Hi, how are you doing today? I hope this is a good day for you.

I got a post on my blog from someone who is struggling, a supporter, and I wanted to share it with you to get your feedback:

She says:

“I am sure there are others with the same situation as me, but,
mine feels a bit unique. It’s a long story, but, my daughter,
who is 26 does not live with me. She has been diagnosed with
bipolar disorder, and has chosen to take out all of her anger on
myself and her 22 yr. old sister. I have no way of supporting her,
as she will not take my calls, or respond to text messages or e-mails.

I have no way of knowing if she is taking her medication. I worry
about her daily, and there is a hole in my heart where the loving,
caring daughter I knew use to be. I built my world around her and
her sister, and this hurts more than I ever thought anything could.”

Now, I’m not a therapist or anything, so I can’t advise this person about their situation. But I can give my opinion about it, based on past posts I’ve gotten from other supporters and what I’ve experienced myself with my mother.

And the main thing is that, although she feels as if her situation is unique, it really isn’t. I’ve gotten lots of calls, emails, and post comments saying the same thing – that the supporter is worried about their loved one and that they are being hurt by them (or their behavior, specifically) and their anger.

You can’t just put a bandaid on the hurt that your loved one can cause you because of their bipolar disorder. Unfortunately, it’s much more serious than that. Because you can feel the pain so acutely sometimes, and it’s hard to take. Especially, like in this person’s case, where her daughter does not live with her, and she can’t tell whether she is even taking her medication or not. She has reason to worry, as without medication, her daughter could be in serious trouble.

I know that can be very frustrating, as well…the not knowing. It’s a helpless feeling. It’s hard when you can’t do anything to help or support your loved one. Because you just can’t help someone who doesn’t want your help. Still, because you love and care about your loved one, you worry. And that’s just natural. So is the anger.

Many people with bipolar disorder, in a manic episode, will be angry or even rage at those close to them. It sounds simplistic, but it’s not really them – it’s the manic emotions and shifting to mood extremes that makes them that way. You may or may not even do anything wrong, and they can still get angry.

Anger is one of the hardest things to deal with when you’re trying to deal with a loved one with bipolar disorder. The only things you can really do are to love them unconditionally and brace yourself against their anger. You have to remember not to take it personally – they could be mad

at something that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Still, it’s hard to take when someone is raging at you or blaming you and it comes out as anger. And sometimes you can feel pretty

helpless as a supporter.

But I tell this woman, like I tell you, don’t give up on your loved one. With time and treatment, your loved one will learn how to manage their anger. The more stable they are, the less angry they will be.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how is your day going? I hope it’s a good one.

Today I want to talk about being a cheerleader (are you one?).

Whether it’s high school, college, or Pro football, they always have cheerleaders. And what do cheerleaders do? They encourage the team. They excite the audience in the grandstands. They perform for your entertainment. They are a necessary part of any football game. Just watch some of the cheerleaders and how they act at the next football game you watch or go to. You will always see them smiling. They have a lot of energy. They take their job seriously. And they do the best they can to encourage the team as well as the people in the stands.

Are you a cheerleader for your loved one with bipolar disorder? Because sometimes you need to

be. It’s a cheerleader’s responsibility to encourage – to keep the team and the people from getting discouraged, no matter how bleak the outlook. They believe in the team that they are representing. They are behind them 100%. They do their best to show a positive attitude. Their actions, like cheering on the crowd, show their positive attitude.

I know you weren’t called to be a cheerleader. But there are times that your loved one needs you to be a cheerleader for them. Think about what I just said about the qualities of a cheerleader. They believe in their team. You should believe in your loved one. They are behind them 100%.

You should be behind your loved one 100% too. They have a positive attitude, no matter how bleak things look.

You can maintain a positive attitude, if you try. If that’s hard for you, then just rejoice with your loved one in small victories – like every day they go without a bipolar episode (which is a big victory, actually).

A cheerleader’s actions show that they take their job seriously. So should your actions. Be a good supporter. By being the best supporter you can be, you can show your loved one that “cheerleader” in you.

Sometimes your loved one can get discouraged, especially if stability doesn’t seem to be coming

very easily for them. But knowing you are “backing” them can help with that discouragement,

especially if you are encouraging yourself.

Times will be tough, like when your loved one goes into an episode. You know that can happen at any time, right? But if they know you’re going to be there for them, it will make things much easier. Be an encourager. Be a good supporter. Be there for your loved one. Have a positive attitude.

Your loved one will appreciate your “cheerleading” efforts more than you know.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave