Hi, how are you? I hope you’re doing well.

I heard a great expression the other day (you know how much I like expressions): “Success is not so much what we have as it is what we are.”

The best supporters are those who change themselves in relation to the change in things around them. Some people react to their loved one’s bipolar behavior with anger. Others react with quiet resentment. They stuff their feelings.

But, you know, you end up taking your frustration on those you love the most, and that’s what

comes from stuffing your feelings. It will just backfire on you. So you may need to change how

you communicate with your loved one. Anger, resentment, frustration, and stuffing your feelings are all not going to help your situation.

So why do some people not make the necessary changes? Some people just don’t recognize the need to change, for instance. They can see it in their loved one, but not in themselves. These people are not effective supporters, because everyone needs to change from time to time.

We generally change ourselves for one of two reasons: inspiration or desperation. Think about that in relation to your loved one, their bipolar disorder, and you.

If your loved one keeps getting angry and doesn’t do anything to change that, the scenario will always be the same. So, out of desperation, you need to change how you deal with their anger.

In other words, you can’t change your loved one, but you can change yourself in relation to

them (and their behavior). That’s changing out of desperation. You really don’t have a choice

if your loved one refuses to change.

Or you might be inspired to change. Change makes you a better person, much less a better

supporter. It’s when you change for yourself and nobody else.

For example, to keep yourself from getting stressed out over your loved one’s behavior, you

might learn stress reduction techniques. That’s changing something, and helping you to be a better person and supporter. Or practicing relaxation exercises to help you cope with things, that’s another example.

What you need to do is first look at the methods you’re currently using to deal with your loved

one and their bipolar behavior. Then ask yourself if they are effective or not effective.

If they are effective, then you don’t need to change. But if they aren’t effective, then you do need to change. It’s kind of like filling in a puzzle. And if something you’re trying isn’t working, you look for another way (another piece to the puzzle).

But you also have to have a willingness to change – not just blame things on your loved one.

Change is what brings success. Are you willing to change?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave