loved one for bringing the episode upon themselves. Like, maybe they’re not trying hard enough to get better. Maybe if they did this…Or maybe if they did that…Then they wouldn’t have gone into this episode.

Or you blame yourself. Maybe you’re not a good enough supporter to your loved one. Maybe if you’d tried this…Or maybe if you’d tried that… Then they wouldn’t have gone into this episode.
But guilt never helped a supporter help their loved one come out of a bipolar episode. Guilt is not a positive feeling and, in fact, is a very negative feeling, but is one that is very common among supporters of a loved one with bipolar disorder.

Like the “why” question, guilt is not very productive. It won’t help you to help your loved one at all. And it can make things worse, especially for you. It can lead to a lot of stress for you. So you need to address any guilt you may be feeling. The fact is…You are NOT responsible in ANY way for your loved one’s bipolar episode. Remember that they have a chemical imbalance in
their brain. Sometimes the chemicals just misfire, leading to an episode. It’s not because of anything you did or didn’t do. It’s not because of you AT ALL. So stop feeling that way.

And if you are blaming your loved one in any way, stop that too. It’s not their fault either.
What you should be doing instead is thinking about how to cope with the episode. You may feel angry at first. If you do, be sure that your anger is directed at the real cause (bipolar disorder) and not at your loved one. Anger, like guilt, is not going to be very productive in helping your loved one get through their episode, so you need to work through your anger as quickly as you can.

While your loved one is in their episode and you’re waiting for the medication or other treatment to work, try to keep your thoughts positive by remembering that they are not always this way.
Remember what they’re like when they’re NOT in an episode. One supporter does this by looking at photographs. Another one does it by looking through a scrapbook. Still another one watches videos. And one supporter has letters from their wife that she wrote when she was stable.

Do whatever you have to do to get you through the episode and be a good supporter to your loved one. Remember that it isn’t always like this. The bad times always pass.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

Hi,

You know Michele, who works for me. Well, she has a husband (who also has bipolar disorder) who likes to fool her sometimes as a joke. Well…One time he moved the phone from its usual place to the other end table in the living room. And every time it would ring…He would crack up, because Michele would keep going to the old end table to pick it up! LOL Then she would get all confused until she remembered that he moved it…And by then the answering machine picked it up…And she would be all frustrated…And her husband was just sitting there cracking up!

Well…He thought it was funny, but Michele didn’t. Do you know why? Because she was fine with the phone where it used to be. But that’s not the real reason. The real reason is that she doesn’t like change. Most people don’t. We get used to the way things are, and we don’t like it when they change. Like when your loved one is first diagnosed with bipolar disorder and they go to a therapist, and the therapist tells them that they have to change their lifestyle.

They really resist this (at first). Because most people don’t like change. Do you? Or would you be like Michele? Resisting change all the way? Maybe you can understand your loved one better by relating to them then. Like I was saying…Their therapist has probably told them that they need to make changes in their lifestyle in order to manage their bipolar disorder, and this is probably very difficult for them, because they’re resistant to change.

As they go along, it will get easier for them, but at first, change will be very hard for them. It will be frustrating for them. It may even add to their mood swings. It may even make them angry at times (because of the stress). So it would help if you understood what they’re going through. Just imagine if you had to change. Think about just one habit that you have. Now think about being asked to stop it. How hard would that be? Especially because you, too, are most likely as resistant to change as your loved one is.

One common thing that is probably going on with both you and your loved one is this: They were probably told that they had to change their diet. Well…That means that you probably have to change your diet as well. Especially if they’re the one that does the cooking! There are other changes that are happening as well to try to manage your loved one’s bipolar disorder, and the more understanding you are of them, the better things will be for both of you.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews662/

New Rochelle sued for $21M in shooting death of Samuel Cruz
DO> Do you think this is fair?

Postpartum diagnostic switches likely in depressed women
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

Simple Bipolar Disorder Online Test Helps Determine Condition …
DO> Don’t you think this is a good idea?

Multifactorial approach needed for early bipolar detection
DO> Important information you need to know.

‘Distinct’ bipolar pathways revealed
DO> Did you know about these two pathways?

Extra input pays bipolar treatment dividends
DO> Do you think this should be implemented?

Paul Peters says he was suffering undiagnosed bipolar disorder …
DO> What do you think the court should do?

Officer won’t face charges in 2007 shooting death of man with …
DO> What do you think of this decision?

Family Sues LAPD Over Shooting Of Mentally Ill Baldwin Hills Woman
DO> This woman’s story will shock you.

Parental bipolar history common in US bipolar patients
DO> Good information for you to know.

Large, rare CNV burden reduced in bipolar disorder
DO> Don’t you think this is an important study?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews662/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Let me ask you a question: What do you do when the weather changes?

Don’t you:

• Change to winter wardrobe
• Wear a warmer coat
• Put the heat on
• Wear a hat
• Wear a scarf
• Wear gloves
• Wear boots
• Drink hot chocolate or
cocoa
• Warm up the car
• Etc.

In other words, you adapt to your changing environment. What if you didn’t adapt to your changing environment? Say, when the weather started to change? Well, you’d be pretty cold, wouldn’t you? The point is that there are signs for you. They are all around you. And you can see them. Signs that the environment around you is changing. Warnings so that you can begin to change yourself and your habits and behavior to adapt to these changes as well. If you don’t…
Well, you’ll get cold! In other words, you’ll have to pay the consequences.

For example…Let’s look at your medications. I’m talking to the survivor now. Say one day you just decide that you don’t want to take them any more. For whatever reason. After a few days, you’re going to get a warning. Something isn’t going to “feel right.” You will start to feel different. You will notice a pattern – Your moods will start to swing. Other signs and symptoms of an oncoming bipolar episode will start manifesting themselves. These are the warnings that the “weather is changing.”

If you heed these warnings, you’ll go back on your medication and everything will be ok for
you. However, if you don’t heed these warnings…Everything will not be ok for you. You could very well end up in a full-blown bipolar episode. All because you didn’t heed the warnings. Just like if you don’t heed the warnings that the weather is getting colder and turn on your heater, you’re going to get cold!

You also need to watch your triggers. If you are in dangerous territory, i.e., you observe a warning, like a trigger has been set off, be aware that a bipolar episode may follow. Then it’s up to you to do what you have to do to avoid that episode. Just like when the weather changes, you do what you have to do to prepare for that cold weather. You need to be vigilant about watching for triggers, signs and symptoms of an oncoming bipolar episode.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

Hi,

I was thinking recently how things have been going lately and comparing it to how things have gone over the past year, and then I wondered, “Where will I be a year from now?” Good question, don’t you think? A hard one to answer, once I started thinking about it, though. When I started thinking about past years, I thought about the goals I had set for myself, those that I had
met and those that I hadn’t met. As well as those I have yet to meet.

I think it’s really important for people to set short-term and long-term goals. Especially if you’re dealing with bipolar disorder. But I also think that these goals have to be realistic. That’s why I think a lot of people fail to keep their New Year’s resolutions – because they’re usually not very realistic. So where do you think you’ll be a year from now? Think about it. Do you want to be where you are today? Because if you don’t, you’re going to need to change. You’re going to need to change some things, and most importantly, you’re going to need to change yourself.

“Don’t fix what isn’t broken,” someone once told me. Well, that’s not what I’m asking you to do.
If something is working for you, then definitely don’t change that (unless it’s harmful to you). But if something is harmful to you or your loved one, then it needs to be changed. For example, maybe you’re having problems at your job. Maybe you’re just not proactive enough. So that’s something you might want to work on and to change.

If you’ve been having problems with your loved one, say, with their medication, like if it hasn’t been working as good as it was, then maybe it’s time for a change. Have them call their doctor and tell him about it. Or if your loved one is exhibiting unacceptable behavior and you haven’t been doing anything about it up until now, you may want to change that. It may be time for you to set down some boundaries and limits for your loved one.

If you haven’t been getting very much out of your support group, you might want to think about changing support groups. Keep thinking about where you want to be a year from now. Keep that thought in mind as you consider things. If your relationship with friends and family hasn’t been
the best, then you can change that in the coming year. Do you want it to be different a year from now? Do you want it to be better? Then do something about it now.

Have you been having trouble with your loved one’s bipolar disorder? Have they not been sticking to their treatment plan? Have they been skipping doctor, psychiatrist, and/or therapist visits? Do you want it to be different at this time next year? Then start helping them to be compliant with their treatment plan now.

Have you wanted to be a better supporter? Then start now. Have you felt like you’ve been taking some things for granted? Then change that now. Maybe there are things you promised yourself that you would get to that you just haven’t done yet – that you’ve made excuses for, or haven’t made the time for. You can still do them. Just make them a priority so that next year at this
time you can say that you did them! Is there some dream or accomplishment that you’ve
been putting off? Make this year the year that you finally do it! You can do anything you want with this year! Just ask yourself: Where will I be a year from now? Where do I WANT to be a year from now? Then set goals and accomplish them according to where you want to be.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Somebody made this post on my blog, and I wanted to respond to it to see what you think:

“It is so hard to be positive when my husband begins to show signs of depression. He does not
recognize it is happening and when I point it out he gets upset. Then he will begin to say bad things about my son, his stepson. I try and not answer him, I try and say we need to stop this conversation. He usually does this just at bedtime so it is not a time I can get in a car and leave. I am also exhausted and he pushes me over the edge. It is just so exhausting. He will say things that reflect what he is not accomplishing and place the fault on my children. Then he will sulk
for awhile and then apologize.. same old pattern. So very exhausting.”

———————————————————————————————————————

There are several things going on in this woman’s life all at once, so I’ll take it one issue at a time.

First, she says: “It is so hard to be positive when my husband begins to show signs of depression.” I’ve heard that before. In fact, I’ve experienced it myself when I was trying to deal with my mom and her bipolar disorder. But what I had to do was keep my own self and my mood separate from hers. No matter what was going on with her, I had to not let it touch what was happening with me.

Now, I’m not saying that’s easy. It’s not. But in general I’m a positive person. And I had to try to stay positive and not let what was happening with my mom bring me down. So that’s what you have to do. Even though it’s hard, you need to try to stay positive even when your loved one gets depressed. Don’t let their bad mood influence your good one. Keep a good attitude even if theirs is bad. It will help if you maintain a positive outlook on things, no matter what your loved one’s outlook is, especially if they have a negative one.

Then this woman goes on to say that it’s hard because “He does not recognize it is happening
and when I point it out he gets upset.” That’s common with a loved one with bipolar disorder.
One of the things you need to do in your role as a bipolar supporter is to point out bipolar behavior in your loved one, such as depression. You need to do this so they can avoid a full-blown bipolar episode. In this way you can work as a team to help manage their bipolar disorder, and that’s an important aspect.

But that doesn’t mean that they’re always going to like it when you point these things out.
Sometimes they may even be in denial. Sometimes they may even want to blame someone
else for their behavior, as this man does. This is common.

She says: “I try and not answer him, I try and say we need to stop this conversation.” These are both good approaches when your loved one is exhibiting inappropriate behavior. But look at WHEN he does it: At bedtime. When she is exhausted. This can almost be seen as manipulative.
Which is one of the biggest problems that supporters have with loved ones who have bipolar disorder. He picks a time when she almost can’t “fight back.” A time when she can’t get in the car and leave. A time when she has to listen to what he has to say. This is NOT working as a team.

So what can she do? I think she needs to call him on this behavior, and tell him that from now on she will not discuss issues with him at bedtime, and that she will NOT listen to him if he chooses to talk to her then, but she will listen to him at another time. Then she needs to stick to this limit.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews661/

Obesity may aggravate bipolar neuropathology
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Troy Gillem Gives Hope to Bipolar Sufferers in New Guide
DO> You’ll want to get this book.

Manic episodes worsen clinical insight
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

A Molecular Link Between Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder
DO> Did you know about this link?

Ohio mother with bipolar disorder tries to suffocate baby to death
DO> This woman’s story will shock you.

Prompt intervention helps young bipolar patients at discharge
DO> Some good information for you to know.

Local bipolar teen restrained and secluded in school for years wants …
DO> You will find this boy’s story very interesting.

A New Comic Book Confronts Bipolar Disorder, Our Notions Of The …
DO> This comic book should interest you.

New Rochelle sued for $21M in shooting death of Samuel Cruz
DO> Do you think they should have sued?

Bipolar Treatment Study Assesses Psychotherapy Efficacy
DO> You’ll find this to be an interesting study.

Postpartum diagnostic switches likely in depressed women
DO> Good information for you to know, especially if you plan to have children.

Multifactorial approach needed for early bipolar detection
DO> Important information you need to know.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews661/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Remember when you were little and you were always scared of the boogie man? We all were.

Why were we so scared, though? Because we’re afraid of things we can’t see. We’re afraid of things we don’t understand. Like STIGMA. The stigma of bipolar disorder is like the boogie man because when you’re growing up, you’re taught to fear things you don’t understand, to fear things that you can’t see or don’t understand. When people can’t see mental illness, they fear it.

It’s taught to them from childhood. So what we’ve got to do is educate people to let them know that the boogie man isn’t so scary. That’s one of the best ways we can fight stigma. But you need to refuse to believe this about bipolar disorder – That the stigma makes you a lesser person.

Don’t believe the stigma, and you won’t be a victim of it. Change the way you see yourself, and others will change the way they see you (you will no longer be a victim). See what I mean?

Stigma is a perception of someone else’s state of mind. Someone else cannot make you feel inferior because of their feelings. By you knowing who you are, what you are capable of, what they believe is their own problem, not yours. You’ve got to look at the person first before you look at the symptoms, before you look at the illness. If someone isn’t capable of that, that’s not your problem, and you shouldn’t allow them to affect you in a manner that’s going to prove them right.

The way you view yourself should not be dependent upon the way others view you, anyway.

Here’s a perfect scenario: If you see someone in a wheelchair, how do you feel? Do you feel sorry for them? Do you have pity on them? Do they want you to have pity on them? Or do they want to feel the same as you are? Having bipolar disorder is like being that person in the wheelchair. You want people to see through the outside to the person you are inside. You want people to see that, like the person in the wheelchair, you are like them. They just can’t see the part of your body where your illness lies. Even though our background and circumstances may

have influenced who we are, we are still responsible for who we become. It is your choice whether you are seen as a victim of stigma or not.

Here’s what I’m talking about. It’s a quote from a Jewish man named Victor Frankl, who was a prisoner in a concentration camp. “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Now, if anyone could have chosen to be a victim of stigma, it would have been Frankl, yet he chose what he wrote. You have to know that you don’t have to be a victim of stigma, and you cannot allow yourself to be one. Like Frankl, you can choose your own attitude about it. You can choose to be a role model for other people with bipolar disorder. You can choose to educate those people who are still scared, who don’t understand. You can choose to help other people with the disorder stand up for themselves so that they aren’t victims, either.

To succeed where in the past you may have failed, to be stable when you weren’t before, gives you the confidence to look someone in the eye and say, “You’re wrong.” Success with bipolar disorder means to prove them wrong about you – that you are not a victim, but a survivor.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave