Hi,

Remember when you were younger, and you wanted something so bad you almost couldn’t
stand it? Like at Christmastime, getting that one present you wanted more than anything else.
Then, as you get older, you may have the same strong desire for something, but you can’t always
count on someone else providing it for you.

Some things you just have to do for yourself. When you know what you want, and you want it
badly enough, well, you’ll find a way to get it. That’s what happens when you’re an adult. No more Santa Claus. Just you. And your ability to attain what you desire. First, though, you need to know what you want.

So how does this relate to bipolar disorder? (Because you know I always relate everything to
bipolar disorder somehow, right? Lol) Say you want things to be less stressful at home. Say you want it very badly. Well, no one is going to do the work for you – you first of all have to want it bad enough, and second of all, want it bad enough to do what it takes to attain it.

So you might think of ways to make your home environment more peaceful. You might brainstorm some ideas and then act upon them. You can’t just wait on your loved one to do it for
you, because they may either not see the same need, or acknowledge it, or be willing or able to do it like you can.

I know, that sounds like it’s all on you to do the hard work, but sometimes you have to pick up the slack from your loved one. That is, if it’s something you want bad enough. Again, if you want something bad enough, you’ll do whatever it takes to get it.

If your loved one wants stability bad enough, they will do whatever it takes to attain it. And that may be what you want as well. Although you can’t make your loved one do what they have to do to attain stability, you can do your part.

You can help them remember to take their medications. You can see that they get to all their doctor and therapist appointments. You can make sure that they stay productive, even if that means writing up a To-Do List for them. You can go to your own support group and find out how other supporters are dealing with their loved one’s bipolar disorder.

In other words, if you want something bad enough, you’ll do what it takes to get it. That doesn’t mean, though, that you can’t ask for help. In fact, if you don’t ask for help, you may suffer supporter burnout, trying to do everything yourself.

On the other hand, you don’t want to do for your loved one what they can do for themselves, either. You have every right to expect them to participate in what they can. Like the example I used of keeping a stress-free home environment. They can help with that, too. Or coming up with ideas for items to put on a To-Do List. Or helping with a list of long-term goals that both of you want to achieve.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave