Hi, how are you today? I hope you’re doing well.

Well, it’s past New Year’s, and all the holidays, so you might be asking, “Now what?”

If your loved one made it through the holidays without going into a bipolar episode, that’s fantastic! Count yourself blessed. On the other hand, the holidays may have been a trigger for them, and things aren’t going so well. So now what? How do you help your loved one after the holidays?

The key, in my opinion, is to love them unconditionally. I know that’s hard at times, at least it was hard for me with my mom. There were times that she made me so mad that I wanted to hate her. But that was the hurt in me speaking out. I couldn’t really hate my mom. But I could hate the bipolar disorder that made her hurt me. Like I said, all I could do was to love her unconditionally.

It helped when I was able to learn to separate her from her disorder. I could blame her bipolar and not blame her. Which wasn’t easy, but was easier than if I didn’t. You see? There’s a big difference between hating the disorder and hating your loved one. If you can separate them from their bipolar, you can legitimately get mad, but at the right thing. You can be mad because of their behavior, and try to get them to change it, without being mad at them directly.

On the other hand, no one says that you have to take abuse, either. If your loved one is verbally

abusive, you can always separate from them in love. What do I mean by that? Well, you can love them, but hate their behavior. You separate the two, and when you are able to talk to your loved one (when they are past the episode), explain how their anger hurts you. Then set a boundary.

This would be something like telling them, “I love you, and I realize that it’s your bipolar disorder that makes you so angry, but it hurts me anyway. So when you act in anger toward me, I will have to leave you alone until you’re over it.”

You don’t have to say that exactly, but something like it. And then you need to stick to your guns. You have to be consistent. The next time they take their anger out on you, leave them.

Either go into another room or even leave the house if you have to. Then they will understand that they have to be accountable for their hurting you. And they should take responsibility for their behavior and its consequences. They will have to accept the boundaries that you set for them.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave