==>>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==
Check out all my resources, programs and information
for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
Hi,
How’s it going?
Today I have a super important
thing to remind bipolar supporters
about.
Before I get started.
Hey, there is a person who posts many great
things on my blog. Her id is SuzanneWA. I am
trying to get a hold of her. If you
are her, or know her, please have
her email me at:
feedbacktodave@mentalhealthworld.net
Thanks.
Okay let’s move on to today’s
topic. We have been talking about
goal setting for several days now.
I am happy to report that I have been
flooded with phone calls, emails,
faxes and a few letters in the us mail
about how they are excited to think about
and set goals related to bipolar disorder.
Actually on Thursday I spent 7 hours
in the library working on my goals for
2008. I actually do quarterly goals
so I do this 4 times a year.
I still have to do a little more
work which I will do probably today/
tomorrow.
Anyway, someone wrote me:
“Dave, it’s amazing. What you said
the other day was so simple. The fact
of thinking about your future, where
you want to go and how you are going
to get there. I haven’t done this in
30 years. No wonder I am not going
anywhere. I am going to my therapist
to work on what my goals are and
I will talk to my doctor about them.
Thank you for making me think of this.”
-Cherie
That’s great Cherie! I am really
proud of you. Also I noticed
a whole lot of people are talking
to their doctor AND therapist
about their goals. This is great.
EXACTLY what you should do.
It’s kind of amazing when you
sit back and think about how little
time people devote to goal setting
and planning for their own life.
I have a friend who came from
another country. She barely spoke
English and had absolutely no
money whatsoever.
When she first got here, she bought
many books to help improve her
English. She started buying
motivational and goal setting
books.
She set several specific goals
8 years ago:
earn more than $100,000 a year
live in a big house on 5 acres of land
drive a black high end BWM
be married
live in the country
Have a job with a lot of responsibility
She called me the other day and I was
telling her about how I was talking
about bipolar disorder and goal setting.
She said goal setting was important
and how she had just found her list of goals
she wrote out and set years ago and was reading
frequently up until a couple of years ago.
She said she was amazed that every goal
she wrote down and set she had reached.
I asked her if she thought at the time
it was possible? She said no but she
followed the exercises in the books.
It was amazing story and hard for me
to believe but it’s true.
But back to bipolar disorder. I really
believe so many people fall short of
their potential when they are dealing
with bipolar disorder.
On the one hand, there’s the person
who is not stable, manic who gets a whole
lot done but then crashes.
Then on the other hand, there is the
stable person who doesn’t set any goals,
live on disability day to day really not
doing a whole lot. I find many of these
people are kind of afraid to set goals
or be more than they are because the
fear bipolar disorder.
There’s no question that you have to
factor bipolar disorder into your goal
setting. But when I talk to people I still
think they fall short of what kind of goals
they can set for themselves.
I really believe that the way around
this problem is to set goals and work
with your doctor/therapist about what
will not negative affect your bipolar
disorder.
So, again, like my mom, you have to
work with your doctor and therapist
when goal settings.
There is a side benefit of this.
When you show your doctor and therapist,
you’re serious about changing and improving
your life, they work harder to help you.
You wind up getting better treatment
from them. You’ll see.
Now if you are a bipolar supporter,
you too, can be involved with your
loved one’s goal setting by going
to a therapy session or doctor visit
that will be devoted to goal setting.
NOTE-This will be primarily for those
supporting stable individuals who will
allow them in the visits.
Speaking of bipolar supporters,
I got a lot of feedback
of people saying that they took
my emails to their loved ones
to talk about setting goals. Many
bipolar supporters are now
talking about setting goals with
their loved one’s with bipolar
disorder.
On this note, I have received a number
of voice messages and also emails
about how supporters feel bad thinking
of all the bad things that bipolar
disorder has caused.
Let me explain further by one
email I got.
“David, Hello. Thank you for all
you do. I have been on your list
for more than 1 year. I have learned
so much from you. I totally
agree with your concept of goal setting
with bipolar disorder. I spent time
thinking about what I wanted our life
to be like next year. My wife is
now stable, we did all you said
in your courses and it worked.
It’s really hard for me not to be
really angry when I think about
where we are. We lost all our money.
I lost many friends, family members.
I’ve been made to look a fool. Our
children are angry because of all
these episodes.
When I think about setting goals. I think
about how much I lost and how far we
have to go. It makes me mad at my wife. I
feel guilty for being mad at her, I know
she didn’t mean to do all these terrible
things and it was the illness. I do now
separate the bipolar like you have said.
What should I do?”
-Frank.
Frank’s email summarizes a whole lot of
emails that I have gotten that basically
a bipolar supporter is thinking about goals
but feeling really bad because he/she is looking
back and seeing all the damage that is done
from bipolar disorder.
Here is what I have to say. There is no
question that bipolar disorder is destructive.
There’s no question that for many, myself included,
it winds up making you way behind.
Here’s the think you have to realize about
bipolar disorder that most people don’t. Frank
does I think however.
The person with the disorder does NOT want
it and did NOT want to do all these bad things.
Many tend to forget this. Today I don’t
but up until like 8 months ago, I would as
well. I had to train myself to remember:
-there is my mom
-there is bipolar disorder
-bipolar disorder is the enemy
-bipolar disorder does the bad things
-it’s not my mom that does the bad things
-she didn’t want bipolar disorder
-there is way more good than bad.
Things like this. My brother on the
other hand focuses on all the bad,
thinks my mom is doing it all on purpose,
and believe some how there is more
bad than good (when I know since
I grew up in the house this is not
true).
Here’s what you should do if you
are goal setting and feeling bad
because you feel like you have lost
so much.
First, realize you can get it back. For
the most part, you can get back anything
important that has been lost in bipolar
episodes.
Second, realize, now you know what you need
to do to prevent this in the future. This
is a good thing.
Third, get as much information as you can
on how to move faster to get back what’s
important.
This can be done through your own research
or by getting things like my courses/systems
below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Fourth, keep telling yourself over
and over again that your loved one
did not want bipolar disorder and doesn’t
do anything bad on purpose.
Finally, realize that bipolar disorder
can be hard to manage at first and people
who have it, find out, overtime, what works
and doesn’t work on management. There many be
some slip ups. Remember this is not done
on purpose.
I have never met anyone who had bipolar
disorder that went out of his/her way
to be unstable and cause major problems
with other people.
So if you have a bipolar supporter setting
goals, you have to remember what I just said
if you are feeling bad about where you are in
your life and how far you have to go to
get back what all the episodes have caused.
Well I have to run and do a whole lot of work.
I’ll catch you tomorrow.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
hi oliver how are you today? i”m fine.the news leyyer was fantastic.oliver can you possibly help me you see i saw your home based bussniness plan i got extrely interested in but i can not afford it, i get disablity and it isn’t enoff to even pay my bills.i have adhd and bipolar disorder i just left florida,broke up with my girl friend witch she also has bipolar and now i’m back living with my parents who dont want to help me with anything to them i’m a big disappointment i’m 44 years old and i haven’t done anything with my life i’m loosing hope real fast,dont feel like going on any more want my own place to live i need your help oliver anyway sorry to put my troubles on you.so if you cant help me we could still be freinds i have no car or meens of trnportraion and no freinds and i could realy use a freind right now thank you
David, I have been receiving your emails for a long time. I want your supporter information however three jobs later am still unable to afford it. My husband is bipolar and refuses to take meds or seek counseling. I have asked him to leave for two years and he refuses. We have three small children and so I haven’t pushed the issue. We have forclosed on our home and have an attorney for our credit cards. We are living in a small rental. My husband works also and always has some financial problems were due to a company closing and pay cuts which have nothing to do with his bipolar the rest is his spending habits. I read your info today and understand the difference between the disorder and the person however my question is don’t they need to be responsible for there lack of discipline when it comes to taking meds and counseling? When do we as supporters draw the line and say that is it? He refuses to seek help with a counselor or take meds, or stop overdrawing our checking account. Please help me to see what I need to do that would be fair and not mean to the person but deal with the disorder.
Dear David,
Your e-mails have been coming regularly for a few months now. I will tell you that I never took the time to read one until today!
I am bi-polar and have been undergoing treatment now for 5 years. The ‘experimental’ dosage of a ‘bazillion’ differnt medications have been prescribed to me. FINALLY!, I am taking what appears to work best for me. Seroquel 100 mg at night and 12.5 at midday. Cymbalta 60 mg in A.M. and 60 Mg. in P.M., Neurontin, 400 mg.tid,Levothyroxine .025 mg daily ( it is quite usualfor a person suffering with bi-polar disorder to have a thyroid disorder as well), Depakote ER 500 mg in P.M.,Naproxin Sodium 550 Mg tid, Vesicare 10 mg Daily, Zetia 10 mg Daily,Chantix 2 X’s daily, (this is for quitting smoking and I have not smoked since September 10th 2007 & today is December 29, 2007, this is/was very hard to do, however so far so good, I highly recommend Chantix and their on going program),Boniva 150 mg once a month,Fish Oil 1000 mg daily, Calcium/D,and a multi vitamin specifically made for woman. I sure you have noted that many of these medications treat other situations, Yes I have osteoarthritis (and have suffered many broken bones during a manic episode), I am diabetic type 2 (again, this is NOT an unusual illness for those sufferes of Bi-polar disorder, however I have SUCCESSFULLY maintained a pretty good diabetic diet regiment for the past six months and NOW I am not using insulin or medication
(I lost 68 pounds of over weight bulk which was a major factor).I fell down the flight of stairs at home and ended up with a brain bleed which left me hospitalized and in a coma for 9 weeks, followed by another month in the hospital for rehabilitation (I had to learn to walk, talk, and get potty trained all over again). I almost died. Thinking about that there are many times I want to die and just get life over with and have acted on that notion many times. Each time I was so close to reaching that goal, but was saved by my husband. Many times his intervention made me angry. Dying is my right and should be my choice. I used to hold down a position of Vice President at a local Bank (14 years). Of course my mnaic stages made me very successful. I won the award of Bank Officer of the year most years. On the other hand there were great periods when I did not or could not even get out of bed for weeks at a time and show up for work. Because of my successes my employer remained patient with me. Alas, following many, many mishaps I have disabled myself to a point where I can no longer work. I slipped on the ice while running away from a situation and shattered my left arm. I now have an artificial elbow, following 8 more surgeries and can no longer do those things I liked to do. i have an artificial left knee, screws in my left foot and neck, have lost the hearing in my left ear ( basically I have become bionic on the left side of my body). I have pain all of the time and work very hard at distracting myself from it. Sometimes it works, other times I am curled up in a ball of depression and escape from the world. My husband trusts me too much. I have begged him to take over the position of bookkeeper in our home, however he leaves that ALL up to me. I have maxed out our credit cards, bought and bought and bought THINGS. Today I am sitting here wondering how on earth am I going to pay all the payments that are due. I have mortgaged and re-mortgaged our home on many occasions ( and I am in the process of doing it again). I am worried that with falling home values, this time I may not make it happen, yet I pursue ! There should be a way for creditors to be able to ask if a person is bi-polar when they are seeking credit. I know this inerfers with the Privacy Act, but if a spouse or partner will not step up to the plate, HELP. My husband has attended group therapy sessions with me on several occasions and at the time acknowledges that he understands and will take control. It never happens. ( I am aching for a cigarette right this minute). Short of leaving this world, I do not know how best to handle this situation, but I will keep trying to come up with ideas to gain a solution. Since I became disabled and spend most of my time secluded at home, I elected to attend University on-line and earn a degree (of course this decision has created more debt in the form of student loans). However, I did achieve my goal. I have earned a degree in Business Administration with a concentration in Healthcare Adminstration. It is with no great surprise that I graduated with honors (3.75 GPA, I was shooting for a 4.0, however was hosptalized on several occasions during this time for surgeries, pneumonia, meningitis and including lithium toxcitity).Christmas has come and gone. I ache in my heart terribly during this time of year. I always wanted to be a mother and after 6 miscarrages I gave birth finally on two occasions. I have a grown Son and Daughter. However, follwing a divorce, when my children were ages 3 and 18 months old, I became involved with very bad people and began a life of drug use and sexual promiscuity. Thankfully I was coherent enough during one episode to call my ex-husband and have him come and take my beautiful and dearly wanted children from me. I found my escape for the next 9 years, by running from state to state, job to job, man to man, drug to drug, and did not have contact with my children again until they were ages 16/17. My children have FORGIVEN ME. i live in Indiana now and they live in Louisiana (my home state). I have regular telephone contact with them but trips to see them and my grandchildren are too infreguent. I stopped doing drugs abrubtly and without any help. After donating blood to the Red Cross, I recieved a large envelop from them saying I could no longer donate. They discovered I have hepatitis-C (caused by intervienious drug use and shared needles). I have had the treatment of 52 weeks of injected interferon. It was a sickening period of time. I lost my beautiful hair (it has come back now), and I was so sick. I am extremely fortunate that I have NO liver damage. I have a husband (number 5 and final)that adores me. I did go through many ‘bad’ marriages including two wife beaters, lived in a shelter for batterd woman on two ocasions. I am not a dumb person, relatively speaking. I have had many successes or what has been percieved as successes by my peers.At times it seems that there is nothing I can’t do, I always come up with a way to manipulate a situation and make things happen. That is, when I am not suffering my pity party and escaping by sleeping and doing nothing (not even brushing my teeth, putting on clothes, eating meals or tending to daily activity that most people partake in). On the other hand, there are times that I am very involved in community activty, such as the annual festivals, town beautification, and volunteering at the library. I have to be very very careful in trying not to take control and ‘run’ these events which if hard for me to do.
I do know my ‘triggers’ and can feel the onset of mania or depression cycles.I make an effort to set goals, unfortunately I also make every effort, at times, to exceed my goals. People respect me for what I achieve and do not understand the anxiety I but on myself to make good things happen. No one knows that I am bi-polar except for my husband and some of my sisters ( who live in Texas, not here). Our mother died, (at age 28), there were 8 children in our family at that time. I was 4.5 years old. My father traveled, for the oil industry, all around the worl. We could not go with him. First we lived with his parents fro a while. Then, my father remarried the wicked witch of the west. ( you either have to be a saint or crazy to marry a man with 8 chilren, she was crazy and abusive). We grew up under horrible conditions. We did learn proper manners, how to clean a house, how to take care of babies, do laundry, how to cook. We did not learn to love, show love; express love. The word love was neer used in our house. Beatings were often. We were told how stupid, bad, incapable, beligerent,had bad attitude,were just like which ever child was under durress at the time. WE WERE NOT BAD CHILDREN. We did as we were told. For a house of then 10 children, you could hear a pin drop. We were not allowed to belong to school organizations like sports, dances and clubs. Our job was to clean, cook, change diapers, do laundry etc…. Heaven help you if your sock draw was not in perfect order!!! I ran away from home on my 17th birthday and never went back. In LA you could leave home at age 17 and be legally emancipated. I was not allowed to finish high school because the law then was that if you did not live with a leagl guardian or parent, you could not atted school. I did earn my GED while hospitalized in a menatl hospital in 1985. I was allowed to go to the library, where I checked out books, studied and took the test. It comes as no surprise that i got a perfect score on the test and did not have to attend any scheduled classes. The test examiner said I should become a teacher. At age 17 I did get married,went to the library and learned the laws governing child day care operations. I also learned that because I was a female (and now 18)I could qualify for a Small Business Administration Loan (SBA). I did all the right things then and opened a Child Development Center. I hired certified teachers and developed a state approve cirriculum, became licensed, and opened the doors. my successes were great. Into year six, I opened a second school. Year Seven brough disaster. A hurricane hit New Orleans and a tornado wiped out one of my buildings, which closed one of the schools immediately. By that time I had purchased a brand new three bedroom two & 1/2 bathroom, brick home, two cars and a boat. The swirl to financial ruin was fast. Sold the homw, moved to an apartment, no schools and now two babies. I lost about two years somewhere in there. Then husband one of 7 years had an continued affair, would not work and the rest of this story has already been disclosed in my previous paragraphs.
All this said, my main objective was to let you know that I am following your e-mails and writings now and will make every effort to become an active participant in this site. I need to do this.
Thank you for the development of this site.
Vickie
Vickie, you poor thing! I will be praying for you and your family. Keep moving forward and know that great things are in store for you again. This time you will be even greater even if it isn’t what you first intended. God leads us in strange directions to get us where we are needed most.
I also took Health Care Management. I used to work with Veterans in a Nursing facility and wanted to be the nursing home administrator. But I had a terrible episode and everything around me crumbled and since I had that real bad experience I am fearful that I will have another episode like it and then have to deal with the emotional baggage involved in putting so much attention and time into something only to see it disappear. It really hit home when I couldn’t handle losing people I became fond of left and right they were my friends before they died and I had to stand back and watch the industry take away the rights of these patients to protect themselves from frivolous law suits. I am truly irritable when it comes to Nursing Home Care. I had to walk away and look for something different.
I volunteer a couple of days a week assisting a 2nd grade teacher and I also work with helping protect children from sexual predators. I feel comfortable in doing this at this point and time in my life. Perhaps when I am certain that I am strong enough I will look at working a full time job with great responsibility again. Oh I have 3 boys and a husband of 18years so I am also very busy taking extra good care of them.
I feel a greater calling in this area of my life now than I did killing myself to do something that was not going to be healthy for me in the long run. I am too sensitive to work with the elderly or disabled. I can’t stand to see the suffering and having no power to make it go away or a way to cure them so they could go back to their self sufficient lives. Truly my heart is with them all they need strong hearts to look out for them, but I tried and tried to overcome the losses it just doesn’t work that way for me. I know I made their quality of life better, but it hurt mine ultimately. But I really do love working with kids they are little sponges with great energy and future potential. There are ways to protect children as long as parents do everything they can to protect them and assist them if something does happen. So I spread the news in the best way I know how so that children and parents are empowered with knowledge and tools to combat the sick pedophiles of the world. Much more worthwhile cause for me.
good afternoon. This is my first time responding. I have a 12 year old boy with bipolar disorder. I love this child with all of my heart but there have been some very difficult issues. I also have another child in that same home. My son has attempted suicide 7 times and has had soo many police interactions I can’t keep track. the latest was for harrassment with intent to kill. (me) His father has been absent from our home almost his entire life. However the older my son gets the harder this is for him. My son was in jail for xmas after threatening to kill me. I want to help him so bad. I love him so much. My biggest fear is one of these times his anger will be toward the public. Probably a female as his anger is almost always toward females. I more than anything want my son to come home. I am worried and scared though, how do I address issues: grades, curfews, chores, without it becoming world war 3. I miss my son desperately, as he has been in jail since the 23rd, I want to help him but he’s not always very receptive. ANy suggestions from anyone would be greatly appreciated. My son has been in counseling since he was eight. Our family has been in counseling for the past year, does anyone have any suggestions at all for me and my family. I can’t fathom my son being able to set any type of goals. Please give me any suggestions. Thanks
I have bipolar/nerotic. I am a sr. in university. I still have another 5yrs. to go. My gpa is 3.345. Sounds like I have my life in order, but my husband is in jail for beating me up. Hum. He is a mild mannered man, but I will not take him back because I do not know if I pushed him with my bipolar or my ambition. Does not matter. I have to fight with myself to stay self focused. I do not expect anyone coming up on my blind side and hurting me, especially my own husband. If I have to fight, I will fight alone for sanity and education. By the way, today was my 170th email from you, which I read, but I only responded to you once and that was feedback to you that I was reading your posts. My husband has been gone for 10 days now and last night I learned how to breath free. It was most exillerating.
Shirl
I have had several episodes since 1982, the last some years ago.Naturally I have discussed the illness with my doctors, done some research and spend a little time reviewing my lifestyle, occassionally.You see I am MY bipolar’s expert, my doctors oversee my treatment.One of the difficult things is finding a hobbie, get your mind off “bp”, and live and learn.Get to know when you are feeling “strange”, then simply go to your doctor, do not procrastinate.It’s just one foot after another.No pressure,no stress.Bp can also help u achieve.
There’s no snow here.Expecting 35 deg cel.NSW Australia
All the very best
William Tel
Congrats on leaving him behind. Your progress can only be availed to you if you can surround yourself with people who understand your illness and your goals. Good luck, kep a tight upper lip and by all means do not succumb to the ravings or begging pleas to your soon to be ex-husband for your forgiveness and end up taking him back. No one deserves a life in that situation.
Dear Tere,
Thank you for your suppport. Kids are the most wonderful blessing God has given us. I am thankful that your work towards helping children is there. Keep up the good work
Vickie
Hi David,
Great work! but how do we stop family court from taking children from their parents because of an eppisoed?
This happend to me 12 yrs ago & I’v never gotten over it. I was a good mother & sole care giver & my ex was a violant drinker, having an affare. I had an eppersode & he put my in hospital & sued for coustody he & his mistress got it.
They are now partners & totaly predgudice & have rased my children to be prdgudice as well. This treatment from him, her & my beloved children who tell me Im a bad parent because the court didnt give me coustody. Has undermined my wellness for yrs.
When is the family court going to up date & recognise their part in the the health system respctfully?
What can be done 12 yrs of abuseive parent alionation syndrome has worn me down. Im constanly depressed because my children have no respect for me, they throw stones at me given to them by their father & partner.
I just cant pick myself up & get on with it anymore bipolar & predgudice has won. Yes I’ve tried to stop the pain with suisde & soft drugs pot & alcohole to dull the pain of missing my children & their abuse, my houes is a mess I have no motivation to cook & clean & its robbing my now partner & daughter & me of the happiness we diserve.
Becase of an aniquated legal system I was taken addvantage of & distroyd because of an episode I could have avoided if my ex didnt help perpetuate it for his addvatage. Why would the court think my ex would automaticly stop being violant towards me & not use my children to hurt me?
I was having on going treatment for my illness ( useualy an eppisode only effects me for two weeks with the right care if it gets that bad in the first place.)but the court was happy that he was curerd. They didnt even take into account his misstreatment of me when I was tring to stop the on slought of the eppisode that ultimatly worked in his favour.
Mental illness has been de- instertutionlised when are the courts going to up date accordingly?
More power to you all & a better new year for mental health.
Donna
I must be the only person in the world where the harder I try the worse it gets. I’ve been laid off, fired, or can’t find a job. The reason, I’m single, don’t have a boyfriend, parents, sister or brother to fall back on, so I am a very concientious worker, and so I make co-workers look bad, and the other ones are afraid I’m trying to take their job.
To DAVE: I have sent an email to the address you gave in today’s email. I hope you will contact me!
As to looking back on all the destructive things I did while in a manic episode – yes, I am humiliated, angry and ashamed of what I did/did not do. It IS hard to move forward with all the memories of the heartache I caused my Mom and friends while IN one of those episodes. The FEAR of backsliding into another mania is overwhelming…but – I look at your treatment plans, and HOPE they are working. I feel as if I AM a highly-functioning person with bipolar disorder (notice: I did NOT say, I AM a bipolar). That alone is a start!
After 37 years with this disorder, most of them IN the “normal” range, I am finally getting to the point where I can begin to set goals. I have a LOT of good ideas of getting a job off the ground – I just need to get MOTIVATED. Fortunately, it doesn’t take ANY money to set up these possibilities, which is a GOOD thing!
I have found in the past when I begin to feel as good as I feel now, the hypermania sets in – which it is sooo hard to keep the mania from setting in. As eecummings said, “Its the happy, happy people bust hard when they bust, and they DO bust hard when they bust.” I have never forgotten that phrase, as it is sooo easy to segue from feeling “good” and “excited” about a plan/idea into hypermania – at least for me. I am afraid of achievement and success – as every time I have – I “bust.”
Can you tell me how to rid myself of the FEAR??
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love them. My prayers are with you. Stay sane, and have a blessed, healthy, prosperous and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
To VICKIE: Dear Lord, girl, but you HAVE suffered! Not only mentally, but physically as well. I’m sooo sorry about your falls – I had a life-threatening fall when I was 11 – which affected ALL of my internal organs, and I was in the hospital for 3 months. I recovered – but ever since, have had several life-threatening surgeries and psychotic breaks.
I am NOT putting on a “pitty party;” just trying to say there are a LOT of people in your same boat, as it were. Fortunately, I have only had ONE clinical depression that lasted a year – but have never been suicidal (thank God). I believe we are all put on this Earth for a reason – I’m STILL trying to figure it out, though!
Be a good girl and take all your medications. They WILL ultimately help you, though you probably can’t see the forest for the trees. I’m on Depakote, Zyprexa, PaxilCR and Valium, as well as Percocet and Morphine for my sacroiliitis. I had a procedure yesterday at the Outpatient Surgery department to determine if I can undertake the “burning of the nerve” to the sacroiliac (lower back pain). As far as I can see now, I AM a candidate for the “burning” which, my doctor informs me, will give me complete pain relief, without narcotics, for six months at a time; then I have to have the procedure done again. I feel if I can get off the morphine, I will beat this thing…
I have gone the job-to-job, man-to-man route, too. There was a time I believed I could NEVER be monogamous, stick with one man, because I enjoyed variety and the thrill of the chase too much. But – I have had two husbands whom I lost to death, and now I have a boyfriend who is a GEM. I have NEVER been abused by a man – and pray that I never am. Just lucky, I guess.
All I can say, Vickie, is keep the faith. Believe you will achieve, and you will. You’re NOT dumb, girl. Neither am I – my father was in MENSA, and I, at one time, was invited to join. There is a fine line between genius and insanity. We’ve crossed that line, sister, and SURVIVED.
I feel for you, dear, and hope that you will see the light and get the help you so desperately need. Our Good Lord never makes junk…you are in my prayers.
Thank you for your kind words and support. Yes, we all have our crosses to bear and fom the activity I see on this site it looks as though many of us are or have beeb in each others shoes at one point or another. Thank you for your prayers.
mine are with you also.
Vickie
SuzanneWA,
You asked this very valuable question that I have also driven myself nuts with so much especially since becoming stable….
“I am afraid of achievement and success – as every time I have – I “bust.”
Can you tell me how to rid myself of the FEAR??”
There is no magic cure for this, but here are my thoughts on it.
Each day you are functioning to the best of your ability and therefore each day is successful according to your capabilities. It is always best to be honest with yourself and others about your moods and abilities.
Take it one day at a time and remember that you know better than anyone else from past experience that anything can happen to change the present and future with this illness. (ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE EMPOWERED BY THIS KNOWLEDGE NOT DEFEATED IN IGNORANCE)
You would be God if you knew what was to come…but He warns us to be vigilant and to take action without fear!!! Fear is ignorance…you are no longer ignorant of your signs and symptoms therefore you know when you are at your limit and what to do to get back up again when you fall.
You are moving forward even if it is only a baby step at a time in the right direction. “The Rabbit and The Tortise”. Better to be slow and steady than diving in over your head only to crash and burn.
There is nothing wrong with having self confidence and self esteem having your knowledge and experience in life is power to fuel your future journey where ever you are led.
When you have a setback….Breathe deeply (take care of you and get healthy), dust yourself off (grieve, forgive yourself, and stop feeling bad about it), and get back into the game (continue to live your journey to the very best you can without fear of falling again).
Our illness is not cured over night and unfortunately that is what is so difficult. Darn it nothing is easy…lol
God Bless
Tere
To TERE: THANK YOU SO MUCH for your excellent comments on how to drive the FEAR away! They ALL make sense, at least as far as I will/can allow them.
However, as you know, this “creepy” disorder can/will sneak up on me when I least expect it, and the enjoyment I have now (feeling good and everything going smoothly)can/will come crashing down if I don’t pay attention to “triggers.” You are right in that I am aware of what can contribute to a manic episode, but it doesn’t help when I get sooo “high” that I can’t come down.
I SHOULD concentrate on doing those things that ARE good for me and NOT worry so much about the future. You’re right that I have come through some pretty awful episodes and SURVIVED before; there is no reason I can’t again. But – I CAN’T afford to “get sick” again; too much riding on my future plans to lose it all one more time…
I WILL try to live in the moment and not be so focused on failure that I can’t enjoy my successes. AND – with my faith and belief systems in God (and in myself), I should no longer be afraid to “achieve and succeed” in the future.
Thanks again for allowing me to look at my situation in a new light. “The only thing we have to FEAR is FEAR itself.” (FDR).
Have a blessed, healthy, prosperous and HAPPY NEW YEAR. And just keep doin’ that thing you do!!
New to this blog and have been receiving a lot of really helpful information. I am a supporter of an extremely unmotivated, nondriven bpd. There’s been many discussions about this, things change briefly and then fall back into the same routine. Is this typical? I want to learn more about the motivation or lack thereof. No goals, very little motivation, no follow through and time is ticking! Please help!
Sara7
How long has it been since his last episode?? Is he still suffering depression?? These are the questions you need to look at first…in my opinion he is suffering from depression if he is like this.
He needs support now and once he is better to stay on a rigid routine of taking meds, exercise, therapy, spirituality, ect…when you have this in place you will then be able to see him build self confidence and start to think of goals again. He sounds sick at the moment though..truly.
In my prayers!! Tere
Hi Dave, I need some advice. I have a 21 year old son who we had to have move out of our home because he and our other son who is 16 continulesly fought.(Both have bipolar). Children Services was called on us and they strongly advided that my 21 year old leave the home or else he would end up in jail. He has no skills to live on his own so I tryed to get him into a group home setting where he could be over seen with his daily needs and to be sure he was taking his medication. Well I couldn’t find anyone to help me and the one place I did find they told me his IQ was to high to be placed in a group setting. So they placed him in an apartment on his own. I am his payee, which he doesn’t like and we fight over that all the time. He likes to spend money on wants instead of needs and his money is gone befor the moth is over . Then he has no money and no food and he thinks he can come to my house and eat up all my food. I don’t mind if he eats here once in awhile but he guy can really eat and we are on a very fixed income so we don’t have much to spare. He is having a hard time handling responsibility. He won’t take his medicationwhich isn’t just for bipolar but also for a heart condition, asthma, and severe allergies. He promises me he will but I know he isn’t by his moods. I love my son but am at the end of my rope at what to do for him. I can’t make him take his medication and without it you can’t even talk talk to him. He is like a firecracker waiting to go off. And that is what I am afaid of, what will happen when he does blow. I could really use some help if anyone has suggestions. Thanks
I truly feel that Bipolar is a very complicated mental illness. With my child it is sometimes hard to know what is Bipolar and what is just bad, childish behavior. We are going through a stage where she is testing me. She has far more control than she chooses to use. So that when she behaves badly there are consequinces. No matter if it is refusing to see her behavior management person or her MD. She wants to make Bipolar go away and does not want her 7 year old life interupted by Doctor or councelor appointments. She resorts to disruptive behavior or will cross her arms, screw up her face in a mean way and refuse to communicate. I like the Idea of being able to say that there are things that must be done and in order to stay better she will just have to deal with it. But she is full of objection defiance and if you get her to the doctor or councelor she refuses to cooperate. I have chosen to take her TV when she throws a royal fit in the offices. And when she wastes our time while there she is required to spend time in her room equal to the time she refused to be apart of and apart from. I hope this will help. She loves being the center of attention. I love her and truly have been working very hard not to be part of the problem and am constantly open to new and better solutions. The point you made in your e-mail today might be great for an older child. But she just has not come to believe that she must deal with anything. She believes that she can change any and all things by manipulation, screaming, and angry crewel words. Her favorite comment is, “You act like you don’t love me at all.” I usually ignor such comments and let her calm down or get her anger level more under control. I do not take them to heart. But she is very good at the constant guilt trip game. It must work on somebody she has been around. I just go on with what ever as if the words were not said or save any comment for a time when she is more able to share in the conversation. This is new for me. Scheduling and jealousy are triggers in her world. Anything that is not scheduled is a disruption and usually results in bad, angry, behavior. I am learning to use the serinity prayer to my best advantage. Sometimes I need more space and guidance to be ready for the next bout with Bipolar, Mikala is a great child, Ms Bipolar is not great until she lets Mikala be herself.
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