Hi,
How are you today?
I had something happen to me recently that was real bad.
I had someone steal my identity.
It was someone on the Internet, too, so they are “virtually” stealing my identity.
And then they are saying some things about me that are NOT true. But this really hurts me, because
what defense do I have?
If someone slanders you in real life, you can get a lawyer and sue them.
But if they do it on the Internet, you can’t do that.
This makes me so mad!
I don’t know why this guy is doing it, either.
And I want to ask, Why me?
But I’ve been thinking about what I really feel here.
I decided I feel angry, and I wish this person could be stopped and held accountable for their actions.
That’s the A-Word.
ACCOUNTABLE
When you care about someone with bipolar disorder and they go into an episode, you may feel the way I do.
Your loved one will do things in an episode that they normally wouldn’t do.
And you probably want them to be held accountable for their actions, behavior, and consequences.
It would be great if your loved one would just stop doing what they’re doing, and realize these things for themselves, wouldn’t it?
Just like I wish this guy would stop doing what he is doing to me.
But wishing isn’t going to change things.
Sometimes we just can’t do anything about the situation.
I know, that’s a real hard pill to swallow.
Your instincts may tell you to yell at your loved one for what they’re doing, but that won’t get you anywhere (except in a fight, which you can’t win when they’re in an episode).
You may want to reason with them…
But that can also be a dead end street.
As I talk about in my courses/systems, when someone with bipolar disorder goes into an episode, they are not rational. So reasoning with them can be a very difficult (sometimes impossible) thing to do.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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As a supporter, you may have been covering up for your loved one’s behavior (while secretly feeling resentful toward them).
But all that does is KEEP them from being held accountable.
You may make excuses for their actions and behavior to yourself, to justify what they’re doing.
But that also KEEPS them from being accountable.
In both those cases, you aren’t doing anything, really.
If you yell at them, you’re doing something, but it won’t make them accountable.
If you cover up for them or make excuses to yourself, that won’t make them accountable, either.
But every episode has its consequences.
And you can make your loved one be accountable for that.
For example, if they got caught shoplifting, they will have legal consequences that they will have to face, and you can’t do it for them.
If they began abusing alcohol and/or drugs in a manic episode, they will have consequences.
They may have legal consequences they will have to be held accountable for.
Or they may now be an alcoholic or addict even after the episode is over…
And they are accountable for that.
The main thing about holding your loved one accountable for their actions, behavior, and consequences, is that you do NOT make excuses for them, and you don’t cover for them.
Some supporters, however, believe that they should help their loved one in these cases, and they do cover up and make excuses for them.
Do you agree with me, or these other supporters?
Or do you think my way is too harsh?
Post responses below
I do agree with the statement of making them accountable, for what they do, but, I’m not sure even awareness, will change the guy i’m seeing, its like he’s addicted to feeling that way, and he’s caught up in the drama, in his own mind…..so, if one can’t reason with another, how do u get through to them….when approached with the antics my guy does, when he is out of his episode, he acts and speaks to me as though he is justified in his actions…….that I diagree on with him…….thank you for all your support….talk is cheap, words, are useless….keep that in mind when others are trying to degrade you on the internet, they too, are probably bipolar.
I agree with you David. Been through each of the scenarios you’ve described with my sister. First let me say how sorry I am that some scumbucket stole your identity. Perhaps he/she will get caught and have to be held accountable. Secondly, my sister was able to get a great public defender, I guess and her case dismissed. I was so happy at the time but after reading your email today, perhaps being held accountable might have helped her. Now she wants to come here. I don’t want her here the way she is. My mother and I are going to hold her feet to the fire and make her be accountable for her behavior or she can get out. signed, mean, horrible sister
i agree they should be held accountable to a certain degree but you said yourself when they have a episode they are not rational so therefore how can they be held responsible.
I disagree with making people with bipolar symptoms accountable. That’s a linear response. They lack the
ability to understand consequences. If they did have this awareness they wouldn’t be bipolar in the first place. I don’t have an answer at this point but I suspect that each case has to be judged on it’s individual merits.
People who lash out.. are hurting. They go over the top in these instances because they want you to feel their pain. It’s easy to be judgemental when this happens and to view the abuse as a moral transgression. I
for one do not believe that much progress will be made
with this kind of profiling.
My minimal success is to be blind to these outbursts
and just absorb them. If they have this need to vent.. then let them vent. It takes a lot of special unconditional love not to feel slighted. The abuser
doesn’t even know they are doing it. (At least not at this point.)
I try not to keep score.. Each day the slate is
made clean.
It takes a leap of faith that things will change for the
better.
Please take me off your correspondence
list on this subject.
Best wishes Bob
I agree with you Dave, but I think it is difficult and I think it makes a difference if your bipolar one is your spouse or if it is a child. For example, a mother’s instinct is to protect her child no matter what and I think that feeling continues even when they become adults, so I believe even though everyone should be held accountable, it is harder if it is your child. The other point is this can vary according to the situation too. 🙂
Keep up the great work!
Peace,
Filiz
Dear David Oliver,
I have read your recent writing on accountability, and you ask if a bipolar being held responsible is being too harsh. I have to say I do not think so. I believe in accountability, even in the throes of a manic episode. If something were to happen in a manic episode that required some type of consequence, it is here that regardless of episode or not, that a bipolar will have to face their actions. Maybe in being forced to face an action of theirs they will see that, yes I do need my medication…or yes I do have a problem, maybe therapy will help
thanks for your time in looking into this illness
Lela Bryan
One of the hardest things for me was finding out that it was perfectly reasonable for me to say “NO” to my bi-polar dtr. In effect, I had to understand that I was not going to allow myself to enable some of her episodic behaviors. I was not going to tell her friends “stories” to explain her behavior. It is what it is but that does not make her a “bad” person rather a person with a bad illness that she has to work to control by being compliant with her meds and facing the emotional issues she has (ie isolating). No one can make her re-connect. She has to be accountable for her lack of social interaction. They continue to be there for her but she has to reach out to bring them into her present life. She has to be accountable.
Dear David,I make excuses all the time for my bipolar husband,and my friend said to me the other day that she is sick of hearing all the excuses and says he should be accountable for what he does himself,Ive now made a promise to myself that i should really be looking after me and not him,but its difficult after 40 years of being together,in the early years we knew something was not right,so it was a bombshell when he was diagnoised last year (HE WAS FULL BLOWN MANIC FOR SIX MONTHS) and how he dident end up in prison i will never know,he done some really bad things which i find difficult to talk about a the minuite,well Dave you take care,and thanks for everything you are such a big help to me xxx
You are correct, however you must be there to offer support (not lessen the consequences), otherwise they will feel abandoned and go even deeper into the depressen they are most likly in.
It’s not easy!
When my son (23) goes into an episode he ends up breaking stuff. For instance, last week, he kicked in a cupboard door in the kitchen, threw an object at the door putting a big dent in it and lastly, punched the kitchen window not only breaking it but causing him to require stitches on his hand. This all happened while my husband was out of town which allowed me, the enabler, to get everything fixed before he got home. Why do I do this? Because there is already so much bad baggage between my husband and my son that I just figure I’m doing “damage control” so there doesn’t end up being more baggage to deal with. I know I shouldn’t be enabling my son like this but if I didn’t, things would get so much worse around here.
Hi David
Could you please read my “updated portfolio” and give me some feedback?
Thank you for your support…
Malanie
I agree totally. My Husband has recently been diagnosed with Bipolar after getting into an 8 month on line affair that was a scam and got a quarter of our savings from him. My husband had been a worship leader and was in a mania and acted like someone I did not know. We have been blessed by getting his chemicals in balance quickly and is being held totally responsible for all his many terrible actions. He feels much better about himself and keeping his medicine regulated and keeping him in a routine has helped greatly. He has accepted responsibility for all he did and is doing all he can do to set things right. Thank you for your news letters and hard work. Joyce
I believe that you must do a certain amount of covering while letting your loved one face and take accountability for what he/she can. I think overwhelming them is counterproductive. In the same way…a dieter should not go cold turkey and eat as if they have overhauled their habits on the first day of their diet.
I most definitely say “Use the A word”. The only way they will feel a pinch when the episode is over and perhaps make them know how important medication is…is to make them accountable. My ex-husband, who I love very much by the way, has refused meds and is losing everything now as we speak. His consequences are now hitting him. He lost custody, his business is crumbling, he lost his family….I hope that this will lead him to the meds…Somehow these consequences will cause him to want better. Another name for teh A word is Loving Toughness. If we supporters become cushions and crutches, they will never strive to get and stay stable. There simply wouldn’t be an incentive.
Hi David and thanks for sending your mail.I enjoy all and it helps me cope a little with my wife’s problem.She left me and is in hiding since march .I saw her in court when after she put me a restraining order for no reason it was lifted by a lady judge.Now I understand why my wife did it:to go around me to my customers and friends and embezzle money by playing desperate ($900 from one $1200 from another).How should I proceed ?I am running out of all the venues,(police,church pastors friends ) everyone is washing their hand off her.
So, then, what do I do when someone (former stepdad-also bipolar) is SO angry with my loved one (my son) that he is threatening to lay blame on my son for EVERYTHING wrong in his own life? I am scared to death that it may set off a manic episode with son who is taking meds and making progress.
Ah, accountability. We want it for others, and if we are strong legalists (read obey laws and morals even if no one will ever know) we very much desire this. It is necessary, but not during an episode when they are neither rational nor logical. After an episode, when taking stock of the actions and all the damage, that is when accountability kicks in. Then it is productive. Lessons are learned slowly, so safeguards are imperative. Credit limits over-all and daily, insomnia and manic behaviors. Some behaviors are sub-manic, especially when the individual is primarily depressed. Safeguards are paramont for everyone’s safety.
I was attacked almost 3 months ago by my boyfriend who is bipolar/schizophrenic. This was the first time he ever attacked me but it was when he saw me talking with the prostitute he was having sex with. He knew he was busted and decided to assault me. I have been with him through everything in these past 4 years but decided to call it quits. I love him but my safety is a priority. I pressed charges and he got 40 days and I got a 3 year no contact restraining order against him. I was notified by police last week that they caught him stalking my house at 2:30a.m. but he ran away. He has not been on medicine for almost 16 months and at this stage, he doesnt care about anything or anyone. I understand being there and being supportive but when a person continuously cheats, lies and hits you, what more can you do. Common sense has to step in because I could get killed during this episode he is having. I am having a hard time dealing with this because I love him but if I take him back, I will be condoning his behavior. I feel he doesnt want to change because I have always accepted him as who he is. Does anyone have any advice on how to get past this and move forward. I am having a hard time forgiving him for the assault. If a person attacks you once, they will do it again if you give them the opportunity.
Hi David:
We have a 19 year old daughter that was diagnosed being BiPolar back when she was 15. I can’t tell you how glad I am to find some support, and to know other parents go through all this as we do. We have had SO MUCH tragedy and sadness due to her illness. Our daughter is now married with 2 children,(but she had 2 miscarriages, and 1 still birth before age 17). She ran off at 15, right after her diagnosis, so we never could get her medication or help because by the time everything ended, she was 17 (supposedly legal age in Texas). We’ve had to deal with her lying about us, hitting me, she stole from us, and when she’s in an episode, which can happen in the blink of an eye as anyone who deals with someone BiPolar knows, look out. Since we can’t find a doctor here who will listen,(since she’s over 17), our family makes her accountable in the only way we know how! NO ONE is ever alone with her at any point. This way, we believe it helps, so if she has an episode, and decides to punch someone or bruise herself to get attention, and then call Police or anyone else, we always have a witness to what happened. BiPolar individuals ALWAYS blame others, and they NEVER will admit they’re ill. Having any family member who is BiPolar can be terrifying, because not enough people or Doctors seem to understand this illness, and that it’s NOT the parents fault that they have the illness.It’s an imbalance in the brain, that in our daughters case, happened when she began her periods at 13, due to hormonal and chemical changes and gets worse as she gets older. If this helps ANYONE, just never be alone, always have backup.
After all THREE of my hospitalizations for mania, my Mom “cleaned up the mess.” She paid the credit card bills, the long distance phone bills, and even cleaned out the apartment/room I had rented not even a MONTH before. But she NEVER held me accountable – I did that…
I ALLWAYS felt terribly GUILTY when I looked back at the stupid things I did during an episode. It took nearly a YEAR after each hospitalization, for me to accept what I had done and get my LIFE back. My Mom was witness to the things I did during a mania – and even tried intervention – but I never LISTENED. I couldn’t. In a manic episode, your neurotransmitters go all “crazy” and you’re NOT rational – you are basically “out of your mind.” I could no more “get myself together” when I was manic, than I could fly…
I just want to say to the Supporters out there who are like my Mom – thank you sooo much. My Mom NEVER accepted my “mental illness,” but she was on the edges of it all the time. She could see my irrational behavior, but she couldn’t DO anything about it. Thank God, I never did anything to get arrested or had charges against me. That would have beoken my Mother’s heart.
So on the argument that those with bipolar should be held accountable – I don’t agree. The chemical imbalance causes us to act with bizarre behaviors, which, like me, I feel VERY badly about. I can never go to my Mom, who is deceased, and explain to her WHAT happened during an episode. All I can do is thank her posthumously.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
when a bipolar person is in an episode…does he or she knows that at all?? does he/she knows that they are being mean and hurtful to their love ones but just cannot control their actions??
if that is the case can we rightfully say they are really incapable of true love?? cos love shld be able to drive yourself to wangt to better yourself righty??
if tghey claim they love you dearly then why are they not doing anything about controlling their mania/deptressions?? why do they still avoid seeing doctors and taking their meds?? there are just so many whys….its just endless…..sigh 🙁
if some claimed that when in mania you are irational and cannot control ur actions then why are ome bipolar in episode able to pick and choose who to talk to or with and who to respond to?? I am a supporter of a love one w bipolar, my only way now is to be strong for myself. my girlfriend has been in an episode since one mth ago and still is in episode, she has since decided not to answr any of my calls regardless of the all my vmgs asking to return my calls. however she wld take calls from other people….this makes me wander why me why only me that she is “avoiding”…..could it be I am showing too much attentions and concerns over her?? can tyhis be part of enablimng her?? on the other hand iof I do not call her she would think that I hve abandoned her…so either ways I am doomed! I love my girl very much and have accepted her as wht she is but am running out of ways to make her realise my love for her.
any feedbacks from anyone is greatly appreciated.
Thank you for all your information you provide to all of us. I wish I could afford the cd’s. I know alot of us wish that. I not only “trying to love” someone with bipolar but trying to make our friendship last. I don’t want him messing it up. He does things all the time to me…for the most part I can let it blow over….and yes they should be held countable. But how can you do that? How can one seperate all of it. And sit the guide lines? How do I get him to understand when he is ranting and raving it is not “him” it is someone else. He keeps me away. He will only allow us to get together when “he want”. I told him I was in this for the long journey. And so far I have done that. How do I get him to understand I am not going any where and I am here to help. I am seeing him this weekend and have not seen him since July 4th?? And I do not know what to expect?? I am nervous. Scared. But can’t wait to see him. He is the most gentle man I have ever known. Well till his episodes kick in. And he tries to control them…I have watched him. How do I help him and how do I start a normal conversation with him on this. Thanks for all you do
My husband is Bipolar and he does not show the manic side as much (no more violence) since he began taking meds but he is almost like a robot. He has become insensitive to my feelings and he says things that are so painful that the knife cuts deeply! I don’t have Pity Parties but I feel like I have to walk on eggshells because if I don’t he becomes super depressed.
Accountable…I don’t know…this is not the man I married. I don’t think he even knows that he hurts me so I don’t know if he could be held accountable. He says that he still loves me but his actions are destroying me. I think a Bipolar supporter like me has to just decide if they want to be a supporter or get out of it. I love my husband dearly but I have health issues and I am just trying my level best to stay in there for the long haul after all my vows were “in Sickness and in Health” It is just hard! I am glad I am not alone. It is somewhat helpful to know that I am not the only one going through this. Big Hugs to all Supporters and to those who have to live with Bipolar Disorder.
I would like to have my spouse who I suspect is bi-polar held accountable but when and how do I approach the subject? Her pride is equal only to her depressive / iritant moods. I fear that even raising the subject will send her off in a downward spiral. I have not yet figured out how to raise the subject let alone hold her accountable. She does not have many of the ‘highs’ just the lows and the occassional normal.
I disagree with anyone who believes a bipolar person is never sorry for what they do during an episode. You don’t know the arguments we have in our minds with ourselves. My dad was bipolar; I am bipolar; my son has had his frontal lobes removed from an AVM (arteriorvascular malformation-sort of like a tumor, but worse). He was 11 when it ruptured and my son died figuratively speaking because his personality changed so much and at 27 years old now, he has been in and out of jail and treated me terribly and I have always tried to be there for him but having no frontal lobes causes a person to be very impulsive like those of us with bipolar illness are. People don’t understand why I don’t kick him to the curb – but they don’t know the son I had before his brain injury and I still remember that son and I will love him no matter what. I am the one who usually had him arrested or committed, but now I feel like I just damaged his psyche more. People need acceptance for who they are/were because some things cannot be controlled – especially in the brain area. We have brain damage – do you honestly believe anyone in their right mind would CHOOSE to have brain damage. Get real! We can no more control it than the man on the moon. You think we don’t feel guilty for doing or saying mean things? We punish ourselves waaay more than anyone else does. We hold ourselves accountable when we “wake up” from an episode. We cannot undo or unsay anything. We can’t make up for lost time when we could have been productive rather than destructive. We feel like failures in life because of mistakes we made with our kids and spouses. But having said that, given the chance, we also have the biggest hearts of anyone around when we are in between a high or devastating low. I tend to give too much and I end up being bankrupt. But I don’t hold grudges because nobody is perfect and we all have a basic need to love and be loved. I forgive others because I want to be forgiven for my mistakes; like the way I forgive my son even when nobody else does. This illness like a brain injury can destroy our lives. That’s why we want to commit suicide fairly often. It is nobody’s fault. We are SICK! Being mentally ill is just like any physical illness. You don’t blame someone for having a stroke, so why would you blame someone for being “crazy”? By the way, we are also usually extremely intelligent and creative. Sometimes we isolate ourselves when depressed because life becomes so overwhelming-we have to shut out the world so we can survive another moment or day. We don’t choose to cry for hours or days because we feel so alone. We desperately need acceptance of who and what we have become despite our efforts to fight off this horrible and lonely illness. We lose friends because we are needy; don’t mean or want to be that way -we just are. We can be so compassionate and empathetic towards others who have an illness because we KNOW what it feels like to be SICK! I am 48 and am disabled from both mental and physical illness. I wish I could go back in time and be a better mother; a better daughter (I have lost both parents); a better Christian; a more productive citizen. I am constantly apologizing for mistakes I have made in the past and will probably make again for things I have no control over. I pray for help. Sometimes I just feel lost and alone and forgotten. I have moved away from where I knew lots of people and thought I had many friends. But I think they are probably glad I am gone because they don’t call or write – you’d think I fell off the planet. I have been hospitalized more times than I can count, but only twice since 2001 and that was because of losing my parents each time. I got some devastating news today about my own health – another story, another day. I am trying to process my reasons for still being around, I feel like I have something still left to give. That purpose might be to help others with all kinds of illnesses and disabilities because I know how it feels. I’d like to think I can still make a difference to others suffering in one way or another. For now, I write from a hospital bed in my living room and pray for God to help me get through another day and face tomorrow without giving up. And I want some friends to talk with and listen to and share life with whatever that life is at the time. We all count. The Bible says that God even notices when a sparrow falls from the sky – how much more important are we who are made in his image? I believe that. I know everyone doesn’t share my belief but we have free speech and I am just exercising my right to that. Each of us have unique qualities and abilities, so each one teach one. Thanks for letting me share. My e-mail is ladyjeanene@yahoo.com if anyone wants to correspond as friends. My heart is always open. Please post this on your site Dave. I don’t know how to go to chat rooms and meet people and I need some feedback and encouragement. The doctors can’t do much for me right now physically and I am fighting to keep going. For all of you who have ANY illness – never give up. You matter and one person at a time can make a difference for someone else. Sincerely, Debbie
David, why do i always get a message that I am posting a duplicate comment each time I write in answer to your questions when I say something different each time? I thought you wanted input for your book. I’d like to write a book too but you beat me to it so this is important for me to get to contribute to what you are doing. I wish it was me doing what you are. Are we limited as to how many posts we can make? If so, you need to tell us but you’d only be limiting yourself. Please acknowledge this question with an answer. Sincerely, Debbie
Hello. My name is Lynn and I’m a ‘real’ alcoholic. I also live w/Bipolar II Depression, on a daily basis.
No one can ‘force’ or ‘coerce’ another to ‘want’ sobriety. That’s the ONE THING the person in question needs to do by an act of their own will. Sounds like some family members/supporters, as they’re called here, could benefit from the Alanon program, the companion program for families and friends of alcoholics. Alanon uses the same 12-Step Program of recovery, and teaches abt. detachment, boundaries, abandonment, intimacy, and trust, a.k.a., B.A.I.T., as well as other ideas for daily living. The best thing we can do for others is, take care of ourselves. That has been my experience around the 12-Step recovery Program, for the past almost 30 years. Thanks for letting me share.
P.S. Would you believe, I don’t READ blogs, just respond to the ideas when the spirit moves me???
