Bipolar: All-Too-Common Tragedy

Hi,

Unfortunately, they aren’t going so well for one person who wrote to me. This is what they wrote:

“Dave,
Please remove me from your mailing list. I hate to have to ask you, as I have gotten so much good information from you, but my sister who had bipolar disorder killed herself last week.

She had decided that she was “cured” from her bipolar disorder and had stopped going to see
her psychiatrist and therapist and wouldn’t go to her bipolar support group any more. She even stopped taking her medications, saying that she didn’t need them any more.

We (the rest of her family and me) tried to convince her that it was her medication that was making her feel so much better, but she just wouldn’t listen to us.

She went into a deep depression, telling us that we would all be better off without her, and that
life just wasn’t worth living, and all kinds of things like that. We all tried to tell her how much we loved her and that it was the bipolar disorder that was making her think like that, but like I said, she just wouldn’t listen.

I just don’t understand. How can this disorder be so deadly? Why aren’t more people aware of how devastating an illness this really is? What could I have done differently? Is there anything I could have done to stop her? That’s what’s really bugging me. That there’s something I could have done to stop this from happening. That there’s something I should have done but didn’t. That way my sister would still be alive. Somehow I think it’s my fault. Dave, is it my fault? What should I have done?
–John”

———————————————————————————————————————

This is a horrible tragedy. A needless tragedy. But, unfortunately, one I hear about all too often.
Did you know that statistics say that 1 in 5 people who go off their bipolar medications will kill themselves?

Michele, who works for me, her sister did the same thing, and she came to me with the same plea, “Is there something I could have done to stop her?” I get asked that question a lot.

There is so much guilt that the family and loved ones are left with after the person with bipolar disorder commits suicide after going off their medications. That’s one of the biggest reasons I preach so hard for people to stay on their medications, no matter how much they want to go off them. The chances are just too great (1 in 5) that they will kill themselves.

Is there something that John could have or should have done to stop his sister from killing herself? Unfortunately, we can’t control anyone else – we can’t stop them from doing what they will inevitably do.

In Michele’s sister’s case, her sister waited until she knew no one would be there to stop her, and that’s when she did it. She planned it. She did not want to be stopped.

The thing is that suicide is not the result of a rational mind. When someone with bipolar disorder decides to kill themselves, they are not thinking clearly. So there is nothing you can do to stop them. If they were thinking clearly, they would hear your pleas that you love them and want them to live and get better. They would understand that they are sick and need help.

But, unfortunately, bipolar disorder is a deadly disease, and without medication, it can fool the person into believing all kinds of things, just like it fooled John’s sister into believing that she was “cured” and didn’t need the medication any more.

If your loved one has been talking about going off their medication, show them this post. Do whatever you have to do to convince them to stay on their medication. You don’t want to have to face this all-too-common tragedy.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

  1. not only suicide which is the worse but every emotion act talk is a slow dead to the love one an take alot out an hurts us helping who are in our right mind then the one were helping please address this more for we are on the front line of this an could use as much help as possible

    thank you

  2. Hi Dave,
    please tell John that not to blame himself I have to live with that same thought I will never stop feeling that I could have stopped my son at least that time and he had an appointment to see a mental health doc. 2weeks later but if that is what they truly want to do they will sooner or later and now with the way our government has screwed up healthcare in this country mental health is a sick joke and trying to even just get an appointment is a tragedy all by its self so I’m afraid there will be alot more lives lost to this illness in also bipolar so I know what its like every single day and I’m on meds

  3. My story is almost identical with one major difference, i survived. Two years ago i also decided to go off my meds because i was feeling ‘fine’. According to my family, i became a different person until one day, one rude comment drove me to swallow over 40 pills. I ended up in a coma for almost two weeks and had to learn to walk again after that. It was quite a miracle that i survived as all my organs failed and my heart stopped once. I had a relapse a year later when i had a physical altercation at work. It was not big enough of an offense for me to get fired and my manager knows of my condition but it did wake me up to the fact that i need constant help. I went to the same psychiatrist that saw me after my attempt and now i see him every month. We tried a few different meds and have settled on ones that work. I am far more calm now and living life. I do still get my ups and downs but they are much less severe and i can cope with them.

  4. I love your better not do this!!!!!

    It is written somewhere in my ancient readings “There is a friend that sticketh closer than a sister! True indeed. Imagining all those fine friends that are there for us to weather the storms that come “uninvited in our lives. The great support systems of all time that help us get through and even strengthen our Love Lives, and Physical Fitness lives. Why accept injustice in our lives because of a another’s disorder. A great support system was what was needed and much respect comes with that!

    Imagine an afficted Daughter telling a sweet mother in her late 50s “Go to Sleep/Bed” yikes! Thank goodness for good family and friends.

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