Hi David, I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had your identity stolen. The emotions must be somewhat similar to someone breaking into your home and violating your very private world or even the violation of rape – how does a person get back to that safe feeling of “normalcy”? That is how my family and I feel about my son who is 45 yrs. old, bipolar with panic attacks, and 1,000 miles away from us, in jail and being held accountable for his actions. He is waiting to find out if he will be jailed for a felony in a very, very bad car accident. He was OK but the other person almost died. The court is trying to prove “road rage”, but my son denies it. He was also arrested three times for shop lifting. The second time, he had money in his wallet to pay for what he shop lifted. He says that he doesn’t remember it all – but – according to our laws, he is accountable for his actions. The very, very, sad part of all of this is that he is divorced with two small children, jobless and living in a homeless shelter. No job, no money for a doctor or his medications. We as his family helped him financially for years, but can NO LONGER SUPPORT HIM. Since he also has diabetes and high blood pressure and high cholesterol, we feel, at this time, he is in a safe place, and getting the medications he needs. That might sound cruel of us and it BREAKS MY HEART to know that my beautiful son is in prision. But, as you said David, he must be held accountable. We are praying that our Lord give him the strength to get through all of this. And thanks to you Dave, for all the help you give to us. You’re a good son to your Mother – God bless you!!
Dave, do you ever respond to any of our individual comments? It must be very hard since you must get thousands of comments, but I think WE ALL respect you and your work so much, and WE ALL know there aren’t too many doctors or institutions who know a lot about bipolar disorder, that WE ALL count on your every word. Thanks again for all you do.
Hi,
I actually do but I can only select like up to 10 a day. I do get many letters in the mail, emails, and phone calls.
Dave
Hi David, I have been getting emails from you for awile now and you
have help me under stand some of what bipoler is. You talk about helping
your mother out when you where growing up and I was woundering if
she ever had dizzy spills and headache. I know you are not a doc but
I was just would like to know if your mother had thing like that happen
to her. David I would like to think you for all the emails you have sent
me they are grate. I have bipoler, they told me about three years ago
and I did not won’t to beleve that so I did nothing about it and it get out
of hand. I have a great wife and 6 year old little girl that has been there
when I was at my worst and why I don’t know but they where. Know I am
trying to get things together with the meds and working on my self but there is a lot of qustion I just do t know the anwser to thanks
Matt
thaxs for the info and support, i really do need it at times, my mood swings take over at times, and i lose alota friends, jobs, but i know it is not my fault, this is a serious insidious sickness it has been intertwined with my personality. the meds help alot! for me ,not for some. I have found for my self that vigorous exercise eating balanced and staying away from negative people and highly stressful situations are paramount for keeping the high mood swings at bay. I have been invoved with Tae Kwon Do for 4years approx. I have one belt to go for black belt, this expierience has been so benaficial in that the high cardio work outs counter act the side effects of meds, wieght gain, as well as spaced out fellings, I quit alcohol and marijane, people othen use this as a so called self- medication, they think it helps but, I know, I went into the mental hospitol due to the effects of these substaces. If you stay away from this shit, exersice like your life depended on it, take some vitimins,sleep properly,cod liver oil omeg.3,6,12 you will notice a big change in the quality of life. the mentally ill brain is very easily influenced, you can’t fuck around like normal people do!!!!!!
Hi Dave
I suffer from bipolar disorder and enjoy reading most of your e-mails as they help me to better understand the disorder. Your daily e-mails are something I look forward to. However, on a few occasions, including this one, I find your e-mail to be not as supportive as usual.
Over the past 29 years (when I had my first episode) I have had 3 episodes, my family have told me that I did and said some terrible things which hurt them very much. Some of what I did I can recall, but as hard as I try, most of the other incidents I am accussed of doing I cannot recall. My last episode, some three years ago left me having no memory of three days. When I started coming round and getting help, I was so ashamed of myself that I spent about three months apologising to everyone. It took me about 2 years to accept that I cannot change what had happened.
I have very little support from my family but my consultant and my ex husband were and continues to be very supportive. If I didn’t have their support, I would’nt be able to continue in my job, which I’ve held now for almost 31 years.
What I’m trying to say is that everyone is different and some bipolar suffers tries very hard and take their medication so as not to be an unnecessary burden to family and friends. However, just a few of us are unaware or can even remember some of the things for which we are accused.
It’s interesting. The problem is that if we/they’re held accountable that means in the way of taking medicine and covering up bipolar unfortunately. That’s what accountable means to me. I’m on Lithium and at least not a too-stablizing amount finally thank God. I don’t want to be too unstable but not too stable either. It even adds to the amazingness of the autistic spectrum. There are things done though in the bipolarly world that should somehow be held accountable… It’s interesting.